


The Ones Left Behind

by Rabentochter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Canon-Typical Violence, Endgame Fix-It, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Found Family, Happy Ending, Infinity War – Canon divergence, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, King Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Lies, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Mention of noncon, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, No Major Character Death, Oblivious Loki (Marvel), Pining, Politics, Slow Burn, Smut, Survivor Guilt, Teasing, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Unreliable Narrator, Warning: Loki (Marvel), Wordcount: Over 100.000, time traveling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2020-06-24 04:08:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 160,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/pseuds/Rabentochter
Summary: Loki and Thor had survived Thanos on the ship on their way to Midgard. Yet, Thor turned to dust in front of Loki's eyes and he was left behind to deal with the mess.





	1. Year 0 - 2018

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blenderx06](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blenderx06/gifts), [NamelesslyNightlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/gifts).



> Yes, I am one of those who aren't _overly_ happy with Endgame. Who'd have thought, right? 😆
> 
> I wrote this for two months, and it started when I stumbled over this [gorgeous art piece](https://blenderx06.tumblr.com/post/178183718590/left-behind-loki-au-in-which-both-thor-and-loki) by **Blenderx06** 😋😍
> 
> **NamelesslyNightlock** helped me with coming up with a plot for this, thank you ❤️ Like, ~40K are solely her fault, the rest is mine.  
> I don't know but I don't think I would've written this if not for you 😋👀 thank you for two months of encouraging yelling 🙌
> 
> The fanfic is already completely written and a chapter will be uploaded every Sunday 😋
> 
> I hope you enjoy this ~~small~~ madness! :D

**Year 0 – 2018**

Loki saw Thor turning towards him, his baby-blue eyes wide and full of terror and anguish. “Brother-“ Thor took a step towards him, Stormbreaker falling out of his hands, dropping to the ground with a loud _thunk_ , burying its sharp blade in the green ground.

“Thor?”

“Hel-“ And Thor turned to dust before he could finish his last word. And Loki turned numb, seeing his brother crumbling and falling apart, gliding away with the wind like his mother had done in the form of stars and Thor in the form of dust particles. Ugly brown and not worthy of Thor.

_“Thor_!?”

_Please-_

~°~

**38 Hours Earlier**

When Thanos’ ship appeared in front of them, Loki felt a fear he only had felt once before. This had been when he landed in Thanos’ realm and got introduced to the maniac who had given him into The Other’s custody and had Maw visiting him. So much time had passed since then.

The ensuing fight had been _bloody_ and the screams loud and full of terror; and Loki hated himself for being so weak, for not being able to do more than try to avert the worst –

but he couldn’t, he was only a man after all and he was caught in a state of fear for the people and for _Thor_ – bound by the shackles that made him immovable, only pressed him down to his knees; it left Loki standing as the only Asgardian. And he wasn’t even that, was he? The Jotunn in him demanded to be let out but Loki _couldn’t_ , not when they were torturing Thor in front of him and he gave the Tesseract up –

And Thanos laughed at his attempt to stab him.

Loki didn’t know what drove him to that – desperation, madness, a small shimmer of hope in the burning fire of the ARK? There had been hands around his neck, he remembered them with stinging horror but then, he’d been released. He had fallen to the ground, choking and coughing, just glad to be _still_ alive and then, they had killed Heimdall instead who had sent the Hulk to Midgard.

It wasn’t a comfortable thought, seeing Heimdall die like that. It had been an unworthy death for him. Loki may have a low opinion of the gatekeeper but even him he’d have granted the chance of a better death: Have him face the enemy with pride, grant him the chance of an attack and then –

then he’d freeze him, so he was doomed to die in the ice. But not being pierced through by a sword when he already was laying defeated on the ground, not being able to fight and flee. Not having the opportunity now to get to Valhalla.

And when Thanos left, he went with the accursed Tesseract and the ship exploded around them. Loki cradled Thor in his arms and whisked them away, so they would not be hit by debris and by dead people, just _away_ from here.

Falling through space had been an all too familiar sensation. And Loki was afraid of seeing his daemons again, haunting and chasing him but he couldn’t flee – he had Thor in his arms and even though he was heavy, he would not let go, he couldn’t, not when Thor was all he had, when he had just found and been accepted back into his family again – Loki would rather be damned than to let go.

~°~

Loki wasn’t sure what had prompted the Norns to send a ship to them, with the Guardians of the Galaxy on board – he knew of them by his dealings when he had posed as Odin, the Allfather and he wasn’t all too impressed by them, solely by the raccoon. It was annoying and loud and spoke his mind and he _loved_ it for that – Thor, of course, had taken a liking the tree.

But he thanked the Norns anyway because that was what mother would have expected of him. He took some of Thor’s stolen food and burned it in the middle of the ship with his green seiðr flames. It draped them all in the smoke of burned bacon and bread.

He could swear he heard his mother laugh softly in his ears but then, he wasn’t of sound mind right now, _the space_ –

It was cold. Loki shuddered of fear and hoped it would go by unnoticed.

A hand, soft, tender, and most importantly, _warm_ touched his.

“What-“ he turned to see the antenna woman standing next to him, her hand on his, their fingers interlaced and her –

Her jaw dropped open.

He knew that feeling. It was as if someone was suddenly sharing his emotions, no, seeing, sensing, realising and _understanding_ them. Loki only blinked and tilted his head when her obsidian black eyes suddenly filled with tears, got blurry and _wet_ and he decided to _wait_. With the patience his mother used to have, he stayed where he was and saw how the Guardians became impatient while this woman read him and his emotions.

Oh, he hated her for doing that to him. But in the same moment he loved it because finally, _finally_ someone would feel the pain that cut him open day for day. It robbed him of his sleep at night and maybe someone would finally realise that he was capable of feelings as well and that words, deeds, actions, laughter; that they _hurt_ him.

“Have you had enough?” he asked with a rough voice when she finally drew back.

“You-,” she whimpered and let go of his hand as if he had burned her with the ice that was running in his veins. “How do you-,” she broke and stared at him, eyes wide and in them swam the same pain Loki felt day for day. “How do you even _cope_? How can you live with this?”

“Loki, what have you done?”

Loki grinned at his brother. “I didn’t take her hand.” He blew the last ash away from his fingers, let it dance through the air and looked back at the woman. “There’s a thing, _Mantis_ , that I have learnt.” Because he had learnt of her name while she was rummaging through his emotions. When she took just the liberty of daring to mishandle him and invade his privacy like it was no big thing. But he could do the same and the _things he had learnt of her_ –

“You don’t touch strangers without their permission,” he breathed to her and took her chin in his hands. She didn’t say anything, just stared, and blinked, cowed by fear, and stunned by the emotions which were his daily bread. Her hands, wisely, stayed on her side. “You might regret that. They might not be as nice as me and let you go so untouched.” He arched a brow. Then he let her go, abrupt and turned back to the Guardians. A grin, carelessly and free of sorrow like it often was, so _fake_ , on his face.

“There was a man of Midgard. He wisely said _‘and if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee’_.”

Quill shifted, his hand reaching for his pistol. “Are you threatening us?”

“I don’t threaten,” Loki replied amused. “I only offer counsel that often gets ignored and then, all blame falls to me when things go wrong. Isn’t that the _truth_ , Thor?”

~°~

Loki didn’t know how he ended up on the ground. There was shock, panic, and denial in him and together with despair, they seemed to overwhelm him. Wakanda was filled with _ash_ , with _dead people_ and Thor was one of them. His breath stopped and stopped and he-, where, what?

The world around him lost its colours and the bright and brimming Midgard, thrumming before with energy and was so full of life and chaos – it stopped breathing.

Loki couldn’t remember how long he sat there. There was dust on his trousers, dirt, and grime on his cape, the green turning dark and darker like he felt himself going number and his mischief slowly burning down. What was he doing here?

Why –

Why had fate chosen Thor?

Why not _him_?

He-, He was the one they didn’t need. Thor was the worthier one of them both and Stormbreaker stood there, only a few feet away from him, reminding him of their, _his_ failure.

“Loki.”

“Yes?” He looked up. _The Avengers_ stood in front of him. Each looking bad, drained by the battle and there was grime sticking to Romanoff’s hair and he hated them all.

“Where is Thor?”

He snorted. Why did he do that? He hated himself. He felt himself trembling, his hands not working properly, his seiðr dancing on his knuckles and –

He pointed at Thor’s ridiculous weapon they had forged on Nidavellir what felt like Aeons before.

The Avengers paled instantly, understanding dawning on them. For a moment, Loki felt nothing but pure satisfaction. Then it fled him again and all he could do was to stand up and vanish the weapon in his pockets.

“What did you do with it?”

“I’m keeping it safe,” Loki replied and his seiðr danced a last time before it disappeared back into him. “Until we get Thor back.”

“We?” Romanoff asked, cold steel in her voice.

Loki cocked a brow and pointed upwards, the ash and dust dancing above them, mocking them and the loss they were experiencing. He didn’t know why he felt so… normal right now. Was that shock? Was that – he couldn’t even say. There were no words. When his mother had died, there had been _rage_. His loathing had tripled, and he only wanted to do something, be brash and brazen, have a weapon in his hands and _kill_ someone. The thirst for blood wasn’t singing in his veins though. Neither was it singing in his head. His head was disturbingly empty, instead.

“Haven’t your brothers fallen as well? Or do you simply wish to let them _rest_ and have it be over with?” he asked, frost in his voice, putting his helmet back on again.

He saw Rogers opening his loud mouth, patriotism or whatnot about to spill from his mouth but Loki sent him a glare. “Don’t say a word, Rogers.” And wisely, Rogers shut it close.

“What’s your plan?”

“Find Thanos,” he growled, closing his eyes in pain mere seconds later. “Find him, get the stones back from him and then reversing it all. Bringing them,” _Thor_ , “back.”

“I don’t know what happened that you are so generous, but I somehow don’t give a shit,” the man in the grey Iron Man suit said. Loki’s head shot around to him and he pierced the man with a grin. “You fought with us against Thanos,” the man continued and his dark eyes grew to slits. “I am willing to forget what you put Tony and Clint through if it means we can reverse this all.”

“I think that I like you.”

“Can’t say the same about you.” The man held out his hand. “I am Rhodey. We didn’t have the _pleasure_ yet.”

Loki took it and shook the hand. “A pleasure doing business with you.”

~°~

Against his expectations, they didn’t find Thanos. There was only so much Loki’s seiðr could do and finding a mad Titan in the whole universe? It was a bit too much asked for. Loki could sense the Nine Realms but Thanos wasn’t on one of them. He knew a few more planets, a few other systems he had occasionally visited but that was it all. Thanos wasn’t where they could reach him.

“Your magic has limits?” Rhodey asked.

“It’s like a muscle,” Loki whispered into the room that was only occupied by them both. There was nobody else there, all went to sleep – with alcohol, tears in their eyes and pills in their hands. There was a limit to what mortals could bear and staying up all night after a long fight that they _lost_ – they had to go to sleep apparently.

And Loki was thankful for it. He didn’t like to be watched failing at something. He didn’t want to see those empty stares because he felt the emptiness in himself.

“Fuck.”

“Indeed.”

They both stared into nothing.

“Are you alright man?”

Loki turned his head to Rhodey. “Alright?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to get drunk,” Loki mused. “I lost my family again today. I nearly died when I was choked. I could feel myself getting closer to Lady Death and I really don’t want to see the purple colour again for a while. Unless it is to bury my daggers in it, to rip it to shreds and tearing it apart.”

Loki’s mouth formed a dark grin. “Just so that I can see his ribs, bend them outwards, make the ugliest blood eagle out of him and hang him on a field where all can see and throw rotten tomatoes, eggs and livers at him. Then I want to keep him alive with my seiðr, so he feels every second of the pain that I am experiencing. So that he feels what he ever dealt me with – I want to see him suffer him for all eternity, and if I must use the accursed stones for that, then I will do that.”

He was panting when he was finished. There was nothing else to add to that, his anger _finally_ coming to the surface and he had Thor in his head, shaking his head at him and sighing, disappointed once again by the bloodthirst that is thrumming in Loki – something that Loki always had held hidden, afraid of why he _felt_ that way. But that was just him, his gruesome nature which got woken up and demanded justice for the unfairness. The things he got told he was deserving of, they demanded retribution, but he only could pay it back with mischief and seiðr. Never with weapons and bloodshed because he was a prince and he had to uphold a certain standard.

“I’ve been here.”

“Better than nothing.” Loki enhanced the beer he got, made it stronger so that he could get drunk, get wasted and wouldn’t have to worry about the things in his head.

“How are you?” Loki asked when he had downed the first bottle, feeling already the Asgardian alcohol running in his system.

“Tony is lost in space,” Rhodey mumbled. “And neither I nor FRIDAY know how to get him.”

“I am sorry,” Loki offered quietly.

“As am I. But I know Tony will come back.” Rhodey snorted. “He always does, and he always will. He’s just crazy enough to do that. And he will never stop surprising us.”

“Oh well, he came back alive and well when I threw him out of a window, I’m sure space is nothing against that.”

Rhodey, who had been about to take another sip from his beer, spit it out.

“That was-“ Rhodey coughed and Loki patted his back. “That was gallows humour.”

Loki grinned and took another sip. Which meant, he refilled the bottle with his seiðr and emptied it all again, getting increasingly more drunk with each drop and the voices in his head turning more and more quiet, after all, this had been his intention.

“He came back from a cave,” Rhodey slurred later when they had decided to go and lay on the floor because chairs weren’t friendly enough to drunkards. They were hard. “Caaave with suit. Will come f’om space as ‘ell.”

“Su’. St‘s annoying enough fo’ it.” Loki nodded and waved around with a hand. “Annoyin’ people always come back.”

“Wise wo’ds.” Rhodey nodded.

They were drunk. So. Drunk. Loki’s head hit the floor – had he held it in the air for a few minutes? Was he in _that_ stage again?

“S’unno where to put you to sleeb.” Rhodey patted his hand. “Jus’ sleeb here with me on floo’.”

“Tell me whe’e the bed’oom is.” Loki clutched Rhodey’s hand, squeezing it, willing the -, no actually he didn’t will the dizziness away. “Can telepo’t us the’e.”

“What.”

Loki blinked. Suddenly Rhodey was sitting. Very close to his face. Interesting. He could see his poooooooores. Pretty pores. Very nice.

“Teleport?”

“Su’e.” Loki hiccuped. “Just need to know whe’e, tell me and then we can sleep.” He eyed Rhodey speculatively. Fun. Maybe a bit of fun would be good now. “ _Sleep_ ,” he purred and his fingers danced on Rhodey’s skin, drawing circles and he heard his conquest gasp for breath.

“Loki. _Loki_!”

“Mhm,” Loki purred, a bit soberer out of sudden. Bed mates should be satisfied, not be left dry and wanting, nobody would leave his bed unsatisfied, not without at least two orgasms. That was the rule for Midgardians. Most couldn’t handle more without going totally brain dead on him.

“TONY’S ‘N SPACE AN’ YOU CAN TELEPO’T?”

“Yes?” Loki raised a brow, not understand the upset tone from his future bed mate. “You want him to join us? That is possible but will take us a while, I think.” He cleared his throat.

“Dude.” Rhodey shook his shoulders. “Sex later; can you get Tony from space if I you give you something? You know, like an object from him as navigator thing or something?”

Loki frowned. “You know I could try. I found Volstagg like that once.”

Rhodey’s jaw dropped.

“I’m not sure if I find that appealing,” Loki admonished Rhodey softly and clicked his jaw shut. Loki squinted his eyes. “Better. So, what? You want me to find Tony, bring him here and then, threesome?”

He was a horny drunk. Very horny. Especially when he also felt another emotion quite strongly. Apparently, that just made his libido go ‘ _huiiiiiiiii, sex, orgasm_!’ and –

Both men looked fine and would be a welcomed addition in Loki’s bed. But he should be sober for this. With loads of regret, he cast a spell to turn himself sober again – just more on the tipsy side and Rhodey as well. Maybe this was better anyway.

“I don’t know about the threesome, too drunk, but it’s been a while since I last saw Tony’s junk. But – you can get Tony back? Safely? In one piece?” Rhodey tilted his head. “Wait, I’m not drunk anymore.”

Loki shrugged. “Can’t promise anything but I can try.” He raised his hands, his seiðr flaring up. “You have something here? I can’t bring him here right now probably. I am a bit too tired but I can find him and get him here tomorrow?”

Rhodey nodded. “I am fine with that. As long as I know he is alright and –“

“Not dust?” Loki asked, then yawned. “I get that. Anyway, give me something. It can be anything, it can be his boxers for all that I care, as long as it’s something from him.”

“The prosthesis is made by him.” Rhodey pointed at them.

“Can you sacrifice one?” Loki squinted. There was another matter to clear besides prosthesis. “Do you prefer to bottom or to top in bed when your legs aren’t working that well?”

“Doesn’t matter to me if it’s top or bottom. And I can sacrifice one. The prosthesis is worth it if that means we get Tony back.”

Loki nodded and pressed a hand to the cold material. He could sense Tony in them – obviously Tony really adored his friend, when he could feel him there. It made him smile a bit and old worse that have been forgotten on this realm, flew from his mouth and his seiðr danced around the prosthesis. He closed his eyes and flew through space, passed the moon and it got darker around him, dark and oh-

Oh, he remembered that way.

He had fallen a long way down from Asgard; he could feel the realms when he had plummeted further, getting nearer to the abyss, it was below Helheim –

It had led to _him_. Loki could feel it, and he remembered the eerie green in the all-surrounding darkness, he could sense himself being mocked for his green-and-black affinity, he was at home here and yet, he wasn’t, it had been his way to becoming a monster and –

Tony was here somewhere.

And someone was with him.

The ship.

He knew that ship.

Abrupt, Loki opened his eyes and stared at Rhodey. “I know where he is. And he is not alone, someone is with him.”

“You saw him?”

“No.” Loki shook his head. “I can’t dwell _there_ too long, it is too tempting and too dark.” His smile was full of teeth. “I am up and about to go back there with today’s events. Don’t tempt me all too much. But I will bring him back tomorrow.”

Rhodey nodded. “Thank you.”

Loki bowed his head. Didn’t want Rhodey to see the blush on his cheeks. He bit on his lips, trying to gain control of his blush and somehow, fighting the tears in his eyes.

When he looked up again, Rhodey had nodded off. His mouth was open and he was snoring.

Loki shook his head fondly, then picked the man up and went to a bedroom. The tiredness in his bones made him fall into the same bed as well.

~°~

“You are _the_ Loki.”

Loki blinked awake, turning around, seeing a lady with red hair in the doorframe, determination written plainly on her face.

“Yes?” He mumbled.

“Morning, Peps,” Rhodey next to him mumbled, blinking awake slowly. “I take it you got the message?”

“I did.” She grinned at him like a shark.

Rhodey stood up from the bed and threw at Loki his leather pants. “C’mon, man.”

Alright. He stood up as well, let the sheet drop from his body and took his time to put on his pants and his leather top. He grinned at the lady who eyed him curiously, no shame, no blush on her face to see. A shame.

“I take it you are a friend of Tony as well?” He tilted his head. “I need a space where I can land the ship _and_ I would ask where I can get a cup of tea, I need one to wake up properly, please.”

“I can make you a tea, you bring back Tony.” She held out her hand. “When he’s here we both probably should sit down for a talk about you staying here.”

“Staying?” he repeated. “Why would I stay?”

“Because NASA sent word that a ship full of Aesir is on its way here and it asks about their King Thor. And seeing that Thor isn’t here, and I know how a monarchy works, aren’t you the king in his stead then?”

There it was again, the emptiness in him, filling him and oh Norns-

Thor was dead. Dust. Ash.

Loki felt like vomiting and erasing last night from his memory because what had he done? Instead of holding night vigil, instead of praying for his brother’s soul –

He had gotten drunk.

“There is no need to beat yourself up for yesterday,” the lady said, cool and crisp like the air in the Avengers’ compound. “What you did was normal, and it was your way of dealing with pain and suffering with loss.” She smiled bitterly. “Tony tends to do the same thing. Drinking until he can’t speak properly anymore.”

Loki felt oddly assured by that. Less like a monster. More like he was forgiven for when he had simply enjoyed himself in a dark time, and really, drinking didn’t help but it had made him laugh and had helped him to fall asleep. He flicked with his fingers and a new prosthesis was on Rhodey’s left leg, giving him the much-needed support. He had rebuilt it after his memory, hopefully, it would be enough.

_“Tea is ready to be served in five minutes,_ ” a woman voice spoke from the walls. Loki raised a brow. “ _Welcome, Prince Loki. My name is FRIDAY, I am here to aid you in bringing Sir home._ ”

“Hello, FRIDAY.” Loki cracked his knuckles and looked at the two mortals in front of him. “To where can we go?”

“Outside on the garden.” Rhodey pointed towards the window. “Nobody cares about the green and Thor left enough burn marks there as it is.” Immediately, Rhodey winced.

Loki waved him off, a tired smile on his face. “We’ll get him back. I shan’t kill you just because you mention him with his name.”

“Good,” Pepper replied and held out her arm. He took it and got led by her outside. Rhodey was next to him, keeping up step by step.

This was a weird feeling.

Romanoff brought the tea to him a few minutes later as Loki was painting runes in the green, golden-green and bright on the dark green.

He took it without a single comment and took a few sips. It was a wild berry tea and he closed his eyes in utter bliss. There was little to be said about the taste of a good tea because it was just that perfect, the opportunity to turn Helheim into Valhalla. He’d bring Tony back here, then Thor. And eventually, the others who got dusted. Step by step.

His seiðr was setting the runes aflame, burning the bright colours down and smoke was starting to blur their sight. It made their eyes water but Loki started to chant in his native tongue. Smooth and hard, vocals rolling off his tongue as if they had been lying there, only waiting for him to release them from their prison. The sun turned dark and he could feel sweat running down his temples as he was imagining the green and black space, the loneliness there and the promise of _something_ –

There was Tony.

Loki gritted his teeth and wrapped the ship in his seiðr, draped it around it until there was only green and he screamed his name, then he called his seiðr and its victim back to him, willed it to come home and, back into his arms –

The ship moved and sped up.

A grin spread on his face, transformed it until he looked like a maniac on the green grass. He pulled and pulled and the ship was getting closer already, he could hear Tony scream in _excitement_ as he realised where the ship was going to and oh-

There it was, breaking elegantly through the atmosphere.

The last thing he did was to slow down their fall and then the ship launched quietly like a sparrow on the green.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” someone whispered next to him and Loki only nodded, feeling weaker with every breath he took and oh, he hadn’t used such an exhausting spell in a while, the space

– it called for him. Wanted him back in its arm and -

The door to the hangar opened. Loki woke from his trance.

There was ash on Tony’s face, Loki noted as he saw the Avenger strolling down the rampage, still in his Iron Man suit and didn’t that look vehemently better than the one from six years ago? Smooth and sleek and elegant, like a warrior who had finally left his embarrassing, pubescent stage behind and had turned into a grown man. A warrior who finally knew of his place and worth.

Loki was simply less impressed by the gauntlet pointed at his face, the blue glow confusing and exhausting him all too much.

“ _You_.”

“Me,“ he said and leant forward, nuzzling the gauntlet because when danger decided to laugh in his face, Loki liked to lick it and so he wrapped his tongue around a metal finger, leaving it covered in his spit. “Welcome back home, Anthony Stark. Your friends had a mighty _desire_ for you.”

“That,” Tony said and his armour disappeared into his blue glowing reactor, what a beautiful thing, “was the hottest and also most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen, Reindeer Games. And thanks for the saving. I am correct in the assumption that the green glow was you, yes? Yes, that was you, Wanda is red and ugly, Strange is orange and has a weird beard.”

“ _Strange_.”

“He’s dust, Lokester.” Tony grinned at him, without humour. “I heard you saved Thor.” His eyes ran around, taking in the people that stood there. “And I take it he didn’t make it.”

Loki shook his head.

Tony nodded and patted his shoulder. “Sorry, man.” He looked to Rhodey. “I lost the kid.” And his eyes closed in pain and suddenly, Loki felt an understanding for the man who had lost someone close to him as well and why had Tony even been in space in the first place?

And here they were. Tony got lead by Rhodey and Pepper – that was her name, he knew it was a ridiculous sharp one – and Tony’s companion left the ship. It was Nebula.

The blood in Loki’s veins froze and he _stared_ , couldn’t understand, couldn’t –

“I am not here to torture you, Jotunn.”

“If you touch me,” Loki said softly and his hands clenched, then a dagger appeared in one of them. “I will open you up and read your electronics to someone who cares enough to hear them.”

“Don’t threaten my favourite blue alien,” Tony yelled from far away.

“I am here to help haunting down Thanos,” Nebula said. “I don’t care about you, Jotunn. I only care about _revenge_.”

“Good.” Loki grinned sharply at her. “In that case, I’ll refrain from killing you.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Nebula looked at him, an invisible eyebrow raised.

“I’m sure that’s something I hear too often and always with that disappointed undertone.” Loki grinned at her. “One might think my company isn’t wanted.”

Romanoff snorted beside him. “Either fight it now out of your systems or get back into the mansion, we have things to talk about.”

“You look better, Jotunn,” was all Nebula said to him then followed the mortals into the compound.

“Old friend of yours?” Romanoff asked.

“Nearly as old as you.”

“Then it’s a good friend.” She gave him another cup of tea. “That’s for bringing Tony back.”

She walked off and Loki walked behind her slowly, not bothering with a thanks because the tea had been her kind of a thanks and that was a good enough sentiment of gratitude. He wasn’t good at expressing his appreciation in words. For him gestures or a simple silence worked better and seeing that Romanoff had turned her back to him, this was her kind of a welcome in the group towards him.

Tony had been sat down into a wheelchair, an IV been put to his arm and giving him nutrition because Banner couldn’t deal with not having been able to help his friend and therefore, an IV had to do it. It seemed like the man had also his difficulties with expressing what he felt.

Loki laughed at that. Really hilarious how they all dealt differently with guilty feelings that threatened to drown them in the dark sea, where no one could hear them. Not when their sins were about to kill them, closed their mouths shut and all they could do was to hope, even when knowing it was a lost cause. Nobody but themselves could help them but they couldn’t save themselves, they knew they weren’t worth it. A horrible truth Loki had learnt years ago.

To his surprise, he got to see Tony ticking off at Rogers.

Loki’s eyes went wide as he saw Tony coming back to life in the argument, screaming his anger and his pain out in the compound, yelling about what he had foreseen, and nobody had bothered to listen to him. Oh, the betrayal in his voice was familiar to Loki. Who’d have thought the Avengers would end up one day so ripped apart and _broken_?

“I know where Thanos is,” Nebula interrupted them. She stood in the doorway, her eyes fixed on Tony. Loki was curious to find out one day what had happened between them to make the cold assassin so _open_ towards a mere mortal. “He always spoke of his farm when his goal had been achieved.”

Loki grinned like a wolf and they _assembled_ around the table where Banner had put up a holograph of a planet and the _fucking raccoon_ knew more about this planet than they all combined.

“Is there a reason why you’re staring at me?” Rocket spat at him. “You like looking at the _freak_?”

“I look at you,” Loki said calmly, “because you are an incredible being and I like the things that leave your mouth.” He grinned at him. “You cut people down that are five times your size and you show no fear while doing it. I’d call that inspiring.” Loki leant down until he could whisper into Rocket’s ears. “And the freak is _me_ , Rocket. I am simply admiring your skills at surviving among the idiots who call themselves Guardians.”

“I don’t flirt with tall people.”

Loki tsked. “What a shame. But I’m sure you know how to repair the ship out there easily and _quick_ , so we can hunt down Thanos?”

Rocket stared at him. “You are a weird one, Aesir.”

“He’s a Jotunn,” Nebula cut in from the doorway. “Not an Aesir.”

Rocket tilted his head. “I know how to repair the ship, _Aesir_.”

“Are you saying-“ Tony’s eyes gleamed in excitement and also, _fear_ , “that we are going after the purple asshole?”

Loki grinned sharp like a knife. “We do. You’re joining us?”

Tony flexed his hands. “I just come from space, yelled at Rogers, have an IV in my arms, do you really think I’ll stay here?”

“Well, one could argue that you just come from a battle?”

“Yes.” Tony’s grin met Loki’s in sharpness. “And I don’t intend to lose this one as well.”


	2. Chapter 2

Six hours later they had reached Thanos’ new planet. Tony set the armour outside on fire, and they were storming his shack. Loki only threw Tony a provoking grin before he held Stormbreaker under Thanos’ ugly chin.

Purple blood trickled down his throat and the sight of it, _oooh_ , it was a sight too beautiful to behold. Loki wanted to bury his teeth in the purple, tear some of the flesh out, just to spit it on the ground and let it be waste.

But the gauntlet was empty and the stones were _gone_.

There.

There was this emptiness again, filling him.

They were here for nothing. For the first time Loki fought with tears. This was why the Norns had spared him – to have him suffer _even more_. There was no simple solution to get Thor back, not now, not as easy as they had all hoped it would be and it felt like the Realms sat on his shoulders heavily, pressing him down and down.

“Gone,” he whispered and the weapon that belonged – _had belonged_ – to Thor laid heavily in his hands and dug deeper into the purple flesh, new blood spilling from the wound.

The faces around him were all empty and _broken_ and why was he even here, why had they thought they could win?

The air tasted of the brown ash again, cold and lost; it mocked him. Thor was out of his reach once more, now more so than ever before. Loki hated it and he couldn’t remember dropping Stormbreaker, couldn’t remember when he had decided to summon his daggers–

But the sight of them, buried in Thanos’ eye sockets, his surprised scream and the warm blood running down on his hands –

It was something Loki would never forget.

“What have you done?!” Rogers.

He kicked Thanos’ body away. “I aimed for the eyes, this time.” His smile was bitter. “Head didn’t work out twice, I thought it was time to change strategy.”

~°~

Returning to Midgard felt empty and worthless.

Being welcomed in the Avengers compound by the only one who had been left behind, it felt even emptier.

Hearing that _his people_ would arrive within two days was devastating: Loki knew that the Aesir had no land, no place to stay, nowhere to _live_.

Tony offering him his drink from six years ago though that was welcomed and a change Loki appreciated.

He should be more worried about how much alcohol he drained within twenty-four hours but Loki gave himself a free pass –

He’d take better care of himself tomorrow again. And even then, who said he was good at that? Loki wasn’t famous for taking good care of himself. There had always been something that demanded more attention, always been someone he paid more attention to than himself. He had felt himself slipping, all those years ago, when he had learnt of the _Jotunn_ heritage and he had tried to take care of _it_ , not himself.

 _Your people need you_ , the Frigga in his mind whispered but the alcohol in his veins made him ignore her. Instead, he listened to Tony rave about the self-righteous Steven Grant Rogers. Listened to him lamenting the loss of the small, adorable, and far too young to die Peter Parker, let him talk about the other guys he had met in space and who had died as well.

Loki listened to it all and more, and they drank. It was exhilarating to drink with Tony. It was all about gallows humour and self-deprecating jokes and oh, the hate they felt for themselves and the loathing. Finally someone who understood the pressure, the need to prove themselves to others and to your own, the constant nagging feeling in the back of your mind that whatever you did, it was and never would be, _enough_. The feeling of losing _again_ and how nothing was there they could do –

It was horrid how much Loki loved it. Forming a ‘bond’ with someone and around three in the morning, or maybe five, Tony looked at him with bloodshot eyes and said, “ _I miss him_.”

Loki swallowed the grief down in his throat. He put the bottle away and whispered, “I miss him as well.”

It was a good thing they were both sitting so close to each other, feeling the warmth and the life in the other, reminding them they were _not alone_. And Loki _broke_. The salt water that fell from his eyes was cold and it hurt him, leaving briny trails on his cheeks and his sobs were the ugliest thing he had ever heard. And Tony sounded equally ugly with his howls, the tears were fat and _why had they lost_?

They wept for their lost brethren and son until the sun went up again and both were _tired_ , so achingly tired but at least, one of them had gotten rid of all his emotional ballast and somehow, Loki stumbled into another bed, it appeared unused and cold. But what did it matter when Tony threw his arm over Loki and pressed himself close in his sleep, warming them both with his heat?

And only then Loki allowed himself to drift off as well, feeling tiredness in his bones, achingly and deep and he could hear Thor’s optimism ringing in his head, how all would turn out well and heard him exclaim, “ _People on Earth like me_.”

Loki knew that. Everybody loved Thor –

But it was Loki who was on Midgard now, not Thor and yet, no one had attempted to restrain him so far and he craved doughnuts with sprinkles on top of it. And his library on Asgard, and Asgard just whole and back again, not lost to Surtur and Hel and to space. He missed his home, as horrible as it had been to him at times. He was lost, as well as Asgard was. And there was no one to catch him, he was debris and he was falling, and he was going to destroy everything in his way, everything that would hinder him.

Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised to learn that Tony was like an octopus in sleep – limbs were all around him, holding him tight and for a moment, Loki didn’t feel like falling debris, not anymore. He sighed and closed his eyes shut again, excluding the early sunshine from his life. He didn’t like the brightness of it.

Tony smelled of sweat and blood, rusty and not good and Loki waved with his hand and the smell of them both was gone. He fell asleep one more time, resting easily till Tony woke up. It was for sure, hours later and the sun was more aggressive but it was warm and heartily when he looked at Tony’s tired face and the from sleep-tousled hair.

“I lost two fights within two days,” Tony mumbled into his neck. His voice sounded old and like he had forgotten how to use it. “I hate losing.”

“Who doesn’t?” Loki whispered back. It felt oddly intimate to whisper when the sun was shining. “Losing isn’t nice, nor fair.”

“Why did we lose twice?”

“I don’t know.”

“If we were to go up against him again, would we lose a third time?”

“I killed him.” Loki turned his head to Tony, his voice flat. “I don’t think we will face him a third time.”

“It doesn’t feel like he’s dead.”

“I know.”

“It feels like he could just snap again and reduce us all once more.”

Loki nodded.

Tony looked at him with guarded eyes. “I don’t like this feeling.”

“And I don’t know what else we could do.” And the admission hurt him, burned him but Loki rolled on his side. “Thor was the one who made the plans. I only corrected them, made them better so they would succeed.” His breath still smelled of alcohol and he hated it. “I hate being forced into the role of a king. And yet, here we are and will be until the Norns decide it doesn’t have to be this way any longer.”

“Norns,” Tony drawled. “I’d rather take my fate into my own two hands.”

“True.” Loki sighed.

They stared at each other and there was just silence.

“You don’t want to become an Avenger by any chance, do you?”

“If I were to become an Avenger,” Loki drawled and he grinned. “Then I would go rampage. I am not a good person, Tony. And as far as I see, there isn’t that much left to avenge, is there?”

Tony snorted in the pillow. “Then what are you going to do next?” he asked, voice clearer and he sat up on his elbows.

Loki sighed. “Wait for the Aesir to arrive,” he mumbled. “Act as their king, _again_.” He didn’t want to take on that role. There was so much he’d rather do than being a king. It was simply so boring and he was forced to stay in one place, didn’t have the freedom of roaming around as he wanted.

“I am sure you can do it.” Tony grinned at him. “You don’t even need to be in disguise for this.”

“A small mercy,” Loki mumbled and cursed his drunken self that had entertained Tony with his tales of himself as Odin Allfather. Why had he thought it was a good idea to make Tony laugh, to make him forget the horror they were in? He didn’t quite know.

“You saved me,” Tony announced and turned his head to Loki, looking him into the eyes. “You saved me, Loki. From space.” He choked out a laugh. “Even though I was kind of your enemy. You saved me and I won’t forget that.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.” Tony’s mouth twitched into a small smile. “If there is ever anything you need, don’t hesitate to hit me up for a favour. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone _I_ care about and it doesn’t involve world domination. Although I don’t think there’s much you needed to do for that.”

“Oh, I already have a plan on how to achieve world domination. I’d only need a pretty puppet to act as the dictator. Someone people feel like they could trust and who they like,” Loki mumbled, his mouth turning into something dangerous. “But it seems as if my plans have become _dusted_.”

“That was the worst joke of them all. Poor Thor.” Tony shook his head. “You are incorrigible, I think.” His voice turned serious again. “But, Loki. I mean that. Call me when you need me. Or, call me, even when you don’t particularly have a need for material I could give to you.”

“Beg your pardon?”

Tony sighed. “I don’t want to lose contact with you. So, stay in touch. That’s what I meant by that. I get the feeling that I am going to want to kill some people here and as so far, you have proven yourself as a nice company, Reindeer Games.”

Loki’s mouth dropped open a bit. “I will try,” he croaked out.

“Good.” Tony rolled out of the bed. “Also, did you do something with my hangover? I feel like I should’ve the greatest hangover of them all but there is _nothing_.”

“I took the smell away,” Loki mumbled. Then closed his eyes shut. “And I think I accidentally cured us by that of the hangover we were supposed to have. I beg for forgiveness, Tony.”

“Granted.”

Loki eyed the man with curiosity. He hadn’t expected that.

“What?” Tony shrugged. “You slept in my bed, oh well, one of the beds here after we were too drunk to find mine and I think Pepper’s glad for that, now that I think of it. And my balls are still intact and I don’t have a hangover. I think there is barely anything more I could want right now. Only-“

 _The people we love back_. Loki sighed.

“Do you know when your people will arrive here?” Tony asked him.

“In two-three days.” Loki sighed and sat up as well. “And I really have no desire to rule them. I don’t even know _where to put them_.” He snorted. “Odin dreamed of a New Asgard, in Norway. But I think he forgot that we can’t found a new country just like that.”

“That’s right, you can’t.” Tony tilted his head to a side. “But Pepper could try her best. The woman has a talent with making things happen _legally_ , it’s amazing she decided to stay with Stark Industries and didn’t go to ‘the dark side’.”

“Some people are just like that.”

“That’s true.” Tony shrugged. “Stay here until then?” He licked his lips. “Stay here and get drunk with me?”

“Again?” Loki arched his brows. “I don’t think that’s healthy.”

“It’s not supposed to be healthy.”

Loki bit on his lip. “You know, Tony. There is barely anything I’d rather want but – the Aesir. _I owe it to Thor_.”

“I understand.” Tony’s voice sounded so soft and calming. A hand took his and squeezed it for a moment. “Still, feel free to stay here until your people arrive and you have to take care of them. Pepper is going to want to sit down with you and have a chat about legalities, you know?”

Loki nodded.

“Then stay and make it easier for both of you. And by that, easier for me as well.”

“That is a very selfish way to act and think,” Loki admonished Tony amused. “You hero.”

“And you didn’t do anything to me, you villain.”

Loki shrugged. “The villain was horrible enough, I don’t need to add my spice to that. And the enemy of my enemy is my _friend_ , isn’t that what you Midgardians say here?”

“Oh, we do,” Tony smirked at him. But the darkness that was in his eyes made Loki stop. He didn’t want to push all too hard. So much gallows humour and talking about friends and enemies sober, nobody liked that. And it reminded him of Thor and that –

That he didn’t like.

~°~

Somehow, Pepper really made it work. And Loki had to grit his teeth when she told him New Asgard would be built on Stark Industries’ area in Norway but they would set him up as a ‘manager’ and get all rights to the area they’d live on – so he was king under a contract.

He knew that there was no other way, not in such a short time but still - it felt like it was mocking him but it would allow him later to direct the ship with the Aesir to Norway when they went through the ozone layer and he would be able to greet them on their new homeland.

Loki’s pocket vibrated. Tony had given him a phone when he had left, saying it would help them to stay in contact and there would be no need to send ravens. It was a short message by Tony, wishing him ‘ _good luck_ ’ with his people. And Loki knew he would need it. Because nobody would want to see him here. They all probably hoped it was Thor who greeted them. Not him.  
Sadly, Loki had been right with his assumption. The Aesir had not been overjoyed to see him, children cried out for Thor and Valkyrie held a dagger under his chin, asking him whether he had killed Thor or not.

For that he slapped her dagger away and told her in a short sentence of _what had transpired_ while she had been busy with _fleeing_. When she could’ve done more but no, she had to follow Thor’s orders to bring the Aesir to the escape pods. Maybe they wouldn’t have lost then. His smile was bitter and the edges sharp but nobody saw it, when all they did was to break out in tears, sobbing for their king who had never been crowned.

He often texted Tony, complaining about the Aesir, bemoaning his fate with sarcastic tunes. And when he did that, Loki felt instantly bad in the next second because he _was alive_ and Thor wasn’t. He would have to get Thor back. Back from being _ash_ , Loki knew that but somehow New Asgard kept him so busy –

He couldn’t stay awake to _think_. There were houses to build, things to buy and material that got delivered by Stark Industries. Tony who asked how things were rolling (funny expression) and the nobles of Asgard who still lived, they complained about not having enough rights. Instead of _being happy that they were still here and alive_.

Loki’s people had been reduced to a quarter. A half Thanos and the Black Order had slain, and from the rest, the other half the snap had taken. And so many leered for drugs, for alcohol, for cigarettes, for things that would make them forget while trying to _keep going_. Loki wasn’t even sure how they got wind of the drugs but he suspected a certain someone who couldn’t keep her noisy nose out of other’s business. The Aesir were a strong folk and death was just another journey for them in theory, but so many losses within so few days – it was a horrible fate. Only the Norns knew what they had done to deserve this.

There was only so much Loki could do with his seiðr. He helped with speeding up the building and the restoration process but –

New Asgard was a cold place and he had to take care of laws, give many thoughts to the laws they had to follow and there was still the matter of food and helping his people. Loki had to make sure the last few ones who still were here would survive. But they were strong and Loki had somewhat faith in them.

It still hurt, not being able to burn pyres and to send the dead ones over the waterfall like they used to do it. There would be no stardust that wandered through the galaxies. Only roughly a hundred people, praying in Norse on their knees for the dead, wishing them a good life and that they may join Odin in the Great Hall of Valhalla.

Loki erected a stone, engraved all the names of the dead on it and stroked tenderly over Thor’s name. His name would not stand there forever, he swore himself that. He would bring his brother back, whatever it may take.

It was the only night Valkyrie was nice to him and they shared a flask of burning alcohol and his phone was turned off. Loki used his seiðr to tell the tales of Thor the Great, Volstagg, Hogun, Fandral and Sif. The few eyes that still were open and alive, for the first time they lit up and watched the green figures fight and _win_ the battles they had chosen –

He showed them the Valkyries, who brought down Hela. They all were fascinated by Ratatoskr Loki showed them. Their tales were home, they were a harsh reminder of what they had lost but it was still _theirs_ and better than nothing.

And when it was late, the fire was out and he could smell the sun in the air already again, Loki told the story of the Builder and Svaðilfari his brother had thought up when he’d been drunk and it hurt when they laughed over him, mocked him for being so idiotic that he’d thought he’d succeed luring a stallion away – but they laughed and for the first time Loki saw his people thriving again for a change. What did a bit of hurt pride and the burning sensation of humiliation matter in that case?

He called Tony afterwards and he told him a story of how Natasha had thrown popcorn at Rhodey and had made it to her chosen mission to stab each grape to death she ever encountered and refused to let a single jar of purple marmalade survive. They all got eaten with anger and resentment. It was nearly adorable and also sad. Sad that this was how they took revenge because nothing else was there that distracted them. Being an Avenger had been more fun once.

Still, it made Loki laugh and he thanked Tony for it. He appreciated Tony as a friend. He was there for Loki, didn’t make fun of him, only with him and he had given them their home. Even when there were restrictions on it, they still had one thanks to him. The Aesir still suffered though. They noticed the lack of money and Stark Industries had forgotten that they were not simple mortals, they were _gods_ with an equally divine stomach. Hunger plagued them and they weren’t allowed to fish too much in the sea.

Loki was sitting at a table; the Thing had just left when Valkyrie entered the room.

“The people need food, Lackey.”

“Truly?” He grinned at her. “Do they? I wouldn’t have noticed, Valkyrie. Truly. I am _blind_ , I do not know how my folk fares.”

“They’re starving!”

“Really. Are you sure?”

“Don’t take that on the light shoulder, Loki,” she growled and slammed her fists on the table. “Because _Thor_ wouldn’t.”

“I am not Thor,” he said quietly but firmly. His eyes burned into her. “And I do what I can, Valkyrie. I know the situation isn’t ideal and we all need more but –“

“You are the king!” she spat out and spit landed on his face. He wiped it away, annoyed. “Do something!”

“My hands are _bound_ by legalities.” He arched a brow. “This isn’t Asgard or _Norns forbid_ , Sakaar. I can’t just do what I want, this is only possible because of Tony and –“

“Then tell him to do something.” She leant forward, her mouth twisted into a snarl, violent like a Bilgesnipe. “Or better, get him here and turn him into our king. I’m sure he’d do better than you.” She wiped away the papers on the table. “He’d do a better job than you, _Lackey_.”

“Would he?” He spread his arms. “Tell him that. Ask the man who gave up his responsibilities of Stark Industries if he’s ready to run a _kingdom_ when nobody here respects a _mortal_.”

“They still respect him more than you.”

A heartbeat of silence.

Valkyrie cringed.

“I see.” Loki nodded. He had known they didn’t like him. Didn’t respect him, didn’t whatever but –

He had been raised as a prince. He knew how to handle the people, he had been _there_ for them and –

Who was Valkyrie to think she could say those things to him?

“Then I will let him know that. Until then I am sure you can take care of it all by yourself, can’t you?” He smiled. “You may understand the people here thanks to the All-Speak, Valkyrie. But that doesn’t mean you _understand_ them. You have not been raised in the manner of a court, you don’t know how to set up a contract that looks fine but will benefit us the most. You have no idea how money works here or how people think and that-“ his smile turned like he felt – bitter and full of teeth.

“That is what matters. Nobody needs a sword around here. Nobody wants a drunkard to work for them. I set up a conference with the mayor of the village nearby so our people can try to get _work_ there.”

For the first time, Loki saw her paling.

“Midgard is like Asgard, in many aspects. Their way of living and doing things is slow but unlike as in Asgard, everyone will get judged here for their deeds in a speed that is not fathomable to most here. And if we do not wish to become outsiders here, more so than we already are because _people are afraid of us_ then we have to adapt.” His smile turned happy suddenly. “So, you said you want to do things better? Right? There’s the pen, take care only to sign where a line is and read the small print beforehand.”

Loki stood up, his dark green cape whirling behind him and he left the house.

Valkyrie stayed on the inside.

Nobody looked at him. They had heard him though. He had not been the quietest of them all and Loki walked up to the cliffs angrily, he needed some _space_ , he needed to get away from the same faces for just a moment.

And when he was uphill, his strength left him. He was alone. The wind was blowing here and he felt like there were eyes on him, curious and wondering, assessing.

“I know you’re watching, Odin.” He turned towards the sun. “I can feel your eye on me.” Then he shook his head. “The people are discontent. Are _you_ discontent as well?”

The feeling got more intense and Loki sank to his knees. Eyes closed and his seiðr spread around him, opening a connection and _how_ , it had never done that before but in the next moment, the grass was greener and he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Open your eyes, my son.”

“Am I your son?” Loki opened his eyes. Odin stood in front of him. Wearing his armour, the golden eye patch and looked _healthy_ and _whole_.

“Yes, Loki.”

He stood up. “That is difficult to believe, after all, wasn’t it you who called me _Laufeyson_ first?” His smile was bitter. “When I was in shackles and survived the fall and so much more? Yet, you stand here and dare to call me ‘son’?”

“Yes.” Odin sighed. “I made a mistake, Loki. I know that now.”

“Now,” Loki repeated and brushed off the grime from his trousers. “And you couldn’t tell me that when you were alive and not already doomed to die?”

“I made a mistake,” Odin said again.

“If it had only been one,” Loki mumbled and turned towards the sun.

“So mayhap I made a lot.” Odin stepped up to him. “But I still love you, Loki. And I am sorry that I could not tell you that when I was alive or when you needed to hear it. Your mother scolds me for that.” Odin sighed and their shoulders brushed against each other.

Loki drew his shoulder back. “Why did you call me?” He asked quietly.

“I didn’t call you,” Odin answered. “I was watching over you the whole time, and Loki, I _am_ so proud of you.”

Loki peered to Odin from the corner of his eyes.

“I know this is not easy for you. I know the people don’t trust you and they want Thor back but Loki, you are doing things correctly and they would be far poorer without you. You are doing good work.”

“It doesn’t feel like I do.”

“I know.” Odin raised his hand and laid it on Loki’s shoulder and this time, Loki allowed it because _he was weak and he still wanted his father’s approval_. “There is seldom a task more difficult to bear than being a king while grieving for your family.”

“Did you grieve?”

“I grieved for my son three times,” Odin answered and Loki felt a tremble on his shoulder. “I grieved when one of my sons decided to let go and appeared to be lost to me, then when he turned back up and seemed lost to the darkness that slumbers in all of us, mad with desire for a throne that wasn’t his and I grieved for him when he told me of his supposed death on Svartalfheim when I was already in grief for my wife.”

Loki stared at the sun. It hurt his eyes and that was why he cried. Because the sun burned his eyes and the sea beneath, it reflected back and made his eyes water.

“But now my son fights for his people. Even though his brother is gone for now and he’s on his own. And I couldn’t be prouder of him. Loki,” Odin shook his shoulder gently and Loki turned to Odin. “You are so brave. And this will be one of your most difficult tasks you ever had to encounter but you aren’t as alone as you think you are.”

“I need Thor on my side,” Loki whispered. “He’s the king, I am but the advisor. I don’t see the problems like he does. I recognise them when I look at them as a second set of eyes, like a beta reader, Odin. This doesn’t work out. And nobody sees what the contracts say and-“

“You have one of those portable electronic devices, have you not?”

“Yes?”

“Then you know what to do and who to call.” Odin clasped his neck in a tender touch, rubbing his thumb softly into his throat. It was a familiar touch and oh, it was delivered by a dead man but what did it matter. Loki keened softly and his forehead rested gently against Odin’s.

They breathed in together, trusting for a moment the tentative peace between them and the hopeful words. And the sun was shining on them.

~°~

Loki opened his eyes. Everything was normal again. His hair blew in the wind that had picked up in strength and with a sigh, he pulled out his phone, dialling Tony.

“ _Lokes, what can I do for you at this godforsaken hour_?”

“Sometimes I forget time zones are a thing here,” Loki mumbled and sighed. “Tony, do you remember the favour?”

“ _Yes. Do you want it_?”

“I do.” Loki pinched his hand nervously. “But I’d rather talk with you about that face-to-face. Can we meet?”

“ _I need a few till I am in Norway_.”

“And I am a mage.” Loki snorted. “Are you presentable?”

“ _Loki, when you ask something like that you can be assured that I take it as a challenge not to be presentable? I’m dropping my pants as we speak right now_.”

“You are an idiot.” Loki shut the call and _projected_ himself to Tony in the Compound. “Sweet,” he said and grinned at him. Tony was still in all his clothes. To Loki’s grievance.

“Don’t scare me like that, Sonic,” Tony panted and sat back in the chair. “You want something to drink before we talk about that favour of yours?”

“Sure. But I can’t drink like that.” He reached through the table. “No manifestation in this form.”

Tony’s eyes were wide and his jaw dropped open. “You can do _that_? With _magic_?”

“Easy.”

“That’s – No, wait, that’s awesome but this so is against all rules of physics, Loki. We both, one day when you have a holiday, are going to scan you and talk some words about your seiðr; that’s impossible, how do you do that? Leave your body behind?”

Loki nodded.

“Okay, so you separate apparently physical body from _astral_ thing, would you call this your soul? Just so I know whether I’ll have to take religion into play as well but that’s hella cool and you look so _real_ , and you really can’t touch anything? When I throw a book at you, would it go straight through you?”

“Yes?”

Tony nodded. “Very cool. Very Moaning Myrtle there. But could you give yourself a solid form? Would that tax you more or does that require the same effort? That’s amazing whether you can do it or not, but if not, could you train that? I need to know that, Loki. You’re breaking my brain here. No, wait, you aren’t but that’s not important. Scans. FRIDAY, darling, you’re scanning this, aren’t you?”

“ _I am, Boss_.”

“Tony.”

Tony took a deep breath. “Yeah, right. Favour. Sit down, please.”

Loki smirked at the man and sat down on the chair. “My favour will cost you money.”

“I have enough of that.”

“It will sound very weird and one might think differently about your new branch of Stark Industries.”

“So, this is a manager-boss meeting?” Tony tilted his head, tapped on the keyboard and the computer in front of him lit up. “Better not tell Pepper about that, she doesn’t like it, I’m apparently too spontaneous for the business, but, not important. Money, you said?”

“I need more material for my people. We can’t feed ourselves enough. There isn’t much to do and they are bored. Tony, I need _something_ , to get their hopes back up. Otherwise they’ll riot or die out of boredom.”

Tony nodded slowly. “I can see how that would happen.” He looked at his computer. “But I can help you with that. FRIDAY, show Loki a list of the things SI can offer and then look for what else they’d need but would have to be bought from somewhere else. Tell Pepper that the New Branch needs a new money inflow otherwise the project will die us.”

“ _Straight away, Boss._ ”

“Good girl,” Tony said. He looked at Loki. “Don’t worry, Reindeer Games. We got that, don’t worry.”

“Truly?”

“Would I ever lie to you?” Tony raised his brows. “Look at the things FRIDAY has there for you and just tell her what you want. We got that covered, Lokes.”

And simple as that, Loki believed him and tension bled from his shoulders. He could trust Tony.


	3. Year 1 - 2019

**Year 1 – 2019**

It became something of a tradition that Loki visited Tony in his astral form when he had enough time to spare. Which was easier said than done; being king didn’t allow Loki all too much spare time and he didn’t want to bother Tony unnecessarily if he could avoid it by simply texting or calling him. But this time it was in the late evening for him, for Tony it was in the early afternoon and they both had time. It was like taking a deep breath after holding air in for too long, refreshing and new, something you needed to live, and you only realised it now.

Visiting Tony was a change and a break Loki needed to survive the following morning when he would argue with the Thing again, had to worry about the Aesir who still didn’t like him and seemed intent on making his life more difficult than it needed to be.

“If you’d make your country more _democratic_ ,” Tony announced in a meeting when they were going through options how to make New Asgard _better_ , more progressive so the world outside was more accepting of them. “We could try to get you into the European Union and push the agenda of turning New Asgard into it's own offical country, not just a semi-free colony of Norway. So perhaps not as a country at first, but so that you get a trial. Test run, I think. They almost let Turkey in, they _still_ let Greece be part of their Union and they’re just broke, among other things. If you’d come to an agreement with them and be more like they want you to be, then this could bring many advantages to New Asgard.” Tony thrummed with his fingers on the table.

“The Copenhagen Criteria can be met easily. You have your laws, did you remind the Thing to install Human Rights here? Or your version of it. Those are important, the matter of protecting minorities is still debatable since you don't really have some, do you? I think, at least but you _have_ to be democratic.” Tony frowned. “Or at least come off as one. Constitutional monarchy also works or a defective Democracy.”

Loki snorted softly. To him the European Union sounded a bit like a huge pot of corruption, filled with Jotunheim Beasts. Even if being part of the Union had some benefits, it sounded still blurry and not that righteous but – he narrowed his eyes. Perhaps the advantages of it would really do them good?

Tony continued, sounding more thoughtful. “If we pull it right we could try to make you part of the Schengen area. Pepper thinks that you would benefit from being more open to the world as well – or, Europe in that case. Norway would help you if you won’t come – _wait_.” Tony grinned at him. “What if your SI branch tries to get into the Free Trade Association from Norway and the EU? By that you could get a more secure footing, perhaps a more stable income, too? Then you could try to send some of your people to _another_ company from Stark Industries, get the people more into contact with yours and they get more comfortable here. Yes.” Tony nodded. “But for that you would have to be more democratic as well. Same issue as earlier again.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to more democracy,” Loki said slowly, “the opposite actually. But I don’t think the Aesir are ready for that.” Loki shrugged. More democracy sounded like a dream to him. It would mean fewer burdens for him to carry and he wouldn’t be the only responsible man for New Asgard because the Thing didn’t do much besides from complaining about everything and hindering whatever Loki was planning.

Tony blinked. “Democratic? You? Am I awake or is this just a dream, Mr Wanna-be conqueror?”

“Democracy is just another form of dictatorship, it just appeases the people more because of rights they supposedly have but you simply strip those rights off and away. Slowly, but you do. You ignore the things people want but give them another thing so they stay quiet.” Loki grinned. “Democracy is another form of chaos, Tony. And I live for chaos. But Asgard doesn’t. Sadly.” He wouldn’t show or tell Tony how _exhausted_ he was by ruling when he hadn’t even sat on the ‘throne’ for long. And really, it wasn’t all a lie. Democracy could be very well used to create more chaos and it seemed as if this was the only way left for him to enjoy it.

It would take the Aesir a while until they would get used to it and Loki could enjoy it from afar, see them suffer – a small payback from his side for what they put him through – and he liked to throw Tony off. Maybe that was a too big factor in how he talked and interacted with Tony. He liked the way Tony started to smirk at him in a ‘ _sure you do_ ’ way.

“You think the Aesir are too used to monarchy to adapt to a new regiment?”

“I do. But it is not only about that, Tony.” Loki pinched his hands. He had to think as a king, not as _Loki_ ; he better stopped playing around.

His voice turned serious. “There also is the matter that so many things have changed for them recently and now I am to take away their comfort of living in the monarchy which has always been there? Knowing that there is one person they can _trust_ who takes care of their problems and will cater to their needs?” Loki raised a brow.

“I hate being that person, Tony. Believe me that. But taking this part of what is _home_ for them away now would only lead to a catastrophe we better try to avoid for as long as possible. They may be weakened but among them are still warriors who wish for a fight, not only in the training grounds but a real one – they want vengeance for their lost brothers and sisters, for their family and their weapons _are ready_. And you think it’s a good idea to let them out in the world that is about to crumble around them?”

“Sometimes I forget you are a warrior cult and live to fight,” Tony mumbled and turned the computer off. “Alright. Then we leave it as it is for now. No EU for you.” He stood up. “I need coffee. Will you come with me or do you need to go and act as a king again?”

“It’s in the middle of the night here, I doubt someone has need of me currently,” Loki replied bitterly and walked behind Tony. “And I’m happy for any distraction that I can get. And I’d love it if our meetings would not only to exist because of business talks.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Tony smiled at him and threaded his fingers through his hair. Loki had the urge to slap them aside and do it for himself, wanting to feel the soft brown in his hands and –

“How are your people doing now though? I think all the new tech stuff must be installed by now, isn’t it? The playground for your _noble warriors_ , too?”

Loki had never been so happy before to hear Tony talk and distract him from what he was thinking. He didn’t want to know where this thought would have led him otherwise. “They’re doing better. The playground was a nice touch for the little ones and I think, Eir loves to teach and get in contact with the others again. And I’m trying to get a teacher from the neighbouring village to support her and teach the kids what Eir simply cannot know.”

“Good.” Tony sounded happy. “When there’s something else you need, don’t hesitate to tell me.”

 _Whatever would I do without you_? Loki thought but he only nodded and smiled his thanks. The few children they had finally could attend a school again and most of the Aesir found a job, some in New Asgard, some in the village nearby as a baker or as historians at a museum. Those were the ones Loki _trusted_ enough to let them out of his sight. Not all of his people were thirsty for blood – a lie – but he trusted those to know where the boundaries were and that they couldn’t just go and fight Midgardians.

There was a training ground for warriors, a forge and a stable for the two horses they had been gifted with by the chancellor of Norway. A ‘Welcome home’ gift to say, greedy as he was for the new tourists that would come now to the museums and look at New Asgard from afar – ‘ _Gods on Earth_ ’, the tour promised and Loki had only allowed it when they didn’t enter their village. Because he didn’t want newcomers there when New Asgard still wasn’t on its best and the people still raw from hurt, pain and death. And he didn’t want to be responsible for deaths that could’ve been avoided.

Asgard hadn’t been open to mortals and for most, New Asgard was supposed to have the same rule. It was absolutely horrible and only complicated matters further but Loki couldn’t just do what he wanted, not when he wished to avoid a revolt. He had to give the Aesir time to adapt to their new surroundings and then introduce them bit by bit to the new game rules.

But it brought them a little bit of extra money and the horses were good for the fields because a farm tractor didn’t work well with Aesir. They were used to their horses, used to do things by hand and being helped by _further advanced technology_. Also, they used to have a better trading deal with other realms but for now they had enough. They would learn how to steer a farm tractor. They would learn how to adapt and eventually, move on. Then Loki could think about getting into the EU with New Asgard or figure out a deal with them – but that could come later.

And someday the dusted ones would come back, Loki had promised that himself. He promised it himself each Thursday when he touched Thor’s name on the stone, whispered it against the cold stone and then straightened his back, went back to work and dealt with his Aesir again, would listen to their complaints that were more stupid than not.

“That’s good to hear.” Tony petted the cup with his coffee fondly. “How are you though? Except for going nearly crazy?”

“I miss exercising and fighting,” Loki mumbled. “There is barely any time for that at all and the only one who really can hold her own against me is Valkyrie. And I really don’t need to see her more than necessary.” Because she was _Valkyrie_ and yes, she had stopped to annoy him every second but still, she was no help to him.

“You’re fighting again?”

“She’s glaring at me but says nothing and that’s even worse.”

Tony giggled. Loki froze and stared at Tony. That was an adorable sound.

“Did you two ever truly talk outside of you dealing as a king?” Tony asked then.

“Not really. I have no time, you remember?” Loki rolled his eyes. “Apart from that, I have no wish to talk to her. Nor does she seem to be inclined to talk to me.”

“You have your brother in common,” Tony pointed out.

“She knew him for perhaps two days!”

“She still loves him.”

This time it was Loki who snorted. “Tony, she’s gay.”

“No way!”

“In every possible way gay.” Loki tilted his head. “Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like me. It’s a gay rivalry.”

“That doesn’t exist.” Tony snickered.

“ _Now_ it does. I am a god, she’s a Valkyrie. Clearly the Norns thought this was going to be fun.”

Tony slapped him on the shoulder, grinning from one ear to the other. “Then, my friend, congratulations. Your life makes sense again, you have a rival you can combat!”

“Thank you.” Loki nodded, his hair flying around softly and for a moment he truly hated that he wasn’t here with Tony completely that it only was his astral projection because the grin on Tony’s face – he wanted to trace it with his fingers, feel it and ki-

“You think I really should talk with Valkyrie about him?”

“Yeah.” Tony took a sip from his cup. “Don’t get me wrong buddy, but it was Valkyrie’s job to protect the king and she failed. She wasn’t even there to attempt to protect him, you remember? Instead she followed his orders and had to flee – you really think she doesn’t hate herself for that? And then there’s you, her new king and she can’t find a middle ground with you; you remind her of Thor and her failure but at the same time she has the sworn duty to protect you. That’s some inner conflict, don’t you think? Kind of like it used to be with me and Steve and Howard.” Tony grinned at him. “Fun times. And we never talked about it and so we ended up with a Civil War that split the group apart.”

“I-, that’s not the same thing.”

“It’s not?” Tony took another sip and stared Loki into the eyes. “Well, you were the one who told me to avoid inciting a useless conflict but think about it, Reindeer Games.”

At least he didn’t think about Tony’s lips anymore. He thought about Valkyrie and her behaviour, how she often opened her mouth but either closed it again or stared at him grimly, spitting venomous words.

“Come to New Asgard?” Loki asked him quietly.

“Are you sure that’s wise?”

“It’s been seven months since we settled down there. They know we aren’t on Asgard anymore,” no, they didn’t but he needed Tony with him, just for a bit, “and Tony, they _like_ you.”

That was actually the truth. That probably only was the cause because of how often Loki had told the Aesir stories of Tony as Iron Man and he let often slip that it was Tony who had granted them their home. He got some tailwind from Valkyrie there because she seemed to like Tony out of reasons Loki didn’t know. Yet, after Tony could tell him what Valkyrie’s motives probably were? He suspected a friendship there. And who said that Tony hadn’t given out more phones? Or that the Avengers tried to keep a close eye on him because he still _was a villain_ and couldn’t be trusted? But as long as it benefited him, who was he to complain? And the adults were neutral enough towards Tony and Loki _was selfish_ , surely once would it be allowed? And he wanted Tony with him. Plain and simple.

He could get drunk with him _once more_ , have fun and forget the worries that plagued his head. There was so much selfishness in him but he had to hold it back, had to think of others first and it was so difficult at times; Loki only wanted to get what he wished for once.

“When you are sure about that, then I’ll gladly come by.” Tony grinned at him. “Always wanted to see Asgard. Heard they got themselves a new look.”

“Haha,” Loki remarked dryly. “You’ll come?”

“Sure.” Tony grinned at him carelessly. “Next weekend?”

“Yes.”

Indescribable glee and delight thrummed through Loki and he nodded at Tony. “Should I teleport you or do you wish to come with your suit?”

“I’ll take my suit.” Tony’s eyes glinted with excitement. “I think someone asked for a sparring round, didn’t you?”

The next weekend couldn’t come fast enough.

~°~

Loki talked with Valkyrie afterwards. She shouted at him, threw another bottle at him; he dodged it this time but that was it. He had told her she wasn’t to blame for Thor’s disappearance, that he wasn’t _lost_ but she called him crazy for thinking that.

“The dead won’t come back, Loki,” she said with a bitter smile. “They stay dead unless you are Hela. Only then you come back.”

“He’s not dead,” Loki argued. “Infinity Stones don’t work like that – they play with you but they don’t hurt you.”

“Funny how much you know about them.”

“Yes. _Funny_.”

“Better you concentrate on your tasks as a king, don’t lose yourself in those dreams, Loki.” She stood up, her face blank. “We can’t allow ourselves to lose another one.” She left with those words.

The confrontation left Loki oddly empty and he didn’t know where he had gone wrong – surely she must feel better now? Or not but at least, he had told her what he thought. Loki sighed. People were weird and emotions didn’t make sense. He wanted to play with peoples’ emotions not confront them. He worked that way and he wasn’t a nanny or a teddy bear you could snot into, wetting him with your tears. He had been sure he had guessed Valkyrie right, trusting Tony’s words to be true. Perhaps Tony hadn’t been correct either in his assumption and that was why this hadn’t worked.

Then again, what had he thought would come out of it?

_Nothing._

Tony was better in directing people during a confrontation to where he wanted them. Loki had noticed that. It wasn’t difficult at all to fall for Tony’s suave charm, his brilliant smile. Maybe he should’ve let him talk with Valkyrie. But Tony lived with other dysfunctional humans under one roof and he’d had a stable relationship for years now – he had an advantage there.

Tony arrived Friday midday in his armour. The children who saw him squealed in excitement and touched his armour, asked for a piggyback ride and Tony, the good soul, allowed it. Loki stood on the ground and watched him, watched the children laugh and have fun; the parents worrying but grinning as well. Maybe he should have gotten Tony to New Asgard earlier. But it hadn’t been the time then. It had been too early, and they wouldn’t have receipted Tony as well as they did now.

“Bringing him here was a good decision.”

“I know,” Loki mumbled. “He thought you were straight.”

“Me?” Valkyrie laughed in amusement. “Sometimes I think I radiate the gay, as Midgardians say.”

“You do.” Loki chuckled and followed Tony’s route in the sky, the young laughter ringing in his ears.

“If you want the weekend off, I can fill in your position at the Thing.”

Loki blinked in confusion.

Valkyrie nodded. “You deserve a time-out, Loki. Take it. The Thing and I can look over things but finally it's weekend, so most things won’t even happen right now.”

“Are you sure?” Loki sounded hesitant. He would love to spend time with Tony and nothing else. Having no duties to attend to and no obligations for the time being sounded too good but he didn’t want to pressure Valkyrie into something she didn’t want. Even when she had offered it. He couldn’t allow himself to anger her, not when she finally spoke with him without venom in her voice.

“Yes. Go and enjoy time with your friend.” She winked at him. “I’ll even swear off the alcohol for this weekend.”

“Thank you,” Loki said sincerely.

“You’re welcome.” She bumped his shoulder.

Maybe the talk really had helped them. The Valkyrie from last week wouldn’t have offered to give him spare time, she would have stood on the side-line and given him a stinky eye.

“Hey,” Tony greeted him as he landed and put the children down. “New Asgard looks good.”

“Hey.” Loki smiled at him, soft and tender. He hit himself mentally for that. “Drink?”

“A drink sounds amazing.” Tony tapped the arc reactor and his suit retreated, leaving him in a hoodie and jogging pants.

Loki made him a cup of tea, first. Because they had tea there and Tony never drank tea. Loki had given himself the mission of turning Tony towards tea and a bit away from coffee.

“A drink doesn’t mean tea,” Tony complained.

“Without tea,” Loki countered and alluded to the time he had requested tea for rescuing Tony, “you wouldn’t be here.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. My genius would’ve pulled me from space.”

“You were faster at home thanks to me.” Loki raised his cup. “And we have the whole weekend for _a drink_ , we don’t need to start that early, do we?”

“Right.” Tony sighed. “Sometimes I hate it that you’re so practical. But only sometimes. I forgive you for that but only because it’s about time that we can _finally_ share a drink again for real.”

“Thank you.” Loki nodded. The tea tasted of wild berries.

On Saturday, they got earnestly drunk. They used FRIDAY to explore New Asgard. He showed Tony around and with a trace of bitterness and jealousy crawling over him, he tried not to look all too angry when the Aesir were adamant on spending time with Tony too. They asked him many questions about his beard style, what his favourite weapon was. Loki tried not to show his jealousy all too open when Tony paid attention to others and not to him but the elbow in his ribs told him he had to try harder.

 _Norns_ , he behaved like a small child that craved attention and would start wailing in the next minute because it wouldn’t get it.

Still he couldn’t help the relief and delight that flooded him when Tony was done and turned back to him. The relief must have shown on his face as Tony grinned at him cheekily, a wink following shortly after. This was getting out of the hand _already_. Yet Loki wouldn’t change it for anything in the realms these small moments when he thought he’d lose it, even when he refused to think about what the ‘it’ was. As long as Tony was here with him he would suffer quietly watching him interact with the Aesir.

“I hate it,” Tony mumbled, sitting on the chair like he had no manners. “Being an Avenger used to be _fun_. Mostly, admittedly. Now all we do is to sit around. We tell people everything will be okay and answer questions nobody wants to hear anyway because they’re busy with their own crisis.” He laughed dryly. “I hate it. Natasha is concerned for Clint. Apparently, he’s acting oddly increasingly since his family got dusted. Steve is leading Sam’s old therapy group in his spare time, talks with Sharon in between and Peter’s aunt has been devastated ever since and is slowly picking her life back up.”

Tony looked so guilty, it didn’t sit well with Loki. A distraction was needed, sorely. He swallowed and hoped the ploy would work so that the guilt would be forgotten, if just for a moment longer. “You’re not angry that the Rogues have simply been allowed back like that?”

“Ross got dusted,” Tony mumbled. “The President is doing all he can do to keep America running. Europe is going crazy while it pretends that it doesn’t – as usual for them, in some parts of the continent it’s working. Asia does whatever they’re doing now, governments there are more of a pretence than not. Australia is still down-under though. That didn’t change. Comforting, isn’t it?”

“I don’t see how a continent can be down-under but carry on, my wayward friend.”

“You’re listening to Kansas?”

“You told me I should give them a chance.” Loki shrugged. “Continue.”

A smile flitted over Tony’s face. “Well, the Rogues are back, their doing the government’s work, more or less. The people trust the Avengers because of what they symbolise and taking them away now would –“ Tony groaned. “No. Please don’t tell me that this is exactly what you told me earlier about the Aesir and their view on democracy. I fucking hate it when that happens.”

“Who doesn’t?” Loki shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his beer.

“That’s true, unfortunately.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I feel like I am being wasted on being part of the Avengers – and I don’t particularly want to sacrifice even more of what I can offer to them. It cost me _the kid_ the last time. Before that I got crushed and beaten nearly to death by someone I used to consider as a friend. And before _that_ I flew a nuke into space which nearly killed me. Then here was the whole Ultron debacle, can’t forget that, it cost me JARVIS.” He snorted. “Again. First my butler, then my sweet AI.”

“You miss them both,” Loki realised with painful clarity.

“I do.” Tony’s smile was sharp. “I am just wondering, what’s it worth if I keep giving and giving but never get anything back?”

“You’re asking the wrong person here, Tony.” Loki rolled his shoulders.

He wasn’t one to simply give and never to ask for something back in return – if something was asked of him, the person owed him from that moment on. He’d collect that debt eventually. Being social, generous wasn’t something Loki had made good experiences with and he wasn’t inclined to become _better_ or be a nicer man.

Loki had learnt from an early age to take what was his and not always did it work out well for him. But he knew people liked to slack off, to go back on their word and Loki hated it. That was the only reason why he loved the Aesir: they were bound to keep their promises. That’s why he tried to avoid making promises to others. But they did so willingly and readily, all Loki had to do was to accept and take – it wasn’t his fault if he saw the advantage in those dealings. It was only his fault that he seized the opportunity.

“There was a time I tried to be someone else,” Loki mused and his seiðr created the picture of a young boy, with black hair and twinkling green eyes. “I was young, maybe three hundred years old and all I wanted was to please my parents. To be the little brother Thor could be proud of. So I tried to cut back on my desires, my urges to be selfish became ignored over time.” The boy stopped in his movements and he became softer in the light of the seiðr. His stance more open, relaxed, the green eyes wide and trusting and -

The image of him became blurry. Loki hated seeing it. The Loki then had been weak and all too ready to obey others. He followed their whims that were never suited his nature and he hadn’t known it back then, but the ice in his veins wanted to freeze others like it did now occasionally with the Thing and it had killed him.

Unlike the Aesir, the Jotnar weren’t bound by their words. A horrific thing for an Asgardian. Loki rolled his eyes at him and the others. How easily people were afraid of others just because they didn’t follow the same rules, it was baffling to Loki and yet, he could understand in the back of his mind.

“I tried to be selfless. I let myself be exploited, be hurt and I let each remark pass, let laughter pass by unnoticed and tried to be good.”

The boy in his seiðr smiled and laughed, run around and after Thor, tripped and got stepped on. Just to stand up again with a smile.

Tony looked horrified. Maybe Loki should tell him this was only a portrayal of how he felt, not what happened to him _outwardly_. Nobody would have dared to step on a prince. The mocking was something else though and that had happened more often than Loki liked to remember. But Loki was curious to see if Tony was one who got lulled in by tears and pain, felt pity and sympathy for the victim. Or whether he would call Loki out on his lies.

“I did that for three decades. Or four.” Loki frowned as the boy in the green seiðr grew up. “Memory becomes foggy with time and everything is a bit messy. But I remember how my mother took me aside one day. I can’t tell you what she said because I can’t remember. It was something she would have never asked of me decades ago. And that was when I realised that people had grown used to me being so nice and generous. With that realisation I started to watch out and started to have _fun_ with that.”

“Of course you did.” Tony leant forward. “You grew _weak_ , but then you saw in it a chance to triumph over others and called them out on their shit, didn’t you? You loved it, Loki. The thrill, the chaos, the _mischief_.”

“Yes.” Loki smiled at him and the boy suddenly changed forms. There was a glint in his eyes and he stared at people, watched them and learnt all of their weaknesses. “I tried to be selfless, Tony. I truly did. But I learnt that pretending to be selfless and then exploiting others was way more worthwhile. I ruined myself,” he said happily and the boy held books in his hands. There was seiðr in his hands, a small green flame. “I always possessed the ability to wield seiðr. I decided to let it grow and became one with it. My seiðr is the only thing apart from my mother I never tried to manipulate.”

 _Would Tony get it now_? He wondered silently.

“Did you try to manipulate me?” Tony asked him.

“Of course.” Loki shot him a wink.

Tony licked his lips. “I am not sure whether I like this story, Loki. It sounds like you are the unreliable narrator of the story and you want to try to trick me. You know like Watson often gets tricked by Sherlock and he only realises at the end of an article, when the story is over and written.”

“Elementary, my dear Watson.”

“You bastard,” Tony said fondly. “So. That’s my stand on the situation with the Rogues.” He shrugged. “How have you been doing without Thor for the time being?”

“It would be better to have him as king.” Loki’s mouth twitched. “I have my problems with being selfish and wanting to do something else but I am, unfortunately, stuck here.”

“And nobody here to admire you, yes. Life is hard.”

“Exactly.” Loki let his knuckles crack. “It was so easy for Thor to be loved and respected. There had been problems with being a king but he never really tried. Odin always helped him or _I did his job for him_.” Anger shot through him like an arrow only to be replaced by longing.

“I want him back, Tony.”

“Because you want to be free?” Tony sounded curious.

“That as well,” Loki admitted in a whisper. “But the truth is, I _miss_ him, Tony. I don’t understand why he got snapped and not me; he’s the one they’d need right now but-“

“You are not the hero they deserve,” Tony said with a glint in his eyes, “but you are the one they need, Loki.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.” Tony shrugged. “Listen, Loki. I haven’t known you for long yet but you live for challenges, you thrive on them. You can’t let go New Asgard to waste because your own principles forbid it to you. Failing now would mean you’d give yourself up and you hate losing. Thor,” Tony stroked over his lips with a finger and Loki desperately wanted to do the same.

“Thor doesn’t like losing either, but Thor doesn’t live on challenges like you do. You are the one who doesn’t know how to cooperate outside of challenges. You need to prove yourself because you are a challenge in and to yourself. Thor is Thor. He knows his worth and him right now in your place?” Tony started to rub his goatee.

“Listen, don’t take that wrong, I don’t want to talk bad about Thor. He’d try his best. Until he noticed that whatever he does isn’t working or not as fast as he likes and then he’d start to give up. I don’t think New Asgard would be what it is now had it not been for you. Einstein, Thor doesn’t even like the concept of democracy. But out of other reasons than you.”

“He doesn’t like it because it would imply that Odin isn’t the All-Father and his decisions, his opinions would be faulty then,” Loki cut in, his head in a state of tumult. Tony’s words – they were words Loki had often _thought_ , but never said out loud fearing the consequences should he utter them audible.

“Probably.” Tony shrugged. “And Thor is mostly a selfless man. He likes to put others first, he never or only occasionally had to think about the consequences should he lose. For Thor, everybody is inheritably good and I want to hate him for having so much optimism. I can’t though. Because at the same time, I love and envy him for this faith in others.”

“Yes,” Loki croaked, his voice breaking. “Exactly that.”

Tony nodded. “You know, this is already serious and I don’t have enough alcohol in my veins. Rhodey would be proud, oh, did I already tell you I’m supposed to say ‘ _Hi_ ’ from him?”

“You haven’t done so yet, no.”

“Well, now I have.” Tony cleared his throat. “Listen, when we try to get Thor, Peter and the others back, can you –“ he broke off.

“Yes?”

“Swear me that what I’m going to say now won’t leave this room.” Tony’s eyes hardened, became cold and icy. “Because if this gets out somehow, the world is done with me. It won’t matter than whatever good I did because this is incredibly selfish. Promise me, Lokes.”

“Anthony Edward Stark,” Loki’s mind was running, speeding, teleporting away. The only thing he could hear was the sound of _trust_ and _familiarity, selfishness, understanding and acceptance_ , “I hereby swear to you solemnly that whatever is going to be said in this room, it won’t be me who tells another of this.”

Tony stared at him. Then, slowly he started, “When we get those people back one day, and I don’t know how because that’s your shtick, you just tell me as soon as you know. But Loki,” Tony took a deep breath, “when we do that. Let our priorities be Thor and my kid.” He shook his head. “I am selfish, I know that but _I can’t sacrifice any more_. I want them back and those are the two persons I care about and I know that you don’t know Peter but I need your help to get him back-“

“Accepted.”

“What?”

Loki nodded. Face serious and for the first time, a storm he didn’t know existed, was calming down inside of him and his mind became quiet. “As you said, let’s try to bring them all back, I couldn’t bear Thor’s mad rambling shouldn’t we try to do so, but let’s sort out our priorities. In this case, our priorities are Thor and Peter.”

“Are you serious?”

“Tony, I don’t think I’ve been this serious as I am now.” Loki tilted his head. “I have enough of being selfless and being called to someone like a dog; there’s no gratitude and sense in that. We bring the people back. Peter and Thor in the first place. Those are the ones _we_ care about.”

“Loki-“ Tony’s voice sounded so broken, abrupt. Tired and hopeful.

Loki waved with his hand and a bottle of absinthe appeared in front of them.

“The night only just started, didn’t it?” he said, a smirk on his face.

Tony nodded and opened it.

“To year one without our friends, but to one year closer to getting them back already?”

They drank to that until the bottle was empty and the walls started to speak with them and Loki taught Tony how to rhyme with insults. It was a good weekend, so green and colourful, with rambles over technology and how to advance it _further_. Thor’s name on the stone glistened in the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clear up possible confusion: this was written before Spider-Man got released, so Aunt May is alive because I thought she was ~~It's not like the Russos said she survived, no~~
> 
> The [Copenhagen Criteria](https://eur-lex.europa.eu/summary/glossary/accession_criteria_copenhague.html) are the rules that define whether a country is eligible to join the European Union.  
> The[ Schengen area](https://ec.europa.eu/home-affairs/what-we-do/policies/borders-and-visas/schengen_en) is the free movement of persons. This is a fundamental right guaranteed by the EU to its citizens. It entitles every EU citizen to travel, work and live in any EU country without special formalities.


	4. Year 2 - 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I forgot that Year 1 was only one chapter long. Back then ~~April, where did the time go dkfsj~~ I thought I could do a chapter per year ... It's not that case any longer XD

**Year 2 – 2020**

Somehow, a year had passed. It was a sheer wonder that Loki still was king of New Asgard with the way the Aesir glared at him occasionally like they would be happier if he would drop dead any moment and they’d be rid of him. He wasn’t sure whether it was wise to believe the rumours of a planned assassination but he didn’t think they’d really do _that_ – they may not like him but he was the only one from the royal family left and the Aesir were stupid but they had an odd sense of loyalty. They would not kill him because he was their king – they would hesitate to kill him because he was the only person left that knew how royalty lived, worked and had to reign properly. Yet he still placed a protective spell around his house that would warn him should someone enter his cottage with malicious intentions or _for Asgard_ chanting in their minds.

But nothing happened thankfully and so Loki brought New Asgard slowly into form. He hated how he couldn’t feel proud because of that. Not when he shed sweat and blood for this country, when he wiggled his way out of contracts with Norway that would end them sooner than they’d become an official own country. When Loki saw New Asgard, he felt mostly tired and exhausted. He fled to the cliffs whenever his work was done for the day and he had to escape obnoxious voices, rude remarks being thrown his way. Eventually, when his gaze flitted over the stone, he got reminded that it was him who was here. It was like a burning cut from a dagger with a blunt blade, ripping him open again and again until he bled for still being alive.

It should have been Thor here, in his place. It was Thor who deserved to be here – Loki was only here to be punished for all his crimes he had ever committed. Thor was loved by the Aesir and had held their admiration in his hands ever since he had been born; the great hope of Asgard, the golden prince and heir to the Nine Realms who shivered in respect and fear of the great warrior who wielded Mjölnir like it was no big matter. He was worthy whereas Loki wasn’t.

The last time he had gone for a year without Thor involuntarily, he had been thrown into a cell, alone and abandoned from all, save his mother. The time Loki had served in the cell had left an impact on him he wasn’t sure he’d ever get over. He didn’t like the Aesir, but he still preferred to hear their voices over being encased in silence, only hearing the occasional grunt or yelling. The silence wasn’t his friend – the fall through space had shaken him already and it was always more horrible to fall and hear nothing because then your mind played tricks on you. Then he’d been back on Asgard, the place he had considered as his _home_ for many centuries and been betrayed; abandoned yet again and thrust into a cell. The glaring white, the golden shimmer of the barrier that prevented him from leaving; it was part of his nightmares.

Midgard was in a complete case of chaos. It was like a belated Ragnarök was hitting them. Midgardians were all still going mad with their attempts to keep everything running, pretending that nothing had changed when neighbouring countries went down in fire, flame and blood. A few tried to undo the damage, wrote papers Loki read with the greatest interest but they didn’t know _everything_ , they left out the Infinity Stones almost every time, forgot to calculate in the rest of the universe and did only Midgard but that wasn’t how things worked. If the whole universe had been affected you couldn’t attempt to cure only a small part – and Midgardians might think of themselves as the most important race out there but there were small, adorable and downright helpless in a few cases.

Yet after nearly two years? Chaos did not seem to end, instead it seemed to become even more. It had been clear that there would be consequences when half of the universe got wiped out. Maybe Thanos had forgotten to take the after-effects into the bill because where was his _equilibrium_ now? There was no sign of the peace he had promised, only anger and frustration, people dying and starving, the environment closing itself down and animals which were endangered before were now dying out rapidly.

Plants were dying faster because the bees had been _killed_ again, there were petitions from the common folk and demonstrations to save the bees and stop the beenocide – as if they were the only important thing that mattered but Loki guessed, better this than nothing. Alas, it seemed as if the politicians didn’t care about the bees or economy all together. They were more concerned about warfare _out of all things_ and how they could keep their power. Not that Loki could judge them much there, Asgard hadn’t been any better but what advantage would it have to be the most fearsome country if there was nobody else left who was alive and well? News on radios were a terrible thing, Loki discovered. Whenever the news came on, an annoying melody would be played so that everybody knew that it was of urgent importance. Then either a shaky or horribly bored sounding voice would read out the most recent drastic development which had occurred somewhere.

It was malicious, it was mayhem, it was _chaotic_ \- and for all that he loved chaos and courted mischief – it started to drain Loki.

Because the chaos was there and Loki was _here_ , in New Asgard, far away from it. And this was one of the only times chaos didn’t benefit Loki and it was against his nature. Thor would’ve been better at this. Thor would have known what to do here. Thor –

Disgusted by himself and the sentimentality that jolted him to the bones, he shook his head and tore with his seiðr a cupboard apart. Afterwards he set it back together, only to destroy it with another force of a green eldritch blast shooting from his hands, trying to get rid of the tension coursing in him. Destroying furniture and other objects was fun, and it was a good means to be thoroughly distracted while he pretended not to wait for Tony to call him back.

Loki knew that Tony had been in a bad mood for weeks now. With the ‘Avengers’ being degraded to do more hypocritical and frankly, useless ‘saving’ after the Snap and getting booed at from a few sides and on the other side being praised for their valid attempts, it made Tony angry and irritated in everything he had seemed to believe in. And then, of course, was the issue of Peter Parker’s death day coming closer as well and where Loki suffered for losing Thor, his home and tried to deal by destroying cupboards, Tony went on a science-binge, and made public appearances to encourage people with pretty words. Occasionally Loki wondered if Tony didn’t say them to give himself more courage.

If it wouldn’t make children so disgustingly happy at seeing Iron Man live, him looking good given the circumstances and it being something they could take inspiration and courage from, Loki would’ve called it akin to pathetic. Heroes trying to clutch tightly onto their old reputation, to what they used to symbolise when now all that mattered to people was how they’d survive _on their own_. Words were nice, they could be soothing and healing but Loki wasn’t sure if the words reached the right ears or stayed with the people long. It was no wonder that Tony was despairing and losing his faith in being an Avenger. There was no enemy to slay, no obvious one at least, no sneaky plan to figure out, no one to point your weapons at and shoot and hope it all is over soon.

“Are you wreaking your home again?”

“Are you spying on me again?” he asked back and turned to Valkyrie, who had a flask in her hands, as it was _typical_ of her. It would be nice if she could walk around without her flask, just _once_. Norns be damned, she was _their Valkyrie_ and was drunk at any time of the day or night. Someone from their myths people looked up to, aspired to be and their hero was drunk. Wasn’t she just an incredible role model?

“Well, I was about to tell you that the Aesir want to know if we’ll celebrate our dead people or not, because it’s too early and wounds are still too fresh?” The ‘ _for you_ ’ was implied even when she didn’t say it out loud.

Loki gritted his teeth. “Do they want to celebrate it?”

“Would I be here otherwise?” She raised the black flask to her lips. What wouldn’t he give right now to get something in his stomach right now that would relieve the pain in him, make him light-headed and free him from his worries –

But he was the king, he couldn’t do what he wanted, not anymore.

“Maybe it is a good idea,” he agreed even when his stomach turned at the idea of _celebrating_.

He wasn’t a single step closer to figuring out how to get Thor and Tony’s kid back; he hadn’t been able to because he had no idea _how_ to get the stones because they were destroyed and taking care of the Aesir to was Loki’s top priority.

Maybe Odin should’ve just set him on the throne when he had returned defeated from Midgard and had him bound to the golden high seat Hliðskjálf from where Loki would be forced to do his job. This would have been a new and unusual punishment for him; and while so seemingly boring and mundane, it would have been Loki’s downfall because there was nothing more exhausting than work, and work and being a _king_.

“You know he won’t call you today,” Valkyrie said softly. “Neither will he do it in the next few following days. He is grieving and like you, he does it in private.”

Loki forced a smile on his lips, thin and sharp like an icicle. He knew that Tony wouldn’t call him now. They were too similar in this aspect, preferring to grieve alone or in a secluded space but still, Loki _hoped_ that Tony would call him. That they could grieve and be enraged together, distract each other and actually, Loki just wanted Tony to be here; he didn’t want to be alone in a mass of faces that swallowed him whole.

“Tell them we’ll celebrate,” Loki gritted out harshly. “In four days when the night is dawning.” He shook his head, his black hair flowing around. “We sent Stark Industries information recently about soul forges and other healing techniques, did we not?”

“Probably.”

Which meant yes. “Then we can allow ourselves a free weekend.” Loki waved with his hand. “Tell them the news, Valkyrie.”

She arched a brow. “And why won’t you do it?”

As an answer he shot another blast from his seiðr at his furniture which splintered apart.

“Oh, jealousy. I understand.” She patted his shoulder. “Try to reign it in as soon as you have left the door in the next five minutes. In the meantime, I will tell them you have some news but you needed to shower first. And while we’re at it, the plumbing system broke down again in cottage 5. You might want to check that out.”

“We still don’t have plumbers here?”

“Not as much.” She shrugged carelessly. “And it’s quicker when you do it with your glowy hand-wavey stuff, no need to pay someone else to do the job.”

He smiled at her without mirth. They still hated his seiðr, or the ability to use it – preferring hands, battle axes or _actual tools_ in their way of living. And Loki was their king and still got asked to perform _those tasks_. Because nobody wanted to do jobs they considered as below themselves. So, why not ask the king and his _womanly_ tricks? He repaired the cupboard and destroyed it in the next second again.

Loki had long since learnt not to store anything in there. It was his object to attack when he was angry or had to work tension off.

~°~

The celebration was a success and his people got drunk, they ate and celebrated the deeds of the dead Aesir. Loki sat there, feeling alone and sober, why did he stay sober, _oh Norns_. This wasn’t celebrating the dead, Loki realised when the children got sent to bed and the adults stayed behind, fire glinting in their eyes and oh yes, this was why Loki hated parties.

This was solely a way to get it on with each other, without worrying about what society said about you afterwards because everybody did it. Disgusted with them he stood up and left.

Thor had been dusted more than a year ago, horrifyingly being close to _two years_ and they were fucking around the fire, celebrated their survival together. He didn’t want to but Loki understood, yet he resented them at the same time for being so _carefree_. Or maybe it simply was because they had someone or several someones with them now –

And he had _nobody_.

He was at the stone, his forehead leaning against the cool surface and Northern Lights danced in the sky: a mocking parody of Thor’s red cloak and his blue eyes, purple streaks sprinkling them, a purple that made him want to yell because it looked like Thanos had. Together it looked so _pretty_ , appeased his eyes despite the pain and longing he had come to associate with these colours –

And all Loki wanted to do was to yell at someone, he craved to find comfort in arms which promised him solace and were strong enough to make him think that for once someone would be able to hold him, stop his mind from going wild and going _off_ as it tended to do. He wanted to be assured that he was doing all right and hear from a voice he had come to trust that he wasn’t alone in this.

But there was nobody there and he waved with his hand to create a magical barrier between him and the moans from the fire as soon as he started to hear them. There was just so much anger bottled up in him and grief –

And Tony hadn’t called.

It hurt. He understood why Tony didn’t call him. His friend was grieving by himself and he had Pepper and Rhodey on his side who had known him for a long time already and that was _fine_ , Loki tried to tell himself. It was fine that he was the second-choice if even that was a too familiar feeling.

But was it a crime not wanting to feel like he had been forgotten? He didn’t want to think that Tony preferred to share his grief with others while Loki suffered alone but he mustn’t lie to himself. He had only been for a short time a friend of Tony’s while the others knew him for longer now, almost his entire life. And they had their own people to grieve about. Loki couldn’t be mad because of that.

Loki didn’t want to be alone, why was there no one?

“Why me?” He whispered against the stone but he didn’t receive an answer. There weren’t any eyes on him. Not this time and to be honest there hadn’t been any on him since Odin’s last visit.

Loki cursed, called himself weak and stupid for daring to think that someone would watch over him tonight when he was honouring the dead when Thor wasn’t _dead_. Thor was simply dust and that effect was reversible. But he still mourned for his mother who had given her life to protect the tiny mortal Thor had entertained for a while, solely so he could get dumped later on. Not that he didn’t deserve that because he did. Loki remembered that day when Thor had told him that in the burning heat of Australia when things had been mostly fine.

The day where his ruse had finally been discovered and he had to look for Odin with Thor. The sun had been shining and Odin was gone. Out of all things he could have done, leaving for Norway, to the cold after being allowed to rest in the sun, Loki didn’t really understand that reasoning. Their talk on the cliffs up there had been nice for a change. No hateful words, no disowning, no condemning him to be a monster - only hidden compliments that didn’t make Loki feel really better but it was the attempt that counted, right? Because what did it matter to have been told that his spell had been complicated to overcome when Odin still managed to do it? He should’ve tried harder, made the spell more complicated and complex for Odin to understand.

And then _Hela_ , the sister he had never known of before, who wished to kill them all and had vanished Asgard from its place. Because of her they had had to leave Asgard, although it had been him who called Surtur back to life.

“Tell me what to do,” Loki whispered again. He received no answer. There were only dancing Northern Lights in the sky, showing him that at least something still worked in the universe like it was supposed to.

~°~

On the next day Loki vanished the empty bottles from the celebration and sent it to a homeless guy who collected them. Maybe it would make him happier than Loki had felt in a while.

He was sitting on his table, a hologram created of seiðr dancing in the air, the six Infinity Stones dancing around when Valkyrie entered his cottage with a glow around her that told him how much she had _enjoyed_ yesterday.

“You left during the feast.”

“That I did.” He looked at her briefly. “Did you enjoy it?”

“It was good.” She licked her lips. “Why didn’t you find yourself someone, Loki? The night was there to celebrate, after all.”

He blinked at her owlishly.

“I know that some women here like your appearance, Loki. There would have been no need to leave when you could have had some fun.”

“I didn’t see a need for it,” he mumbled and concentrated on the stones again. With a flick of his hand he added the information he had to the hologram and a few more conclusions he had made at night.

He would not tell her that he preferred to have only men in his bed. There had been a woman once who had liked him and Loki had liked her back – but not like _that_ , as he realised during their tentative courting. It didn’t feel right to him and so he had ended it after barely four months.

“Why don’t you allow yourself a little bit of fun?”

“Because Valkyrie, maybe I am _not in the mood for fun_.”

“Oh.” She tilted her head. Her eyes softened. “It’s not that though, is it, Loki?”

“Leave me be.”

“You didn’t want anyone else because you wanted him. That explains why you’ve been so grumpy during these last few days. You want him to call you and say something, right?”

“I think I ordered you to leave,” he gritted out, trying to blend her voice out. He wasn’t in the right mood to hear what she wanted to say about him and _Tony_. Because then he would have to accept what he felt and that wasn’t possible, because Tony was unattainable, he was with Pepper and he was _happy._

And it was better that Tony could be happy with her and they could play happy little family before Loki had a chance at breaking them apart. It was better that way because Loki hadn’t much time for a relationship anyway. He had duties to attend to, had the great honour of playing New Asgard’s plumber and had a Norway chancellor to visit because Aesir were apparently part of Norway’s legacy and so on. Thor would’ve like that being honoured for having left such a great legacy behind that the people from Midgard still remembered them.

Loki loved politics, had loved to play at court but this wasn’t true politics, this was just playing nice and cute with the powerful people because should the chancellor of Norway get sick of them, Loki would have many new problems to deal with.

Stark Industries could only do so much for New Asgard - after all, Loki was still considered as a villain on Midgard. They only spared him because of respect for Tony and his company and because they had encountered _Thanos_ and they were all mad and of course, bees were dying. There wasn’t enough food in the world and the poorer countries were even worse off than before. Loki was amazed at how stupid Thanos had been – and he had thought Thanos to be an inspiring person? He licked his lips and waved the hologram closer.

Valkyrie left his cottage, closing the door shut with a soft _thud_.

Loki groaned and buried his head in his hands. Why did she have to bring that topic up, he couldn’t think of feelings right now and Tony hadn’t texted him yet either, it was useless. Useless pining for a man he couldn’t have, and they were probably better off as friends anyway. Loki saw that Tony hadn’t been online for three days in a row therefore hadn’t read Loki’s messages either.

And Loki was too much of a coward to simply call Tony. He was afraid of being rejected, being denied, and being told that Tony wanted to have space for himself. That was okay. Loki could respect that and think of that he didn’t need to be told that. It still didn’t lower his desire for wanting his friend at his side and to see his brown eyes sparkling dark and majestically.

~°~

Tony called him a few days later.

Loki pretended that his heart didn’t jump when he heard his phone ring, that there was no smile sneaking on his lips at all and strange lightheadedness lacing through him.

“Hey Lokes,” Tony greeted him quietly.

“Hello, Tony.” The smile chose to stay on Loki’s face, tender and not visible to Tony. Loki skywalked up to the cliffs, far away from Valkyrie’s curious ears and the knowing glances she shot at him. Hopefully she’d forgive him for not staying at the training grounds and watching the Aesir spar – but Loki had something better to do and that was listening and talking with Tony.

“ _How are you_?”

“Better than last week.” Loki swallowed. He hadn’t meant that to sound that bitter but it was. Hopefully Tony wouldn’t be offended by that.

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” Tony offered quietly. “ _I didn’t know whether you wanted to hear me even or if you wanted to be left alone. And then-_ “

“It’s all right,” Loki said quickly, interrupting Tony. “You wanted to grieve for yourself as well, that’s okay. I-“

“ _No, it isn’t. Actually that was pretty shitty of me_.” Tony sighed into his phone.

“Stop beating yourself up over it.” Loki shook his head and sank down in the green grass. “It is done. Let’s not talk about it any longer.”

“ _All right_.” Tony was silent for a few seconds. “ _How’s New Asgard doing_?”

“It’s still as ugly as when you visited it last. But the people?” Loki snorted into the phone. “They had an orgy last week, I’m pretty sure that they at least are fine.”

“ _An orgy and you didn’t invite me? I am hurt, Lokes_.”

“Next time.” Loki laughed, glad they had gotten over that topic and could simply talk about nonsense. Even if it was an orgy and it made Loki want, while a part of him cringed at the thought of sharing Tony with others during the orgy but –

It was better that than nothing, right?

They talked about a few more things that happened when Tony finally told him, “ _I gave the Avengers up_.” He laughed nervously. “ _Natasha will take over and lead them from this point on; Steve prefers to stay with the people and helping them with group therapies and those things. I am out. Or back to being a consultant like I used to be, I’m not sure about that_.”

“Congratulations?” Loki offered weakly.

“ _Thank you_?” Tony sighed. “ _It feels weird, you know. Not being any longer a part of them but now I can focus on physics and inventing other useful things again. I can do stuff I consider as more important, no pressure on repairing weapons and suits. I won’t have to look out for the Avengers anymore, that burden is_ gone.”

“That’s good to hear.” Loki smiled into the sun. Tony sounded happier as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and Loki only was glad for him.

“ _It truly is. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that_.” Tony hesitated.

“What else happened, Tony?” Loki asked. Tony was hiding something. He could smell it. “Tell me the truth.”

Tony snorted. _“Oh you know, some kickass warrior woman arrived here yesterday, I actually wanted to call you then but I got swamped away by that. Do you know of the Skrulls? Or, Krees?”_

“Yes?” Loki let his mind wander.

“ _Do you know Captain Marvel? Or, Carol Danvers? She said she’s been to Asgard once. Giving up a criminal to your prison two years ago_?”

“Long, blond hair, doesn’t take shit from anyone?”

“ _You’re cursing! Wow. Yes, that’s the one_.”

Loki snorted. “Yes, I know her. Sif was considerably impressed by her as well. I think they both even fought together for a bit.”

“ _Mhm. Well, she’s here and she’s becoming an Avenger, more or less. An Avenger in space. Like Rocket and Nebula. Oh, and Rocket told me to tell you he wants to come by soon? Wherever he is at currently. But he misses his weird green buddy and you are ‘green’ as well with your magic mojo so you should work fine_?”

At that Loki started to laugh openly. “Tell Rocket he can come by whenever he wants. The same offer is extended to you, you do know that?”

“ _Ha! You totally missed me, admit it_.” He could picture Tony’s smirk while saying that.

 _I have, I still do_ , Loki wanted to say but settled with, “at least you have brains, Watson.”

“ _I don’t know whether to be insulted or not that you keep telling me Watson. Because you might have the Sherlock vibe going on for you but his way of thinking is just not you, Reindeer Games_ ,” Tony teased him fondly.

Loki was glad no one was here to see the grin that spread over his face and could feel the giddiness that settled in his limbs and bones, making him forget why he even was here and not in America, why he wasn’t trying to woo Tony out of someone’s arms but stuck here where the air felt like it was cutting his face open.

“Did she tell you something else as well?” he asked when he felt like he could talk without being afraid someone would hear his smile in his voice.

“ _Yeah. She’s best friends with Fury, who’d have thought? And her cat, Loki, her cat has fucking tentacles_!”

“It does have what?”

“ _Tentacles. In a cat. Cat’s called Goose by the way. Goose tentacles. And he can eat bad guys.” Tony laughed. “We should’ve had her back then and then her cat could have eaten Thanos. Easy as that_.”

Loki only could shake his head. “You want to tell me that there is a cat that not only has somehow tentacles but also eats bad persons? Tony, if you _ever_ _bring that animal here_ , I swear by the Nor-“

“ _Oh, I think he’d like you_ ,” Tony chuckled, “ _after all, you’re such a cat, Lokes. Your mood swings are legendary and you are a cat. Actually can you transform yourself into a cat? And you still owe me some scans_.”

“I can, yes.”

“ _Why did I even ask_?” Tony grumbled on the other side. “ _Anyway, I wanted to ask, are you free next weekend? I could come by or you come by? Change of scenery and all that?”_

“I’d love to come by,” Loki breathed into the phone. He closed his eyes and pretended that he could leave for a moment, that he wasn’t bound here; oh, maybe Valkyrie would jump in but did Loki trust her enough for that? “But I do not know if that’s possible currently. I-, Tony, I have no one to fill in my spot. Valkyrie knows a bit but-“

“ _Ask her and have everything finished so you’re free for the weekend? And give her something, maybe love and alcohol; and your Thing a phone so they can call you should concerns be brought up. I think you deserve a break, Loki. And I want to see you again_ ,” Tony laughed in the phone softly. “ _I miss you here. Talk to her_?”

“I will.”

“ _Awesome! Tell me when you know more but I expect you at my house next Friday evening and then we can hang out again. Watch movies, get wasted, annoy Rhodey and Pepper, you know, the usual stuff. Oh, and let’s not forget the scans. You promised me scans_!”

They hang up soon after that. Loki was looking forward to the weekend off and he hoped his conscience allowed him to leave Valkyrie here and do the things and the Thing would help her. But first he had to inform them of his decision. A weekend off. Maybe New Asgard liked the idea of weekends off if it meant he was gone for a while. Maybe he should list that as an advantage.

~°~

He fought with the Thing for two days over that matter. Valkyrie stood beside him, no flask in her hands, nor anywhere else on her body and secretly Loki wondered whether she was trying to give drinking up or whether she left the bottle behind because she appeared more serious this way. But in the end, when Loki promised to be reachable and available should something happen or they needed a signature from him, they let him go.

He released a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumped, and the sun was warmer than before.

“Have fun with your lover mortal,” Valkyrie teased him and poked him into the side.

“He is not my _lover mortal_ ,” Loki hissed, his good mood disappearing already.

“Fuck, that’s … harsh, you poor soul.”

Loki shrugged. He was used to how life worked and how everything tended to be in his life, never how he wanted it to be. It was only ever more pain and agony, cursing and damning him to this pitiful existence. He sighed when he thought about visiting Tony as his _friend_ because yes, Loki wanted Tony to be more than just that, he wanted him to be his, his partner, his lover; but while Loki he could charm Tony off of Pepper’s side he didn’t want to.

Tony was happy with her and Loki wouldn’t stand in the way of their happiness. He owed them both that much and so much more.

Valkyrie eyed him curiously. Her stance went softer, her eyes wide. “Why don’t you find someone else, Loki?” she waved with a hand, pointing towards the direction where the other village laid. “You don’t want a woman from here? Go over there and find you some good-looking piece of ass and enjoy it.”

For a moment Loki considered it. He had thought about that many times now but it had never felt right, his heart telling him a firm ‘No’ and that was it.

“I don’t want anyone else,” he whispered. The thought alone to find pleasure with someone else, someone he didn’t truly desire when his mind and heart were set on Tony – it burned like standing too long in the sun, it ached like glass shards cutting him.

“Oh. You got it _that_ bad, hm?”

“That bad,” he affirmed and rolled his shoulders. “Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, otherwise I will forget any goodwill I have for you. And then I don’t care that you are a Valkyrie and apart from me the only one who keeps New Asgard afloat, I _will_ end you under lots of pain.”

“It shall be our gay secret!”

He winced. “We’re still in New Asgard.” He rolled his eyes. “Only because you are a Valkyrie and your way is respected because that is hot and mine way is not, don’t shout it around. They don’t like me enough already, no need to give them even more reason to make them hate me.”

She nodded. “I’ll try. But enjoy your weekend with Stark.” She winked at him. “Enjoy it.”


	5. Chapter 5

Loki took Valkyrie's advice by heart. Seeing Tony whole and in a _tangible_ form again, being able to hug him, breathing his scent in - it was wonderful. He was sentenced to like and adore this man until he’d take his dying breath. And even then, Loki would continue to desire him. Because seeing Tony’s face lit up like that? With the brown eyes sparkling, the grin on his face so big and wonderful, his whole behaviour screaming that he was _happy_ to see Loki?  
  
It was breath-taking, astonishing to see, did wonders to Loki’s heart and mind. Loki didn’t want to forget this moment, ever. It could easily be up to his memory of the time where he had first wielded his seiðr: green mist dancing on his fingers, his head feeling so light but he was in full possession of his mind, knew what he was doing and he had raised his hand, looked at the shimmer and blew it softly into the air.

Frigga had laughed at that, he remembered that. They had been in her garden, her favourite flowers blooming to his left, his favourite flowers to the right, green and golden. The memory was just so peaceful and left him with an elevated feeling, it made his toes curl and put a smile on his face. He was sure that the same thing applied to this moment now. Tony amazed him with his gorgeousness, his expressive face Loki wouldn’t mind looking at for the rest of his life.  
  
This was how it was supposed to be, just him and Tony, enjoying their moment together, undisturbed by all and everything. It ended when Pepper came in. Loki freed himself from Tony, tried not to look like he felt – ashamed, guilty, happy, delighted, satisfied, _jealous_. She hugged him as well, _welcomed_ him back with a big smile. It made him feel bad. She was pleased to see him again and honestly, how many people would feel the same and he had thought about her partner like he had any right to claim him as his only.  
  
Rhodey patting him on the back was a pleasant distraction, he discovered.  
  
“Welcome back.”  
  
“Thank you.” Loki took a look around. “It’s nice to be back, actually.”  
  
“Did you get homesick for us?” Rhodey teased him, waggling with his eyebrows.  
  
“Only for you.”  
  
“I _knew_ you missed me.”  
  
“How could I not?” Loki sent him a wink. “After our last meeting, _oh Rhodey_ , I have thought of you all those cold nights in New Asgard when nobody was there to warm my bed.“  
  
Rhodey burst out into laughter. “That’s an honour, man.”  
  
“It absolutely is.” Loki picked his fingernails. “Not that I have anything substantial to remember, we never got that far.”  
  
Rhodey sniggered. “Maybe your charm just needs more work, Loki.”  
  
“ _My_ charm?” Loki arched a brow. “I remember you being piss drunk, there was hardly any charm needed to get you out of your pants.”  
  
“Even drunk I have standards.”  
  
Loki waved him off. “If Tony hadn’t been in space and you just conveniently remembered that I am a mage that night would’ve ended differently.”  
  
Tony cleared his throat. “I feel like I’m missing something. Rhodey-bear, why are you and Loki flirting and _why am I being left out_?” His eyes flitted back and forth between Loki and Rhodey.  
  
He smirked at Tony. He knew this was just idle curiosity but he could pretend that it was _jealousy_ or envy. Tony realising that Loki almost slept with his best friend and not him, he - it was no crime to pretend, was it? It was only a wish, a fantasy in his head that would hurt nobody, wouldn’t strain any relationship.  
  
This, ‘flirting’ with Rhodey? It was fun, it distracted him, and Loki enjoyed it. There wouldn’t any thing more happening between them because it would be unfair to Rhodey. Loki liked him, certainly still thought him to be sexy but he wouldn’t sleep with him when his mind and heart were set on another guy. He wouldn’t turn Rhodey into being the “second-best.” Loki had standards, too.  
  
“Loki thought it would be fun to proposition me,” Rhodey told Tony in a dry voice. “And it sounded promising you know. But then we had to take care of different matters first.”  
  
“You nearly had sex and I _wasn’t invited_?" Tony pouted at them.  
  
“You were trapped in space.” Loki tilted his head.  
  
Tony thought about that for a moment. “Okay. That’s a good excuse and the only one I will accept. You have been forgiven.”  
  
Pepper chuckled and pressed a kiss to Tony’s cheek. “Not everybody’s sex life revolves around you, Tony.”  
  
“Are you sure?” He threw them all a charming smile and Loki’s heart fell down his pants.  
  
_Norns_. How was he supposed to act _normal_ around this man when his own heart reacted like that around him?  
  
He was saved from further musing when Rocket slapped his legs.  
  
“Hello, you bastard.”  
  
“Hello, Rocket. And I am adopted.”  
  
“Hello, Adopted, I am Rocket.”  
  
Loki snorted. “It is thrilling to see that your horrible humour is still intact, my friend.”  
  
“Should it be gone?” Rocket stared at him inquiringly.  
  
“I’m glad it isn’t. I even remembered to bring you something from New Asgard after you still didn’t come by.”  
  
“Ah, I just figured you’d be happier if you don’t see Nebula all too much, you know.” Rocket patted his thigh. “And you brought me something?”  
  
Loki gave him a finger an Asgardian had lost only recently. Yes, he had saved the finger especially for Rocket. Yes, he was a sap for his friends and had this annoying habit of picking things up for them because he liked to surprise them with gifts.  
  
“Dude,” Rocket said as he packed the finger away, “that’s so _disgustin_ g.”  
  
“A simple ‘thank you’ would be more than enough,” Loki replied.  
  
“Thank you, Adopted.”  
  
Loki rolled his eyes.  
  
Rocket gave him a fist bump instead of a thank you and laughed that ugly that it made his whiskers vibrate. The sight and knowledge that it had been him who made Rocket so cheerful, made Loki feel warm all over and truly, coming here at the Avengers Compound had been a good decision. Even when Tony wasn’t an active part of the Avengers any longer.

~°~

“It’s nice to have you back here,” Tony mumbled when they walked to his car in the evening, after they had a ‘small’ dinner with his friends. The Rogues ones had been so nice to not to appear and had left them to their own.  
  
His heart started to beat faster and Norns, Loki prayed to them with all his might, _please don’t let me blush now_. “Where are we going?” Loki asked while getting in the car.  
  
“Somewhere nice.” Tony shrugged. “I only wanted to show you something else than just the Avengers Compound. I promised you to show you new things, didn’t I?”  
  
Excitement flooded through Loki. A change of scenery was amazing, he wouldn’t deny that. But he was more than content with spending time with Tony at the Compound. To be with someone who liked having him around and for that, it didn’t matter to Loki where he was – for as long as it wasn’t always only New Asgard. He’d go mad in there eventually.  
  
Tony drove to him to a house he had apparently bought years ago. It was a secluded spot and really, Loki thought as the weekend went by far too fast in his opinion, this was a place where Tony could just be _Tony._ The bots were at the house, too. Loki adored Tony’s mischief wreakers, they looked so cute and innocent but sprayed you with foam if you weren’t careful. FRIDAY drove them both mad with the memes and songs she showed to them.  
  
All in all, the weekend was amazing. It became even better when Rhodey came over because he got the weekend off and together they decided it was the perfect time to get drunk on a Saturday night. Suffice to say it was _hilarious_. Just for this one weekend Loki was able to forget that he was a king.  
  
He could forget he had duties to fulfil, a ‘kingdom’ to run and to sign many ridiculous papers and help his people. He could forget that Thor wasn’t here with him.  
  
Until Sunday came by and Tony and he sat down, having a hangover in their bones which Loki cured when his head felt a bit better again. With a clear head and tea and coffee in their hands they started to talk about the Infinity Stones and what happened with the dusted ones.  
  
It was a shame that it had taken them so long to get around to do that. But FRIDAY assured them in a gentle voice that they had other things which had needed to be done first. It was better and more reasonable to put the living in the first place – neither the dead nor dusted ones would run away after all.  
  
Loki would have never expected to head such a gallows humour from Tony’s AI but FRIDAY worked like that and apparently, she was almost as bad as JARVIS, Tony’s former AI.  
  
“I don’t know how to get the stones,” Loki mumbled. “They could be _anywhere_ now if they’re already recovered which I doubt. I know where they used to be, I placed some of them in certain locations where I thought they’d be safe from Thanos but –“  
  
“You did your best,” Tony mumbled, eyes on the green hologram in front of him. “Look at us, we had the mind stone and lost the fucking sceptre, then got the stone back and now the stone _and_ Vision got _crushed_. We weren’t any better either.”  
  
“I remember the day of the battle so vividly at times, it’s scary. Seldom has a battle before left such an impact on me.” Loki’s inner eye showed him the events on the battlefield again. Where he arrived with Thor and Rocket on Wakanda and they slaughtered the Chitauri and the Outriders, ripped them apart and were drenched in blood and his own had sung so beautifully, like stars blinking in the sky and the revenge he felt, the desire for _more_ -  
  
Until Thanos had arrived and fear seeped through his veins. And then they had to help the android, Vision, was it? Thor had taken them to him and Thanos had snapped regardless. His painfully breathed ‘ _you should’ve gone for the head_ ’ still haunted him and Loki remembered how he had buried his daggers in Thanos’ eyes – belated retaliation; their journey that had achieved nothing but an empty victory with spilled purple blood.  
  
“We won’t forget them,” Tony said. “And we will get them back sooner or later, Lokes. But until we know how to find the stones we can’t give up hope, you know.”  
  
Loki pursed his lips. “We won’t give them up.”  
  
“No.” Tony grinned at him, but it became weaker by the second. “Sometimes I forget that those are just words, Lokes. They sound nice, they can be encouraging but –“ He huffed. “I don’t know how to start this. We have data we can’t use yet because it’s not relevant to our situation anymore and it’s starting to become _frustrating_.”  
  
“It is,” Loki agreed softly and leant back on his chair. “But we _must_ keep trying: more data, more evidence of their inner workings, explanations to their existence, just more _everything_. We can’t have anything uncovered. And Tony, one day soon we will have all the answers we need and with that, we will find a way to bring them all back as well.”  
  
He didn’t like seeing Tony so beat up, so accepting and so little fight in him left. Tony looked like he was done with it all, now that they were finally talking about their situation and his earlier optimism had gone missing on, probably taking a vacation on Vanaheim. He hoped that he’d get Tony to smile more, somehow. But for that they had to use their brains _now_ , had to think about possibilities and other theories to get them back on track.  
  
“We will get them back, Tony.” Loki hesitated but for a moment. “I promise you, Tony.”  
  
Tony nodded silently. But Loki saw a new fire in his eyes, the brown sparkle that threatened to rob him of his mind because he wanted to see it from up-close while he was caressing Tony’s lips with his own.  
  
Alas, their time together in Tony’s house came to an end as well as the sun went down on the horizon. Loki knew he had to go back to New Asgard even when everything in him screamed ‘No’ and wanted him to stay here. He breathed in Tony’s scent again when they hugged and before he did something stupid, like, let’s say kiss Tony, he waved with his hand and was gone. He was actually lucky that Tony and Pepper had arranged a last-minute temporary residence of permit for him in America otherwise this whole visit would’ve been a bit more awkward. But maybe Tony and Rhodey would’ve baked him a cake with a file in it.  
  
Or Rocket. He sure would have baked a cake with a file in it and probably, a finger too.

~°~

Going back to New Asgard was incredibly difficult. Loki hated being here, he noticed that with each day increasingly. Because King Loki wasn’t who he was supposed to be. He wasn’t one who got stuck in one place, who played a marionette for others, it didn’t fit his chaotic nature. Nevertheless he wasn’t allowed to leave the Aesir behind, because what would Thor think of him?  
  
He often thought that at night when the moon was shining and New Asgard’s air mingled with the one in his cottage how fun and freeing it had been with Tony. There had been no need to think of duties, for a change. No necessity to think of what they could work on to fulfil their contract with Stark Industries Loki had insisted on because he didn’t want New Asgard’s ground to be a charity, no. He didn’t want anybody to claim later that New Asgard had been nothing more than an expensive gift. He wanted them to say that they had worked for their home to become what it was now and it was only that image which made Loki insist vehemently on the contract.  
  
It was almost as if most people with a brain big enough to do more than breathe and insult, had fallen under Hela’s attack or had become dust with Thanos’ snap. Valkyrie managed it somehow to become his right hand – extraordinary sneaky for a drunken warrior – and she became … kind of acceptable enough for the role. However it wasn’t enough and Loki knew, for all that he trained Valkyrie to manage more tasks and carry them out appropriately, to take on more responsibilities, he could never sit her on the throne in his stead should he wish to leave.  
  
Because she was like him; she couldn’t be bound to one place alone, needed the freedom to roam about, to flirt and get drunk at various places. And for all that Loki hated being ‘king’, she was one of his ‘subjects’.  
  
The difference was that _Odin_ had trained him. He had told him to put his people _first_ even when they didn’t seem to appreciate his working, and putting Valkyrie on the throne? In a society where you were only respected when you had muscles, a dick and barely brain, or _too much_ but used it so cleverly nobody would take notice? Valkyrie had the muscles and some brain but not the right genitalia. Sometimes Loki thought about conjuring her one on, so he could go and leave them all here. It would solve so many problems for him.  
  
But then, he wouldn’t do that, he had _some_ decency left in him. And Valkyrie was better off without one anyway.  
  
When his thoughts turned towards leaving and going somewhere where he could cause mischief once again, Thor turned up in his head. His big, blue eyes and his short cut blond hair and his “ _Hel-_ “.  
  
It shouldn’t have been possible that this made Loki feel guilty enough to stay and help. Because who knew what Thor had wanted to say?  
  
Help me? Help yourself? Help them? Hel should have stayed in Niflheim?  
  
Everything was possible.  
  
One day Loki would ask him what he’d meant to say. And then he’d knee him in the dick for daring to turn dust.  
  
Yes, he was being unreasonable.  
  
But he couldn’t destroy his furniture further and ask Valkyrie whether she had a moment for sparring because she preferred not to spar with him, to afraid – clever girl – he’d used his seiðr on her again. Tony liked sparring with him. But Tony _wasn’t here_ , Tony was in America and created new things, thought about the Infinity Stones and what they could do to find them –  
  
Loki felt anger flare up in him. How dared Thanos to do _that_ , how could’ve Loki followed, and believed in this lunatic’s philosophy; got drawn in by that incredibly daft idea which was worthy of coming from one of the idiotic four; may the rest in Valhalla and _where the Frigg was Sif_?  
  
Loki went up to the cliffs in harsh strides and he threw one of his daggers in the ground. He didn’t know why he did that - he just felt like doing it. And yes, it did feel good for a split second. With that in mind, Loki threw another dagger into the ground. He wanted to go, go and begone from here, be done with it all. He wanted to leave, get out there, have fun again and learn how to _enjoy himself_ again.  
  
Was this his punishment for his earlier missteps? Was it that? Was this his way of getting redeemed, becoming a hero? Loki snarled. He didn’t wish to be redeemed. Redemption was for people who thought life only could be led in one way, that there was no way around principles and rules, that everything needed to be in order. Loki detested it with all his might and maybe that was why Asgard never seemed to fit him perfectly. Too static. Too boring. Too normal.  
  
Loki wanted to grab Tony, skywalk them both to another place, Vanaheim maybe and their only mission would be to cause as much chaos as possible, to enjoy themselves to the fullest.  
  
The image was so lovely, it was heart-shattering when he had to face the harsh reality again that he was trapped here.

~°~

Loki didn’t know how much time he had spent on the cliffs. He remembered feeling anger, madness, and something else he couldn’t decipher flooding through him. The sound of Aesir laughing was carried to him through the wind and it made him feel even more of that _indescribable emotion_ Loki couldn’t name.  
  
He decided to call Tony to get a distraction and Tony was the perfect man for this duty.  
  
_“Reindeer Games, you’re calling at a time where I’m actually supposed to be awake and about! Finally learnt what time zones are good for?”_  
  
“I hate it,” Loki said in his phone as a beginning. “I _hate_ it. I hate being here, why am I here, why is nothing working, who decided that events had to work out like that?”  
  
_“That was not a ‘hi’ but I’ll take it anyway.”_ Tony laughed quietly on the phone. _“I can’t answer those questions, Lokes. But are you feeling stuck in New Asgard, is that it?”_  
  
“Yes,” Loki gritted out and closed his eyes. “Every day the same things keep happening for a long time now. I don’t like it.”  
  
_“Well, who likes being stuck in one place, honestly. Want to teleport over the sea again?”_  
  
“I can’t.” Loki rolled his eyes. “There are important matters taking place and apparently the Thing decided I need to be here as their king. And as a king to have two weekends off within two months? That’s unheard of here.”  
  
_“That sucks and sounds suspiciously like when I used to be CEO and my board always wanted to have me there.”_ Tony chuckled quietly. _“Tell me what’s eating at you. I’m all ears for you.”_  
  
“I want to leave. I want to get Thor and Peter back.” Loki sighed. “I feel like we’re delaying them because I can’t contribute anything. All knowledge I had of them is saved in FRIDAY’s storage and I-, I am here.”  
  
_“You’re contributing something, Loki. Without you, who knows what I’d be doing right now? Getting fat somewhere else? No ties to the Avengers anymore? Leave Natasha in complete control over them? Oh, that reminds me, I need to tell you something about Clint later. But back to you, first.”_  
  
“I’m feeling like I’m dying here,” Loki mumbled, pain in his voice. “It’s only me who’s dying but my body is functioning. And each day here more it pains me, and I want to kill someone, something and just ‘smash’ as Banner would put it.”  
  
_“Yeah, Bruce would put it that way.”_ Tony hummed on the phone. _“Okay, Blitzen. Do you know what a mantra is? Because that’s the only thing I can offer you next to visiting you again.”_  
  
“Yes, I do.”  
  
_“Good. Because I want you, whenever you feel stuck again and like there’s no escape to think ‘one more thing, one step closer’. And the thing can be whatever you need it to be. A day, an asshole, a bottle, a riddle, an obstacle. Whatever floats your boat.”_  
  
“And that’s it?”  
  
Tony snorted. _“No. Or, yes. If it works for you. But Loki, we are doing something. But it seems like it just takes more time to get our boys back. And I’d rather have it to be longer but then it’s done thoroughly than to have it done in a hurry and the outcome sucks.”_  
  
“When did you become so wise?” Loki smiled. Tony wasn’t like that usually. Tony was hurried, spontaneous and only cared that the outcome was what he desired. But he was glad that his words had seemed to help him to get on track with their undertaking.  
  
_“I had a lot of time to think recently.”_ Tony sounded a bit off.  
  
“Are you all right?”  
  
_“Yes, yes, I am. But back to you. Reindeer Games, think of it that way: whenever you think again that you hate it here, think that this is also bringing you a step closer to Thor. Because the sooner New Asgard is all sorted out and all is set, the sooner we can spend more time on the stones. Yes?”_  
  
“Yes,” Loki agreed and something in him starts to unwind when he thought of it that way. He still didn’t like it but if it meant that he could have Thor sooner back and there would be no other setbacks? Loki approved of it. “One more thing, one step closer?” he asked, wanting to make sure he had gotten the mantra right.  
  
_“Yes. You think it’ll help?”_  
  
Loki nodded. “I think it will.”  
  
_“I’m glad.”_ Tony’s voice sounded happier. _“What else is going on in that pretty brain of yours?”_  
  
“It needs stimulation,” Loki mumbled, staring off into the distance.  
  
Tony stayed silent at the end of the phone. Loki frowned.  
  
“Not _that_ kind of stimulation!” He then added hastily when the double-meaning hit him. “Just something for my mind so it doesn’t get rusty over the documents it has to read.”  
  
_“Well, and here I was about to send you strippers to New Asgard.”_  
  
“Please don’t,” Loki groaned, “the Aesir would love them too much and that would be my next problem.”  
  
_“Fair. Wanna hear something about Clint?”_  
  
“Always.” Loki sat down on the grass. “Tell me what the Hawk is up to now.”  
  
_“Well, 'Hawk' is no more. He’s more of a pterodactyl.”_  
  
“Beg your pardon?”  
  
_“A dinosaur bird. When you’re free again we should go to the Smithsonian. I think you’d like them._ ”  
  
Loki talked with Tony a while longer, heard about the change that the Hawk was going through – from a ‘good’ man with screwed morals to well, a killer with no morals anymore because his family had gotten dusted and now he punished those that were still alive and evil. Loki wondered in the back of his mind if that meant Barton would come to New Asgard as well and try to finish him. But then, Barton was no match for him even when he had gotten himself a new outfit and a new mission.  
  
Banner apparently tried to fusion his green self with his human self and it seemed like he would succeed soon. What a weird thing trying to accomplish. Fusion of the monster and the other self like that would be possible. Loki could only shake his head at that and went back down to New Asgard.  
  
_One more step, one step closer to Thor._  
  
Warmth prickled down his back, a small smile danced over his lips. It had been Tony’s advice and it was ridiculous, but it made Loki feel a bit closer to Tony. Just a tad. He was being silly. There was no need to feel like that. He could not feel like that when it was _nothing_ , it wasn’t like Tony had told him he had broken up with Pepper and wanted to try dating with Loki. It wasn’t as if Tony had said anything essentially, it had just been a bit of simple advice and a mention of things being rough with Pepper. Yet, it made Loki feel warm and it had been Tony who helped him. _Tony_ , not Valkyrie, the Thing or Thor who wasn’t even here. It had been Tony who was half a world away.  
  
Walking down to New Asgard with that thought in mind was easier. Because now Tony was with him when Loki mumbled his mantra and saw the Aesir run around, their heads full of thoughts Loki didn’t want to hear but would eventually because they were his concern.  
  
_One more matter, one step closer to Thor._  
  
Each inane thought or opinion was a step closer to the bright future.

~°~

Two weeks later Tony came by with his Mark L, ACDC was blaring through the sky and Loki smiled at the memory it called up in him. _Stuttgart_ and the people kneeling, Tony –  
  
He stopped that thought forcibly. Now wasn’t the time for that.  
  
“Nice to see you again.”  
  
“It’s nice to see you.” Loki smiled but it died rapidly when he saw Tony’s bags under his eyes. They were not overly dark or dramatic but still visible and more prominent than before.  
  
“Can we disappear for a bit?” Tony asked and his eyes flitted around. “Please?”  
  
“Sure.” Loki touched Tony’s arm and then skywalked them both to his cottage. “What’s the matter, Tony?”  
  
“Everything?” He shrugged and sat down on the bed. “It’s just … I think I am kind of… Pepper and I don’t seem to work out anymore. And I know _why_ but at the same time, I don’t.” He closed his eyes as if pained.  
  
“You had a spat?” No, Loki shouldn’t feel so good upon hearing that. Because that was mean, and he wouldn’t be _that_ kind of a friend. But his traitorous heart thought otherwise and beat faster.  
  
“More than just one,” Tony mumbled. “We decided to spend the weekend apart because we were fighting all the time or we both spend more time somewhere else but not with each other.” He opened his eyes. “So that we can sort ourselves out and then go back and talk more level-headed about us. What we want from this and whatnot, what troubles us and so on.” He shrugged. “And I thought, hey why don’t you use the opportunity and go visit Loki?”  
  
Tony hesitated. “If that’s alright with you? I know I kind of dropped in unannounced, but I really needed to get away from there.”  
  
“You’re welcome here anytime,” Loki quickly assured him. There was a warmth flooding through him because Tony had chosen to come here, to _him_ not to the Avengers or someone else like Banner. He licked his lips in guilt because that wasn’t a genuinely nice thought to have, it wasn’t something to be proud of to crow like that over his friend’s misery and that he was the chosen one. But he did and Loki couldn’t help himself. Something like this hadn’t happened to him since – he didn’t even know when he was last chosen over others.  
  
“Thank you.” Tony breathed out deeply.  
  
“No worries.” Loki smiled at him. “The whole weekend, you said?”  
  
“Yes.” Tony winced. “You don’t have to hang around with me all the time though, Loki. I know you’re busy with New Asgard. I can just loiter around somewhere and do something. I have FRIDAY with me, I can work on the Stones and ask for your brilliant input when you’re free and up to it.” Tony barely smiled at him.  
  
“Leave the stones be.” Loki crossed his arms. “Tell me what happened between the two of you. You seemed perfectly content and happy when I was with you.”  
  
“Yeah.” Tony grimaced. “We kind of were? But we had more fights than normal over the last two months, it got even more extreme during the last few weeks.” He sighed and leant back at the wall. “I can give you the short or the long version, what do you prefer?”  
  
Loki conjured himself up a new armchair in dark green and sat down as well. “The long one.” He smiled. “Tell me all about it.”

Because Loki was a masochist and he liked to experience pain. And he did that by listening to Tony and getting his own hopes up, only to have them crushed later because Loki would help Tony to settle his own thoughts, that Tony could go back to his Pepper and be happy again. He was that kind of a nice soul. It would be just nice if someone would understand and appreciate it in any way. He was glad that he already had sat up tea and could now easily summon them both two mugs with it. 

“Well,” Tony started and rolled his shoulders, “don’t fall asleep on me as Bruce did, I’ll take that as an offense.” He winked at Loki. Then his mood turned serious again. “The problem seems to be that we both experienced things from another perspective. While I was stuck in the shit _actively_ and that’s why I handle them differently, Pepper experienced them from the outside and is more neutral than me.”  
  
“Yes, that makes sense.”  
  
Tony nodded. “It does and that’s the problem. The actual one, not just another one. We both experienced the same things just in a different role. And that _changed us_. Us, her, me, we act differently because of that. Before I flew to space and to Titan, I was someone else. Not ‘so bitter’ as Pepper put it. And she was, I don’t know, not so mother-henny?” Tony winced. “No, that’s not a nice thing to say. But Pepper has gotten more overprotective? She means well but I don’t want to tell her all the time what I’m up to and when I’m back. I want to sit on my suit and improve it, don’t want her assessing eyes on me when she wonders when I’ll next do something that reckless.”  
  
Loki nodded. There wasn’t much he needed to say, Tony needed to vent. His input wasn’t needed yet. He waved with his hand and a cup with tea appeared in Tony’s hand. Tony simply nodded then continued.  
  
“It’s like what we experienced changed us slowly. And then the effects after that fucking snap?” Tony shook his head. “Pepper still maintains her role as CEO of Stark Industries, I … don’t. I gave the Avengers up and for her it’s like I’m giving up my hope at a better outcome. And that’s … Loki, that was the worst thing she could’ve told me. Because I don’t. I just see no point anymore in being an Avenger, that’s not my place anymore to fight in. Why fight there when I could try to make it better in the lab and use my brain, not just my armour and my reputation as Iron Man to make kids happy.”  
  
Tony sighed and took a sip from his tea. “That hurt, that simple statement. I think that may be the reason why I got so angry the last few days. I have it in the back of my head and it won’t leave. You know that?”  
  
And Loki knew that. “ _No, Loki_ ,” was one of the things he’d always remember. The other was “ _Hel-_ ” These were sentences that haunted him in his sleep, sometimes even when he was awake. There were many more things that were pestering his mind, but these were the most stubborn ones.  
  
“And I think we both know that we can’t move on like this.” Tony gestured pointlessly around. “Either we find a compromise but that would mean we’d have to deny the other their right of dealing with things or we try it, but with a different way of handling and thinking, what do I know? I don’t know how people function? How does a relationship work? That’s my first true attempt at one for a long time?”  
  
Tony sighed deeply. He looked at Loki. “I don’t _want_ it to end, you know? But this is where we’re heading to and all emotions aside, it’s probably for the best. Maybe we’re better off as friends than a couple anyway. And it’s better to end it now before it hurts even more, and we can’t stand each other any longer?”  
  
“Are you trying to convince me of that or yourself?” Loki tilted his head. “Because it is not me who you need to tell that.” Because Loki already knew that Tony and Pepper were good for each other. Even when they hit a rough spot. There was always hope and there would always be a way for them to come together again.  
  
“Myself?” Tony looked at the ceiling. “I didn’t even know I had those thoughts before I spilled them out on you. Seems like I really bottled them up nicely.”  
  
“You did.” Loki smiled at him and hoped it did not show the bitterness in him. “But now you have said them out loud and can start to think about them.”  
  
“Why is life that complicated?” Tony groaned and took another sip of his tea. “Are you feeding me tea with alcohol?”  
  
Loki nodded.  
  
“Amazing, thanks.” Tony took another sip, longer this one. Loki’s eyes were fixed on Tony’s throat, saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down, the smoothness of his throat that invited him to lick it, mark it with his teeth –  
  
He was an idiot.  
  
“Anyway, now that I got that off my chest. What do you plan to do with the Thing and when can we do something together?”  
  
“I’m sure that I can be given this evening off.” Loki had already done most of his documents and overseeing so, there would be nothing more for today. Tomorrow the matter looked differently again but Loki would find a way. Maybe Valkyrie would be up to lend him her hands with signing some documents and pacifying the Thing?  
  
“Really?” Tony sounded so hopeful, it festered Loki’s determination to have this evening off. Because he didn’t wish to see Tony’s hope crushed and Loki also wanted to spend some time with his friend. He needed the distraction as much as Tony seemed to need it.  
  
“Of course.” He waved with his hands and a seiðr ball of energy that looked like a raven flew off to Valkyrie. If the raven returned with a message Loki would have to turn her either sober or talk to the Thing. If it didn’t, he could stay here with Tony. And he’d do that and take that all as a confirmation he could stay here as long as the raven didn’t.  
  
Tony’s smile became at once brighter. “Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” Loki winked at him. “So, what do you want to do for now?”  
  
“I’m famished, to my own painful admission. I think the last time I ate something was yesterday? And in between only some cereal bars? I could go for a pizza or whatever you have here.”  
  
Loki enumerated the containments in his fridge. “I have fish, bread and some vegetables. I could try to make something out of that if you’d like?”  
  
“You _can cook_?”  
  
“Sure.” Loki grinned at Tony. “You don’t?”  
  
“No?”  
  
“Shame. Because you still will have to help me in the kitchen.”  
  
“I am a disaster in the kitchen.” Tony chuckled and stood up as well. “And that’s no exaggeration. I think the last time I tried to cook was for Rhodey when he was sick in MIT? Somehow the noodles got stuck to the ceiling.”  
  
“They did what?” Loki turned to Tony. “How do you put noodles on the ceiling?”  
  
Tony stared back at him. “I have no fucking clue. They just were _there_ suddenly and not any longer in the pot where they belonged.”  
  
Noodles on the ceiling. Loki shook his head and went to his kitchen, pulling out the fish from his fridge and put some vegetable that went well with it there as well. Onions, potatoes, and some green things Loki didn’t bother to remember the name of because they tasted all the same after being cooked.  
  
Cooking with Tony was fun and exhausting, Loki realised quite early on. Because Tony could cut vegetables and knew how to wash them but he was a disaster otherwise. He didn’t have a clue what came next and stood around, useful like a fish on land and had to be told what to do next. But the things he said about fish and cooking, his remarks, and the way he grinned at Loki, it made Loki laugh as well.  
  
So okay, Tony had a fight currently with Pepper and it seemed like they would break up in the next time, but Loki knew better than to get his hopes up. Because should he start to hope, his hope would be crushed _again_ and really, Loki didn’t need that in his life right now. That was why he tried to enjoy it when he casually brushed against Tony and their arms touched – the adrenaline and endorphin that flooded through him – delicious.  
  
“I can’t cook,” Tony sad for the thirtieth time when they already sat the table with cutlery, plates, and fine glasses. “But thank you for believing in me and showing me how to prepare a fish.”  
  
“You didn’t even want to try to take out the fish bones,” Loki teased him gently.  
  
“They are _so small_.”  
  
“Yes.” Loki nodded. “Like you. Small, adorable and you’re afraid you break it with the slightest touch.”  
  
“I am adorable, thank you very much. So much handsomeness can only go with some hint of adorable, otherwise this would never work out.” Tony’s voice was teasing and Loki saw how Tony stuck his tongue out.  
  
He rolled his eyes. He had to, otherwise he would voice his agreement and get them in an uncomfortable spot because one didn’t declare their intent like that – especially not when the other was already going through a rough spot.  
  
“How did you learn to cook anyway? I thought you used to be a prince and all that?”  
  
“Well,” Loki drawled and put the finished fish on their plates. “Only because I was a prince does not mean that we had servants with us when we went and explored other realms, Tony. There was only us in the wild. And because Thor often insisted to ignore taverns at night, he wanted to stay further out and _experience the wild_ , as he liked to put it.”  
  
“That’s incredibly stupid but I get why he did that. The adventurer in my veins said that not I.”  
  
“And that was the sole reason why I didn’t argue with him as well,” Loki agreed lightly. “Adventure, being out in the wild, the constant danger of being eaten or attacked by bandits – really, who’d prefer then a tavern over a cold floor and the only thing you could use as a blanket was your own cape.” He nodded. “Adventure first, comfort second.”  
  
“You can mock that all you like, but I think you liked it more than you want to admit right now.” Tony grinned at him. “You loved it as well. Especially since you were the younger one. I heard the younger siblings are always more up for fun because they want to out-do the older one.”  
  
“That,” Loki said and pierced a potato with his fork, “is _definitely not_ true and how dare you to know that, you have no siblings.”  
  
“I used to have the Avengers around, same difference, really.”  
  
Loki thought about that for a moment. “Agreed. I let you have that one.”  
  
Tony nodded gracefully. “Thank you for your agreement, Reindeer Games. That means a lot to me.”  
  
They continued to eat in silence until Tony interrupted him, abruptly. “Where the heck even is your helmet?”  
  
“My helmet?”  
  
“Yeah, the one with the horns? It’s been ages since I last saw it.”  
  
Loki’s smile was bitter. “I have no need for it currently, do I? There are no battles to be fought and no enemies to pierce with it, nobody to impress with it.” He shrugged even though it ached him not to have his helmet with him. He loved that thing. It was useful for so many things and sometimes Loki felt incomplete without it. But what could he do? Running around with it, did nothing because it was for nothing, And Loki hated doing things for nothing.  
  
“Oh.” Tony frowned. “Well, makes sense but on the other hand, a bit of a waste to have it and not to use it, right?”  
  
“Wiser words have never been spoken.”  
  
And Loki thought they could have the evening free and _off_ from all duties, but the raven came back, shimmering in dark green, reflecting Loki’s mood better than ever.  
  
“That’s bad news, isn’t it? The raven coming back?” Tony asked.  
  
Loki nodded and let the raven speak. It was Valkyrie’s voice. _“The Thing wants to talk to you, making it official that I’m acting as your representative for this weekend, Loki. It’s not important, just stay at your cottage with your lo-, Midgardian.”_  
  
“Awesome! You can stay!” Tony declared full of enthusiasm but it died on his tongue when he saw Loki closing his eyes in defeat. “You still need to go, hm?”  
  
“I do.” Loki opened his eyes and stood up. “Because if I don’t do it _now_ , I won’t have tomorrow off and let’s not even talk about Sunday.”  
  
“It’s times like that where I’m happy not to be any longer a CEO, you know.” Tony sighed. “Okay, so when can I expect you back?”  
  
“In five hours?” Loki laughed dryly and put on his dark green cape. “If we’re lucky that is. Feel free to do what you want, Tony as long as you don’t- actually, you even can do what you want. Try not to get all too bored.”  
  
There was a glint in Tony’s eyes. “What is your protocol in case of emergencies, Loki?”  
  
“I feel like this is a question that has something to do with my meeting. Why don’t you find out by yourself?” Loki smirked at him. “You might like it.” Loki nodded at Tony and left.  
  
Hopefully he had not misunderstood Tony’s question. Something better happen later so an emergency would be called out. Loki hoped for that, crossing his fingers like people do here on Midgard and went to see the Thing.


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn’t even twenty minutes in the meeting when something outside _exploded_. It was loud, dramatic and Loki had to fight the grin that threatened to appear on his face. He didn’t want it to show, to make obvious he _loved_ what was going on. 

But the chaos – 

The people from the Thing jumped up, hands were thrown in the air, panicked and angry yelling and cursing, so lively and refreshing, it made Loki feel young again. The Thing started to disassemble and after Valkyrie glanced at him, rolled her eyes in what he hoped was amusement, hid beneath one of the tables. What a clever little warrior. 

“I’LL SORT IT OUT, YOU COWARDS!” Loki yelled when the members were about to leave the ‘hall’ they met in. They froze and turned back to him. 

He loved the fear in their eyes for a moment, the panic, their desire to _run away_ , to do what they always accused Loki of doing when he took his day off or when he came back earlier from an ‘adventure’ like Thor. 

‘He’s a coward,’ they had said, not even pretending to whisper, ‘and he fears the beasts more than abandoning his brother’. Or as an alternative ‘The second prince rather goes home and drinks tea with his mother than to prove his prowess in battle, coward’. One day it had ultimately mixed, the shame they _felt for him_ , the mocking and the insults, his apparent cowardice and his preferred use of seiðr in battle and they had taken to call him ‘ergi’ and ‘argr’ in their talks behind hands. In the taverns of Asgard when the mead was spilling everywhere but not in their mouths and they had felt safe in their drunk havens. 

“Because apparently, _everything falls_ onto my shoulders,” he spit out, feeling the bitterness crawl up in his throat. “It’s almost as if you’re here to prevent me from doing what I have to do and then, you leave me to do them on my own,” he continued and reached for his seiðr casually, forming a green flame in his hand that illuminated the dark room. Whatever Tony had let explode; it also had affected their electricity. He hoped Tony knew that Tony had to repair that. 

The members of the Thing were shifting on their feet, not daring to look in his eyes because they knew that Loki was right. But as so often, nobody wanted to say anything. 

“It was just an explosion,” Loki continued and stepped forward, “the electricity failed and you _ran like rabbits_.” He snorted and stepped closer. “This will take a while to sort out. The Thing will be dismissed until then. We can’t have a meeting when there is no light and a glaring hole in our security, can we? Someone better take on the task to learn how it is possible to achieve hack us like that, I expect a full report on the weak spots, which of them seem like they’re vulnerable and which are the strong spots.” 

They nodded hesitantly like they couldn’t believe Loki had _dismissed them_ just like that and now left them standing here like the cowards and oafs that they were. Loki rolled his eyes in annoyance and ushered the members of his council out. With the Thing being dismissed nothing would be happening for this weekend. At least that was what he hoped. He grinned and turned to the table where Valkyrie sat beneath. 

“I hope you are up to a weekend full of responsibilities?” He hoped that no sarcasm shone in his words because he didn’t want to shoo her away or make her feel _not appreciated_ in her task when she was one of the only persons that kept Loki sane in his job; despite her harshness, her bitterness and her drunken ways, she _was good_ and tried to learn how to be better. It was only that at times Loki himself was _so bitter that_ he forgot way too easily that others were struggling too and it was always easier to feel angry and judging others than it was to _see that_ they were trying too. 

“Sure. And when your lover mortal gives us our electricity back today, I’ll even refrain from drinking straight from the bottle.” 

“What a generous offer,” someone drawled in the door. Loki looked to Tony, who stood there casual like Surtur in the summer heat and a fitting grin sporting on his face. “FRIDAY, be a good girl and give us electricity back, yes?” 

_“With pleasure.”_

“You hacked our security,” Loki mused as the lights flickered back to life. “I’m not sure whether to be annoyed or be honoured by that.”

“Be honoured, it took me _at least_ ten minutes.” Tony grinned at him like a cat. “Ten minutes to hack into my _own security_! You improved it, didn’t you, you cunning Aesir?”

It shouldn’t be possible that this made him feel _that happily_. His seiðr tingled pleasantly, running in his veins and a small, answering grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

“We did,” Valkyrie groaned and squinted at the light. “ _Fine_. No alcohol this weekend. I promise.” She crossed her fingers, didn’t even bother to hide them. Loki gritted his teeth when he saw her wink at Tony in the same moment. 

“It’s just me, being a responsible adult.” She shook her head, tsking gently. “I can’t remember the last time I said that. No, don’t think I _ever said_ that. Hello and welcome, my ultimate and personal Ragnarok is coming to take me away.” 

Loki felt annoyed at Valkyrie’s light banter and her good mood. At the way she spoke with Tony, so casual, it riled him up. 

“Stop flirting with him,” he almost growled, his eyes piercing hers and _it was unnecessary_ , it was only her playing around but -

Loki wanted to slap himself for being so _painfully_ obvious. He knew that Valkyrie was gay and preferred her own gender but – it peeved him because he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t flirt that casually with Tony because Tony would reciprocate but only with friendly intentions, taking it as a usual game of banter. He wouldn’t see how much it would _mean_ to Loki, how much it hurt him, as well. It was horrible. Why had he said that? Was now, with Thor being gone, his fate that he should be turned into his blundering oaf of a brother so the Norns won’t be bereft of a god who uses only two out of his more than a hundred billion brain cells? 

Valkyrie shook her head at him, amusement in her face and Loki felt stupid. He could’ve declared Tony his love right here on the spot, there wouldn’t have been any difference. For him, at least. 

“Awww, you’re so worried about my heart,” Tony gushed and touched his chest like a true actor on stage whose heart got just broken by his fair lady in her blowing dress that complimented her eyes and her character. “But don’t worry, I’m extremely immune to such a flattering charm,” Tony continued and winked at Loki. “There are prettier things here to see.” 

Loki’s heart did _something and_ Valkyrie snorted. _Prettier things here_. And the _wink_. He only could have meant Loki, there was nothing and nobody else here, except for Valkyrie and clearly Tony hadn’t meant _her_. 

Was this not just another proof of Tony’s flirty ways, his charismatic attitude and he thought it was all meant in good jest - while Loki’s own heart broke on the spot; Yet it also soared through the hall here, attempted to break out and was ready to jump into Tony’s muscular arms, knowing full well that Tony would catch and gently lower him to the ground, asking if he had hurt himself then make a joke. Because it wasn’t Loki’s heart which was wanted or needed. 

“Any plans on where you both are going?” Valkyrie asked and Loki is more than grateful for that. He couldn’t form a coherent sentence currently, his heart was still running and beating too fast for his blood to get in his brain and make it _work again_ , have it think realistic once more and cease the hopeless romantic fantasies which were hunting Loki for days, _months_ , now.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing Norway for a bit,” Tony said while turning his head to Loki. “You’re up to that? We could also just stay here but that would be a waste, wouldn’t it? Let’s explore Norway! Or any other country when you can skywalk us there. I’m pretty sure FRIDAY can work her charms and we can get you in wherever you want or Stark Industries is going to have some important meetings with some equally _important people_ , but it’s up to you.” 

“Norway sounds good,” Loki agreed and held out his hand. Because Norway was a country where he was accepted at and nobody would try to apprehend him. 

There were many things to do concerning his ‘villain’ status which still needed to be addressed and _changed_. But the UN and the EU had other things to do, like with the ramifications of the snap on the world than to take care of a villain that lived on a small place somewhere in Norway. Mostly Loki was content with that arrangement, they didn’t bother him, didn’t give him another migraine or add even more to his already big workload. It was better they left him alone than would try to dissect him, judge him for his wrong and right doings and then, _perhaps_ rescind his villain status. 

But then, they'd had to face Thanos and his other children – maybe Loki didn’t seem that bad anymore in their eyes then and simply _forgot_ he was a ‘villain’? Out of sight, out of mind?

It was a ridiculous thought. Loki had dared to attack America and from what he knew from Barton and Tony was that America did _not forgive_ as easily as that, even though it had only been New York and the inhabitants there were used already to aliens and invaders, right? 

“How about Tromsø?” Loki asked, having heard the name so often by now from a few of his people and the Internet that he knew the city would be worth a visit. Tromsø was according to them, a beautiful city and was full of history, there were places to go to and yes, Loki would love to see a city. Appreciating some chaos in its urban form. 

“Never been there, sounds fun, let’s go!” Tony took his hand, his fingers curling around Loki’s. 

What a great parody of the hand-holding gesture, Loki thought. It hurt. Loki wanted it _to be real_. His heart thundered in his chest while he breathed in Tony’s scent, enjoying his proximity. 

_Take what you can get_ , his traitorous mind whispered like a siren, tempting Loki into a soft smile he could have hidden but he didn’t want to. _Even if it’s only a touch. Pretend it is more. Take the illusion, Loki. For it is all that you can have. And isn’t a small something better than nothing?_

It was. 

“Enjoy your holiday, if something is the matter, I’ll contact you.” Valkyrie waved them off. Then with a small swerve of his hand, Loki and Tony were gone in a cloud of sparkling green which was taking them to Tromsø. 

~°~

They had two nights fully for themselves and three days before they had to return to New Asgard and to the States – and Loki decided while he walked on Yggdrasil’s branches, that he would enjoy the time they had and would simply _pretend_. He was so good at that already, pretending everything was fine. He had been at his best, back when he had learnt of his Jotunn heritage when he told himself everything was all right, that _he was_ fine, and he could prove himself and to the Aesir that he was a better monster than the other Jotunns. How ludicrous and naïve of him. There hadn’t been anything he could have done which would have pleased Odin All-Father. 

But he could take Tony’s smiles and the wrinkles beneath his eyes like his. Loki could pretend that the fingers around his were interlaced with his own fingers, that there was a deeper meaning behind it than just mere friendship.

Loki could pretend and live with this while Tony pulled him along to explore Tromsø’s streets, their hands still together. Their banter and their flirting – Loki flirted with meaning, Tony was more of a friendly teasing – was fun and Loki felt appreciated and his heart jumped up and down, went higher and higher while it told his brain to _shut up and_ to take it, because they both knew they’d never get something like this again. 

Tony’s red cheeks that begged to be cherished with kisses, the red lips even _redder due_ to the alcohol and Loki wanted to taste Tony’s full lips, nibble and cherish them like nobody had ever done before and taste the drinks, he would chase the sweetness with his tongue until all that would remain of the taste was _Tony_.

It was Saturday when snow started to fall. It was soft and slow, white, pure, and innocent. It was so unlike Loki’s thoughts and his emotions - those were falling fast for the man with a brain that never ceased to amaze Loki and they weren’t innocent in the slightest; he wanted to unwrap Tony from his coat like one did with fine courting gifts on Asgard and tease, _kiss_ warmth slowly back into the man. He wanted to kiss the snowflakes and lick them away from Tony’s flushed cheeks and his nose, wanted to have them sit closer together, encased by Loki’s green seiðr, shielding them from the cold.

It all was possible thanks to Loki’s infinite _creativity and_ the cold in Norway. The snow just wouldn’t stop; Tony wondered why but Loki didn’t. Because snow meant cuddles, thighs pressing together seeking and sharing _for warmth_ , that was Loki’s reasoning behind it and his excuse - and Tony snorted amused but did it anyway. They drank and ate, they slept and walked through the city, made a series of ridiculous photos of them together and it all felt so _normal_. 

The chaos was here and it was barely noticeable, Tony took all the spotlight in Loki’s eyes. It soothed his soul and made him feel alive, Tony made him feel _better than_ ever before and distracted him until Loki wasn’t sorted out anymore, only _chaotically inside_ and he had to find himself again in the onslaught of his emotions. It shouldn’t be so fun. But it was and it was horrible how much Loki loved it. 

The warm brown eyes and the slowly retracting eye bags beneath them, the delighted smile on the red lips, the teasing, flirting and the hands, taking his own, rubbing them warm – 

_Maybe you are not the only one who pretends here_ , Loki’s mind whispered, the traitor that it was. _Maybe there is someone else too who wants to forget and simply_ enjoy.

But Loki could not accept it, it was just an illusion too convincing, too good to see the faults in it. 

Because Tony didn’t want _him here_ , Tony pretended for sure that it was Pepper who was here with him. Loki chased the thought away as soon as it hit him – Tony was here with him this weekend, _not_ with Pepper. The name Pepper had not even fallen once since they were here. There were only nicknames for him, all were relating to snow and Tony was singing ‘Let It Go’ full of passion. There was an Olaf he quoted with true admiration shining in his eyes and Loki savoured the sight of him like a man starving for sunlight in a deep cave.

There was Saturday night: stars were blinking in the sky and had them both in a bed for _warmth purposes_ and FRIDAY playing for them ‘Frozen’ on a TV. It was an animation movie and it was cute and Loki smiled when he heard the song. Grinned when Tony started to sing along to it because he could recite the whole lyrics to _all songs_ , he was simply as adorable as that. 

A blanket was thrown over them both and somehow, there was Tony’s head on his shoulder when they moved on to the next movie, soft and slow breaths tickling his skin. His hand twitched and he wanted to lay it on Tony’s thigh, rub it and let it glide slowly up, further and further, tease the skin around Tony’s waistband; explore the skin underneath and see where things would take them. But Loki knew he couldn’t do that –

There was this one invisible barrier that he could and would not cross, his hand could want it however it wanted to. 

Because an illusion would shatter should he prod and poke it too harshly. Tony fell asleep on his shoulder, snoring softly. An arm was slung around Loki’s waist carelessly and all he could do was to look at Tony’s face and smile, as tender as he pleased because nobody saw it.

~°~

Sunday greeted Tony with a breakfast in the bed because Loki was what Midgardians called a ‘marshmallow’, all soft for someone _hot_. There was no stopping him on this romantic weekend date. He blew the scent of coffee towards Tony’s direction. It made his nose twitch and the man slowly awoke, blinking rapidly like the sun was trying to stab him in the eyes. He was adorable, sweet and sleep drunken still and this was a sight Loki would hold onto forever in his heart; he would have to put the romantic in him away in a few hours because then their weekend would be over. But seeing Tony wake up without any haste in his movements, slow like the falling snow outside and he was looking as content as Loki felt – it was healing, _cathartic_ even. Years fell off Loki’s back simply by seeing Tony so content with life as it was and when he whispered in a tired voice, “Morning, Lokes,” – 

Loki’s heart didn’t know what to do. 

He told it to savour the moment and treasure it. It shut up happily and did like ordered as Loki whispered softly, “Morning Anthony.” _Anthony was_ the name he reserved for his lover, Tony was the name for his friend. The dimples in Tony’s cheeks deepened, a happy glow spreading on his face. 

Sunday was beautiful because it was a simple day. They were laying around in the bed, doing nothing save for reading and talking science, argued about the Infinity Stones and all that it entailed, but with no pressure attached to it. It seemed as if they both had agreed on letting this weekend end calm like the snowfall, not hasty and hurried like lightening in a storm. 

The ache when Loki had to skywalk them back to New Asgard, it made his stomach turn around and he felt like he was going to be sick. But he hid it beneath his calm façade, hugged Tony one last time and saw _his friend take_ off, back to the States.

Back to Pepper. 

And Loki felt colder, the snow in his veins freezing him to the spot.

“Did you enjoy your weekend?” Valkyrie asked him, her hand brushing briefly his. 

“Yes,” he said, then turned back and walked to the hall, the Thing already awaiting him. His holiday was over and it was _one more meeting, one step closer to the end_. 

~°~

Mere two months later Loki received a call which brought up his memories of Tromsø again. 

_“Pepper and I split up for good,”_ Tony told him in a tired voice. _“We tried, we really did, Loki, but … we don’t work out anymore. It’s only hurting us both at this point.”_

“I’m sorry,” Loki told him, his voice a soft velvet that invited Tony to tell him more. 

_“It’s okay.”_ Tony was quiet for a moment. _“Pepper and I knew this was going to happen sooner or later.”_ The sigh Loki heard was bone-deep exhaustion and resignation. _“But we tried it and nobody could have asked more of us. Not even us. I … I am actually calling because of something related to that."_

Oh? Curiosity peaked up in Loki. “What do you need, Tony?” 

_“That’s slightly awkward, actually.”_ Tony cleared his throat. _“I wanted to ask if I could move to New Asgard for a bit? I –, I need a change of scenery, some place I won’t associate with Pepper automatically, you know? And_ somehow _, most places here do. I won’t stay long in your hair, I promise, I just-“_

“Tony,” Loki interrupted Tony’s rambling. The grin on his face was definitely out of place here. But Norns be damned if Loki couldn’t just be happy for a second. “You are more than welcome to move to New Asgard, for as long as you want it to be. You’re my friend, of course I will help you out.” 

_“Thank you,”_ Tony breathed and Loki could hear him swallow. _“That means a lot to me, Loki._ ”

“Tony, you gave me a place as well to stay when I had nowhere to go to.” Loki grinned in the sun. “You only need to tell me when you’re planning to come here and I will make sure you’re going to feel like at home here.” 

_“I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me a time?”_ His voice was tired. _“Pepper gets the house we’re living in currently, since it was hers from the beginning and I don’t want to stay here for so much longer. I just need to pack my things and oh- we need to, no, that’s stupid. She gets the furniture and all the stuff, it was hers.”_

“Come as soon as you feel like you can travel safely,” Loki told him. “Text me beforehand and then I will await you.” 

_“Okay.”_

They ended the call. It left Loki with his grin on his face, the phone stupidly in his hand, no reason any more to hold it in his hands but he couldn’t let go. This was – Tony was coming here, even saying that he’d _move here_. What had he done to deserve this? 

Maybe Loki could adapt his mantra. _One more day, one step closer to Anthony_. 

He felt instantly bad for thinking that. Because Tony was for sure going through a rough time, he had broken up with the woman he had been in love with _for years_ , surely Tony was heartbroken. And what did Loki do? He _celebrated it_. Got lost in his own head again when he should feel bad for Tony, should make plans to ease his suffering and help him like a friend would do – not like a jealous potential lover.

Loki sighed and the delight faded from his body. He couldn’t do that to Tony. He had to treat him with the respect he _deserved_ , not because he owed it to Tony but because Loki liked him. He wouldn’t treat his friend with less respect than it was rightfully his to have. He was thinking in circles, he needed to stop doing that even when Tony tended to have this sort of effect on him. 

_Practical thoughts_ , Loki reprimanded himself sharply and kneaded his hands roughly. What would he have to do? He would have to find a place for Tony to live in. He couldn’t put Tony in his home as much as Loki wanted to do that. He let his eyes wander over the buildings, thinking about which were free and which were inhabited but – they all were inhabited. There were no spare building in New Asgard, there never had been any. The ones were nobody lived in was the hall where the Thing was being held and in another building was a forge.

“ _Vis brusi,”_ Loki cursed in Norse. There was no house but he had told Tony that he would give him a home. Well, now that he had said that, Loki would have to make sure that he’d stay true to his own word. Maybe he could just create a second home in his house – so Tony had his privacy until they had found another solution? 

Loki tried to ignore how selfish that was of him. Because with that he ensured that Tony was living close to him and not somewhere else. His traitorous heart beat a rhythm Loki couldn’t follow and he sighed, stroking over his face tiredly. This was him being selfless while being selfish. This was him being _Loki and_ trying to do his best while getting what he wanted and creating a new illusion he could live in when he came home from being a king. 

Loki hated it. One of his weaknesses were illusions, he had proven himself that during his time in Asgard’s dungeon, where he had pretended to be a king and the people were cheering, _applauding_ for him. He had liked it, _adored it_ even. There had barely been something better to do in his cell. Maybe he should talk with Valkyrie first, make sure that he wasn’t too egoistic but, Loki swallowed around the funny thing in his throat, Valkyrie wasn’t the most selfless person either so he was most likely sanctioned to do as he pleased.

Provided that Tony would agree to live with him in one house, after all. 

It was only a temporary solution, nothing more than that. It should be enough for Loki that Tony had chosen to come here to New Asgard, to _move here because_ he had to leave memories behind. It was an honour to be chosen as a safe and _comforting place_ , a badge to wear with nothing less than pride and Loki would do so and be the best sort of friend Tony could wish for. He would give him a home and should Tony wish to leave, Loki would let him go, keep his rooms for the case Tony had to return because it became too much or for the next visit. 

It was what he wanted to do after Tony had chosen _him not_ somebody else. Not Rhodey whom Tony considered as his best friend. Not one of the Avengers, not Carol – it had been him. Him out of all the other people and there, his heart did this weird jumping thing again in his chest, bumping against his ribcage and his mind stayed suspiciously silent. He would do well for Tony, only caring for his friend and having the best in his mind only. 

How Pepper must feel? He swallowed dryly. The phone sat heavy on his mind but – 

They were friends, but if Pepper knew Tony would move to him? Would she even wish to speak with him? Or would she prefer not to? He licked his lips. Never before had he been in such a hassle, that had always been more Thor’s forte with his dalliances and what not. Should he send Pepper a message? Was this what she would need or _want from_ him? 

No, he would give her time and then inquire after her well-being, if there was something he could do _for her and_ he would _mean it_ , damned be his feelings, he would take care of his friends. 

He flicked his hand and his seiðr created a removable and moving wall in his home, separated it nicely in two halves. Loki concentrated and cleaned the rooms as well, a new scent hanging in the air, apples and spring-related. It should made feel Tony at home and make him feel welcome here. The forge in New Asgard surely would help him to settle down as well. Loki nodded, content with his own work and walked outside, keeping his eyes out for Valkyrie. 

Her approval shouldn’t have come as a surprise, yet it still did. Because she looked at him with her wide brown eyes and told him not to get lost in the house and his head too much. 

Because they needed him even when nobody else than her and Tony saw it like that. New Asgard would be lost without Loki. His ego, that was battered and not okay, it healed and soothed at those words – it was the sole reason why he let her leave with the bottle of Jack Daniel’s visible in her hands. So much for she was trying to act better and not to be the alcoholic of New Asgard any longer, especially not in the middle of the day. But she had allowed him to be selfish – because it was nothing else and they both _knew it_ , while pretending it wasn’t the case – and for that, he thought, she deserved some reward. And Loki was not above rewarding his people when they were doing well. 

And since his weekend off she had been better – only drank in the comfort of her own home, not any longer out in the public, only running around with a bottle like now. 

He had read in a book Tony had sent to him as a joke, that rewarding -, and positive reinforcement made people more willing to comply happily. Psychology and its tricks were a fun thing, so useful and always handy to have. Loki needed to apply those tricks somehow on his people, maybe then they’d stop bickering and would cease fighting him. 

~°~

Tony moved to New Asgard two days later. It had been a bit of trouble to collect his bots and get them safely to New Asgard – Tony told him sheepishly he didn’t want to abuse Loki’s friendship and his use of seiðr. 

“It would have been easier for you.” Loki could only shake his head at that. He wouldn’t have minded using his seiðr for Tony but he appreciated the thoughtfulness.

“Yes,” Tony agreed, the shy smile still pulling on his lips. “But now I’m here, my bots as well. Where can I put my kids to rest? The journey was long and they need sleep.” Tony nodded exaggeratedly. 

“ _Well_ ,” Loki started, feeling embarrassed now, “with me?”

“With you? Awesome. I missed having a roommate.” Tony had beamed at him, the obvious delight in his eyes threw Loki off. “The last one I had was back in MIT, that was Rhodey. Just the both of us, living in the same small space and smelling each other farts and not saying anything on it-“ Tony sighed dreamingly. “It was pure bliss.” He looked to Loki. “And now you’re my roommate! Looking forward to the movie nights we can have together.” 

“Me too?” Loki responded. He had not expected this easy acceptance nor Tony’s delight at Loki’s decision. If only his selfishness had been met more often with such happiness, maybe then Asgard would still exist and wouldn’t be blasted pieces of rock, floating in space, lost, and abandoned by everything. 

Tony patted his shoulders. “Can you help me this time though with setting up the bots?” 

“Sure.” Loki raised his hands, did some flourish movements and sent the bots to Tony’s part of the house. It wasn’t big, he knew that but there was enough place for the bots to stay and find a comfortable spot they liked. 

“Sometimes I really, really hate that you’re capable of wielding magic, you know?” Tony said when they walked to _their home_ , theirs and yet not theirs, but theirs enough to have it count. 

Hopefully the Aesir wouldn’t think bad of him now – but then they already did that. They better didn’t think of Tony than as weakling or _womanly_ , Loki hoped feverishly for his friend and opened the door. Because if they did, Loki would skin them and make them think Skurge betraying them had been the smallest of their troubles and only a small needle pick of pain compared to what Loki could cause them. 

“Must be convenient to have it always so close by with you.” 

“It can be, yes.” Loki nodded and went straight to the wall. 

“The wall is new,” Tony commented with raised brows. 

“Well, I thought,” Loki began, gulping his nervousness down. “You might want _some privacy_ and I could conjure up this wall easily enough.” He pushed it back. “Closed fully, partially or just open; the wall is yours to command.” 

“That sounds good.” Tony nodded in approval. “And you just did that – because there was nothing else?”

“Yes?” Oh Norns, why did he sound so hesitant. 

Tony smiled at him softly. “Thank you, Lokes. I appreciate it.” His mouth twitched, curled downwards. “Yeah, so. I’m here and-“ he shrugged. “I mean, we’ll still hang out now though, right? Even when I moved here?” 

“Tony,” Loki started, his voice calm as not to startle his friend who seemed to have gotten lost in the sight of the wall behind Loki. “We can always hang out, in here, out there, wherever you want, really.” 

Tony nodded. “All right.” He breathed in deeply and his chest rose and sunk with it. “Thanks again.” 

“You’re welcome.” Loki tilted his head. 

“Then I’ll better go now and look after my kids, hm?”

Loki nodded in agreement. 

“You want to come and look with me?” Tony asked him softly. “I could get lost in here. It looks all very Shire like to me.” 

“Tolkien references will bring you everywhere,” Loki mumbled and entered Tony’s part of the house. “The man completely misunderstood magic but his hobbits, I would die for.” 

“Yeah, let’s not talk about dying.” Tony shook his head. “But the hobbits are cute, I give you that.” 

“Just hanging out and not doing anything besides causing chaos in a realm that only wants order.” Loki sighed and patted Dum-E who chirped happily when Tony turned his bots on. Loki smiled fondly at him. “Is it bad that I want New Asgard to be close to the Shire?” 

“No.” Tony shook his head and threw his bag on the bed that stood there unused. “The Shire has a Thane, someone who takes control over everything and everybody can be happy there, even the mischievous ones like the Took family.” He smiled wryly. “There is enough food. Nobody has to suffer even when they’re poor. The Shire: the utopia we want but cannot have and have distanced ourselves from even more so than ever.” 

Tony waited a moment. Then, “at least _I_ am closer to being a hobbit than you are.” 

Loki snorted. Tony would forever be his favourite hobbit.

“And Thanos had the gall to talk with us about equilibrium.” Loki only wanted to bury his daggers again in the purple head. “There is no equilibrium to be found here.” 

“Yes.” Tony stroked his bag. “I wanted to ask you about that for a while but it never seemed to be the right time, Loki. But –“ 

Of course. Loki swallowed and shoved the panic deep down. “You want to know more about New York 2012, don’t you?” 

Tony opened his bag. “Yes, Loki.” He sighed. “Sometimes I wonder why we understand each other so well, it’s only been … well, two years. And you are my friend, Loki and you will be whatever you’re going to tell me now. But I want to know why you decided to do that.” 

“Didn’t you figure it out already?” Loki asked and he felt tired from one moment to the next. “Don’t you have enough clues yet?” 

“I do. But I want to hear it from you. Not, from what others told me or what I put together by myself. I want you to tell me the truth.” 

“I’m not sober enough for this,” Loki mumbled, kneading his hands and shoved the panic even further down, away from his mind, he didn’t want to remember. 

“Then we get drunk,” Tony decided and closed the bag shut again. “The bots are set up. We are housemates. Story time.” 

Loki looked at Tony, the grim determination on his face and he knew, that he was sentenced to tell the tale. Because should he refuse, Tony would take the bag again and leave and find room in another house in New Asgard or leave altogether. Tony had the right to here about the ‘story’ that concerned him. And Loki would tell him because Tony was the first one to ask about it anyway. It would be no pretty tale, it would not evoke nice dreams later but then it would be in Tony’s hands whether he wanted to stay with Loki here or leave the monster he had called ‘friend’ behind. 

“The tale is not pretty,” Loki said and sat down on a chair, conjuring up a bottle of wine in his green seiðr. “At least, from your side. Mine is interesting.” He grinned at Tony, feeling not comfortable at all but he would manage it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Vis brusi_ = You goat


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mention of torture in the first part this chapter, it's nothing overly explicit, I just figured I'd mention it. And mentions of non-consensual touching.😅 And this is the last chapter of Year 2 🙌

“I didn’t think it would be pretty,” Tony said slowly, taking his glass with red wine and raising it to the green flame flickering in the lamp. 

He hadn’t? _Good_. Otherwise Loki would be dearly disappointed in him. 

“From the beginning?” Loki asked, then snorted. “Of course we start from the beginning. Otherwise this won’t make sense for you.” He kneaded his hands, closed his eyes for a moment and tried to get a grip on himself. Tony wanted to hear a story? Loki was an amazing storyteller, he knew that; he only hoped it wouldn’t make Tony flinch away from him in the end or, Norns _forbid_ , make him regret his moving in here.

“The story starts with two boys. They were raised on Asgard where they were told that they’ve both been born to be kings some day. And here the story greets you with a hint: This is the first lie in the truth,” Loki mused, appreciating Odin’s skill in lying there. “You will encounter many more,” Loki warned Tony before he continued. Usually Loki didn’t tell people that, didn’t warn them of lies but while he was afraid on one hand, on the other he wanted Tony to _understand_. He swallowed. Maybe this gamble would play off nicely. 

“I won’t point them out anymore. This tale has been written by the Norns and has been forgotten, torn, and stretched for so long that almost no one really remembers what happened and even I don’t. I am no bard I tell tales only to appease a single person and the Norns stay silent on this.” 

Loki waved with his other hand and figures made of green seiðr appeared between them. With the wine heavy and spicy on his tongue, Loki started to tell Tony how the boys started to grow up – one in the shadows, one in the sun. The king who was meant to be and never would be and the king who always was one, even in his death. Tony’s eyes were on him, calm and neutral when Loki told him of the discovery on Jotunheim, his attempt at saving Asgard before a new war by another would be provoked, the newly discovered mercilessness in Odin’s punishments and a long, seemingly endless fall into darkness and cold. 

A stone which had greeted him when his eyes opened, confused, and shocked he was still alive even when his body felt _so cold_ , almost dead like. The scratching voice – which still haunted him occasionally despite the owner’s death six years ago - that welcomed him. A golden armour and purple hands, petting his head and touching his temples tenderly. Blue that seemed to be everywhere, despite how often he had turned his head and looked at the darkest creeks, the blue was already waiting for him. 

Loki’s small revolt against their set task for him – get the stone, join the glorious mission of bringing equilibrium to us all, join the father and make him proud - and even more blue. Their way of punishing him for his betrayal when he could never be sure if it had been Thor who visited him or _The Other_. Maybe it had even been Maw, tearing his walls down to let him believe he hadn’t succeeded and the things he then had spilt to his mother, his mother here in this room, why was she here and why was there so much heat, he didn’t deserve this, did he? Did she hate him so, now that his heritage had been revealed? And her voice had been cold, so mechanic and her former warm and slender fingers, replaced by metal and whirring, soft, almost inaudible but he couldn’t see but hear. 

Loki omitted that part with his mother, he told Tony he’d never forgive Maw for breaking his mental barriers; Tony accepted it, his eyes dark despite the green light. How Loki learnt to associate purple with pain, familiar faces, and their instant disappointment in him. His wish to be better, to become greater than anybody else save for _him_ and grey skin and white hair, whispering in his ear tales of Conqueror Loki, ruler over Midgard and the fantasy of equilibrium. 

The freedom in believing and serving. 

There was power in his hands, thrumming and vibrating, the sound calm and too alluring as not to follow.

Kneeling before Thanos, The Other’s hand on his nape, pressing lightly like Thor had done when Loki had made him feel proud or did something extraordinary, maybe it was Thor, who knew for sure in this everlasting darkness and blue? The sceptre was in his hand and Loki’s wish to do good, be better and be splendid enough for all to see, to have his name ring out in the galaxies and a simple desire to destroy those who had wished to use him. The question was who _those_ were but if you cannot decide, take both, Loki said with an impish grin and took a sip from his wine before launching back into the tale. 

The opportunity arose when Barton told him of the Avengers. 

“It was too good to resist,” Loki said and his green seiðr formed the Avengers, proud and their weapons in their hands, their symbol glowing black in the unholy green. “You, there, not assembled yet but good enough to win this war. You were perfectly placed and it would give me the opportunity to get away from Thanos, and the stones as well.” 

“You used us,” Tony breathed, for the first time using his voice again. “You explored and used us to fight your war for you and we didn’t even know, you asshole.” 

“Exactly.” Loki tilted his head. “I couldn’t hope to hold off Thanos on my own, I was too weakened for that. Ask Barton if you wish to know how weak, he knows the shape I was in pretty well.” Loki hadn’t told or demanded of Barton to help him but the agent just _had_ – put an arm around his waist and dragged him to a jeep, made sure he remembered to drink and _insisted on_ making sure that Loki wouldn’t get an infection from his wounds.

“But you? You were young, naïve, and stupid enough to think you could win. Your optimism and not knowing how it felt to lose, bringing equilibrium to Thanos’ destructive pessimism. You were the hope for his dawning doom.” Loki shrugged. He didn’t regret that. 

“You played us,” Tony repeated and put the glass away. “Since day one?”

“I did,” Loki agreed and the pride in his voice was clearly audible, trying to soothe the hurt he felt at remembering it all. “You were ready to be plucked from your sweet tree, ripe and ready to battle, your potential at its fullest. I thought one of your nukes would finish Thanos,” Loki sighed and drank from his glass. “But I won’t complain. You destroyed enough ships of him, killed two of his other children you never had the misfortune of meeting. Yes, I am grateful for you playing right into my hands.” 

“I … I can’t believe we never realised that,” Tony mumbled, shaking his head. “It’s so painfully obvious now. Because why would the WSC send a nuke to New York otherwise? Is there even something your hands weren’t trying to manipulate?” 

“I don’t think so.” Loki grinned sharply. “What a coincidence that they thought sending a nuke was a good idea. Such a great city, full of people who _maybe_ work for SHIELD and _maybe_ have access to codes nobody should know about. I also heard that some superheroes should know how to work with a nuke.” Loki nodded. “Indeed. A great coincidence.” 

“You sent the nuke _deliberately_.” Tony’s eyes flared up. “It could’ve killed us all.”

“No, Tony. The WSC send it, I merely ensured it would come to the right time. If you hadn’t taken it to the mothership directly, it would have ensured that the mothership wouldn’t come through at all.” Which, at this point, had been a priority. As much as Loki liked Midgard, it was more important that Thanos wouldn’t arrive here.

Tony was quiet for a moment. Loki waited for Tony to collect his thoughts, to organise them while he swirled the wine around in his glass. 

“You were right, the tale is not pretty.” 

“I know.” Loki grinned at him. “But it was a good one, wasn’t it?”

“I am not quite sure what the moral of the story is but … yes, it was good.”

“Oh.” Loki waved him off carelessly. “There is no moral to this story. The only leitmotif that can be found is survival and a wish for recognition. And you know that both things were succeeded in the end.” 

“A nicer human would ask now if it was worth it. The betrayal, the pain, giving up your own morality for your own survival.” 

“Tony,” Loki said softly and put the glass away. “The story wasn’t about my survival.” 

“What.” Tony blinked.

Loki smiled at him. “It was never about my survival, or well, it was. But it wasn’t the survival which counted in this story.” 

Tony looked at him confused. “Then whose survival is it?”

“You know, I am not so sure myself.” Loki tilted his head. Looked at Tony, raised a brow.

“You know whose survival it’s about.” 

“Yes,” Loki admitted with a chuckle. “But telling you when the tale isn’t over yet? How dreadfully boring.” 

“Are you fucking with me again?” Tony looked at him sharply. “I asked about _your_ story, why you did what you did and you tell me the story of you but now the story isn’t about you at all anymore. There’s a riddle hidden in there, isn’t it?” 

“It is,” Loki confessed and sighed. “Oh, come on, Tony. You’re brighter than that usually.” 

“I don’t … fully understand. Not your survival? Then whose?” Tony leant forward and Loki could swear he heard Tony’s brain working, figuring the story out. His excitement grew. 

“My next idea would be Asgard but that doesn’t fit. Thor?” 

A sharp laugh, bitter, Loki’s. “It’s the survival of an idea.” He shrugged carelessly. “I grew up with tales of heroes in my youth. I always wanted to have more heroes in my life.” _Thor used to be one._ “You were available and I just came from the person who is obviously the villain in this tale. I wouldn’t be the hero in this, that was clear from the beginning. I’d be the anti-hero,” _loss of yourself, your mind, your morals,_ “if you squint a lot. I was more of an intermediary.” 

“The idea of heroes. Are you kidding me?” Tony’s jaw dropped open. “You want to tell me your story is about the survival of an idea that was the “The Avengers” all along?”

“No.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Did you not listen? The story was about my way to ensure the safety and _survival_ of an idea the universe would need later. And honestly, the idea was a stroke of genius. You must admit that. For how long did you and your team work together? Four years? You were great. I really hoped you’d create that barrier around Midgard and wouldn’t be spooked by Ultron but sadly, you didn’t. A wasted opportunity.” A shame, even. It would have made his job easier and who knew how the story would have gone two years ago when Thanos finally paid Midgard a visit. 

“Then I thought you banded together again as Avengers, you had some new recruits, your legacy would live on. Let me tell you, you were a delight to watch from the throne but _you didn’t do that_.” Loki looked at Tony with as much neutrality as he could. It wasn’t Tony’s fault that _someone_ had been out to ruin Loki’s plans. How much he hated it when people thought they could just fiddle around with plans as much as they wanted to and then have the audacity to _succeed_. 

“You fought, instead. You fought and started to bury my idea, quicker than I could try to send Thor to you but who knows where that oaf was at that moment. Australia? Or on his way to Muspelheim?” 

“Are you accusing me of destroying your idea I didn’t even know you had?” Tony asked him, voice flat and eyes burning with a cold fire. “An idea, you deliberately exaggerated in your story and made a more necessary deal than you had to? Because you could have left the whole debacle alone. Could have stopped it, prevented it by just telling Thor from the beginning that there was someone behind your evil scheming.” 

If he only could have done that. Alas, The Other had never been far, always close and always listening in – his words had to be chosen with such precision and carefulness like seldom before. 

“I am not accusing you of anything, Tony.” Loki put his glass away. “I was under duress and had to think up a plan on how to defeat Thanos while being watched by The Other and under pain. Within _three days_ , you imbecile. That wasn’t easy.” 

“You manipulated us.” 

“I did. Do you regret me doing it?”

Tony was silent. Then with a grimace on his handsome face, “No.” 

Loki nodded. “That’s what I thought. If I had known you better back then, maybe I would have tried a different approach.” _Lies_. “But it’s in the past, we can’t change it anymore. And now, we’re here because of that. And unless we find another way, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” 

“One last question,” Tony mumbled. “Then we can drop this whole topic.” He breathed in. Breathed out. 

Loki became uneasy. 

“Why did you attempt to control me?” 

“Because you were fun. And with you on my side, we would have won in an instant. You are clever, far brighter than any of the other Avengers and I wouldn’t let you slip through our fingers.” 

“Selfishness then,” Tony said quietly.

“Yes.” Loki looked at Tony calmly. “Pure selfishness.” Right? 

They didn’t say anything for a while. Tony stared into his glass, a frown on his face. And Loki re-filled his glass and drank from it like he had nothing else to do when he just wished to avoid Tony’s assessment and final conclusion. 

“I don’t like the story,” Tony eventually said and ripped Loki from his thoughts. “It’s selfish and egotistical. You turn and twist things that you look better and then, in the next moment, worse. You leave things out I knew happened. You tell me the story is about an idea, like Fury did and expect me to – no, that’s not true. You aren’t expecting anything, are you?”

“No, I am not.” 

“You did not mention explicitly whether they used the mind stone on you.” 

“Well, I can’t say that, can I?” Loki smirked at Tony. “If I did, the story would be boring and not be funny anymore.” And Loki didn’t know for sure until today what the stone had influenced in him, had multiplied of his desires and which had been numbed down until he was a twisted version of himself and yet, wasn’t. 

“You don’t know it either,” Tony summarised perfectly. 

“As you might remember, I only tell the story to appease one person.” 

“Which is not me.” Tony arched a brow. “You are the kind of narrator people love or hate in books. You are unreliable and no trustworthy source at all. Because the one person who’d love to hear this story, it’s-“ Tony’s eyes went wide as he realised, _“You_ ,” he stated with a newfound conviction and assurance.

Loki nodded slightly. 

“The story is what you’d want to hear, right? Because you get painted as evil but when someone would bother enough to look, they’d see that you aren’t that evil, that there is a reason behind what you-“

“And that’s enough for today’s story, don’t you think?” Loki stood up, vanishing the wine with a snap of his fingers. It made him uncomfortable how close Tony was to the truth, that Tony had almost spoken it out. “Do you require something else from me or do you want to be left in peace for unpacking?” 

Tony stared at him strangely. “You don’t have to leave, Loki.”

 _Yes, I do._ “I assumed you wanted to be in peace, to set everything up and make your own home.” Loki swallowed and frowned. 

“If you’re uncomfortable you can leave,” Tony mumbled. “But I knew what I was asking for when I spoke up about the topic, Loki. It’s … less _nice_ than I had imagined it to be but then, my story of creating Iron Man isn’t that harmless either. Who knows how I would’ve acted in your place? I don’t have the room to judge you for your creativity, do I? Stay, if you want, please.”

Loki nodded and sat down again. His mind was whirling, thinking about what Tony had said to him. It was amazing that he thought _not_ less of Loki even though he had not held back with the harsh truths and then, on top of it, he admitted to Loki that he had no room to judge. Why was this man like he was? Too good to be true? 

_And I wished someone else would have done the same thing after New York_ , Loki thought bitterly. _Simply someone to listen to me without judging, without hate in his eyes_. 

Tony told him a story from Rhodey as Iron Patriot while he took the clothing from his bag, Dum-E chirping somewhere behind them. FRIDAY cleared her throat and asked Loki if she was allowed access to his area as well or if she was forbidden from doing so. He gave her his consent, knowing it would make Tony feel more at home and at ease which was all Loki wanted. She thanked him. Loki laughed when he heard that Rhodey just barged into a presidential meeting, claiming the British wanted their colonies back and made them all laugh. It had been the fourth of July. The President had shaken Rhodey’s hand, then they all had returned to their jobs like nothing had happened. It was such an unexpected thing to do from the soldiering Avenger, it made Loki appreciate the man even more.

~°~

They both had a bit of an awkward next day when Loki and Tony met in the kitchen for breakfast. Tired and still upset from last night’s talk. But it passed soon when Loki and Tony found their footing again by squabbling like children if tea or coffee was better. Tea was better, of course. Tony was just too addicted to coffee to appreciate the fine taste of tea. When Loki had to sit down again for reviewing contracts and looked at their food ratios, figuring out how much the Aesir had left and how much they could spare this month so no one would have to hunger. 

Valkyrie showed Tony the empty workspace where he could create stuff and do science as his heart desired. Now that Tony was here and available most of the time – maybe a Bifröst wasn’t that far off anymore. Because yes, Loki wanted the Bifröst again. It had been a useful tool on Asgard even when Loki had sneaked his way off the realm by using Yggdrasil’s branches. 

They needed more food in New Asgard, better tools and more material. Establishing a new – or old in this case – trade route with the other realms would be of benefit for them. The money they had been given by Stark Industries would work fine as currency even when Midgardian money wasn’t _that_ desired by others. Loki knew some folks who’d pay a lot for those coins and plastic cards. They were shady contacts but Loki wasn’t above using them, he’d send Valkyrie for that, in a well-made disguise – maybe he’d give her a dick for that – and then they were all set.

Loki sighed. He was thinking about dicks too much. Was this what unresolved sexual frustration felt like? When the man you desired lived in your house and was _so close_ , was around all the time and you still hadn’t the permission to touch him or to ask him out for a date, a coffee? The weekend in Tromsø was still bright and alive in Loki’s memory. Walking through the snow and their flirting, the warmth in Tony’s eyes – it made Loki want the other so much more, the simple memory of their weekend, and his heart ached with desire. 

But Tony was getting better there. There was no staring longingly at the pictures on his phone, no talks about Pepper and how much he missed her – not that there had been many to begin with. It seemed as if Tony had been right in his statement that both had known their ways would separate and it helped him with the pain of being broken up.

“I just hope she finds someone who can make her happy,” Tony told him one evening when they were discussing the pro and cons of searching for the stones again and allowed themselves to become distracted. “That way she can move on quicker.” A smile played on his lips.

“What about you?” Loki dared to ask, using all his courage for this. Because what if Tony said he -

Tony looked over at him. “I think I already moved on,” he said gently. “And I know it’s okay to do that so quickly but-“ he swallowed, “that it feels that good? So freeing for myself? Maybe that’s why I want her to move on as well to be rid of possible guilt. If she hasn’t already found someone, she sounded very _Un-Pepper_ like when we last talked.” 

Loki nodded, while jealously started to burn in him. Tony had moved on? Didn’t that mean that there was _someone else_ he was interested in? Valkyrie? They hang out a lot and they were laughing together and – No, that was stupid. Not her, they would kill each other within seconds by trying to outdo another in a drinking competition. Was he being bitter? Probably. He held his mouth shut and carefully directed the conversation back to the stones, forgetting about this – a lie, again.

~°~

A few weeks later, when Tony and Loki were used to each other more as housemates, Loki received another call. This time, it was a woman’s voice that triggered his memories and made him want to throw the phone against a wall. 

It was _her_. Thor’s former beloved Mortal. He hated hearing her, hated that listening to her made him remember his mother and her useless death which still rested on his shoulders. Tony patted his shoulders, started to knead the tense muscles. Loki relaxed in their firm grip.

 _“I owe you something, Loki,_ ” she said in her phone, calm like a breeze. _“You_ saved _my life on Svartalfheim. I definitely can help you somehow but you need to tell me, how and with what.”_

Loki looked to Tony who raised his brows. There was … something on Loki’s mind that could work. But he wasn’t quite sure whether they could achieve that. 

“Jane Foster,” he breathed into the phone, his voice a dark velvet and Tony shuddered behind him. “What do you think of recreating the Bifröst?” 

_“That’s … are you kidding me?”_ She sounded excited, _good_. 

“I assure you, I am not,” Loki replied with a smirk she couldn’t see. “I know you have information collected on the Bifröst. When you were in Asgard Thor surely told you bits on how it worked. Your brain, combined with Tony’s and my knowledge about it, I am confident that we can re-build the Bifröst faster than thought if we figure out the key elements of it and perhaps even improve it.” 

_“Don’t we need magic for that?”_

“Jane Foster, I _am_ a seiðr-master. What do you think I am doing the whole day long? Twiddling thumbs and protect a boring green stone?” 

“There’s a story behind that, I am sure,” Tony teased him.

“There is,” Loki replied and didn’t feel an ounce of guilt as he thought of Strange being dust. 

_“If I can take Darcy with me, I need my assistant,”_ Jane replied, ignoring Tony’s comment. Oh, he liked her. 

“Take with you whoever you want as long as you promise she try to kill anybody here,” Loki replied and something akin to hope settled in him, “Fair warning though, you might not like how the Aesir treat you here but be assured, you can slap them all should you wish to. I won’t stop you.” _I might cheer you on instead,_ he thought with no guilt at all. 

_“Shouldn’t you as their king be more protective of them?”_

“Better you slap them than I do.” Loki laughed. “I can’t go around slapping my subjects. I have to warn you though, Valkyrie may start to flirt with you.” 

_“I just hope she knows better than Thor how to flirt with women._ ”

Loki snorted. “I hope you aren’t overly attached to your panties.” With that, he ended the call and turned to Tony. Who stood there, blinking rapidly.

“Yes?” he asked innocently. 

“We’re … rebuilding the _Bifröst_ ,” Tony repeated. “The thing that left scorch marks in my gardens. The Einstein-Rosen-Bridge.” 

“That’s the plan, yes.” 

Tony blinked again. “And for how long did you have that plan now?” 

“Well, I had it since day one,” Loki admitted sheepishly. “But I hadn’t had the time yet to do something about it. And now, with you here _and_ her? It should be possible. We have lost Heimdall and he knew the most about the Bifröst as its gatekeeper. But I know snatchings of it, having read about it in the library and as I told Jane, with her brain and yours, this should be an easy enough task to accomplish.”

“You really think so?” 

“I do,” Loki smirked slightly. “You don’t want to be outdone by some old technology, do you? Consider it as your challenge while living here.” 

“Because living with you is not a challenge enough yet?” 

“I haven't heard a complain yet.” 

“That’s because you make the best coffee.” Tony patted his and walked back to his armchair, sitting down in it in a manner Odin would judge him for. 

“If I only had known earlier that coffee is an accepted bribe,” Loki sighed. “Are you up to doing that, Tony? I don’t expect it of you, of course. But I’d love to have you on my side for this endeavour.” 

“Loki? Are you aware with who you’re talking to right now?” Tony shook his head in faked disappointment. “Technology? From Asgard? The Bifröst? And I can help to figure things out? You so can count me in on this, Lokes. I won’t let that slip through my fingers. All the heavy brain work, a challenge, working with geniuses, what is there not to love about it?” 

Loki felt tension bleed from his shoulders when Tony voiced his agreement. 

“Remember when I told you Bruce is doing something stupid?” Tony asked him when they were walking back to their house. 

“Yes? You never elaborated on that.” He stood up because Tony just sat down and it was time to make dinner. And he liked to needle Tony a bit who stood up with an eye-roll, knowing full well what Loki was doing there.

“Well, the dumbass is trying to merge his human form and his Hulk ego into one – I was wondering whether you want a green Gamma-radiation expert with seven different PhDs here as well?” 

Loki turned his head to him. “You want Banner to come here?” 

“He might be useful. And I could keep an eye on him should he go full disaster on the Avengers in America. Honestly, I don’t believe the time is doing him well. He’s getting hungry for fame.” Tony raised a brow. “Can you imagine that? Bruce, hungry for popularity, always available for a selfie with the kids? The attempted merging might be a few gamma rays too much for his brain.” 

Loki snorted. “The Sakaarian in him is showing again.” 

“ _Sakaar_ ,” Tony drawled, “I keep hearing the planet’s name popping up but what actually is Sakaar? Bruce can’t remember and the Hulk only keeps whining about all the fights he’s missing out on now.” 

“Sakaar is for you either salvation or damnation.” Loki stopped and took the time to look at Tony, the sunlight dancing on his skin. “For Hulk it was Valhalla. For me, it was both and for Thor it was his way to a damned salvation. I wonder how it might have affected you.” 

He opened the door to the kitchen, let Tony enter first, his gaze dropping like on accident on Tony’s lovely behind. Looking was allowed, flirting wasn’t _yet_. Just a bit of admiring well-formed body parts, before he raised his eyes again and followed Tony into their commune kitchen. 

“What would you guess?” Tony asked him.

“I think you’d have your greatest fun on there,” Loki admitted, setting the kettle up for tea. “Just living, a bit of playing around and exploring, no rules that bind you to something, it’s all about being and pleasing and bantering with fate like you want to.” 

“It sounds like it was the perfect place for you,” Tony said, sitting down and putting his chin in his hand. “No restrictions, just being you.”

“It was.” Loki rubbed his throat, remembering the _holiday_ on Sakaar, blending out how unpleasant it could be at times. The Grandmaster’s breath so close to him, his hands where Loki didn’t want them to be but he couldn’t say anything and when he had been able to break away, he’d got lost once more in the chaos. “But I’m not sad either that I had to leave.” 

“Mhm.”

“I would always prefer it to be a _king_.” Loki waved around. “But I can’t get what I want so easily. And as you said, _one more day, one step closer to the others._ ” 

“I did say _that_? Aren’t I the epitome of an incredibly wise motivational speaker?” 

“You’re the greatest,” Loki assured Tony dryly and took the kettle off, pouring them both a cup of wild berries tea. 

“I still don’t like tea. We’ve been roommates for so long now and you still can’t remember?” The disapproving sound that followed made Loki smirk. “I thought we were the best roommates, destined for something greater and yet-“ Tony made a theatrical break, “you don’t even remember the drink of my choice. The horror. My heart, _broken_. Me, devasted.” 

Loki tilted his head. “You look better since I started to feed you tea.” 

“Tea, the almighty cure of the Brits.” Tony nodded. “Loki, you _do know_ that I am _not_ British? My ancestors fought for their independence of Britain; you won’t put me in the same drawer with them again unless you want me to empty all your tea bags and set the tubes on fire.” 

Loki ignored the threat elegantly. “Another one of your wars?” he asked him and put sugar in Tony’s tea. “Clearly, you humans fought too many, I can’t even remember at this point who got independent from whom when in the end, now you’re trying to unite them all again. More or less. Or did I understand the goal of the UN wrong?” 

“That’s not the goal – or, not the main goal of the United Nation and you know that, dipshit.” 

Loki gasped. “And here I thought I could still become the President of all humans, by ruling the UN. Tony, you destroyed all my dreams.” 

“I thought you hated ruling,” Tony drawled, taking his cup of tea in his hands and rolled his eyes. “Can’t you ever settle for one option?” 

“That would be boring.” 

Tony’s eyes became soft. “That’s true.” 

Loki bit on his lip, putting his cup down. So he and Tony had watched multiple movies since Tony had moved here. He had watched horrible and entirely predictable movies solely for his Midgardian but – was this one of those moments? The atmosphere, it could have been right, they were teasing each other and now, warm looks and tea, _compliments_? 

Loki swallowed. 

“Tell Banner he’s welcome here anytime.” 

Because if that had been a moment, Loki needed to let it go, _destroy_ it before it developed. There was no moment to be found here. There were only two friends in a kitchen, one who had feelings for the other and the other was healing his not entirely broken heart. There were people they had to bring back to life. There was something called ‘ _decency_ ’ which Loki didn’t fully approve of but Tony made him want to follow basic etiquette. 

For as long as he had to act as king, Loki would follow those rules. Because he would leave New Asgard in the hands of Thor one day very soon and announce that he was done with this and Valkyrie could help him out should Thor want to. 

Then, Loki would perhaps hug Thor for a single time, then _leave_. 

Create chaos. Cause mischief. Be Loki. Maybe he could take Tony with him. But that was a thing Loki would ‘worry’ about when the time had come. 


	8. Year 3 - 2021

**Year 3 - 2021**

It became easier. Working in New Asgard, being king and trying to be someone the people could trust. Sometimes, Loki felt like he was finally like Odin had always wanted him to be – he was _here_ and listened to the people closely, was responsible for them like a true Asgardian should be and had an open ear for all complaints. A true god on the throne of Asgard. It made him snort bitterly. 

Only, Loki was a Jotunn who pretended to be an Aesir and this was where all lies had their origin and continued to exist and live on. Maybe it was for the better that they weren’t on Asgard anymore. It gave the lies a chance to die and cease to exist. Another lie. Loki _was_ full of lies and he would never stop to be one. There was comfort to be found in being a lie. And wasn’t New Asgard just another one?

New Asgard was their home and the Bifröst they had started to work on a while ago, where they threw ideas around in the Great Hall, pinned some down on paper and Tony’s holograms, had smouldering brains from all the thinking – but it would be here one day soon. Even when he had to _ask Jane_ if she could tell her assistant to stop threatening people with tasering them as a joke. He didn’t _like_ the threat. It reminded him all too much when someone else _tasered_ him because he was _so much more than the God of Mischief_ , wasn’t he? There were nights he still experienced phantom pain and had to bite down on the pillow as not to scream in agony and wake Tony. Living through this made him remember Thor, it made him angry and there was bile in him that wanted to get _out_ but he couldn’t allow that and then –

 _Guilt_. Thor hadn’t known the obedience disk would stick to him for so long, had he? How should he have known and Thor was _gone,_ he couldn’t talk with him about this – and talking had never been their forte either, they would have just fought over it and then _forgotten_ – a lie, most likely. He didn’t want to think of Thor badly, how could he? He squeezed his eyes shut. Tonight had been one of those episodes again. Tony would appear in the next few minutes for breakfast which consisted out of black coffee and self-made pancakes and Loki didn’t want to trouble his friend so early in the morning. Even when he knew that Tony would be open to listening to him, he didn’t _want to_ – he didn’t want to talk about this humiliating encounter out loud, it was better to have it stuffed in the back of his mind and forgotten about. 

They were close to three years after _The Decimation,_ as people had taken to call it. Tony and him always rolled their eyes when they heard it on the news. It was a complete nonsense. Not a tenth of the universe had died – the half of it. If they wanted to give it a good name that would leave a lasting impression, then give it a correct one: Why not simply “ _The Bisecimation_ ” then? Why did people not use their brains at times?

There were whales apparently now in New York’s port – why, Loki had no idea. New Asgard didn’t have new whales. Only the usual ones, bothering their fishers with throwing water their way. Loki liked whales.

“Pepper says she’d like to come by for a visit,” Tony said during breakfast. “Is that all right with you?”

Loki’s heart plummeted hearing that. All right, it had been a few months since Tony and Pepper’s apparently inevitable break-up. Loki had no reason nor the right to be jealous. Pepper and Tony were still friends and it was amazing that they were comfortable enough around each other after being together for so long. It could be also be vastly different. For Tony, Loki was his housemate and a good friend he could crash at. Not that Loki’s selfishness minded this in any way, Norns forbid, no. Looking at it in this light: good friends, best friends, what did it matter?

It was only Loki’s heart that yearned for more and wished he could draw Tony in his bed at night, kiss him at whatever time of the day and be happy with him here on New Asgard for as long as possible, then leave and explore space together.

But, alas, this was not meant to be the case.

“When?” Loki asked, hands gripping the fork in his hand tighter. He hoped Tony didn’t notice. Occasionally Tony casted him a kind of look that made Loki wonder whether Tony knew of Loki’s infatuation with him – assessing and full of wonder, warm and soft, before they returned to their usual brown fire that had fascinated Loki for a while now.

“Probably next Friday,” Tony said with a smile. “She said she has news for me. I’m excited to know _which_ but she refused to tell me anything.”

 _Distraction_. He needed a distraction.

“Oh no, she’s pregnant,” Loki deadpanned.

Tony blinked. Then, “ _She’s pregnant?!”_

Loki stared at him. Tony waved with his hands uselessly around, doing nothing but waving, sputtering a bit. “But she, she would’ve told me had she-“ He stopped. “You’re fucking with me again.”

“I do.”

“I am not impressed, Reindeer Games.” Tony folded his arms before his chest. “You do not go around and say such things without warning me beforehand.”

“But then, where would be the fun in that?” Loki winked at Tony. He disappeared his own plate, feeling not all that hungry anymore and pulled up documents he was supposed to take a look at before the next council meeting.

The EU was considering to have Loki redeemed of his status as villain because Norway wanted to show off their new _pets_ officially, claiming Norse deities were here with them and people seemed to love the idea of true gods walking on Midgard enough that there were online petitions? Midgardians were weird, Loki thought and read the paper through. He squinted. Looked at the signature again. There was something off about it.

“You bought it for a second,” Loki mumbled, letting his gaze wander over the document slower, taking in every word and ran it through with what he had learnt about Norway’s politicians and the political climate in general.

“Not my fault when you’re being so serious,” Tony complained and leant forward. “You will not lose a single word about this, do we have a deal?”

“Sure.” Loki nodded and flashed his friend a grin. “When you refrain from faking an official document _again_.” He pointed at the one in front of him. “That’s wasted time on my part, Tony. Even though it’s pretty well done.”

Tony’s face fell. “You noticed? Damn, and FRIDAY assured me it would take you longer to notice it’s a fake.” He bit his lips, a thoughtful spark entering his eyes.

“It would have been perfect,” Loki muttered and thought about a good excuse because he couldn’t say that people were doing online petitions and – “but the signature isn’t his usual one. I know that, I keep staring at it every day and this is close to being perfect but there’s this little twirl the chancellor does but you didn’t. That’s what gave it away.”

How high were the chances that Tony had _started_ those online petitions after Loki had mentioned how much pressure it was to work with the EU when you were officially a “bad guy”? It would explain for once, why he wanted to have Pepper over suddenly. She was the marketing genius and knew how to sell matters well to SI’s PR team, didn’t she? Tony gave off the spark, she made the spark bigger and let it bloom into fruition. And New Asgard as part of SI – there would be many advantages if a _manager_ wasn’t considered as a villain anymore.

Tony looked at him unhappily. “A twirl in the signature? Damn.” He sighed. “Okay, next time. Only there won’t be a next time.”

 _Had he bought the lie?_ Loki wondered. “No next time?”

“I can’t do the same thing twice,” Tony said sternly. “That would be boring. And you’re okay with Pepper coming by next Friday?”

“Of course.” Loki tilted his head. “Pepper will always be welcome here, Tony.”

He wasn’t sure how much of that was a lie. If his guesses were right and there was a high chance they were, then he owed Pepper even more than he already did. They had a home here to a big part because of her and nobody – least of all Loki – would dare to forget that for a long while. Yet at the same time she was Tony’s _ex_ and that implied she used to have something Loki didn’t: _Tony_. She knew him intimately better than Loki and that was _all right_ because they used to be _lovers_ and that thought made his heart ache.

“Awesome.” Tony grinned at him, mischief lurking in his brown eyes.

Why fake the document then? Loki considered Tony for a moment, then put the document away. Was this to gauge Loki’s reaction should he be rid of that status? To make certain he wouldn’t go rampage the moment he was a “good guy”? Tony didn’t make sense to him in moments like this.

They continued to eat their breakfast. In Loki’s case, he only drank his tea and was content with that, Tony devoured his fourth pancake, moaning in satisfaction.

Loki froze for a split second hearing that moan. Then, he took another sip of his tea, trying to re-direct his thoughts away from the moan, however small and satisfied it was. Tony really seemed to love pancakes, didn’t he? According to the second quiet moan Loki heard a few moments later. His mind went off a bit. What wouldn’t he give to hear those moans somewhere else under other circumstances? That would have them both naked, sweaty and in a bed, exploring the other with devotion and adoration in their touch? But he tried not to let those thoughts show on his face. He was a master of hiding feelings behind a bored façade, he wouldn’t give those simply away.

Afterwards they stood up and walked out of the door. Loki was meeting with the Thing to have a conversation about the Bifröst and Tony was heading to the Bifröst.

“Do you think Jane and Valkyrie will finally come out?” Tony interrupted their silence.

“I’m not sure,” Loki mused and let his faze wander to the stone at the end of the village. He had been spending less and less time there. It seemed as if he had realised that it didn’t do anything should he only spend time there and mourn, when there were other worries he could direct his attention to. It wouldn’t bring Thor back when he was spending time at the stone and was recalling moments from their childhood.

It would bring Thor back when he kept going forwards, the sun as the goal in mind and the Bifröst finally constructed.

“Jane doesn’t wish to know how the Aesir would react to her ‘betrayal’ of going from Thor to Valkyrie. And believe me, Tony, they might not all be happy about it even though they never liked the image of having her as Thor’s lover and future queen.”

“You Aesir sometimes really are full of horseshit, aren’t you?”

“We are,” Loki admitted with a grin. “But you could also say, we also are extremely loyal.” He winked.

“You,” Tony repeated. “ _Loyal_. Of course.”

“Don’t mock me so, my dearest friend.”

“I’d never mock you, Reindeer Games. Just questioning your grasp of reality.” A wink.

“I am not sure if that is better or worse.” Loki looked at his fingernails, avoiding Tony’s gaze. “Yet I doubt they’ll come out soon. Jane’s been here for what, a few months at most? And she dares to have _already moved on_ , from the glorious Thunder god?” Loki’s mouth twitched. “I think Thor neglected to tell them he and Jane broke things off. In their mind, Jane is still the weird mortal Thor liked to entertain and dally around with.”

“Wow, that’s harsh.”

“Isn’t it just?” Loki nodded. “That she lives with Valkyrie makes sense in their eyes because Valkyrie can now _protect_ the damsel of Midgard, form and shape her into someone who knows how to handle a dagger should need ever arise.”

“And here I thought it was pure selfishness that Valkyrie accepted her into her home.”

“Oh.” Loki waved him off, remembering the conversation he had with Valkyrie about that clear as the day. “It was pretty selfish of Valkyrie to get a smart Midgardian in her home, have her always around, be assured of that. Valkyrie has been fascinated from her since she first learnt her name and what she can do. It seems as if –“

“As if?” Tony prodded, the smirk on his face unsettling Loki somehow even more.

“I lost the thought,” Loki mumbled. Inwardly, he shrieked in panic. He had told Tony just in very unspecific terms about his _own reasons_ why Tony was living with him? Why had he done that? In moments like these Loki only wanted to slap and kick himself in the ass. That’s what he got for being around Tony so much, his resolve was slipping and words tumbled out that Tony was never meant to hear. Because they were too much, too audible and revealed all off Loki’s feelings. His desire for Tony Stark and his wish to have him as his own and have them put a deeper meaning behind “housemates”.

“Sure.” Tony’s voice had taken on a mocking edge but he didn’t prod Loki further. Then, he stepped closer to Loki so their elbows were nearly brushing and-

Why was Tony doing that? He swallowed, glanced briefly to their elbows and thought for a second about Trømso, only to abandon the thought in the following moment.

Tony simply was a mystery to him and he should learn to accept that even when he’d never stop to try to unravel him. It was a challenge Loki couldn’t let go of. In the last few days he had become a greater mystery than before – there were always moments where Tony would stand just a little _too close_ to him than was respectable, his hands were dancing over Loki’s in moments nobody would notice or paid overly attention to them and Loki’s heart just _stopped_ for a moment there.

But then, nothing would happen despite all this. Tony continued as if he hadn’t done something that spoke of moreto follow. Instead he carried on with a smile and talked about science or movies, told him what the Avengers were up to _now_ and that Natasha apparently had started to crave peanut-butter sandwiches, according to what Pepper told him on phone.

They parted close to the hall where the council was being held. Valkyrie and Jane were already waiting for them, a healthy blush on both their faces and Tony waggled with his eyebrows when he turned his face to Loki. “See you in a bit.”

Loki nodded and walked off with Valkyrie.

They were just out of earshot from their Midgardians when she opened her mouth, “One word about –“

“Pepper is visiting Tony next Friday,” Loki interrupted her sharply.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Loki repeated quietly. “ _Oh,_ describes it perfectly.”

“Maybe she’s just here for a friendly visit or because of Stark Industries?” Valkyrie offered him with a small smile. “It doesn’t mean instantly that she wants Tony back, and even if I am not sure if Tony would even want her back.”

“Why wouldn’t he want her back though?” Loki sighed and pushed open the door.

“Because he doesn’t love her anymore?” Valkyrie rolled her eyes at him. “You are _so blind_ , Lackey.”

“Didn’t I tell you not to call me ‘Lackey’ anymore?” There weren’t many things Loki hated more than this nickname.

“I won’t call you Lackey, you stop setting Tony on Jane and me,” Valkyrie replied coldly. “Neither Jane and I are ready to _say anything_ because we don’t want to earn crap for that. I know Thor didn’t say anything about them breaking up so forgive me when I am pissed that my girlfriend and I can’t come out _currently_ and have to get used them first to her having moved on. Because somehow I am in _this position_ and Jane politely informed me that telling them to fuck off in the moment would be _stupid_ and not doing anybody any favour.”

“I am not setting Tony on you, Valkyrie.”

“Oh? Then tell him to _stop it_.” She glared at him. “The eyebrow waggling, the comments, I know he means it in jest and only wants to tease us but it’s riling me up and not in a good way. I can’t even enjoy the alcohol he buys and I pilfer from him because then I remember his smugness when he sees us both and then-“

“I’ll tell him to stop,” Loki interrupted her quietly when the first member of the Thing entered the hall. “But I can’t promise you anything. Just because I say it does that not mean he will do it.”

“Firstly, thank you. Secondly, oh Norns, you really are that dense, aren’t you?” She shook her head and took her place. “And they say lesbians are useless but I get the feeling they just never met a guy hopelessly in love, did they?”

Frowning Loki sat down as well and weathered through another exhausting council meeting. _One more meeting, one step closer to being done with it forever_.

The words ‘And they say lesbians are useless’ continued to circle in Loki’s head, he turned them around in his head.

After the meeting he asked FRIDAY for assistance with it but as it turned out it was as Loki had thought. Lesbians had the reputation on Midgard for being very blind and rather would suffer through years of pining than saying _something_. As hilarious as that was, it didn’t fully make sense in Loki’s head. He was no lesbian, so there was that. He went to the hall where the other genius were at and tried to make the Bifröst work, his mind still circling around it. Maybe Valkyrie had meant it in a metaphorical sense?

He scribbled runes down on a paper, listened to Jane theorising about traversable wormholes, the theorem of Lorrey Loops, a concept that apparently existed out of three geostationary termini in orbit at the endpoints of an equilateral triangle and how this could have been used by the old Bifröst, it only existed out of more than three termini. Loki shook his head in confusion. He could say with utmost sincerity he had never heard of that before but if it made sense to the Midgardians who said it had not been used on the Bifröst?

Velocity made much more sense in his head but Loki would keep clear of this heated debate between the scientist and draw runes that would help the hopefully soon finished Bifröst to sense the old spots on other realms and target them since they didn’t have Heimdall’s sword anymore which helped to direct it. At least that was what they suspected and had agreed on until proven otherwise. 

He had finished and perfected the runes within a few hours because all the arguing and coming to an agreement, just to start a new one helped him to concentrate – it was the chaos that made him think faster and better - he started to focus on ensuring that the travellers would return on one piece at their designation and not as dust particles.

It helped Loki to reach the conclusion to leave Valkyrie’s words alone and decided it would be for the better to focus more on the task given to him. It would do nobody any good to focus on words that were spoken in clear frustration. He told Tony to stop the comments when they were taking a break and drank coffee together and much to Loki’s amazement Tony let teasing comments be when he was around Valkyrie and Jane. There were still a few single ones but they weren’t as lewd as his others had been or quite as suggestive. Jane started to laugh about them more now.

Tony invited Darcy to taser Korg after she suggested to use wood as material for the Bifröst.

~°~

He woke up Friday morning to the smell of freshly brewed tea. He walked slowly into the kitchen and Tony was already there and waiting for him, the aforementioned tea already waiting in a cup.

“Morning, Lokes.”

“Morning,” Loki mumbled back, sat down and reached for his cup. He smelled the wild berries in it and a content grin spread on his face.

“I asked Pepper, by the way. And she is _not_ pregnant,” Tony casually dropped like one did with a piece of paper in the bin when you were done with your work.

“Of course she isn’t.”

“Mhm.” Tony grinned at him. “So, she told me the jet arrives at the nearest airport in roughly four hours. Then she needs like one hour with the car until she’s here, so that gives us five hours until she’s here.”

“I can do that much maths in the morning, yes.”

Tony snorted. “I didn’t doubt that. Just wanted to make sure you also know it and won’t be surprised when she suddenly stands in the door.”

“Well, I could always go to the airport and skywalk her here,” Loki mumbled. “That’s easier than renting a car.”

“You’d do that?”

Loki nodded. “As I said it would be easier. And it gives me an excuse to leave this place for a few minutes. You’d only need to make sure she knows that I’m picking her up and warn her of the side effects of traveling with Yggdrasil for the first time and we’re all good.”

“That won’t be a problem.” Tony pulled out his phone and typed a quick message, put it away again. “Thank you, Lokes.”

“It’s no trouble to me.” Loki stifled a yawn behind his hand. “You thought about a place where we can put her?”

“Valkyrie offered to take her in. Because she wants to _bond_ with strong, kick-ass women, apparently.” Tony shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “One might start to think she’s collecting them.”

“Oh, she does.” Loki took a sip from the tea. “She’s only a bit more subtle about it. But be assured that Valkyrie will get to know all the badass women. And flirt with them, to show her love and support for them." 

Tony arched a brow. “And you’re sure she does that by flirting? Not with, let’s say, impressing the ladies with the alcohol she steals from me?”

“She doesn’t steal it, she pilfers it,” Loki corrected him with a grin. _Loyal_ to his right hand, that was what he was. “And how would I know, Tony? I am not one of the ladies she seeks to impress.” 

“You’d be a pretty lady, I am sure.” Tony winked at him. “But you’re pretty enough as it is, no need to turn in a lady for that.” And with that, Tony sent him a leery grin and drank from his coffee.

And Loki’s mind went _oh-oh_ , and his heart went _a-ha_.

The tea smelled suddenly even better and Tony’s eyes were full of dark promises. Loki swallowed. He had said Tony had become a mystery to him, hadn’t he? He clutched the cup tighter in his hands, lowered his look and stared into the dark liquid as if it would hold the answer he searched for ready. Was this flirting meant like _flirting_ or was it less than that and Tony only liked to banter with him. 

“We might be close to the final element of recreating the Bifröst,” Tony said abruptly and tore Loki from his stupor. “If we continue like that and Brucie comes back on Monday from his trip to the Avengers Compound, he said he left there something we might need.” Tony shrugged as if he hadn’t just raised a banner full of hope in front of Loki’s eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Tony nodded. “It’s like, we’re missing only two last components to figuring out how the travel really works? But if we find one of the components, the other is found even faster?” Tony shrugged again. “Shouldn’t be that difficult. So many brains working on one problem and after we decided to leave the Lorrey Loop out, we were even faster ahead than before. I’m only worried he’ll try the merging attempt with the Hulk while being in America.” Tony cursed softly. “I gave him enough pointers to help him out and hope he doesn’t kill the Hulk entirely but really _merges_ them.” 

“Wouldn’t that be amazing?” Loki took a sip from his tea. “But back to the Loop, I’m glad we decided to leave them out seeing that we can’t be sure about the hold of the fixpoints on other realms.”

“Exactly. A shame since I kind of thought about also using it to integrate it to SI since it helps to save energy. But we can’t have everything, can we? And now this won’t require of us nights of learning where we can use drift safely and how to use the Loop correctly, right?”

Loki’s brows shot up. “You already learnt all about the Loop, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Tony grumbled. “What kind of scientist would I be should I refuse to do that? The main problem is the Loop could become unstable in the long and that isn’t what we need even though the approach is the right one.”

Loki nodded.

Then, he froze when he felt Tony’s feet rubbing against his ankles, barely noticeable. He bit on his cheek to avoid saying _something_ , asking Tony what he was doing there. A small feet rubbing, surely this was _normal_ , wasn’t it? And yet, Loki couldn’t help but notice how his breath had sped up and how the rubbing sent up sparkles on his spine. Norns be damned, why was Tony behaving like this?

He cleared his throat. Tony’s feet were warm against his.

“Is there something you require for your talk with Pepper?” he asked as calm as he could. _Condoms?_ His traitorous brain asked with the innocence of a Tony Stark. _Lube as well, so you can take him right there and show to whom Tony belongs?_

Loki shook his head. No. No, he would not do _that_ , or even _suggest_ that.

“I don’t know? Coffee? Tea? Shouldn’t need anything special for that.”

 _See, the condoms are just for you then._ Loki squinted his eyes. He would stop thinking about this right now. There was no reason why his thoughts were turning so naughty, nothing extra-ordinary was happening. Only Tony was rubbing his feet with his own. Nothing _weird_ about this. Completely normal for a Friday morning.

“Tell me when you have need of something.”

Tony nodded. “Will do.”

Loki took in the state of the house, saw how neglected it had become in the last few days – dust was assembling in various spots, cobwebs were hanging in some corners and old dishes stood around that had not yet been put away. Obviously they both had more pressing matters to attend to than doing dishes. He stood up with a sigh, removed his feet from Tony’s and started to load the dishwasher to start _somewhere_. Flicked with a hand and let the cobwebs magically disappear, removed the dust from its place and cleaned the windows in the next go.

It had been some time since he last used his seiðr for those kinds of tasks. He preferred to do it by hand, it gave him time to think and relax, as he had noticed but right now, he just wanted to look their home a bit better, _homelier_ and not abandoned and forgotten when Pepper would visit.

“Handy,” Tony commented with a smile and stretched his limbs. “And I just wanted to offer to clean the windows." 

“You wouldn’t have.”

“That’s true but I would have, had you asked.”

Loki rolled his eyes at him. “Of course you would have. This one time I use my seiðr for it, say thank you and do it next time. Ask Dum-E and the others if they can help out.”

“The kids are at the Bifröst hall and you know that,” Tony remembered him. “Dum-E sprayed me last time when I wanted to activate the hologram when Bruce wasn’t looking, remember?”

“Well, how could I?” Loki replied with a small laugh. Tony came home that day covered in foam, grinning from ear to ear over the mischief Dum-E had pulled on him and how proud he was that his kids took the move from America to New Asgard so well. And Loki’s heart had fluttered when he noticed how Tony said ‘New Asgard’ and not ‘Norway’ as people tended to do. Yes, so they lived in Norway but … it felt simply better being able to pretend New Asgard was their own country, not a part of Norway.

“Good to know that you like to see me covered in something _white_.” Tony smirked at him.

For the second time of this morning, Loki’s brain went on _stop_ and _did he just say what we think he said_?

“Really, I don’t mind. I know I look good with something _white_ on me.”

Loki blinked. _Wit_ , he thought, _where’s your wit when you need it?_ “Well, then I’ll tell Dum-E you miss the foam.”

“Mhm,” Tony all but purred and Loki’s mind definitely went to places it shouldn’t go to after breakfast, when the object of desire was in reach and not his to have. “Thanks for collecting Pepper, Loki. Very much appreciated.” Tony patted his shoulder and walked out of the door, a smirk on his face Loki did not dare to interpret.

His breathing still had not slowed down. Maybe it wasn’t noticeable because it wasn’t that much faster to his usual breathing but Loki felt it, and he felt the phantom touch of Tony’s feet against his, the lingering touch on his shoulder and the air that smelled of the deodorant Tony used for months now. 

He shoved the chairs back to their place and walked out of the door, Tony’s small figure already feet ahead of him. He wouldn’t run after Tony. Loki took a turn to the right and walked down to the pier, hoping, the sound of the sea would calm him down somewhat. Not many Aesir were up to this time, it was disgustingly early, the sun wasn’t fully up yet, just peering at the sky in hesitant orange and yellow.

~°~

It smelled of fish and salt. Loki’s mouth watered as it often did with this smell, made him ache for a fish and salt, salt, salt, salt, salt and – he didn’t even like salt that much. But since they had settled down on New Asgard and he was surrounded by the smell the desire did not leave him. Probably it had to do something with his Jotunn genes, that made him wish for salty things and appreciation for fish and the cold air here. He couldn’t explain it otherwise. The desire had never come up on Asgard where it had been warm and dry, sweet, and brutal. This here was something else. The more Loki thought of that, the more it made sense to him.

He glared at the sky and skywalked up to the cliffs. He didn’t wish for the few sailors of New Asgard to hear him curse the former All-Father’s name.

“Damned, Odin,” he started and stared at the sky, grey in its colour with a few yellow and orange stripes in the distance. “Has this been another of your plots? Setting me up _casually_ at a place where the Jotnar can live and fare better than on Asgard?”

There was no answer. But it wasn’t as if Loki had expected one. “But seeing as we’re talking about you, old man, that’s probably only a coincidence, right?” Loki continued and a kind of cruelty twisted his innards. “Or it was, and you only did it to bind me tighter to Thor, ensuring I’d stay on his side? Yes, that sounds like the form of manipulation you’d use, Odin.”

The sun rose slowly and Loki continued to stare in the sky. “Why else would Thor want to go here if it had not been you who directed him here?” he asked, quieter. “Because Thor may have behaved like he was free of your influence and became the king he was always meant to be on his own but the truth is, it had been you. _Again_.” Loki shook his head. “Congratulations, old man. For once, your manipulations seem to pay off even though in a different form than you had imagined. Because Thor is _not_ king here, it’s me. And I am not here on my own conditions, I am here because you and Thor put shackles on me I cannot escape.”

His seiðr came forward and danced on his hands, green and angry like the Hulk used to be. “Sometimes I only want to destroy,” Loki mumbled and held his hands up, the green promising destruction and chaos, promising the delivery of pain, blood, and _release_ from what held him here.

“But I won’t,” he added and the seiðr disappeared. “Because I will neither disappoint _Thor_ , nor-“ he swallowed as the feeling settled in, the finality of saying it out loud, “nor do I wish to disappoint Tony who _believes_ _in me_. Isn’t that ridiculous?”

There it was, spoken out aloud in the sky. His wish not to disappoint Thor had expanded in the desire not to disappoint Tony’s faith in him. Because Tony’s faith was there, it was akin to trust just a tad more, it tickled Loki at night when he couldn’t sleep, remembering Tony was _so close_ and how easily he could cross the distance between them. “You had not foreseen that a mere Midgardian would make me do something you wanted me to do for ages, right?”

The sky rumbled in the distance. A memory awoke of Loki’s last talk with Odin. He cursed in Old Norse when he remembered words, he had dismissed as something else entirely. ‘ _And this will be one of your most difficult tasks you ever have to encounter but you aren’t as alone as you think you are_ ’ had been Odin’s words.

“You did see it,” Loki breathed in astonishment. “You did see Tony and you saw him for what he’s worth.” He snorted, poison leaving his mouth and only leaving a bitter taste behind like amaretto after dinner Tony loved to indulge himself in, the sweet taste spoiling one till the bitterness seemed like a reward.

“I don’t hate you,” Loki announced then. “But I don’t like your play of manipulations when it’s clearly decked out in front of me but I can’t see the honeyed traps where you laid them. And when I hope to have escaped you, I get stuck in another one. Maybe you mean it well, maybe you hope to atone for your faults by this but–“ he could only shake his head. “I tire of your games when you aren’t here to play with me fully. This is cheating from the other side and I can’t even change your beloved Asgardian Beer to goat’s piss this time.” Loki glared at the sky.

“Stop your games, Odin All-Father. You said I am making you proud. If it truly is your goal to see me accomplish as king, then stop pushing me into this. I want to do things on my own, not on your behalf. Even when I wish to see this place not for a long time when this is over. Even then. Stop throwing your old and most importantly, _dead fingers_ , into my life. They’re not wanted here and I will find a way to make you regret it. Even if it would require me dying first.”

It seemed like magic but the sun went up higher and the greyness of the sky became blue, the greyish stripes fading away entirely.

Loki felt like he had run a marathon. He was out of breath, but because of other reasons than this morning and his lungs were burning. He would have to pick up Pepper soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to year 3 where Tony is a lovely menace and Loki is so head over heels for his Midgardian he doesn't get the simplest clue 😆


	9. Chapter 9

It’s been a while since Loki last saw her but he still recognised Pepper. There was still the red-blond hair, bound together to a loose ponytail and wearing an olive green leather blazer that seemed a tad small on her. It suited her well though. She looked like a ray of sunshine as she walked down the stairs from the jet and walked towards him in long, purposeful steps without any hesitation.

“Loki, it’s nice to see you again. You look pretty whole for living with Tony in one house.” She winked at him.

“Pepper.” He bowed his head slightly.

“Don’t I get a hug?” she asked, a grin playing on her lips.

 _A hug?_ Somehow, he hadn’t expected this. Really, he had _not_. He liked Pepper and he knew she liked him – but he’d thought she might have been harbouring a sort of grudge against him for having Tony live with him. It would be logical. The Norns alone knew Loki would. He swallowed and nodded feebly. Hugs were something Midgardians _liked_ , they tended to be their gesture to bestow upon friends and really, Loki liked them. He pulled her in a hug, his shoulders relaxing as he held her and she squeezed him back.

Maybe it had been good that he’d sent her the text, asking about her wellbeing a while back.

She drew back and pecked his cheek.

He blinked.

She laughed. “Sometimes unbelievable you used to be a villain, Loki. Really, you _are_ cute.”

 _Right, he was_ ‘cute’ _._ He pretended to have understood that and offered her his arm. “How was the flight?” he asked in a what he hoped, casual tone.

She smiled at him and took his arm. “Uneventful, thankfully. How was the trip here?”

“Uneventful, as always.” Loki smiled at her.

There was still the unease from his side as to why she had decided to come here to speak with Tony – maybe it was as Valkyrie had said, a friendly visit but Loki couldn’t believe that, it was too easy, too simple and when had something ever been simple in his life. But also delight because Pepper was fun to be around. She didn’t take any of his mind fuckery, didn’t let herself be manipulated, and had threatened him with a pepper spray once when he had talked with Tony via Astral Projection. He couldn’t remember why she had done that but it had been an impressive threat.

But most important of all, she was his _friend_. Loki knew he didn’t have many of them. He would simply enjoy the time she was here and bear it with a smile were she and Tony to get back together.

“Tony told me you planned to skywalk me to New Asgard?”

He nodded. “Close your eyes, the sight of Yggdrasil and the voids in between might unsettle your mind.”

She closed her eyes with a soft smile. Loki sighed, looked at her to confirm her eyes were really closed and then walked them to New Asgard; Pepper’s hand on his arm and he tried not to go all too fast because when they were slower that would meant that _Tony_ was for a longer time a free man and that was better than –

No, that wasn’t any better. In fact it was an entirely selfish wish to have Tony as a free man with no one by his side. A wish he should never dare to voice out loud if he wanted to keep Tony as his friend.

“I don’t think I like this way of travelling?” Pepper coughed as they stepped from Yggdrasil’s branches and on New Asgard’s ground.

“You sound unsure about that.” Loki grinned at her.

“Well, let me say as a CEO of an industry that stands for green energy – this kind of travelling is incredibly clean, quick and _efficient_. But I don’t feel like it would go over well with the market. It leaves me a bit nauseous.” She smiled quickly before she pulled her leather blazer tighter around her.

Was she burying her nose in the leather? He arched a brow. _Midgardians._ It seemed as if she was trying to breathe in deeply. Loki looked at her closely. She looked up, a firm smile now on her lips even though she appeared to be paler in the face than usual and her fingers were trembling.

“You looked at the void, didn’t you?”

“I was too nosey for my own good?”

“You can definitely say that,” Loki replied and let his seiðr wash away the sickness she experienced form their trip. “Is it better now?”

She nodded. “Yes, thank you.” She straightened up and her red hair fell down easily over her shoulders. “So, and where is Tony? He _knows_ that I’m coming.”

 _Tony_. “He probably got lost in his inventing and is playing around with science, I would guess.” Again, Loki presented her with his arm. “Can I show you around or invite you to a cup of tea, first?”

“A tea would be lovely,” Pepper replied instantly. “Finally someone who has taste in his choice of drinks he offers to others. Tony would ask if I wanted a whiskey.” She winked at him.

“He means it well,” Loki defended Tony with a smile.

“I know.” She nudged him with her elbow. “But you offered me tea, so where can we go and get it?”

“In my home?”

“Lovely.” She beamed at him.

Tony might be a mystery but Pepper? She was another kind of mystery with all her laughing. Norns, he couldn’t remember seeing her laugh and beam so much at any time he saw her? His eyes fell to the green blazer. _What if -_

He stopped himself and sent Tony a quick message that Pepper had arrived with him. And that he didn’t want to be alone with her for too long because he feared her pepper spray. He hoped Tony would read it soon. Did he? He looked over New Asgard absently. It would be nice of Tony to do so. And for him.

He sighed. Who liked to be stuck with the ex of the man you crushed on but considered the ex as a friend while jealousy crawled up your throat and made you want to magic her away, back to America and wanted to hug her at the same time?

Loki, apparently. This wasn’t fair. 

“I think I need to thank you,” Pepper said while the kettle was boiling.

“For what?” He frowned and started to knead his fingers, he wasn’t nervous at all.

“Tony’s been doing his homework on time,” Pepper replied with a grin on her face. “Something he never did before. Before I always had to run after him and ensure he wouldn’t forget to read the documents or had to run after him for a signature on them. Or, keep up with what’s going on at Stark Industries. He can be quite a handful, but I am sure you know that.”

Yes, he did know that. Loki squinted at her, not knowing where this conversation was going and that, he did not like at all. He hated it, when he was being honest. Losing control over a conversation was simply not done as a conversation master.

“How’s it going with three Midgardians here among all of you Aesir?” Pepper asked when he poured the tea into the fitting mugs. “I can imagine it’s not as easy as it could be.”

“It’s all right,” Loki mumbled and sighed. “The big advantage was that the Aesir already seemed to like Tony, thanks to Valkyrie’s heavy input. It certainly helped to make them more open towards him and that _Thor-_ ” his voice broke for a moment, “that Thor used to sing hymns of praise about him, too.” 

“Mhm,” she hummed and took a tentative sip of her tea. “You’ve been working hard on New Asgard's improvement since you arrived here. Three years ago, would you believe that.”

“Yes.” He had _lived_ through them all, for Norns’ sake.

She nodded and they sank into an almost awkward silence. The only reason why it wasn’t awkward was because they both pretended that drinking tea removed the awkwardness in it. He _could_ ask why she was here.

“You certainly wonder why I am here,” she started the conversation up anew.

“I do.”

She grinned at him. It reminded him of a shark, waiting in the water for a fish to bite.

And he bit.

He sighed. “Why are you here, Pepper?” Because Loki did not have the patience right now to play a game of waiting; he wanted his worst fears to have confirmed or denied, that was all.

Her grinning façade disappeared. Instead, she looked at him not unsure, but hesitantly as if she was afraid of his reaction. And his stomach _dropped_.

“I wanted to tell Tony that from face to face,” Pepper rambled and cleared her throat. “It’s not been all too long since we decided to split up, I mean it’s only been a few months and perhaps I should have waited longer out of respect? But-“ she smiled at him, and there was a glimmer of strength returning to her the way she drew her shoulders back. “I asked Natasha out for a date.”

Of course she would have. It –

_What._

“Beg your pardon?” Loki asked, blinked, and stopped kneading his fingers. _What had she said?_

“I said, I asked Natasha out for a date,” Pepper repeated calmly. “She and I have been friends since we met and even though she betrayed Tony for Steve - you know, it’s been _years_ since then and Natasha is the glue that keeps the Avengers together nowadays. Don’t you think she deserves some forgiveness as well for that? Tony keeps switching between liking and disliking her and it - you know, she deserves that but she also _doesn’t_ deserve it. She atoned enough, Loki. And I want to be happy and Natasha was there for me, even though she has to shoulder other shit I do not envy her for and-“

He held up a hand. “You’re here to tell Tony that you and Natasha are a couple? And because of that are afraid that he will not accept it or only pretend he will accept it because you’re not sure where he and Natasha stand currently?”

“Yes.” She licked her lips. “I love Tony, I do and he’s one of my best friends and I don’t want to hurt him. But I lo-, _like_ Natasha and I don’t know whether I can give up my happiness.” _Again_ , she didn’t add but it was heavily implied. She kneaded the green leather blazer nervously she had put over the back of the chair.

Loki leant back in his chair. He hadn’t expected that, not at all. “I can’t really tell you what he will think of that, Pepper. But I think he will be happy that _you_ are happy because that’s Tony, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly and stirred honey in her tea. It was wild berry tea, Loki didn’t have a lot of variation, too content with this brand. “And that’s the problem. Because I don’t want him to feel like he _has_ to be happy for me. I only want to know whether he will accept Natasha or whether I have to accept that we will need to test grounds first.”

“You and Natasha?”

Loki and Pepper whipped their heads around, seeing Tony in the doorway, a huge grin on his face.

“Congrats, Peps! Didn’t you know you had it in you.” He winked at her and then flapped down on the chair next to Loki. “For how long have you two been a thing now?”

“Officially, not at all. Unofficially has it been three weeks since our first date.”

“Three weeks of you shacking up with Natasha and you only just decided to tell me _now_?” Tony pouted at her. “Peps, I thought we were _best friends_. I deserve to know first whether you get laid by someone else.”

“That’s true and that’s very weird and also, _no_?!” Pepper looked at him sceptically. “And that’s all you have to say for that? Nothing about that ‘it’s Natasha’ I am dating, that she betrayed you and will backstab me as well?”

“To be fair,” Tony said with a sheepish grin, “you actually are more terrifying than me. Natasha wouldn’t dare to backstab you.” His eyes went dark, an unspoken promise in the air that Loki could feel. He swallowed. 

“That’s true.” Pepper nodded slightly. “So, then, Tony. Is that okay with you? Me and Natasha?”

“Does she make you happy?” Tony asked her calmly.

“Yes.”

“Then I’m okay with it.”

Loki felt Tony shrugging next to him and then there was-

 _Tony’s hand_.

On his thigh.

For the third time of this day, Loki’s mind just got put on a hold and he froze where he was. He saw that Tony continued to move his mouth, said things that probably were important but all Loki could focus on was the hand on his thigh. It was big and warm, a grounding touch that made him soar on the chair and the air smelled like Valhalla had come down to them. In the distance, he heard tea sloshing against the mugs and it sounded like music to his ears. Tony’s breath so close and the warmth he radiated –

 _Valhalla and beyond, Norns be praised and blessed with strong threads to web with._ He continued to stare at Pepper and nodded in between, something with a green jacket that wasn’t hers and Tony’s teasing voice, right next to him.

Tony’s thumb started to move in circular movements on his leg. Loki could swear the touch burned through his leather trousers, erased the material where the thumb drew its circles. The circles were fire and welcome and Loki swallowed dryly. And the sweet and never stopping to be relentlessly torture continued. It dragged him away from the conversation until all he could was to focus on the hand on his thigh. It slowly crept higher up and was _warm_ , and was _there_ , on _him_ and Loki stared into the mug with wild berry tea in his hands.

 _Focus_ , he thought, and it was as if he was drowning. So warm and it was all Tony, there, hand on his thigh. It felt like the hand confused him, took all his coherency away. It made him feel drowsy and made it impossible for him to form a clear thought. Whenever Loki felt like he was finally gaining the upper hand, the thumb started to move around again. It continued to distracted him from focusing and that was what Loki _should_ do, be a good host and be attentive towards _his friend_ Pepper.

A small bit of pain shot up in him.

Loki looked to Tony who nodded slightly towards Pepper, who smiled at him happily.

He swallowed dryly and asked in a hoarse voice, “Would you mind repeating the question? I seem to not to have caught it.”

“Don’t worry, that happens,” Pepper said with a smirk and repeated her question again. “I asked, now that Tony has given me ‘his blessing’ for dating Natasha, if you’d mind me invite Natasha here as well? She wants to see Tony again because she misses him and I’d love to have her here.”

“Sure,” Loki croaked. “Valkyrie will be looking forward to meeting her. Another badass warrior woman, she’d sing praise for that in fond memory even before she goes to Valhalla.” And Tony’s thumb started to rub warm circles again in his thigh. It was as if he was rewarding Loki for his agreement but it didn’t make sense, did it?

 _Good thing the Widow was an Avenger and shield brother of Thor_ , the thought, _otherwise this wouldn’t go over as smooth with the Aesir then._

He breathed in deeply, took a sip from his tea and wished there would tea in it and not just emptiness. Because he wanted to have his hands do _something,_ so it didn’t look like he was actually happy for Tony’s touch. Because that was what Loki was; unbelievable happy and delighted. He wasn’t quite sure what had made Tony do so but he-,

He wouldn’t complain.

Not when he finally got a hint of something that could be Tony and him again, after the last something had been Tromsø. He dared to throw a quick glance at Tony after having answered Pepper and he swallowed – again.

Tony was smirking at him. The kind of ‘I know what’s going on with you’ smirk that would have made Loki weak in the knees had he not been sitting already, so devilish was the smirk and so devastating for Loki to see. The _knowledge_ in the smirk and the dancing lights in Tony’s eyes, the thumb that put on more pressure in its touch and-

It was true porn for Loki. He couldn’t describe it any differently anymore. It was as if the Norns were looking at him with benevolent eyes for once because this-?

This was better than illusion, fantasies, it was beyond being better than walking through Tromsø where snowflakes had enticed Tony and his appearance and made him prettier than ever to Loki’s eyes. This was a _touch_ that Loki had not manipulated, had not desired for consciously and had made it happen.

No. This had been all along, not on him. It had been and it still _was_ Tony’s choice of doing that to Loki. He was the one who let his thumb circle on Loki’s black leather trousers and was rubbing occasionally over sensitive spots and sent Loki’s mind _off_. To somewhere Loki had not dared to dream of, it simply made him feel good and all right. It was a good touch, amazing, astonishing, _perfect_ -

Tony better did not stop doing this. Loki would hold a dagger under his chin for that. Loki wanted more of this _innocent_ touch that made him yearn, yearn for more than he could have but it all seemed more within his grasp today than yesterday.

And Pepper wasn’t here because she wanted Tony back, no –

Pepper was here because she had announced to Tony and him that she had moved on and wanted his ‘yes’ for having a relationship with someone else. Even when he didn’t peg her for someone who needed an approval for that. Later, he’d worry about that later. For now he enjoyed the sensation of feeling like flying. Things were looking fabulous and Loki didn’t dare to think of the other shoe which probably was only waiting to drop on him, to bury him beneath its weight –

With things like feelings, sentiment and _tasks_ Loki should feel, have, and fulfil but the thumb was a good distraction. Warm and simply Tony’s _._

He suppressed only by a small chance a whimper when Tony’s hand left his thigh. The smirk Tony sent him was diabolic and Dum-E put biscuits down on their table. Tony’s thigh was pressing against his and again, air was evading Loki and what were thoughts again? Thoughts? Ability to think and to _act_?

He was doomed to become an incoherent being with Tony touching him, rendering him more and more useless until Loki wondered how he could even eat and drink with Tony doing that to him. He was getting worked up over _simple touches_ but they were his salvation, his doom, why didn’t he get this sweet reward more often?

He dripped honey in his tea and he took a big sip from it, hoping it tasted all right. It didn’t; it was too sweet, so similar to Tony’s touch –

He drank from it again, with closed eyes, hoping Tony’s hand wouldn’t come on his thigh again because he wouldn’t be able to hide it. The ‘it’ being his growing arousal because he apparently was that much of a thirsty man in the wide vastness of Muspelheim. Only unrelenting sun, nothing else than warmth and heat, fire, no sign of water and something liquid that would help you.

The torture stopped when Pepper yawned and mumbled something about a ‘jet-lag’ and Tony took the chance to stand up, offered Pepper his arm and with a promise in his eyes that told Loki Tony would have a talk with Pepper outside. Where Loki wouldn’t hear them. He nodded, waved them farewell and let his eyes shut closed. He breathed in. Out.

Then, with slow and careful measured steps, Loki stood up and walked to his part of the house and dropped in his bed like a stone. He blinked in the pillow. What wouldn’t he give to scream right now his frustration but he couldn’t do that just yet. Tony might come back soon and –

He sighed. Maybe he should just sleep. Even when he was smiling like an idiot in his pillow.

~°~

After that, it happened more often. _Casual touches_ from Tony’s side that made Loki swallow but he didn’t pry away Tony’s hands when they settled on his thigh again – that was how desperate he was for some attention from the man he wanted and if that was all he could have, he’d take it in a heartbeat. Wasn’t he just an epitome of a true heart suffering?

Tony’s hands on him were amazing and their caress lingered like the water drops on his face when the sky turned dark again. There used to be a time when he had not liked the sound of distant and close rumbling in the sky, reminding him of how much power Thor had – now it only reminded him how much he had lost. And then, the warmth of Tony so close by, on him, like an accident at time but the smirks gave it away, and the tentative seeds of hope started to find a home in Loki’s heart which was desperate for it and at the same time, afraid he was _wrong_.

Pepper was here and Tony spent time with her, yes. But whenever Loki was with them, it was Loki who he directed his attention to, joked with the most and preferred him over the others around them. Even Bruce, his _science bro,_ as he called him and who still tried to become one for reasons Loki couldn’t comprehend. But apparently fear was his greatest motivator – not having been able to defeat Thanos was the source of his fright.

But the fear that Pepper wanted Tony back – it was _gone_. The dread and anxiety Loki had felt because Tony might want her back as well? That was not the case either and as proof Loki had the caresses. The smirks. The glint in Tony’s eyes when he saw Loki’s eyes falling downwards to Tony’s hand but not pushing it away.

When Loki touched the small of Tony’s back while they awaited Natasha’s arrival at New Asgard because Loki wouldn’t skywalk just _everybody_ – it had been only a small tentative touch, testing the waters as his mother would have called it with a laugh in her calm and clear voice – but Tony had leant back in his touch. He had pressed back against Loki’s cool hand and didn’t move away from it. Only when Natasha had left the car and moved to stand in front of him.

Tony had told her in quite open terms that should she hurt Pepper and die because of that, he’d made sure nobody would remember why her name was ‘Black Widow’, he’d ensure her name would be everywhere only a term to use as an insult to doubt one’s skills and, as he had explained to her, the damned grin still on his face and Loki wanted to kiss it hungrily, he’d made sure everybody knew of her past with the Winter Soldier.

She had nodded and said with an appreciative glint in her eyes, “Finally a threat worth taking seriously, Tony.”

Pepper had swatted them both over the head. Loki just wanted to take Tony away from here, to somewhere else. There was nothing more exciting than seeing a nice man turning evil for the sake of someone else, Loki realised, and his fingers danced over Tony’s dark green sweater.

So for now, Loki would _try_ and prod a bit around. See how far he could push his luck before Tony would tell him ‘no’. Because at this point to say Tony didn’t know Loki had a thing for him, it would be a refusal of the most stupid kind. Why argue with something when the proof was breathing next to you, smelling of thyme and something else Loki couldn’t name, when the truth was so much better for one? Maybe all the waiting and pining would finally pay out.

“Thanks for letting me come,” Natasha said to him, her voice even.

“There’s little I wouldn’t do for Pepper,” Loki replied calmly. _I did it for her, not for you_ , was what he said and she nodded in agreement. “Try to guard your tongue, widow,” he said next. “Aesir aren’t fond of mind games.”

She nodded, looked at him shrewdly and then took Pepper’s hand in hers and –

It was a stab of jealousy to his heart. He turned his head to Tony who looked at him, the purple of his sunglasses hid his gaze from Loki’s mostly. It made him wonder what was going through Tony’s head when he saw the man smiling at the two in front of them.

~°~

Now that Natasha was here, they learnt more about the Avengers than before and the work on the Bifröst was being put on hold for the weekend. They had other things to discuss and plan or, as Pepper had called it with an amused glint in her eyes, there were rumours and the latest gossip of course to exchange. Loki and Tony had not thought they were invited to the ‘girls’ meeting’ as Tony had put it but, as they got assured quickly, they were invited because they were the ‘real drama queens’. Tony had squealed in delight and brought the alcohol over to Valkyrie’s home and then they had _talked_.

Pepper shared the newest gossip of Happy and some people whose name told Natasha and Tony something. Natasha spilled the beans on Carol and Nebula trying to date in space and through the universes but it wasn’t all that easy but they tried. And Rocket mocked them while shooting everyone in Nebula’s direction who dared to scoff at them. It reminded Loki that he had a message of Rocket waiting to be answered. He’d do that when he was less engaged with the people here.

This _spontaneous_ party as it was called became way more fun when Natasha challenged them all to a drinking conquest and put down bottles with alcohol ‘straight from Russia where they know what alcohol is’ as she told them and rolled one to Loki.

“Thor got tipsy after one,” she said with a grin. “Let’s see how you fare with it and if not, I have _more_.”

Tony’s eyes went wide next to him. “We’re making an Asgardian drunk?”

“We are,” Natasha confirmed with a grin, “remember when Thor got so drunk after five bottles, he forgot how to turn on the dishwasher?”

“Yeah and then he put the toaster and one of his shirts in it.” Tony chuckled. “Good times.”

“Thor put a shirt in a dishwasher?” Loki asked.

“Ye _p_.” Tony let the ‘p’ pop loudly. “I think that was the only time we managed to make him drunk. How come you are easier to get drunk than him?”

“Because I have seiðr and can make the alcohol stronger?” Loki grinned at him. “And I can reverse it as well.”

“That’s cheating.”

“No, that’s using your own skill to your advantage.” Loki winked at him. He looked to Natasha. “And you say your Russian beverage made Thor tipsy?”

“It did.”

“Then I see no need to make the alcohol in it stronger.” Loki took the bottle and opened it. “I hope you didn’t poison it,” he said next, “because if you did, New Asgard won’t stay as peaceful as it is right now because then they have no king and the Thing is to ninety-eight percent useless.”

“I would never dare to poison alcohol.” She grinned at him, then opened her own bottle.

Valkyrie as well and Loki looked at her and saw a challenging grin on her face. “Who gets drunk first, wins,” Valkyrie announced and then they toasted to _something_.

Loki couldn’t remember exactly what. It could have been alcohol, queerness, being a mess, surviving and still fighting, to the love that was blooming on this dreadful planet, to the dusted ones and that they’d get them soon back –

It was all a bit blurry. _Again._ Maybe he should stop getting drunk with Midgardians. But it was _fun_.

There might have been lips on his and some beard scratching his chin but alas, he couldn’t say for sure. Blurry, didn’t he say so?

Natasha had not exaggerated when she said a bottle made tipsy. Then there was the fact that Loki hadn’t eaten all too much and yes, so he might have underestimated the effects of it.

Blurry pictures of Natasha straddling Pepper, Jane cuddling with Valkyrie and Tony’s fingers in his hair, talking to Val. And Loki remembered breathing in and rubbing his face on Tony’s sweatpants and sighing happily.

Then he kind of fell asleep.

~°~

There were bits of a conversation that he caught while his brain was mostly blissfully out.

“He’s an adorable drunk,” Tony had said. There were for a moment, and Norns be thanked he was so out of it so he could continue breathing, lips on his temple, lingering for a moment then pulled away again.

 _Not fair_.

“He can be.” Valkyrie grinned at them. “Aren’t you happy that he’s finally washing his hair regularly?”

“I am.” Tony laughed and the vibrations of it sent delicious shivers through Loki. Then he fell asleep again. It was comfortable where he was and wanted to stay here. Because when he next opened his eyes, it wasn’t all that blurry anymore and the conversation wasn’t as full anymore with lively participants. It seemed to have become tamer.

He couldn’t see Pepper and Natasha, Jane wasn’t here anymore either. And he was still cuddling with Tony, but his face was pressing now in Tony’s shirt, not any longer in his sweatpants. _Still comfortable._

“-just glad when we’re done.”

“Yes.” Tony’s hand stroked over his back, warm and comforting. Loki wanted _more_. “Things before the snap weren’t easy either but now? Complete chaos even though things are starting to take on a normal shape again.”

“Are they?” he heard Valkyrie asked amused. “Or is it simply a new form of normal.”

“A bit of both?” Tony sighed.

He couldn’t have slept long after that. He was still cuddling with Tony’s stomach and they were talking still. And Loki wondered whether Tony had drunken anything? Or … just not as much? His head was circling a bit and Loki didn’t know where it wanted to go because Tony was _here_ , wasn’t he? Why leave?

“-doing well, all things considered,” Valkyrie mumbled and yawned. “Hadn’t thought that of him.”

“Really? Because he’s him or-?”

“Because he’s not a patient guy. At least, that’s what I thought. But he keeps proving me wrong.”

Tony chuckled and Loki smiled into the shirt. “Yeah, he tends to do that, doesn’t he?”

“Mhm. So for how long do you intend to torture him?”

“For as long as he allows me to,” Tony answered and his fingers _finally_ went back into Loki’s hair, where they belonged to, in his humble and admittedly, drunk opinion. Loki sighed in content. Tony and Valkyrie talked some more, something about “useless gay” and “pretty” and “ _but did you notice the bulge?”_.

He didn’t care overly much, he slept the rest of the alcohol off.

He would think about lips on him later.

He was tired and had a shirt to snuggle into.

And warm and big hands.

He was allowed some peace for a change.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone's curious: [ that's the leather blazer](http://www.desireleather.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Captain-America-Scarlett-Johansson-Black-Widow-Jacket.jpg)
> 
> I'm sure that's what y'all are most interested in, right? 😇


	10. Chapter 10

The sun was already up when Loki was waking up as well. It smelled of alcohol even more than usual and Valkyrie was sitting in front of him, a cup of tea in her hands and a grin on her face.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

He mumbled a “Morning,” back and took the cup, breathing in the smell of tea deeply. His pillow was moving.

“Don’t wake him up,” Valkyrie warned him. “I think we were up till six in the morning, might have even been later, we didn’t look at a clock.” Her eyes wandered down on him, a faint grin curling on her lips. “And you used him as a pillow like the shameless prince that you are, Lackey. Thank Norns Tony did not complain about that otherwise I would have you removed.”

Loki glanced at his pillow. _Tony_ was his pillow. An extremely comfortable pillow and he grumbled quietly about having to ride kangaroos to the next Stark Industries’ building and he better hurry, otherwise Pepper would flay him alive and the drop bears were cute and the magpies who wanted to steal his eyes. Loki smiled at the still sleeping Tony.

He was _adorable_ when he talked in his sleep. He had to ask FRIDAY later what Tony was talking about, his curiosity was awoken.

“He is an amazing pillow,” Loki said with a yawn.

“Yes, he is. And you’re an incredibly amazing blanket, according to him.” She stood up. “It’s Saturday and we have things to do. Drink the tea, get in the goddamn shower. I expect you at the hall in one hour.”

He nodded. One hour. _When did she become so confident in ordering me around?_ Not that he was complaining about it – just a little bit – but he liked the change in their relationship. Going from apparently hating him to being _helpful_ , how often did that happen? For him, almost never.

He leant back against the sofa rest, deciding to leave the bitter path his thoughts had taken. Tony laid on the sofa quite odd. Loki wasn’t quite sure how they had ended on the sofa like that, with all their limbs intertwined, Loki half resting on Tony’s upper body, one of his legs was slung over Tony. His legs were holding Loki’s other leg tightly and it - it wasn’t even that comfortable at all. But Tony looked peaceful in his sleep, his features relaxed and open, not tightly wound like they tended to be during the day. There was this urge in Loki to touch Tony’s face but Loki refrained from it, he didn’t want to wake up Tony accidentally. Tony had shown him the same consi-

No, _he hadn’t_ , had he?

Loki _remembered_ that there had been fingers in his hair, playing around with a few strands, tugging at them softly. It had woken him up in between his rightfully deserved slumber. Not, that he had minded of course. But the main thing was that-, _oh no_. He untangled his legs from Tony’s and stood up carefully, putting the cup of wild berries tea on the table and went to the bathroom. The door was already open which was _perfect_ for him and his attempt at fleeing. Not that he really was fleeing, he just had to _get away_ , for a minute or twenty. Ordering his thought or simply, try to forget about them as he stood in the shower and fought against the rising feeling of frustration.

~°~

In the meeting with the Thing where they discussed new matters that Pepper had brought with her from the latest Stark Industries – and she even attended, sat there like yesterday had not happened, all clean and sober, no drunken Pepper left from yesterday.

“The board and I want you to attend the next upcoming event by AmChan Norway,” she said and tapped with a pen on her clipboard. “Stark Industries will make sure you receive an invitation, Loki, I want you to be there and be the sneaky prince you were raised to be.”

The thought didn’t seem to sit all too well with members of the Thing, horror painted on their faces, not even trying to hide it under their beards.

“How about we send-“ a member started but Pepper already cut him off.

“ _Loki_ is our official spokesman for Stark Industries in Norway, he is the manager or as you’d say it, _king_ of New Asgard and not sending him to the event would throw a bad light on _my company_ , a bad light on you and that is the last you could need.” She raised a brow, then turned to Loki. “I want you to go there, the event is going to take place in Oslo, in three weeks.”

“What can AmCham offer us?” Loki asked with a furrowed brow.

“Connections outside of Stark Industries in business and political areas, more influence.” She leant forward. “I ran calculations through with Tony and FRIDAY – if you want New Asgard to be its own country you need a better economy. I want you to earn enough money that you can raise your social security tax up to 14%, as it’s standard in Norway, not the 10% you have currently. If you got that, then you have a friend in Mr Isaksen.”

“He’s the minister of trade, isn’t he?” Valkyrie asked slowly.

“Yes. And in favour of AmCham.” Pepper nodded pleased. “Loki, you can even take a plus one with you to the event. Is that okay with you?”

He nodded. There was only one question left open with this.

“What are we going to present them as our business idea?” he asked. “We can’t present the Bifröst yet, we’re not done yet and I’m not sure the Aesir would agree to have it be marketed from day one on.”

“No, not the Bifröst.” Pepper hummed thoughtfully. “Jane mentioned yesterday that on her visit to Asgard there were floating boats?”

 _Oh_. “Yes.” He licked his lips. “We used to have them.”

“Can you fabricate them and sell as green energy?”

He nodded, faintly amused. “Banner and Jane could come in handy here, as well. We have a few boatbuilders here but they’d need to change a few things since Midgard has a different Gravitational Acceleration than Asgard used to have.”

“Can you make them still fly?”

He nodded. “I’m sure we can.”

“Good.” Pepper nodded happily. “Then make plans but don’t build them just yet. Wait for that until AmCham has approached and fully accepted you, then you can go there. And I want you _then_ to approach 3M for this new business idea since they’re priding themselves in being open for new and innovative designs and ideas. And don’t be shy from using or not using Stark Industries’ name as your benefactor or part, whatever works better you, Loki. I want this to succeed and I know you will.”

He threw her a quick grin. It was a bit _unusual_ to have someone backing him up that strongly like Pepper did. It was no wonder Tony had entrusted her with Stark Industries with the way she handled things and always managed to combine the company’s goal to do more green energy with finding and exploiting niches that weren’t used yet on the market. And handled in between other affairs and had apparently now also a new relationship to throw into the mix. She was admirable.

Pepper started to question the members of the Thing about the state of New Asgard and Loki decided it was safe enough and leant back, to let them handle things for once and observed Valkyrie in her attempts to get a word in. She was getting better at handling rudeness, he discovered and only drank every hour, which was a vast improvement.

He allowed his thoughts to circle back to the snippets he had heard last night. The phantom touch of lips against his that still haunted him, the beard –

There had only been one beard in the round. And then it wasn’t even a beard, it was a _goatee_.

But Loki _couldn’t remember_ what exactly had happened. Oh well, obviously a kiss had been what happened but he couldn’t say more about that. And it _stung_. So, there was quite a big chance that Tony and him had kissed and he couldn’t remember? It was like Mjölnir was laying on his chest, cold and heavy, there was no room anymore to breathe. His mind thought up possible scenarios of how it could have happened.

Maybe they just went for it. Maybe they had been flirting? Or it had been a moment where they both moved at the same time and well, lips met lips, that was bound to happen occasionally. He licked his lips. Whatever the situation had been, Loki was mad he forgot like Odin forgot to mention _things_ that could be considered as important.

He would simply keep an eye on Tony and see what he was doing, he decided as Pepper stared unimpressed at a group of former nobles who thought they knew better than her. Perchance Tony would ask him about it, or maybe he would _mention_ it? Loki decided to simply hope for it. It was better than him asking Tony because what if the answer wasn’t to his liking? Revelling in own thoughts was better, pretending it had happened because they finally decided – or, one of them – it was enough of teasing. The image was more satisfying than hearing it had been only an accident. It was better than to receive a gentle and pitying pat from Valkyrie on the shoulder and –

He could ask Valkyrie.

Loki sat up straight. Why couldn’t the meeting be done and over with quicker, he felt each second go by like the ice melting on Jotunheim – it just didn’t happen. And if it did, then only slow and very torturously so.

He stopped her when they meeting was finally over and everybody dispersed from the hall. “One moment, Valkyrie.”

“Sure.” She grinned at him. “What, you’ve got holes in your memory?”

He glared at her darkly.

“Oh, you do.” Valkyrie smirked at him and patted his shoulders. “You poor, poor soul. Finally, your wish comes true, even when it’s only partially and you don’t even seem to remember it. Oh Loki, you idiot.”

“So, it did happen?”

“It?” She asked amused and took a swing from her flask. Loki wanted to wring her neck. “Tell me what ‘it’ is in this context and mayhap I will find mercy in my soul and tell you the truth of what transpired last night.”

“I could just order you to tell me everything that transpired last night,” Loki threatened and let a knife slide into his hand.

“You could,” she agreed lightly. “But that doesn’t mean I will listen to you. You know, maybe I'll just fall asleep. Which could happen quite easily since I’ve been awake _all night_. Truly, Loki. I don’t want to say I enjoy seeing you in this state of obvious confusion and want, but to be honest, _I do_.” She sniggered. “That’s what happens when you empty two bottles of Russian alcohol, apparently. You are _not_ a drinker. That’s _me_ , I can do that. Remember that for the next time Natasha drops by.”

“Are you serious?”

“I so am.” She winked at him. “Why are you even asking me, ask your lover mortal. Or, Pepper. You know you still haven’t even told me what ‘it’ is.”

“And you talk more than usual,” Loki observed.

Valkyrie shrugged. “Well, what can I say? Happens every fourth-year or so. Or maybe just when I see my boss drunk and forgetting important things. Your poor libido.” She sniggered.

“Valkyrie,” he groaned.

“Yes, my most beloved king?”

“Can you tell me whether Tony and I kissed or not.” No need to beat around the bush.

“He speaks in clear words, truly, Ragnarok is coming again,” she celebrated and patted his cheek.

He only glared at her and hoped she’d tell him the truth, finally. He needed to know, it was like a burning need in him. “Valkyrie-“

“Yes, Loki, there might have been a kiss but I’m not sure since I had better things to look at.”

“Might,” he repeated slowly. “Might.”

“I was busy with my girlfriend, Loki. I can’t keep my eyes on you all the time. And I won’t tell you what Tony told me afterwards, that would be a betrayal of his trust.”

“Valkyrie-“

“No. I won’t say anything. My lips are sewn shut, nothing will open them, not even your masterful attempts at bribery or threats. I refuse.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m not even sober yet,” she announced with a grin. “But this, this is fun. You pining divine idiot of a chaos king. Can’t I have something happening like this to you more often? When I’m drunk, of course. You look so utterly befuddled, it’s amazing.”

“Val-“

“Talk to Tony when you want to know more. Truly, he knows what must have transpired between you two. He had hi-“ she stopped. “No, I won’t say anymore. Go and do something, or pine. But I won’t talk to you any longer. Otherwise I might let something slip and that would ruin all my fun.”

Loki looked after her as she swaggered away, her sword hafted to her side and her gait not straight, more leaning towards being a stagger. She truly wasn’t sober yet.

He sighed. He wasn’t closer to knowing what truly happened. Or, he did but he couldn’t be _sure_ what exactly had happened. He closed his eyes in defeat. What if he acted on his feelings and asked Tony for a date or to kiss him, confess the way he felt?

It could go well. Maybe it could lead to a date with them both.

 _But_ , he swallowed _, it could also go horribly wrong_. What if Tony had only kissed him because he had been drunk and wanted to indulge Loki? Or it had been nothing more than a thing to do in jest and fun because it had been at a party. Loki knew that such things tended to happen there – a kiss, a sloppy round of making out and groping because it didn’t mean anything. He didn’t want to have that happen to him with Tony, it was just – it just meant _too much_ to him.

Tony confused him more and more with each day it seemed. Confused him and riled Loki up, made him think about things and wonder –

But what if Tony did all those things because he was in a similar predicament like Loki?

He sat down on a chair, pinched the bridge of his nose, and _thought_ about the Midgardian. Assuming that Tony had feelings for him as well, in what light did that put his actions? The touches then could be a sort of ‘testing the waters’ as Jane had told him when she did a similar thing with Valkyrie. Seeing how responsive the other was to your touch, how open to you and testing whether this felt good. This could make sense. Then, him leaning back into Loki’s touch might mean that he did the same thing, testing and waiting.

The kiss would have been a chance, Loki didn’t know how else to put it, to see how kissing felt and oh Norns, please let Loki not have made a fool out of himself. Or a desperate chance to kiss Loki for one single time because he didn’t think that Loki would do it with him sober. He cringed inwardly. That sounded weird.

But that was under the assumption that Tony had feelings for him.

The other option was that Tony wanted a bed-mate and hoped Loki would be open to his proposal should it ever come from his lips. The touches then were a taste of what would come, the kiss another test and –

He knew what Loki was feeling or was fairly certain in his assumption. Because would Loki truly take Tony to his bed when he wanted more than a fuck, a friend with _benefits_? He looked up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure. If it meant that he could have a bit more of Tony for himself and be it only his pleasure, Loki would take it and be happy for it. Even if it meant his suffering would be worse because what was having a dick compared to having the heart? _Nothing_. It was only a small consolation, nothing more. But it would be _something_ , something more and Loki would take what he got offered and –

Maybe he should talk with Tony. Ask him, straight forward and hope for the best.

The worst that could happen was that Tony would tell him that no, he wasn’t interested and the kiss had only been just that – a kiss.

_Norns, why was he that cowardly?_

His heart clenched at the thought of a possible rejection. Would he manage to bear Tony’s rejection? He tried to imagine it for a moment. Tony would smile at him, an apology written in his eyes as he would not find the words to say it because he was a disaster with emotions like Loki.

Loki would nod stiffly, his face going carefully cheerful because he couldn’t put on a non-caring façade, Tony would know immediately how much he had hurt Loki. Then, Tony would ask him whether they ‘ _were still good_ ’ and Loki would say ‘ _yes, of course we are_ ’ and roll his eyes and pretend his heart wasn’t breaking apart in a thousand splinters.

Then they would go on about their day and return to their home in the evening. Loki with a hurting heart and trying not to show it, gloss over it with his usual remarks and Tony would eventually buy it, start to forget about it. Loki would continue to banter with him, and tell Tony to continue and stop treating him like a baby, a rejection was a rejection and they _were good, hadn’t they agreed on that_?

And Loki would continue to live with the man he loved under one roof, now just the certainty that nothing would happen again between them.

It would crush him, he realised. Because Tony was his sort of anchor, his light and hope and not … not being able to hope that one day he could have Tony –

He was stuck in a never ending circle, he realised bitterly. Either pine forevermore and live in uncertainty and with teasing of what could be or confess and have something or nothing and be alone forever.

Nothing was certain because Tony was a mystery and Loki had things to focus on that required more attention.

He licked his lips. He wasn’t a coward, he knew that this may seem cowardly but he knew from himself and what he had attempted to do the last time when he had been crushed, that his head wanted to do him something to show he could be better, greater and others would pay the price. And this was in a time where Loki couldn’t afford such a thing to happen. He had the responsibility of bringing through a few hundred people, he couldn’t lose his head right now. No. He would let Tony take control of _this_ , whatever this was and should Tony never say anything?

Then Loki wouldn’t say anything either for as long as he was king of New Asgard. Things would go their way and he’d let them. When they were done here, he’d scrap his courage together and do something. If the result would be disappointing, well, he already had the plans to leave, hadn’t he? Then he could go and get wasted somewhere else, find a new galaxy to drown in, find happiness or have a faked attempt of it with someone else.

Life would go on. He’d manage it somehow.

And the hall seemed as if it would suffocate him and for the first time in a long while, Loki fled the hall, leaving the documents about taxes behind, all the plans for introducing Aesir technology to Stark Industries forgotten on his desk.

~°~

Tony looked at him with amusement, Loki noticed for the rest of the weekend. He knew that Valkyrie hadn’t spilled the beans on him but it seemed as if Tony knew of his _inquiry_ about the kiss. Well, but since he didn’t say anything Loki refused to say something as well. He was glad that Tony opted for amused silence. Perhaps. The Norns were out on this.

“I would say you’re a coward for not saying anything but then, I didn’t say anything to Pepper either,” Natasha announced and dropped down next to him. It was Sunday, the last hour before she and Pepper would leave.

“I thought you had a thing going on with Bruce,” Loki mumbled, his eyes set on the sea before them.

“I had, yes. But we separated and we both moved on. The man I loved was not the man that returned to me three years ago. He was different and that’s okay. I was different too. But it served to show us both that we wouldn’t work out in the long run.” She shrugged. “I won’t complain about it. In the end, it got me Pepper and what more could I wish to have than her?”

He nodded thoughtfully.

“But back to you and Tony.” She grinned at him. “Didn’t think you were one to keep your mouth shut or stop in your actions. I had you pegged as the kind of man that would take, regardless of who’d get hurt during that.”

“If it hadn’t been Tony and Pepper you’d be right.” He glanced at her. “But both are dear to me and I didn’t want to destroy the little happiness they had.”

“Sweet.” She arched a brow.

They looked at the sea, a silence between them that was more comfortable than thought.

“I didn’t say anything to Pepper out of the same reason,” she said eventually. “I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she already was. The thing with Tony pained her and,” she shrugged, “I won’t blame you for your weekend with Tony in Tromsø. I think I’d done the same had she asked me. But we hang out together, got drunk, had a girl’s night and you know what?”

“What?” he asked because what else could he do.

“I can’t remember anything from that night either.” She shrugged. “I’m not here to tell you how to act, or what to do with Tony. It’s not my right. But I think things look more positive for you than you actually think.”

“I feel like everybody tells me that,” Loki countered dryly. “But nobody can tell me _why_ they think that.”

“I can tell you.”

He whipped his head around and stared at her, while hope started to bloom in him.

She looked back at him, with a pained smile. “How do you feel about a deal, Loki?”

“Is the ‘why’ that good?”

“It is and it will be worth my price, I promise you.”

“The last time we traded information you got Barton and I got my plan set into motion,” Loki mumbled. “I feel like I can trust you on this.”

“So it _was_ a solution on how to knock Clint free from the mind control.”

“Of course it was.” He rolled his eyes. “I could’ve told you more but my temper got the better of me. And you really were out to anger me.”

“Oh, I was.” She laughed and held out her hand. “Deal?”

“I don’t even know what you want from me.”

“Information about Clint and his way of dealing with the snap. I want to know more about his whereabouts and I have the feeling you might know more than you let on. Tony said you weren’t surprised when he told you of his murdering rampage.”

“I wasn’t,” Loki agreed with a smirk. “But it’s a deal, Widow.” They shook their hands. “And now tell me of the why and I will tell you something about Barton.”

“Things look more positive because you idiots leant forward at the same time.” She grinned at him. “But it was Tony who decided to use the opportunity and keep you close, not you. You pulled back, horrified like a teenager caught by his mother while jacking off. It was him who kept you close afterwards and insisted that you could use him as a pillow. Tony did all he could to keep you with him even when you said you want to go home and sleep in your bed. And,” she winked at him, “he looked truly besotted with you there on the sofa.”

His mind could of … stopped. Started again. Stopped. Started again.

Tony had kissed him. Kept him close. Tony. Not him. It had been Tony who did it all. He licked his lips. _He looked truly_ _besotted_ _with you there on the sofa_. His breath hitched.

“You understand now why I think it’s more positive than you thought?”

He nodded.

“Good.” She tilted her head and her red-blond hair fell over her shoulder down. “Now, I know why Clint went on the murder rampage, Loki. I want to know where he is and how he’s doing. Because I can’t find him in the moment. As much as I love him and need him to come to his senses again; there are more important things happening.” She stared at him in pain. “He’s a trained agent and doesn’t get caught on camera unless he wants to. And there have been no reports of him for a few weeks now.”

“You only want to know whether he’s all right and where he is?” Loki asked her.

She nodded.

“Well.” He cracked his knuckles and called his seiðr to him. “What a great fortune that the link between him and me is enough to track him down.” He chuckled when she looked at him in disbelief. “Some links,” he explained with a pained smirk, “will never be truly closed. You can’t access them anymore but they’re still there.”

She nodded slowly.

He closed his eyes in concentration and searched for Barton. He remembered the man well, his rough nature that hid his soft core, the dry remarks and his contentment at being recognised once for what he could do and not being mocked for his talents and skills. The darkness that slumbered in him and Loki had awoken with a few tickles, a few suggestions and-

There he was.

Barton was sitting on a bed in a prison cell, his hands playing around with a small hair clip. There was only one single guard walking around, the few other prisoners sleeping well. There was a plan in Barton’s head – it involved perhaps a few dead people but that was okay. He’d leave the prison tonight and continue his hunt for criminals in the Czech Republic at another date, he’d take the route eastwards. There were still bastards and criminals that had survived – unfairly, as Barton thought and his thoughts were filled with bitter resentment and hate, anguish and loss. _Why had they survived and not his family?_

He didn’t understand.

Loki pulled back from Barton’s mind, dark as it was, it was too tempting for Loki. The call of being his unhinged self, even when the Mind Stone had helped him to get there – sometimes, only sometimes, he missed it.

“He’s bitter and hurt,” he said to Natasha, voice grim. “He will break out of prison tonight and go-“

“Don’t,” she interrupted him. “Because if you tell me, I will have to act on it.”

Loki looked at her closer. There was a bitterness in her features he had not paid attention to earlier on. Bitterness and pain and he remembered the time when she told him that ‘her ledger was red’.

“Don’t you wish to apprehend him?”

“And what am I supposed to do with him?” She shook her head. “I can’t hit him over the head again, this time he won’t wake up out of this stupor. I _can’t_ _be_ his nanny, I can’t tell him that what he does is wrong – after all, I wasn’t any better.”

“But he pulled you out of it in Budapest,” he said carefully.

“He did, yes.” She straightened her shoulders, looked him cold into the eyes. “But what happens if I remove him, Loki? The criminals will spread even more and as cruel and bloodthirsty and unjust his methods are, the police forces have diminished globally as well and corruption works better than ever.” Natasha snorted. “As long as he stays with criminals and only ends them, he can be a bad version of Batman.”

“You hang out too much with Tony.” Loki observed.

“I do.” She raised her brows. “He’s a force to be reckoned with, Loki. If you can get him and know what to do with him – go ahead. I won’t betray him.”

“You consider putting him in prison as betrayal?”

“It would be one from his point of view. I already lost three friends to betrayal, got two of them back. I _won’t_ do that again. The Avengers – or what is left of them – they are-, they-“

“They are your family,” Loki said as realisation dawned on him. “That’s why you can’t put him behind the bars. Because then you’d split up your family even more so than it already is.”

She simply looked at him, didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to.

And Loki simply nodded because –

_Family._

They could be your greatest curse or your greatest blessing and could make you do the worst things.

He had no right to judge her for her feelings, for her actions. And he was quite certain that she erased Barton from all camera feeds, erased his name when he ended up in prison because Natasha was loyal towards her family. That was why she hadn’t taken action with Pepper. Because it would have been betrayal towards Tony – who she wanted to apologise to, but Natasha wasn’t great with spoken apologies, she acted rather, she used her words for manipulation, insults, and threats, like she had been trained to.

A warrior everybody would have respected on Asgard and would have detested at the same time.

There was a newfound respect for her to be found in Loki.

And he realised when he saw her and Pepper driving off eventually to the airport, that he’d miss seeing and observing her because she was a mystery like Tony but a different one.

Tony’s hand was casually resting on the small of his back.

~°~

“I HAVE IT!” Jane Foster announced when they were in the hall again, working and theorising over the Bifröst. “It’s so simple, it’s embarrassing,” she added with a huge grin.

“You solved it?” Tony asked.

“I did,” she nodded. “Loki,” she addressed him directly, “we obviously can’t contact the Norns because we aren’t Heimdall. We can’t rebuild the Bifröst. We’ll _build_ a new Bifröst. And for that,” he eyes glimmered dangerously and Loki looked at her, hope blooming in his heart. “We need Stormbreaker.”

He froze. This had been _Thor’s_ weapon, that was all he could think when Jane told them about how using Stormbreaker as an impetus, have her as Heimdall’s sword and the key to activate the Bifröst. There were many more things she talked about, how easy it would then be to use Midgardian physics and his seiðr to build the ‘roads’ to the other paths. And with him as a skywalker, it shouldn’t be a problem to find new ways – after all, Yggdrasil’s branches were the Dark Matter they didn’t understand - _yet_. It was laughable easy. But he would have to sacrifice Stormbreaker.

“I understand that this is not easy for you to give Stormbreaker up,” Tony mumbled and his hands clasped Loki’s shoulders. “It’s Thor’s, but-“

 _But he was the king of New Asgard_. He had to do what was right for the people. Had to endure pain and suffer for the others, had to sacrifice more than the others. Even when Stormbreaker was what felt like the last link to his brother.

He reached in his pockets and pulled the weapon out from his pockets, laid her down on a table with a quiet _‘thunk’_ and raised his eyes back to Tony. He didn’t say any more about his action. Just let it rest there on the table.

“Don’t attempt to wield her,” he said as a warning, “it might have consequences and I’m not keen to see which ones.” He turned to the hologram that showed the construct of the Bifröst, how it should look, in what form it would be more useful and most durable – sadly, it turned out it had to be gold or uru. And uru wasn’t attainable so gold it had to be. It had a good conductivity and a general resistance to oxidation and corrosion. It also reacted favourably to the Bifröst’s energy.

“We can’t build a whole building in gold,” Tony remarked with a frown on his face.

“A thick layer on the out- and inside should suffice,” Banner said and sent them a new hologram with equations and formulas how it could work.

It seemed as if things were working more fluidly out of sudden. With the greatest obstacle gone, all that was left were minimal calculations.

Loki only wished that the price was also minimal. But, alas, it wasn’t.

Gold was expensive as Hel, and Asgard didn’t _own that much money_.

Not even with the things Loki had traded in, the taxes the people paid, with Stark Industries paying them –

Loki was good with numbers and prices, calculating and assessing, he saw the price for gold before him. Banner had calculated how much gold they needed and –

They didn’t have that money.

The hope slowly died out, leaving him like the colours left nature in autumn and he saw the brown mud before him again.

_Thor._

Thor had left, had left, was gone and there was mud and dirt, grime on his trousers, stains that would never leave him and his ledger was deep brown.

“Loki, you look a bit pale.”

There was Tony’s face in front of him. “Loki?”

He nodded. Or, did he?

What could he do now? Should he ask Tony for the money? But his pride, it forbade him to do that. Take loans and make New Asgard fall into a mountain of debt they’d never crawl out of again? Asking Tony would be better but –

He wanted the Aesir to say that they had done it on their own, had not received help from charity alone. He would not stand for New Asgard to be shamed, not while he was here and had something to say about this. The Thing would curse him should he let things happen like that.

Could he rob something from another realm? He glanced at Stormbreaker. Selling her would solve all his problems. They would have the money then, they’d have no impetus strong enough anymore.

“Loki.”

“I hear you,” he said roughly.

“It’s not about you not hearing me.” Tony frowned. “Guys, would you leave for a minute there?”

The others left, throwing at them concerned looks.

Loki stared at Tony, the brown eyes and his face crunched up in worry.

“What did your brain cook up now, Lokes?” Tony asked him softly. “You looked so happy for a moment there and then you just blanked.”

He remained silent. Debating whether to tell Tony or not, debating his pride, although the answer to that was clear because there were regulations, _expectations_ on him that dictated most of his actions for three years now and were drowning him.

“It’s the gold, Tony,” he sighed eventually and his eyes wandered over Tony’s left shoulder. Staring accusingly at the holograms there. “New Asgard isn’t Asgard.”

“But we figured out ages ago that it had to be gold?” Tony’s hands touched his sides, warm and – was that comforting or pitying?

Loki nodded and felt himself be doomed as he opened his mouth again, to explain, “New Asgard doesn’t have the money for that. We maybe have the half that is required? When I’m generous and think positively about what we own.”

“And if I tell you,” Tony began slowly, and Loki looked into his eyes. “That I’ll pay for it?”

Loki closed his eyes in defeat. He didn’t want to look Tony in the face when he agreed to it. He couldn’t. His shoulders slumped.

Tony spoke again. “But not out of charity. I don’t think that’s what you’d want, Lokes.”

“Tony?” His eyes snapped open again.

“What if a part of the sum are my taxes?” Tony suggested, his voice serious. “I don’t pay enough as it is for living here and being a _citizen_ of New Asgard. Depending on how high the taxes for a billionaire are here, but I’m sure the Thing will find a quota that is fair. I don’t want to be accused of tax dodging. I have a reputation to lose.”

“Are you serious, Tony?”

“Of course I am.” Tony arched a brow. “I won’t donate money to a state that isn’t all that poor. Didn’t we already agree to that three years ago in my rooms? I had _coffee_ in my mug back then which means I was _awake_.”

“I remember,” Loki mumbled. _No charity_ , his mind screamed. _Only a hidden one. But one the Aesir can accept and nobody will badmouth them._

“Good. Then the next thing. The Bifröst is a scientific break-through, Loki. Patent it. Give Jane, Bruce, you and me credits for this as well.” He winked at him. “You can make a shit ton of money with so many, many things here, Lokes. If you do it skilfully, Norway might invest money in the Bifröst. Use this to your advantage. You _are_ a masterful manipulator. A strategist. There’s no need to lose your pride over money. Just play with the politicians here like you did on Asgard. You think Pepper sends you by chance to AmCham and wants you to work with 3M?”

Loki looked at him in shock. There was hope again, starting to burn in his chest and –

Tony _understood_. He not only understood but he helped Loki to see how he could use this situation to New Asgard’s advantage. His breath quickened.

“A scientific breakthrough is something we need on Earth. Giving the people hope again. By Tesla, Loki, this could make us into the new Einstein.” Tony’s grin was playful and dirty, it screamed mischief and there was the manipulator in Tony. The man he had gotten to know during his attempt to conquer Midgard. Had counted on it, actually.

“If this works, and it _will_ work,” Tony breathed and suddenly, they were so close, close and he could smell Tony and, “everything is a child’s play from here on. The opportunities this opens for New Asgard and for you-“

Tony was still talking when Loki leant forward and pressed his lips to Tony’s – consequences be damned, Norns be damned, Bifröst be damned, _heart_ be damned.

For once there was someone who understood him and didn’t try to change him; no.

Instead Tony tried to help him and encouraged him in his old ways. He moved his lips against Tony’s, soft and carefully even though he felt like his heart was beating in his throat.

Then, he pulled back with a smile on his face that looked probably as idiotic as it felt.

“And that’s it?” Tony quipped, a smirk appearing on his face again. “I teased you all the time for getting such a chaste kiss? Don’t disappoint me there, Loki.” His smirk deepened.

Challenges had always been Loki’s Achilles’ heel. He pressed his lips again to Tony’s, nibbling, biting, _claiming_ them. Because they were _his_ to have for now and he pulled Tony against him, tight and close.

There were moans, Loki heard them but he couldn’t say which moan came from whom when he was busy with licking into Tony’s mouth, his hands wandering and roaming over his love and Tony was being so wonderfully responsive and vocal.

Out of breath, they rested their foreheads against each other, panting and smiles painted on both of their faces. His seiðr was dancing over both of them, vibrant green with a golden shimmer and Tony looked so perfect and stunning in his colours.

But he wasn’t Tony, was he? Because Tony was his friend.

“Dating? Relationship? Yes?” Tony asked, his voice rough and he licked his lips.

Loki wanted to bite them. Kiss them again.

“Yes. To all three,” he whispered back.

“Good,” Tony mumbled. “I don’t think I’d have the patience now for a long talk about relationships now.”

“Neither would I, _Anthony_ ,” he purred happily, interlacing their fingers.

And Anthony was the man he wanted to be with in a relationship.

The mud from his mind vanished.

The next kiss was softer, careful, and tender.

There were feelings in it Loki hadn’t dared to voice for years, hope he never allowed himself to have was getting mixed in there as well.

They were in a hall with holograms floating around, he could hear birds sing outside and a few Aesir laugh – and it was a perfect moment to revel in.

Who was Loki to waste such an opportunity?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took Loki only 60K to get there ~~assuming I did my maths right xD~~ 👌  
> Now that the relationship issue has been solved, you might wonder if Loki is going to be so complicated again about easy matters.  
> Or why is there the Grandmaster tagged and hasn't appeared?  
> Will Loki see the Bifröst being finished or will something go wrong?  
> What's it with all the Australia references and what about the other tags that haven't come into play yet?  
> Could things be related to another and when will Loki's tea supply ever run empty? 
> 
> Things you might learn in Year 4 🤔


	11. Year 4 - 2022

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the Grandmaster's usual creepiness and a small line about implied self-harm after the second "~°~"  
> And an overly sappy Loki.

**Year 4 2022**

It was funny to see how much could change within little time. The Aesir were not known for being adaptable people or ones for _change_ – but this time, they had to. It was for their own good and it was better they learnt now than never. Midgard wasn't a planet that stood still and let you adapt. It threw you in deep from the moment on you set a foot atop it and then let you suffer and try, and try, and try again. There was no stop. Either you adapted or you died, it was simple as that.

If it weren't wearing on Loki's nerves, he'd amuse himself over the idiocy of some Aesir but sadly, somehow he got to hear about the "confusing and always changing ways of Midgardians" all day. Thankfully, not all night because that was when he could pretend that he wasn't a king of a bunch ungrateful idiots. Most of them still didn't know how to close a window and exit StarkNet, they firmly insisted that the "X" wasn't working. FRIDAY insisted those statements were lies. StarkNet didn't have any troubles but windows can't close when an Asgardian simply stares at it and doesn't touch or give the hologram vocally a command to execute. Loki doubted _all_ the Aesir were that stupid, especially after three years and it was _interesting_ , to say at least, that this happened after Loki got called " _argr_ " in court and outside of it by a few brave men.

 _A pure coincidence_ , for sure. Since then those words hadn't been hurled his way again. The wrath of the AI was apparently frightening enough.

Merely three years ago Loki had thought living on Midgard, on New Asgard, was Hel itself. It seemed as if there was no escape, only responsibilities and obligations on his shoulders and on his desk; ungrateful Aesir who'd rather see him gone than having him on the throne for longer than strictly necessary. Insults that used to be hurled his way even though he _was_ the rightful king and the only member of the royal family left and apparently only stopped because _someone_ was punishing them in a way Loki did not dare to, the peace between them still fragile and he feared a misstep would break the bond apart.

He had been alone on this endeavour so far, the only support had been Anthony and Pepper who both lived in America. Until Anthony came and _chose_ him.

He pressed a kiss to Anthony's hair, pulled him tighter to himself and hoisted their blankets further up. Anthony tended to kick the blankets away during the night but then dared to shiver in the cold and rolled around in the search of a warm source. Sometimes Loki wondered whether Anthony ever fully realised that he made life more difficult for himself when there was no need. But then, Anthony blamed _Loki_ for kicking their blankets away because he was a "cool pack". It never failed to make Loki roll his eyes and swat his lover's ass or turned his coffee into tea as retaliation for this unjust accusation. Anthony didn't even have _proof_.

Still, it wasn't as easy as it could be in New Asgard and he already knew governing this country would continue to be a difficulty for a few more years - yet things already had a more positive outlook than before. With the Bifröst being in construction and earning awards for this ‘ _scientific breakthrough_ ' like Anthony had predicted, New Asgard got sponsors they sorely been in need of – and Stark Industries had managed to wrangle a better deal out of Norway and was making huge steps into making their small country an official one but would probably be under Norway's _crown_. An offense to Asgard's but it was the right step. Pepper had done so without Loki or Anthony prodding her. She simply said it was ‘their reward for being such good boys'. It had made Loki shake his head at her and Anthony could only grin.

If everything continued to run smoothly the Bifröst would be done within the next two months. And no, he couldn't speed up the process with his seiðr, even if he wished it was within his powers to do that. Alas, some things required finesse and extremely attentive eyes to watch over the process. Loki helped with the magical side of the Bifröst but since they had to rebuild it from scratch because all documents on the Bifröst have been lost due to Surtur's vengeance, that was all he could do because the scientists took care of the mathematics.

Anthony grumbled in his sleep and hid his face in Loki's neck. Sometimes, Loki thought, _was his Midgardian complete and utterly adorable and there was no way he'd ever let him go._

Not after having pined for him for what felt like an eternity and hadn't tried _anything_ out of respect. No, he wouldn't let go of Anthony so quick. He slung a leg over Anthony's before he pressed another kiss to the thick, brown hair that smelled of peaches and sighed in contentment.

They had been for a few months now _a couple_. The word tasted wrong on Loki's tongue but when Anthony said they were a couple then a couple they were. There were other things to fight and argue about. He simply didn't understand how the term worked - they weren't a couple of many things, were they? They _did_ however 'copulate' occasionally maybe this was were 'couple' came from? _Midgardians_ , he thought fondly. 

Like Loki did with himself – fighting, that is. There was no stop. He knew what being with a Midgardian meant. Logic alone told him they'd have a short but hopefully, wonderful time together and even when Loki did try to forget, he still got reminded of the root of his internal fight when he saw his lover. His hair was getting greyer with each month, more and more silver streaks flashed up in the light like dancing snowflakes. They all made Anthony look _even better_ in Loki's opinion. He hadn't believed that to be even possible but here they were.

If only Anthony wouldn't age so fast. Stopped withering away in Loki's arms every second they were together. Why did Anthony have to be _a mortal_? He swallowed and tried to blend these cold and fearful feelings out again, but –

Anthony snored lightly in his sleep. It sounded like he was breathing straight into the pillow and attempted to eat while breathing in. _Adorable_. Good thing it was the pillow Anthony was drooling into, not Loki's neck.

Had he mentioned yet that Anthony was adorable?

A smile flitted over Loki's face, warm and soft but it faded again when the thoughts returned. Anthony was with him now and laughed with him over simple matters, cheered him up and in return, Loki helped to pull him out of his dark thoughts too but one day all too soon, he'd leave him because he had to and Death would not stay to negotiate about this.

Loki cursed again his sister he never wanted to have for bringing Ragnarök to Asgard. Because if she hadn't done that or hadn't even existed in the first place, then there would still be Golden Apples in Iðunn's garden.

For a moment Loki allowed himself to picture a how it could have been: He would have taken Anthony for a stroll through Asgard, showed him the wonders of the golden realm eternal and would share and dwell with him in the good memories they had created together. Then he would lead him very subtly to Iðunn. There would've been a picnic put ready in the garden on a blanket; a lunch worthy of Anthony's status as Loki's courted and he would have bribed Thor with anything, just so the sun would shine upon them and not a single cloud would tarnish the blue sky. After lunch, Loki would've asked Anthony whether he wanted a dessert – and with his beloved's sweet tooth, the answer for sure would have been a ‘ _Yes_ '.

Maybe Anthony would have recognised the apple and what it meant. Maybe he wouldn't. Loki would have told him what the apple was about, of course. He was sure Anthony still would eat it, taste the sweetness of the flesh and turn then immortal, to be allowed to stay longer with Loki. Until there would be nothing left of the apple – no core, no seeds, no _nothing._ And with the sun shining and them being secluded from anybody else, Loki would have kissed him, happy and relieved that Anthony could _be with him now_ , all worries would be forgotten, and everything would be fine.

There was a warm feeling tingling in his stomach.

"I hope you rot in Hel, _Hela_ ," he cursed through gritted teeth and closed his eyes. "I hope you are caught forever in a state of eternal death, not being able to rule the dead who come to see you. May Mephisto take back the reigns over Helheim, so you are nothing more than one out of a billion rotten souls, only are recognisable because of your antlers that shall pin you to a wall so you cannot flee. That you are damned forever to stand there and watch as you will be forgotten and become unimportant." And with a cruel smile he added, "Yet _again._ "

With one hand balled to a fist he sent a ball of green seiðr towards _nothing_ , only hoping it would reach its goal and saw how it dissolved into green sparks, then into a cloud of faint green dust before it touched the ceiling.

The warm feeling got more intense until -

It disappeared.

Loki blinked. This had never happened before. His curse on someone being _heard_ by the Norns and accepted into their hands and into their threads of webbing a story. A reason why seiðr wielders were feared – they could influence the Norns' their writing. Seldom though curses and suggestions of what could happen in the Norns' story got accepted. Only when it fitted their story it was being heard and maybe then, accepted. Loki didn't know what to think of that. It was … an honour. He was over a thousand years old and the Norns had chosen to _hear him_.

Perhaps this was another sign that his future wasn't all so bleak, perhaps it was brighter than he allowed himself to think. He smiled. Stroked over Anthony's back again, closed his eyes and went to sleep again.

Asgard was revenged.

~°~

  
Anthony stood close to him, their fingers interlaced and Loki felt the disapproving looks of the Aesir on him but he ignored them. If they could have their loved ones with them, why couldn't he?

Even Valkyrie stood with each day closer and closer to Jane and Loki listened to the rumours circulating. It seemed as if their match was being approved of increasingly by the Aesir. So _perhaps_ Anthony had let drop in their only tavern that Thor and Jane had broken up _five years ago_ , and Thor had _then_ seen someone else then shortly after.

The last part was a lie, Loki was sure. Anthony hadn't seen Thor after his break-up with Jane, really, the last time they saw each other had been seven years ago during the robot disaster. But who was he to call out a successful lie when it aided in making the Aesir look benevolent towards Jane and Valkyrie – and not with hate and suspicion any longer.

Anthony had only rolled his eyes and said ‘ _You are just like us humans_ ' and then refused to elaborate on that. Of course Loki knew what Anthony had meant but seeing his lover amused, the smirk on his lips and his eyes full of delight – he couldn't resist playing the oblivious one.

Even if it meant that Anthony would later call him out for that but it was worth the teasing and the quips they threw at another and the other Aesir did not understand a lot of what they were saying. A small lesson to teach them to research Midgardian jokes, social and cultural ones. How were they supposed to become _better_ when they couldn't even surpass Midgard's society?

The Bifröst was finished. There was Eitri, the dwarf Loki had collected from Niðavellir weeks ago and promised a job and a home to live in, who stood at the Bifröst, tried not to show his excitement by stomping around and beamed proudly down on them. It was unnerving to have someone tower over _them_.

Loki didn't know why he had forgotten to ask Eitri for help – yes, he wasn't all that favoured by dwarves but Eitri had helped him and Thor with building Stormbreaker in their time of need, he had a burning desire to enact revenge on Thanos as well and to be frank - Eitri had nowhere to go anymore. The dwarves were _gone_ from Nidavellir. Only Eitri had been left and he didn't feel prepared enough to go to another realm with dwarves on it. The hurt and pain were too deep, the betrayal and the shame he wore on his shoulder made it impossible for him to join the others, as he had confided in Loki when they had communicated via an astral projection of himself to Niðavellir.

"Did you prepare a speech?" Anthony whispered next to him, full of excitement. "Loki?"

"Yes?" He smiled at Anthony. "Anthony, this isn't the first time I had to write a speech for an event."

"I know." Anthony waved with one hand. "But it's the first time you're holding one here and it's about the Bifröst. And I get to hear it and I _am_ excited!"

"Yes, you are." Loki smiled fondly at his lover.

"Exactly. That's what I am. _Excited_. So, you have to forgive me that we're opening the Bifröst and can _travel to all realms_ and- is this what Einstein felt like? Or Röntgen? More like Röntgen. Did you know that people went to get an x-ray after his discovery just for fun? They didn't know yet that it would leave an impact on their health but-" Anthony stopped abruptly when Loki didn't reply, only stiffened.

"Loki, is it _possible_ that-?"

Loki remained silent, only threw Anthony a glance.

"You fucker," Anthony said and shook his head. "And when did you want to tell me that?"

"Well, I thought I'd let you figure it out for yourself."

Anthony shook his head. "Does Jane know she'll never be able to use the Bifröst?"

"Nobody said ‘ _Never_ '," Loki argued calmly and reached for his lover's wrist, taking it tenderly in his. "Just not every day, perhaps once in a month, maybe only every second month. There was a reason as to why Midgardians weren't allowed on Asgard. The travel wasn't always harmless."

"Because the Bifröst is actually harmful." Anthony pouted. "And I thought I could go realm traveling with you."

"I assure you," Loki promised him with a chuckle, "we will go and travel to most of the realms of Yggdrasil. _I_ don't need a Bifröst to do so."

"Right." Anthony cleared his throat. "Yes. I did _not_ forget that for a second there, nope."

Loki snorted amused. "And Jane knows, I assure you. It was her who brought up that matter. I think she nearly slapped me again for withholding that information."

" _Again_?"

Loki hummed in agreement, pressed a kiss to Anthony's temple and then walked forward to Eitri and Jane, to deliver the speech he had written last night when he had nothing better to do. Except for listening to Anthony's snores but nobody needed to know that.

 _Perhaps_ Loki had neglected to mention that the Bifröst was kind of harmful for the poor weak Midgardians. But then, he wanted New Asgard to thrive and to be better, bring it back at least partially to its' former glory and the Bifröst would help to ensure that. The chancellor of Norway had been speculating on the use of the Bifröst but he had pissed off Loki a tad too much over the last few years. It was a slice of revenge served cold, who was he to say ‘No' to this opportunity? Wasn't he Loki, Trickster god?

Nobody needed to know it wasn't all that dangerous like he and the Aesir made it out to be. Only saying it was more harmful to Midgardians than for Aesir and other species would be enough to deter the humans from using the Bifröst hopefully. They were still scared, still had to work through their issues after the Snap. For Loki, there was no need for them to take unnecessary risks when they could be avoided.

Loki was getting back on track again, found his inner self more often nowadays and his skill at manipulating Midgardian politics in their own playground was finally starting to show notice and he was living up: playing with words, hiding the trump card in his sleeve, like Anthony loved to say and started to play with the others again. And this time there was no Thor who'd ruin his carefully laid out plans, no Odin who'd look at him in disparagement, no Frigga who'd scold him afterwards.

They sent Eitri through the Bifröst first – it had been his wish as payment and Loki gladly accepted. If something was to go wrong then a dwarf was more likely to survive than an Asgardian.

Eitri returned twenty minutes later with an item Loki had ordered on Alfheim two weeks ago when it looked like the Bifröst was about to be done soon. It was a book, old and heavy in knowledge but the merchant didn't know that. Like they often didn't. But Loki needed the book to check over a myth the Grandmaster had told him years ago.

Loki had never thought he'd needed it, sure in his belief he'd stay alone forever, only with Thor if even that, as his ‘family'.

Anthony had looked at him with raised brows when Loki accepted the book and declared the Bifröst for _open_.

The joy in the faces of the Aesir – it was stunning. It made Loki go ‘oh' when he saw it, could feel their enthusiasm and when words of gratitude were not only given to the Midgardians who had helped but also to _him_ – it made him smile as well.

~°~

At night, when Anthony was sleeping soundly and Dum-E decided to hold a flashlight for him to make himself useful and chirped to Loki softly, Loki read the book with wide eyes.

It was a book about the Aesir and their roles as _gods_. There were benefits to such a privilege, the Norns had granted a few to them, favouring the Aesir above the other races, justifying thereby also the role of the All-Father as the supreme leader of all Nine Realms.

Loki could only roll his eyes at that.

But then, _finally_ , and it was as if the Grandmaster's eyes bore into his skull when he reached the chapter about blood, he found what he had been looking for.

There used to be many pantheons on Midgard but Loki hadn't seen or heard of other gods for a while now. Actually he had never now that he thought about it. _Maybe_ , he thought darkly, _they didn't exist in their universe yet or had chosen to leave it_. But that didn't matter to him. Loki's eyes followed the runes, read them, and swallowed.

Ichor was the solution to his problem, to _Anthony's problem_.

Drinking the blood of gods made mortals ‘immortal'. It strengthened them, made them better, faster and sturdier and lengthened their lifespan.

 _"I know you want to know more, Loki,"_ the Grandmaster had purred and his long, spidery fingers had threaded through Loki's hair, _"but if I tell you more, who promises me that you will stay here with me? Maybe this is all just a ploy of yours to get me weak and make me spill all my secrets so you can be with another."_

He had chuckled darkly, the fingers tightened for a moment in his hair then the pressure was gone again. Loki had assured the Grandmaster he would not leave him for another mortal, that this was not in his intention. The older celestial being had believed him and Loki was free to leave again. He had done just that and got drunk in his rooms, pretending everything was _peachy_.

He still wasn't all too fond of the Grandmaster.

"Ichor," he mumbled and looked at his veins. They were pale blue.

"You think it would work?" he asked Dum-E quietly, running his fingers down a vein.

" _I don't see why it wouldn't_ ," FRIDAY spoke up.

"Because I am not an Asgardian." Loki sighed.

" _Are you sure about that? According to my scans and in comparison, with Thor, there isn't much of a difference. Your temperature is colder and lower but you both are enhanced in the same way, the same attributes._ "

"What do you want to say, FRIDAY?"

" _This is only an assumption but I'm to 98,4% sure about it_ ," the AI said confidently and holograms appeared in front of Loki, " _as long as you are in your Asgardian form you are an Asgardian."_

"I-, I am?"

" _Yes. But I can only make sure if I see you in your other form as well and scan it_."

"You want to see me in my Jotun form?" He didn't know how to feel about that. It had been … _Years_ since he last took on his Jotun skin. The last time had been on Asgard when he had touched the Casket of Ancient Winters.

He didn't know how to feel about this. There was still, still this belief that a Jotun was a monster but then he had _met Thanos_. Had met _Maw_. Had to realise that Odin and Asgard were more of liars than he ever was, that they had hidden an entire sibling from him who _truly was a monster_.

It had made him think about the legends they had been told about the Jotnar. Had taken a step back and tried to think about it neutrally. And Loki did not like at all what he had come up with – the Jotun _could_ have eaten children in the past, yes. This was a plausible thing, there was no proof to deny this accusation and Loki had seen no children on his trip there. But they might have been hidden from them and there was also no proof to that being true. This all might have been just a lie, fabricated by the Aesir to make their children afraid of another race to get them into bed early.

Loki had thought about _why_ the All-Father had taken him in. He had already suspected his original use had been the one of a war trophy, to use later as a puppet king on Jotunheim. How would you make one into a good puppet? Make them feel detest about themselves, about their races, make them want to be _better than their own people_. This was how you ensured compliance – an eager fool who wanted to prove himself.

And had that not been exactly what Loki was doing? Trying his utmost best to please the All-Father, even going so far to be less selfish for once. What hadn't he done to try to fit in, to be seen equal to Thor, to have his father look at him in pride? He had twisted himself, had turned into _someone else_ for him. Had it not been revealed in such a gruesome fashion to him, maybe the Loki back then would have gone to Jotunheim in the hope of making his father proud. While trying to tear off the skin from him, to get the blue away, destroy every mirror on his way but with a smile on his face.

Yes, he was a monster. But he wasn't a monster because he was a Jotun. He was a monster because of all the things he had done. A thing that ran in the ‘family' apparently.

" _If you want to make sure that your endeavour succeeds, I'd recommend this choice of action_."

Dum-E chirped happily from his place, swivelling the flashlight around in an up-and-down-movement.

"You want me to say yes?" Loki asked him, petting his long arm.

Dum-E chirped again.

" _You don't have to decide now,_ " FRIDAY said and Loki could hear her sigh. " _But if there is a chance that Boss can live longer-_ " she broke off.

Loki looked at his fingers and a few sparkles of his seiðr danced on them. "You want him to live longer, too?"

" _Yes._ " FRIDAY cleared her throat. " _I am not JARVIS but I have his memories in a certain manner of speaking. And Boss has the tendencies to get himself into precarious situations. It is a wonder that he managed to survive for so long."_

Loki inclined his head in agreement.

" _I love my Boss and I support him whenever it's possible. But sometimes he forgets that he has to think about himself as well and put himself first on occasion – it is always more about others than him._ "

"Is it still that way?" Loki asked. He remembered the agreement Anthony and he had made years ago. The promise still burned in him.

 _"Less so_ ," FRIDAY agreed. " _He just prioritised who to set first. And the number of those people has thankfully receded."_

Loki hummed in agreement and closed the book. He had found what he'd been looking for. Now … the question was would he turn back into a Jotun for FRIDAY?

He swallowed. "Is Anthony still asleep?"

" _He's reading. He woke up some minutes ago_."

Oh, he was awake. Should he ask Anthony to come here as well and show him the Jotun skin? Loki licked his lips. It was a quirk of him. Like kneading his fingers. Anthony wouldn't be disgusted by his Jotun form, he knew that. Midgard didn't remember the Jotnar, didn't remember their attempt at conquering Midgard. And, after all, he was with Loki – who had tried to conquer New York nearly ten years ago.

 _Ten years since you first met Anthony_ , he thought and affection welled up in his chest. He still remembered the –

The offer of a drink.

It was the beginning of April.

Loki had arrived on Midgard, in the dreaded SHIELD base during May.

"FRIDAY?" he asked carefully, "Do you think Anthony would be agreeable to celebrate our first meeting ten years ago and have a drink with me?"

" _Are you implying you want to let him drink your blood as a gift_?"

"Not implying, no. Outright stating and asking whether he'd do that or if I have to be sneaky around it." He looked at the ceiling. Back to his hands. It was less than a month until May. Maybe the time had come to show Anthony another secret of his, the other part of Loki. And in the meantime, FRIDAY could run her scans and hopefully it would affirm her theory. But Loki had faith in her. She had never failed Anthony before – the only bot who had done so had turned into an autonomous robot and betrayed him. Not the AI.

" _I think Boss would be surprised hearing about your wish to celebrate your first meeting,_ " FRIDAY answered eventually, her voice quiet and thoughtful. " _He'd never think about it. He considers your first official meeting the day you saved him from space."_

"That's good to hear," Loki mumbled.

" _But I think he'd celebrate it with you. But you should talk to him about the matter of blood first._ "

He nodded. "He will deny it and reject us, FRIDAY."

" _I am not sure, Boss has the intention to stay with you for longer, not just the few years that are left for him as a mortal._ "

"Did he mention to you that he wants to be longer with me?" Loki asked her disbelieving.

"I did, yeah."

Loki's head whipped around.

Anthony stood in the door like the Norns had called him here to listen to Loki and FRIDAY's thinking and had decided to reveal himself like an omen but nobody was certain whether it was a good or a bad one.

Anthony smiled at him, then sat down opposite of the table.

"I thought about bringing it up," he started their conversation easily. "But I never knew _how_." He shrugged. "And I didn't want to set myself up with disappointment should there be nothing to achieve this."

"There is," Loki breathed.

"That's what I concluded from your talk," Anthony said dryly and winked at him. "So, that was why you needed that book? Did Eitri know about this?"

"Eitri knew nothing. This was why I needed this book."

"Sly bastard," Anthony laughed, then turned serious. "So, what is the solution?" He held up one hand. "And I want to say as the first thing, that I'd love to accept immortality or godhood or whatever it is. But I won't if it will affect me negatively. If it will turn me into someone unrecognisable or if it's not worth the price."

Loki swallowed. "Fair," he said and cleared his throat. "What do you know about Ichor?"

"Never heard of that one before."

"It's what the blood of Gods is called." Loki leant forward, his tone turning serious. This was another meeting with the Thing, only this time the price was heavier and more important to Loki than ever before. "There have been rumours that the blood of Gods can turn mortals into immortal, in a sense. Aesir have been granted this gift by the Norns aeons ago but we forgot about it. The knowledge became lost to us."

"I have to drink your blood to live a longer life with you?" Anthony sounded sceptical.

"Yes." Loki rolled his shoulders back. "If FRIDAY is correct in her assumption that I am right now an Asgardian and not a Jotun."

"A what."

"A Jotun." Loki sighed. "I would love to say this is a conversation for another day but I don't think it is." He smiled at Anthony tiredly. "Can we have a drink for that? I never had this kind of conversation before. Something new. How exciting!"

"Loki, are you _nervous_?"

"Not nervous, more … worried?" He stood up and went to the cellar, brought up with him a bottle of wine. They seldom drank wine. And it reminded him of blood.

"Wine? This is serious," Anthony observed correctly. "Is this encouragement drinking or hoping to survive drinking?"

"Both?" Loki mumbled. "It's certainly not drinking for the fun of it." He raised his glass, brought it together with Anthony's and took a sip.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted here (because I am a terrible human and kept forgetting about it dkfjk) thank **NamelesslyNightlock** for making this chapter even prettier it is because she put her wonderful eyes on it before I posted it and not afterwards to pick up my typos to make this readable 😋❤️
> 
> Now I can't do that anymore because we got reminded of one of our challenges and now she wishes to leave me in the dust *ponders* Or I her, depends on the outcome. And there is no love in the game. I think. It's too early. 
> 
> Anyways, if that had not happened I'd say that she's an amazing wifey, and I am terrible glad to know her and that I'd be lost without her and certainly a few plots, prompts, stories and arts fewer and that I still know I owe her quite a few things for all the octopus she keeps writing into her stories for me. 
> 
> To say it with Tony's words, "Ooops."

With the wine tasting rich and dark on his tongue he started to talk to Anthony about the Jotnar, the mon- _people_ who lived and were born in ice. He clenched his hands around the glass so tight that he was afraid it would splinter right there and took a huge sip to calm himself down. 

He started with the tale of how _it all_ began: the unfortunate trip to Jotunheim. How Thor had undertaken a trip with him and the Warriors Four to Jotunheim, and what Loki had learnt there. How it had destroyed it and left his mind in a shattered state, all while Frigga put Gungnir in his hands and made him into the rightful king of Asgard. There had been no rest, no stop, no break. Only plans, lies, deceit, _fathers_ \- 

And nobody had been there to calm him down for a minute, to tell him to stop and help him. There had only been betrayal for him.

He emptied the glass when he told Anthony of what he had tried to do to Jotunheim: it was his biggest shame, his greatest failure, the one mission he regretted the most, and the ice in his veins turned hot. 

When he was done and had talked about it all, he felt refreshingly empty and void. 

Anthony rubbed his hands over his face and looked at Loki tiredly. 

“It’s three-forty in the morning,” Anthony mumbled. “I don’t think I ever got hit by so many things at once in the face. That was a metaphorical slap, I think.” 

It was pure luck that he felt empty, otherwise Loki would feel panic inside of him now. 

“Okay, so. Bad time to drop all that info on me but I asked for it and now we will deal with it.” Anthony nodded. “Right. There were a few things I didn’t know about, matters that _someone_ told me about a while ago and stuff I put together by myself when I had been bored at night. Or day, both actually.” He licked his lips and Loki wanted to do it for him. 

Anthony continued, “I _am_ sober, _you_ are tipsy, I’d guess from the blush you’re sporting on your face. Good. That is fine.” He blinked and stared at Loki. “This,” he pointed around at seemingly nothing, “is not fine.” 

“It isn’t-” 

“Glad we’re on the same page here.” Anthony interrupted him with a sigh. “Okay so, I don’t even know what to say to … all that.” 

“Neither do I,” replied Loki, feeling seemingly hollow and only looked at Anthony with longing. He hoped that this wouldn’t ruin it for them. No, only them. Not _for them_. It _had_ been a lot to dump at once on Anthony. He realised that. But it was better to get it out now than to let it appear one day when it would be so much _worse_. If this was what would Anthony make leave him, then so be it. It would be his choice to make. Loki would attempt to stop him, sway him but ultimately - the ball was in Anthony’s court. 

“It’s been over ten years since all that?” 

“Yes.” 

Anthony nodded slowly and his eyes drank Loki in. “Okay. So. When I got involved with you, _I knew_ that you weren’t the best person on this planet – pun intended.” He winced. “That was too early, wasn’t it? Good, onwards with the plan as planned so we can go back to bed. I know that because you did attempt to invade my planet. I cannot forgive you or absolve you for what you did to Jotunheim because that’s not my place to do so. This is something that-“ he bit on his lips, and released a frustrated huff. “Loki, what you did was _horrible_. And cruel.” 

“I know.” 

“Good.” Anthony nodded. 

Loki stared at him.

“At least you know it was horrible. Do you _regret_ it?”

Loki tilted his head. “Yes.” His pulse sped up. It was like a bird, caged in that wanted to get away and hit its wings against the bars, quick and quicker and the vibrations getting louder and more intense by each hit. 

“Why?” 

“Because I wanted to destroy an entire race on behalf of Odin and didn’t think for myself,” Loki said slowly. “I wanted to prove my loyalty to a realm that never approved of me and never hesitated to put me down. For that, I turned into _Thor_ of all things _._ I’ve forgone all reasoning that I possessed and lost my sanity in the process.” Loki shook his head, black streaks landed in his face. “That is no excuse, I am aware of that. I did that, knowing what damage I’d cause with the Bifröst. I _wanted_ their suffering, Anthony. Don’t try to see me in a better light here.” 

“Would you help the Jotnar now if you had the chance to?” 

“I think so. Perhaps.” He grimaced. “I never thought about it. I ignored it and put it away.” There had been different issues for him, wanting to be dealt with and Loki had followed that call. 

“Will you think about it when this is all over and done with?” 

Loki nodded. “Yes.” He kneaded his fingers. “I will, Anthony.” Mayhap it was the wine and the bad conscience wearing at him, but from one moment to the next Loki found himself in the position of _wanting_ to help the Jotnar and making up his mistake as good as he could. It was the dark spark glinting in Anthony’s eyes and his desire to show him, _prove to him_ that he could be a better person than everybody – including himself – thought he was. 

New Asgard was turning him weak.

He wanted to say he had tried to improve a situation he had created in the first place once or twice before. 

He was growing up, wasn’t he? This was unlike him. 

“Then that’s all I can ask you for,” Anthony mumbled with a tired smile. “I used to be a weapons dealer. My nickname wasn’t ‘Merchant of Death’ for nothing. I _earned_ that title and back then, I was even proud of it to a certain extent. I don’t know whether you are worse than I. I made my living with that. You didn’t. This is…” he groaned. “ _Complicated._ FRIDAY, update my Facebook status.”

“I am sorry that this all gets thrown at you at such a time.” 

“Better now than never, right?” 

Loki chuckled tiredly. “That is true.” 

“Good.” Anthony reached for his hands and squeezed them. “That was the most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had, please let’s never do that again.” 

“There’s still the blood thing,” Loki said with a tired voice. He wanted to _sleep_.

“Yes.” Anthony exhaled loudly. “But it seems as if FRIDAY and you have to run other tests first. Loki, I stand by what I said. I want to say yes to staying with you for a long time. The longer, the better, I think. But let’s be certain your crazy idea works first, yes? I don’t want to set us up for disappointment.” 

“All right.” Loki stood up and pulled his lover from the chair, tugging at his sleep shirt carefully so as not to rip it apart.

Anthony stood up as quickly as he could, neither wanting to remember the conversation they’d just left behind as he pulled Loki into his arms. He smelled warm and of home. 

“Did you lower your inhibitions again?” Anthony asked him, curiosity tainting his sleepy voice and Loki could hear his voice vibrating when he leant against his man, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the hug he got. 

“No.” Loki snuggled closer to Anthony, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. “I’m just tired.” 

“Bed?” Anthony’s warm hands stroked over his back, warm and big and Loki melted on the spot. 

“Yes.” He pressed a kiss into Anthony’s neck before he whisked them away into bed. This one time he was too lazy to let them walk into the bedroom. 

Anthony chuckled and it sent vibrations through Loki’s body. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you just skywalking us to the next spot.” 

“Good,” Loki mumbled and sighed contently, somehow snuggling closer to his Anthony. “That means I will never stop surprising you.” 

“That’s true. Although I don’t love the sensation of just falling into bed like _that_.”

“Like that?” Loki lifted his head, alert from one moment to the next. “How do you mean?” 

“Well, for one, the feel of just having bed appear beneath me is weird. The other, us in bed with clothes on?” Anthony tsked and mischief danced in his eyes. “How unnecessary. That you aren’t just disappearing the clothes for us as well. C’mon _Lokes_ , you should know better by now.” 

_A distraction. Perfect._ It was just what he needed. 

Loki licked his lips, the tiredness leaving his mind abruptly and he grinded down against Anthony, eliciting a small groan from the genius under him. 

“I am ever so sorry for my oversight,” he said with a grin and leant down until their lips were barely apart from another, a piece of paper would fit between them but that was all that had space. He refused to go the last fraction of an inch further, his eyes locking with Anthony’s and read the desire kindling in them. 

“I’m sure the mistake wasn’t intentional.” Anthony licked his lips. It made Loki want to lick them as well, like he had wanted to earlier but had tried to rein in his sudden compulsive lust. “Right?” 

Loki grinned at him and vanished their clothes. In the next moment there was only skin on skin, warm and dry and a sweet blush running down Anthony’s body. He was truly _right there_ , for only Loki’s eyes to see, his body a siren’s call that Loki wanted to follow only all too gladly. 

He bowed his head down to kiss Anthony finally, having drunken in most of the beauty beneath him and he had to give in, had to feel and taste, to know this was real and not a simple fantasy. Full, soft, and eager lips met his in a kiss that started slowly but grew hotter with the minute. When warm hands stroked over his back, danced over his muscles, and scratched him lightly; Loki felt warm on the inside out and everything felt so _good_ – 

It was always a delight to fool around with Anthony, in bed or in their house in general, with or without clothing on. It made him forget for a time what was going on outside, where he was supposed to pay a different sort of concentration to, when there were no lovely soft moans panting in his ears and no flush and dilated pupils as his reward. 

The groans in his ears were music, a sound of praise Loki did not hear often enough, he wanted, craved, _needed_ more. He did his best to elicit more notes from his lover, added them to the growing melody of desire that they both weaved together. If it was possible then he wanted to listen to Anthony vocalising his pleasure forever and it would never cease to excite him. There was nothing better or nothing more lovely than to see Anthony flushing darkly, his sweet eyes shadowed with want, and he sighed and sang Loki’s name as he teased his prostate with gentle fingers, massaged the walls to have him singing loudly – Anthony Stark was beautiful and Loki did not want him to ever _stop_. 

Anthony went along with it, took the pleasure he got with delight until he decided it had been enough. It seemed as if to him it was _his turn_ now to reduce Loki to an equally panting mess. It seemed as if he only existed to serve and to bring pleasure to him with a hand around Loki’s dick, rubbing up and down like there was nothing else he’d rather do, like this was all life was about. He had a devilish smirk on his lips, knowing _exactly_ what he was doing to Loki. He teased him and distracted Loki from _his task_. 

That’s what Loki loved about this. It was pure fun to be with Anthony in bed. They challenged one another, flirted and worked each other up until there was nothing left to give, heady excitement pooling in him and it was – 

There are no words to describe this, Loki thought and plundered Anthony’s mouth, licked his insides and rubbed his tongue over the palate. He resumed his task and pressed down on the prostate more forcefully until Anthony broke the kiss off to gasp for air and whined with need. 

He threw him a victorious grin. Anthony wound his legs around Loki’s torso, drew him in closely, the grin on his face an expression of want in Valhalla itself and teasing Loki cruelly with his words. “Do it,” Anthony challenged him, his hands clasped behind Loki’s neck. “Otherwise I’ll just get myself off here and you can watch on the sofa.”

“Mhm,” Loki mumbled and withdrew his fingers, settling a hand on Anthony’s hips. “ _Of course_ you would use your fingers then. Like that would be sufficient for your greedy self.” 

Anthony opened his mouth to reply with something surely witty but Loki chose that exact moment to plunge in and made Anthony moan loudly instead. A much better noise in his opinion. He chuckled hoarsely against a flushed throat, nibbled tenderly on the skin there.

“Mean,” Anthony gasped, “but appreciated. Even though you took your time.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head back down on the pillow. 

“Good to know.” Loki grinned before he started to thrust into Anthony. Had he been tired before? There was nothing of that left, solely pleasure thrumming in his veins, heat pooling in his stomach and Anthony clenching around him like there was no tomorrow. In this moment, only here and now mattered, desire and want ruling their minds and hearts.

When their climax washed over them and Loki slowly untangled himself from his lover, he felt pure contentment even when he started to feel tired again. But it was worth the satisfied look on Anthony’s face, the relaxed atmosphere around them and holding each other close. Both of them were post-coital cuddlers and Loki would not change it for anything. 

He closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly even when the lie from earlier still burned on his tongue. 

~°~

“You look like you did something horrible,” Valkyrie pointed out after the meeting had ended. 

“And why do you think that?”

“Because you refuse to look me in the eye,” she said with a laugh and Loki swallowed dryly. “And you sit around longer than necessary even when you read over the documents. It’s almost as if you wouldn’t want to leave the building, which is, of course, bullshit. Because _Anthony_ is waiting for you there, isn’t he?” 

She sat down on the table. That was rude and showed him once again that his right hand had no idea of manners. 

“You are reading too much into things,” he replied but put the pen away. “Why would I want to avoid Anthony?”

“Right? It doesn’t make sense.” She leant forward. “Did you do something bad, Loki?” 

“You realise whom you’re talking to, do you?”

“So you _have_ been a naughty boy.” She tutted at him. 

“If you continue to talk to me like that I will gut you,” he promised her with a sharp grin. It wouldn’t even be that unwelcome, there was this pressure again on him and he wanted to release it. A quick fight, a small release of built up frustration – _heavily._

She scooped back with a dramatic sigh. “You’re no fun today.” 

“And you are as always, an annoyance, Val.” 

“Thank you.” She smiled at him.

Loki rolled his eyes and picked the document up again, skimming over the lines. He had read that page three times by now. And still the words wouldn’t stick in his mind completely. It had something to do with the Bifröst and the floating boats they were currently building and AmCham wanted to know about their process. And SI wanted to learn more about their “soul forge” and how it was built.

“You know that you can tell me anything, right?” Valkyrie said and almost sounded nervous. He looked back to her. She attempted a smile. “I mean, since we are friends. I won’t run around and tell everybody what you told me. Your words will be safe with me, I promise you.” 

Loki sealed the door to the hall with his seiðr and put the document aside. A promise was binding to _any_ Asgardian, no matter where they had been hiding the last few centuries.

“I _might_ have lied to him yesterday which helped me to turn the odds into my favour,” he confessed calmly. “Because if I hadn’t, he would have left me.” 

“What did you say?” 

“That I regretted attacking Jotunheim.” 

He saw how her brain started to work and thought about Jotunheim and what had happened. His attempt at foiling a war before it even started - it was almost never talked about because if it was, the Aesir would have to admit that Loki _could_ do _good_ , not only ever bad things. No Aesir would have been killed had he succeeded in his plan, the only blood which got spilled had been blue and cold, not red and warm like they were.

“I fail to see the problem here,” Valkyrie said. “It wasn’t the greatest plan, sure, but not an incredibly horrible one either. A stupid plan is to fly through the Devil’s Anus in a ship made for orgies.” 

“He’s a _Midgardian_ ,” Loki said amusedly and crossed his arms. “Try to see it from his perspective. Or, from Jane’s if that helps you to understand more.” 

Her mouth dropped open slightly. “Norns-“ 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Exactly _that_.” 

“He would kill you,” she mumbled, “kill you, roast you, and turn you into a green drink but throw it away before even drinking it because it wouldn’t even be worthy of touching his lips anymore.” 

With horror Loki saw her reaching forward and _patting_ his cheek. “You did good,” she praised him like one did with a dog. 

“No, I did _not do good_.” 

“Yes, you did.” 

“Valkyrie,” Loki said, clenching his hands to fists. “I not only _lied_ to him, I even _manipulated_ him into doing what benefits _me_ the most.” 

“So you’re upset because you did something to keep what you love close? Are you _sure_ that you’re an Asgardian?”

“Yes.” At least he hoped so. 

“Then don’t tell him. Never bring the topic back up again, avoid it or stick to your ‘truth’. Easy as that and all problems will be solved. You’re welcome.” 

He raised a brow. “Do Not Tell and Anthony in one sentence? Are you aware of whom we are talking about here?” 

“About Anthony, your lover mortal, and a charming and crazy man at the same time. Has an irritatingly good taste in spirits and is small, sometimes wears height-enhancing shoes to appear less small. Yes, I think we are talking about the same person, yup.” She threw him a shrewd glance. “To be honest I don’t see the problem here. You did that years ago, it was in Asgard’s best interest. Where’s the problem exactly, Lackey?” 

“I told him I _regretted it_ when I don’t feel like that.” He groaned and hid his face behind his hands. “I _lied_ to his face and then fucked him. Do you even realise how _fucked I am_ when he finds out?” 

“Well then don’t let him find out.” She shrugged and patted his shoulder. “There’s a reason why I refuse to tell Jane most things from my past. Because she got raised here and I was raised _there_ with different morals and I see things a tiny little bit different than her. Don’t tell him and everything will be fine.” 

“I fail to understand your enthusiasm about this.” He peered at her through his fingers. “If it escaped your notice, Valkyrie. I don’t want to _lose him_. And I just might over this.”

“Stop overthinking things, seriously. You _won’t_ lose him.” 

“That’s quite confident of you to claim.” He sighed. It had been more of a reflex than anything else to lie to Anthony, to charm him with regret and a bad conscience than anything else. There was so much already Loki had lost, the thought alone to lose someone again, to lose his anchor, it – it wasn’t exactly panic that he’d been experiencing but it had been close. But panic was never recommend in such a situation so Loki had reached out for manipulation instinctively. 

Was it so bad that he simply wanted Anthony to stay with him? Surely a lie could be forgiven. He shook his head and tasted iron in his mouth. He had bitten too hard on the inside of his cheek. 

“There was another matter I wanted to talk with you about.” He stood up from his chair, walked a few steps before he went back to Valkyrie. “Did you ever hear about the tale of the gods’ blood making mortals to _immortals_?” 

She stared at him. Blinked. 

“It’s a myth about Ichor,” he started to tell her, remembering the feel of old pages in his palms, dust whirling around in the light and Dum-E was spending him. 

“It’s just a legend,” she interrupted him. 

“No, no,” he argued. 

“Yes.” With a sigh Valkyrie stood up. “It is, Loki. Believe me.” 

She sounded so sure. Like it was an undeniable fact, something unshakable. 

“Before you had been born and the Valkyries still were an existing group, there was an _incident_.” 

He gestured for her to continue even as dread started to arise in him. 

“Back when the Vikings worshipped us as _gods_ and sacrificed us food and other delicacies there used to be the legend of Ichor that got told to younglings at fires in the evenings, that would turn them into us, into immortals. And some were desperate for it like humans often are,” Valkyrie told him in a calm voice even when a dagger slipped into her hands. “Some attempted to capture one of us. They got one of my _sisters_. They drained her until she had barely any blood left in her veins. We only learnt of it because she returned a few days later, still looked worse for wear, but she was all right.” 

“The _Vikings_?”

“Yes, them.” She tilted her head. “They didn’t become immortal, Loki. We were curious to see what happened and my sister was intrigued as well and didn’t wish for revenge however unusual for one of our blood that was. The ones who had drunken from her, they died. Either in war or because of their age. Neither of them grew faster, stronger or even lived longer.” 

Loki felt himself crash. So there _had_ been attempts but no success – yet. “But you only know of the one attempt?” 

“Why would there be more?” Valkyrie snorted. “After all, we used to have the golden apples in Iðunn’s garden, there was no need for others to drink Ichor.” Her eyes became soft when they landed on Loki. He refused to look away even when the _pity,_ because it was nothing else, unsettled him and burned in the pit of his stomach. “Maybe you should get used to the idea that Anthony will leave you one day. As should I with Jane.” 

“No.” Loki refused to do that. He wouldn’t let his lover _dying_ of old age while Loki was still young, not when there was a chance – and for Anthony he was willing to take a chance, however slim it was. 

“Then good luck.” She arched her brows. “Should you succeed I expect a share of your knowledge or whatever it is. Because if only _your_ Midgardian becomes immortal, I _will_ kill you.” She beamed at him. “Or I’ll slit you up and pour alcohol on you afterwards. Does that sound fair?” 

“No, not really but I would’ve shared regardless.” He cracked his knuckles. “All right.” 

“Back to Anthony then.” Valkyrie sat down again on his desk. She seemed to have a fondness for it. “Why don’t you apologise _indirectly_ to him?”

“Indirectly?”

“Yeah. I thought _you_ were the trickster, Loki, not I. Don’t tell him you lied just ensure that it looks like you didn’t lie. I mean that’s all that I can think of right now. And yeah, just do that and you should be fine.” 

“And _how_ do you propose I’d do that?” he asked her amusedly. 

“Well since you lied to him about Jotunheim, do _something_ with that.” She shook her head. “I am your right hand in matters that concern New Asgard, not your love life. Honestly, do you even have a love life?” 

“I just told you I fucked him yesterday and you ask me about _that_? Don’t you have a single bone of decency left in your body?”

“Seeing as I’m speaking with you, fucking means either fucking in bed or fucking with another’s mind.” 

“Fair,” Loki conceded after a few seconds.

She winked at him before she stood up from his desk. “Do me a favour and leave the documents be for a while. You won’t get anything done for the rest of today. Take it easy and figure out your problem. The papers can wait for now.” 

He left the hall with his mind reeling and stumbling around. There had been _one_ incident that didn’t turn out as the legend said. But it had been only one. And it had been a Valkyrie who got feasted upon. He sighed. Valkyrie hadn’t mentioned whether the Valkyrie in question had been an Asgardian woman or was from a different race. If that was the case, then of course the blood wouldn’t have worked. Loki remembered that even as a Valkyrie you weren’t granted a golden apple just like that. As for all races you had to earn your share for a piece of godhood. And neither Bor, nor Odin had gifted golden apples easily. 

But it made him wonder for the first time how old exactly Valkyrie was. 

“How to show remorse?” Loki mumbled and walked back to his home. His eyes wandered over New Asgard until they settled on the Bifröst. Perhaps –

What if he went with Anthony to Jotunheim first, assessed the realm and how great the damage truly was? Loki remembered the white beam of the Bifröst and the Casket, full of energy and cold death, bundled and how it had shot through the dark space. There had been nothing that could have stopped the beam in time. 

“If only I had used the Casket on Thanos.” A missed opportunity. But he had been _terrified_ of seeing Thanos again, Ebony Maw, and all the other children. Midnight’s wicked horns and her cruel and unforgiving yellow eyes, Maw’s pattern of speech and his manipulation of matter and thoughts that were branded into Loki’s mind. One half of the Aesir had already been gone, the other had been laying around dead on the ground, the stench of blood in the air and only the cold and cruel space around them. 

There had been little time to think. The Casket had been in his pockets for so long now, he occasionally forgot about it. Like the other items he had stored there. The Jotnar would be happy to have the casket back. Everything inside of Loki screamed against doing it. The Jotnar still were _the enemy_ , were not to be trusted, not to be made powerful again. Even when the ice in his veins prickled and he could feel the pull of the casket. 

Full of cold and snow and life. 

He sighed. But that was the better alternative to give the casket back and help the realm back to its original state? If this succeeded then Anthony would never have any need to learn of Loki’s lie and his manipulation. 

~°~

He opened the door and smelled freshly brewed tea and coffee. 

“Anthony?”

“You’re finally back?” was the reply and Anthony looked up from his tablet. “A long meeting?” 

“Yes.” Loki cradled Anthony’s face in his hands and pressed a short, sweet kiss to those tempting lips. 

“If you’d only ever greet me like that when I get home, I would try to be here earlier than you more often,” Anthony mumbled and opened his eyes. 

“I wouldn’t complain about that.” Loki pecked his nose and wanted to release him but Anthony held him close by the hips. 

“Convince me to do it more often.” Anthony winked at him. “Maybe I’ll surprise you one day with a special _something_ for lunch.” He rolled his groin suggestively against Loki’s. 

“Lunch, you said?” Loki asked and his voice dropped a bit. 

“Or dinner, if you would prefer that.” Anthony’s hands sneaked their way down to his arse. 

“I was thinking more in terms of a dessert.” 

Anthony’s hands _squeezed_ . “A dessert sounds _fine_ ,” he purred and looked at Loki with dilated pupils. 

“Doesn’t it just?” he rocked his groin into Anthony before he leant down again and tasted those lips. Anthony flicked his tongue against Loki’s mouth, probing and _warm_ before it slipped inside of Loki’s mouth. He rubbed his own against it, curling and playful. Where the first kiss had been nothing but sweet and soft, this one quickly became heated and Loki sucked on Anthony’s tongue, made him groan before he pulled back with a soft smile on his face.

“Bed?” he asked. 

“There’s a table right there.” Anthony licked his lips. “Never used it for getting a dessert before.” He squeezed Loki’s backside a last time again before he released him and walked over to the table, with a bounce in his step. 

Loki followed him like in trance, eyes cast down to those firm globes. 

“Eyes up here, Lokes,” Anthony teased him and pulled his shirt off. “You can look later.” 

“Promise they’re still there then?”

“I wouldn’t know why they’d wander off, so I think it’s safe to say yes. And now, _armour off_.” 

Loki flickered with his fingers and his outfit fell off, leaving him in nothing but his skin. With an amused grin he hopped on the table, his eyes full of excitement and pulled Anthony in with his legs. 

“A shame we never thought of that earlier,” Anthony mumbled as Loki crossed his legs behind his back. Their erections touched each other, igniting a wicked sensation in them. 

“We might have been busier with eating,” Loki replied with a grin, his hands wandering over broad shoulders. 

“I could have eaten _you_.” Anthony grinned at him, waved with a hand. “Lube?”

Loki snorted and conjured lube on Anthony’s hand. “Your wish, as always, is my command.” 

“Good,” Anthony purred and took their erections in his lubed hand, stroking them deftly. He claimed Loki’s mouth once more as his, caressed his tongue in slow, almost lazy movements. A complete opposite to what his hand was doing, its pace growing faster and Loki moaned into Anthony’s mouth; he couldn’t get enough of it, there was _never_ enough of this intoxicating sensation that was tickling down his body. The friction of two dicks sliding against each other was _delicious_ and Anthony stroking just added to it with enticing sparks. It was becoming a mess of groaning and nibbling on skin, hushed words whispered to get them even more delirious with lust and it was _working_ , almost too well. 

The table felt cold beneath him and Anthony was so warm – the contrast felt amazing to him and he pulled him in closer, wanting _more_ . It became even better when Anthony _finally_ decided that it was enough teasing and all the rubbing was good and well but pushing Loki down on his back? It seemed that this was an even better idea. 

Loki smirked at him, lifted his groin invitingly. “Fingers, Anthony.” 

“Yes, Sir.” Anthony rolled his eyes and bit him playfully in the throat, sucked harshly.

Loki waved with his hand impatiently. There was a time for teasing and then there was a point where he simply wanted fingers in his ass, and they were in there better _yesterday._

“So impatient?” Anthony grinned and thrust a finger into him, slick with lube and _oh, that was nice_. 

“For you, always,” Loki panted before pulling Anthony’s face down to him, kissing him while another finger started to breach him. 

Anthony hummed and scissored his fingers, doing so many wonderful things to Loki at once that he lost his breath for a split second.

“More,” he panted and thrust his hips upward, making Anthony suck in a sharp breath. He wouldn’t be the only one who lost a bit of his mind, he would make sure of that. There were two active players here and Loki refused to simply be the only mess in this room. He nibbled on Anthony’s jawline, his nails scratching his shoulders _just so_ and he achieved a shiver that ran through Anthony. His dick was rubbing over Loki’s stomach, smearing a bit of precum over him. 

Anthony glared at him as if he was angry. “Cruel,” he said and pushed a third finger into Loki. “And I still do what you want. Is that my _ah-_ “ 

Sometimes he just talked _too much_ and Loki had decided to put an end to it by biting into the hollow of Anthony’s throat, broke the skin and soothed the pain away with his tongue and lapped the small poodle of blood away. He could taste his _Iron Man_ on his tongue, warm and thick. 

“ _Fuck_ , Lokes,” Anthony panted before he pressed down on Loki’s prostate deliberately and made Loki groan loudly. This was better already, more of what Loki wanted from him. Desire was running through his body, sweat formed on both of them and Anthony was kissing his chest, using a hint of teeth before going soft on him again.

Eventually the fingers withdrew, and Loki licked his lips in anticipation, pulled Anthony forward with his legs when his dick probed at his entrance. _Waiting was overrated_ , Loki thought as he tightened his legs and then he was finally getting what _he_ wanted. Anthony’s face was a look of pure concentration and determination, a flush spreading over his cheeks and he panted harshly against Loki’s lips. 

He clenched around Anthony, just to startle him and because he could do it - which was the most important thing. Anthony threw him an amused glare before grabbing his hips and started to rock into him. 

His dick rubbed Loki in all the right places, warm and pleasingly thick. He mewled in contentment, his nails digging in powerful shoulder blades, pressing Anthony even more in. Kissed his collarbone, sucking another hickey in his skin that looked lost without having at least one. 

His breaths got shorter, a heat started to coil itself tightly in the pit of his stomach and yes, he was close, so close to coming - 

“More,” he mumbled and tugged shortly at Anthony’s hair and his eyes snapped up to him. There was only a small brown ring, the pupil so dilated it nearly swallowed everything and Loki felt himself falling in their wanton gaze. Anthony rocked harder into him, thrusts getting shorter and shorter but still hitting him so perfectly and the heated moans coming from both – 

Everything felt in him felt like he was going to die of the tension in him, everything was wound so tightly and –

It was so easy from here on to just _let go_ , let himself fall and he felt Anthony follow him shortly after, slumping on Loki, panting hotly on his flushed skin. 

“I think I like desserts,” Loki announced and Anthony started to giggle. 

“Glad I could convince you to convince me.” 

“Mhm,” Loki purred and pressed a short kiss to his lips. “Now, off of me.” 

“Should I put you in the dishwasher now?” Anthony raised a brow and pulled back out. “To make you clean and shiny again?”

Loki looked down on him. There was his own spunk smeared over his stomach, glinting in the light. “I don’t know, I think I am shiny enough."

“Yes. Yes, that’s what you are, a shiny tall king. But not clean yet.”

Loki sat up, his poor arse telling him exactly what it thought of being used. Oh well, he’d survive it like so often. He sent a spark of seiðr to his insides, calming the pain down. “And I thought you liked my cum.” He shook his head as if disappointed. “See if I ever let you blow me again when you can’t even appreciate what I have.” 

“That’s mean of you.” Anthony pouted. “And here I thought you liked me kneeling.” 

His breath stopped for a bit. 

“But okay,” Anthony continued and kicked the boxers lying around on the floor away. “Then I won’t do that again. See where you get a dick sucker elsewhere. I am done here. Probably better for my knees anyway.” 

“I _might_ have spoken too hastily.” 

“Mhm.” Anthony turned his head to him. “See this is what happens when you just speak without thinking.” His grin turned sharp. “You might not like the consequences of it.” He walked off towards the bathroom. “Join me when you have decided to apologise.” 

Did he know? The conversation had taken a sharp and unexpected turn, so subtle had it been. Or he was just overthinking things again. From where would Anthony know that Loki had lied? He had only told Valkyrie and she had _promised_ to stay silent on it, not to spread the word. This wasn’t good, was it? 

Hesitantly he followed Anthony, removing the dried cum on him and hoped he was just overthinking. But Anthony greeted him with a warm smile in the shower and the unease in him fell away again. He had been projecting, nothing more.

  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual warning for Grandmaster's creepiness and Loki being Loki.  
> You know how that is 😋
> 
> Also, half time 🙌 😆

Loki knew he should talk with someone about Jotunheim. Someone who was _not_ Anthony but still mortal enough to understand and had enough brain to help him out. There weren’t many choices actually. Banner, the fool finally found a way to merge his brain self with his “ _Smash!”_ self and became _green_. Forever. Lost a good chunk of saneness in the process, didn’t tell a soul of the start of his mad process either and became muscles with a few braincells. And when Loki was being honest, he missed Banner. The green mad scientist was _not funny_ , even when it seemed he finally had found his way to the internet and did horrible things that had been in four? Five? Six? Years ago like _dabbing_ because that was _cool_ and his green self was his ‘surprise’ to them.

Needless to say that Loki felt like his spine was shattered again – this time not from being used as a punching bag but out of sadness and grief. Loki hadn’t _loved them_ , not in the way he loved and respected Rhodey and Pepper but – he had come to respect both. Hulk had been a pleasant companion on the ARK and even when his stories mainly existed out of “ _SMASH!_ ”, he’d never forgotten others who’d helped him in a battle. And Loki especially like the tale where Hulk had ripped Chitauri apart during New York’s battle. Banner who was surprisingly sarcastic when he felt comfortable around one and had more darkness slumbering in him than anybody could have suspected and now –

He was not there anymore. Neither of them. “ _Professor Hulk,”_ he called himself when he emerged from his house with a big smile on his face. It had been difficult for Loki _not_ to shoot a blast of seiðr at this _monster_ to make it stop existing but Anthony had held his wrist, his nails buried in Loki’s dark leather and greeted his friend with a smile on his face.

How Anthony could do that when Loki was sure he was reeling from shock and horror himself, it was a wonder to him. But it had been the start he needed to greet _Professor Hulk_ as well and that was how Loki discovered that the green mass had lost touch with reality.

A “flight of fancy,” Anthony called it but was sure that his friend would come to his senses soon again and be more _himself_ than whoever this brainless idiot out there was. And if not, then that was not fine but all right with him too. Because Bruce was still alive and well, that was what mattered. Yet this was what made Loki _not_ want to talk to the _Professor_ about Jotunheim.

Jane was the other option and Loki was almost glad that it was _her_ because Jane Foster was not a Midgardian to be underestimated.

During the next few days Loki made himself walk up to the house Jane shared with Valkyrie and talked with her about Jotunheim. Needless to say it _hadn’t_ been pleasant to tell her that he’d been the reason why Jotunheim probably was destroyed, that the people there couldn’t have had a good time ever since Odin took the Casket away and now were living through tougher times thanks to Loki’s plan and Thanos’ snap.

The things she had thrown at his head in a completely neutral voice, cold and void of any emotion that Loki could only suspect she felt because of how her eyes narrowed at him and her hands balled to fists – she was could be at least as terrifying as his mother.

His mother, Valkyrie, and women of Midgard were in general frightening, Loki decided as he saw who was calling him this time.

It was Romanoff, her voice clipped and rough, getting straight to the point with no questions asked about his well-being. Not that Loki didn’t appreciate that.

“ _Clint has disappeared again._ ”

“He does that a lot, doesn’t he?” Loki mumbled.

_“He was seen last in Russia, I hope they didn’t put him in a prison there.”_

“I hope so as well.” Loki sighed.

Barton’s murder rampage had gotten worse and worse since Natasha had been here last with Pepper. It seemed as if the last few threads holding him together were starting to break apart now and nothing was able to hold him back anymore. He was cruel, ruthless and a man without any sense of mercy or understanding left in him. When Loki called his seiðr to him and sent it out to Barton, he _struggled_ to get their connection right.

It was becoming so, so difficult to find him. It was as if Barton was forgetting _Barton_ himself and what made him to him, fully welcoming his persona as Ronin.

 _Ronin_ , he whispered to his seiðr and the connection became stronger. It was weird, to say at least, when his seiðr started to scratch him, almost a punishment for invading another’s mind. That hadn’t happened before.

Barton-Ronin was more like the man Loki had known and yet at the same time, he wasn’t.

The wanted assassin, spy, former husband, et cetera, was hiding in an apartment and was washing the blood off his body in methodical and almost rhythmic movements. If Loki were a decent man he’d avert his eyes because this was an intimate moment, something where he should give Barton privacy when he cleared himself from the last remains of his victims but instead Loki looked closely at the cold grey eyes. The mechanical movement of washing away the red colour until all that remained was skin, scars from wars Loki didn’t know and didn’t care about and hair that was greying.

There was nothing anymore to detect in them. Only coldness. No regrets.

Barton looked at the pictures of his phone afterwards with a detachment that was alarming: there was love still haunting the plagued assassin, which was _great_ , and if Loki probed any deeper he’d probably find more of that but on the surface and in the middle, there was only a desire for revenge, bitterness and hatred burning and serving as fuel for Barton. His right ankle hurt, the reason why Barton had lain low for the last two weeks and only gone out tonight for the first time because he finally could use the ankle again.

Loki pulled back. “He’s all right.”

_“Thank you.”_

“But Romanoff, he _is_ distancing himself from being the Barton you know. He’s getting colder and has less scruple than ever before.”

 _“What do you mean?”_ she asked sharply.

“He’s splitting his soul apart,” Loki said in a rushed breath. “There is Barton and then there will be and already is, to a part, Ronin.”

_“You mean, like it is the case with the Winter Soldier and Bucky?”_

“You’re thinking of the Captain’s poor dusted friend?”

 _“Yes_.”

Loki snorted in the phone. “I have no idea, never met him and I don’t wish to do so.”

_“Tony told you, then?”_

“Anthony didn’t tell me anything.” Loki growled. “This has nothing to do with Anthony either.”

_“Then what is it?”_

“A reasonable dislike for mortals as I have it for most of you all.”

 _“That’s a lie,”_ Natasha laughed in his ear. _“You like Tony, Rhodey, Pepper, even me.”_

“And that is because you earned my respect. Truly, Romanoff, I might have lied in the glass cage but not everything of it was a lie. You _are_ mortals, you live short lives and are an amusing mess but that’s it. Nobody will remember you, only a few selected ones. The rest is forgotten, a grey mass, an undistinguishable herd. All of you stare into your phones, do _nothing_ and let your precious lives waste away, swallow lies like they’re desserts and stopped thinking for yourself. The time where humanity was a mass of brains, thought of amazing inventions and wrote and changed history, those days are _over,_ and you’re going back to being mindless mutes. Why should I want to waste my time with you?”

For a moment there was silence on the phone.

 _“You realised that Tony will die someday, hm?”_ She sounded amused.

Coldness swamped through him.

_“For what it’s worth, I am sorry, Loki. But unless you have some of your infamous apples stored in your magical pockets, you will have to accept that Tony will leave you one day.”_

“He won’t.”

_“Take the advice from someone who has problems with showing emotions: enjoy every moment that you get so you can appreciate them when it’s over. That might help you.”_

“Barton will cease to be,” Loki cut in, sharp and like a knife. He wanted to hurt her, wanted to make her feel the pain he was feeling _every day_ , every morning when he woke up and saw more grey in Anthony’s hair and time continued to go by and Loki could do nothing but _watch_. “He will no longer exist for as long as Ronin is the better alternative for him. He _becomes_ Ronin. His family had been his stronghold and now they’re gone. There is no reason for him to keep his heart.”

 _“None?”_ she whispered.

Satisfaction thrummed through him, hearing her being _hurt_ by his words. It lasted for only a moment, then regret washed over him. He sighed. There he was, speaking and doing what he could do best with his mouth because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Anthony. One day the man would cost him his head.

“I didn’t poke around in his head to search for you.”

 _“And I’m glad for that.”_ She sounded like herself again, stronger, and more confident, not _hurt_ any longer.

“He might not consider you as family right now, or back then, because he’s been left alone for too long. I remember Anthony telling me that one of the conditions for his return was that all contact to the Avengers were forbidden for him?”

 _“Only the Rogue ones_ ,” she corrected him. “ _And I was one of them. Don’t tell me he’s angry because of that.”_

“He’s not angry, he doesn’t know what to do with you, or to think of you.” He shrugged. “You weren’t there when he’d needed you the most and so, only anger and the feeling of revenge remained and became his focus.”

That was all blind guessing. But didn’t he know that feeling? When Thor had led him out of prison, invited him on a hunt for Mother’s murderer, to shove him later _back in the cell_. Back to withering away in isolation, alone and forgotten, for no use anymore. And Barton had had the chance unlike him, to further pursue his revenge, to live out fully his desire for blood and could try to feel better by giving in to his bloodlust. Have others feel his sword and pretend it makes you feel better. Get addicted to the rush of adrenaline, the glint of fear in the eyes of others, dead bodies all around you and the stench of blood in the air. It was so easy to lose yourself in this.

_“Do you think I should-“_

“Do you want to see him in prison?”

_“No.”_

“Then don’t.” Loki rolled his shoulders back. “If you want him back, prepare a plan, you have Pepper on your side if you explain it to her and ask her for help. You might find a solution. Try to keep track of him like you already do should need ever arise when you need him.”

 _“I will.”_ She yawned. “ _You think I can go to bed at three in the morning?”_

“Why are you even awake?”

 _“Rocket dropped in,”_ she replied, another yawn going along with a sigh. _“He does that occasionally, you know? And Carol wanted to call but she might be too busy.”_

“Who doesn’t know that feeling.”

Natasha snorted. _“Nobody. Being busy is a mythos.”_

“Very true,” Loki agreed light heartedly, wished her a good night and ended the call.

Barton was turning into a curious case. Loki was looking forward to how this would play out. There was little else he could do. Unless he brought Barton here to New Asgard but neither did he need nor want any more Midgardians on his land. The others had deserved their stay here. Even when Banner- _the Professor_ travelled between Norway and America, like others went to work and back home. That was normal for Americans, Anthony had assured him. Americans often went long ways to get to their work, the Professor was a special case but still. Nothing to wonder about.

He wasn’t happy when _the Professor_ was here and then left again and Loki didn’t notice. That meant he had to pay more attention again to other matters and wasn’t that just not _not_ what he needed? Also Eitri and the Professor used to love fighting a bit too much in his opinion. Even when the Aesir loved seeing them fight and cheered for their favourites. It reminded Loki of Sakaar when the Hulk had fought Thor, all fun and brute strength. Now he wondered if the Professor would still participate in those fights or if he was getting himself too “fine” for that.

~°~

Anthony wasn’t at home this time when Loki opened the door. A shame, he had found a likening in their _dessert time_ , all the things they came up with and then, licking whipped cream off of Anthony? It was devilishly delicious, and Loki didn’t regret it a bit when his dick started to think of sex when he saw whipped cream laying around _somewhere_. Deep down he was just excited for sex and Anthony was _good_ at it.

Dum-E chirped happily and sprayed soap on the table. Apparently the table was out of use for today. The bot might have taken it as an offence against his person when Anthony and him continued to use the table and Dum-E found them like that.

“ _No sex in front of the kids,”_ Anthony had panted and Loki had made sure that they were clad in the next moment so that the _poor kid_ wouldn’t see _anything_. He’d even gone so far as to suggest to erase that certain memory from Dum-E’s code but Anthony had assured him that making out half naked wouldn’t kill his bot. Even when he’d been tempted to accept his offer.

“Do you know when Anthony will be back?” he asked FRIDAY while setting up tea.

 _“He’s with Professor Hulk at the tavern, it might become late today,”_ she replied.

“He didn’t mention that to me.” Loki frowned.

_“A spontaneous decision after I told him Dum-E was pouting still over the abuse of the table.”_

“Anthony _knows_ that we also have a bed and not just a table where we can take up our _activities_?”

 _“I sure hope he hasn’t forgotten,”_ FRIDAY said dryly.

“I can always introduce him later to it again.”

_“That would be amazing. How can I be of help, Loki?”_

Loki filled a cup with tea and wandered over to the bedroom after the table was still fully covered with soap and Dum-E looked at him threateningly, the soap bar in his clutches and the table glistening wet and with foam, smelling of citrus. A smell Anthony sincerely did not like or approve of. Dum-E was a menace.

“How good are you with calculations?”

If he didn’t know better Loki would say FRIDAY snorted at him. 

“I want you to calculate how often Anthony is able to use the Bifröst before a permanent damage can fester in him. Can you do that?”

_“Of course.”_

“Thank you.” He sighed. “Research myths about Ichor, please, and summarise them if you can. I need to know more and-“ he hesitated. Anthony was _out_ today.

 _“The scans?”_ FRIDAY asked him.

“Yes, the scans.” Loki drank a sip of his tea. “The scans,” he repeated in a low mutter, a headache starting to grow in him.

_“It would be better if you’d remove your clothing first to get the most accurate scans.”_

A thing he only expected to come out of Anthony’s mouth, not from _FRIDAY’s._

“Yes, of course.” He nodded and started to unlace his shirt. It felt like with each more finger movement he not only bared himself more but it also got colder around him. He hadn’t taken on his Jotun form for ages. The Loki then who had discovered the shameful secret had been someone else, a Loki, Loki only seldom felt like anymore.

 _Prince Loki_ , a sweet memory, painted over with dark colours so that he was removed from his memory and only glimpses appearing in between.

So many things had happened since then. He pulled the shirt over his head, kicked the socks off and started to unlace his pants. He didn’t particularly wish to see himself turn blue again and he dreaded to see the white lines on himself again. The lines which marked him as the _son of Laufey_ , the cold-hearted bastard who hadn’t wanted him as if it had been Loki’s fault for being a _runt_. For being too small and not being the perfect heir, they wanted him to be. A fate that had continued on Asgard, continued on and on and on. He slipped out of his trousers and took another sip from his tea.

It wasn’t even wild berries tea.

FRIDAY waited silently for him to do it, he realised when he took another gulp, the taste of chamomile burning sweetly on his tongue. And he also realised how stupid it must look for an outsider; him, naked in a bedroom, drinking tea.

He put the cup down and called the Casket in his hands. Cold started to seep in his limbs. He blinked, just once, but then he was _blue_ and let the Casket disappear again, holding onto his _form_ with all that he could.

“I’m ready,” he announced to the AI and pinched his eyes shut again.

_“Scans starting.”_

He could feel the cold in his veins. He saw how his breath turned white when he exhaled, like snowflakes as they fell to the ground. It was unusual and it felt odd, it felt as if something just didn’t sit right with Loki, as if the skin he wore wasn’t fitting.

The white lines on his body started to hurt.

 _“You need to breathe,”_ FRIDAY said but she sounded a bit off as well.

 _Breathe_ , she had said. _Breathe._ As if it was so easy with lungs that felt like a frozen river.

 _“Loki._ ”

He breathed in even when it hurt, cold and sharp shards were tearing him up from the inside and –

Were _gone_.

_“And now, breathe in.”_

FRIDAY sounded calm and the lights went up a bit, the darkness around him receding and he opened his eyes to a small gap.

It was getting easier. Breathing. It felt better. It started to feel like when he wore his Aesir skin, _normal_. And it was good, it was all right, he was still Loki even with the blue on him, the Casket still in his pockets, a cold helper to him. It was good. He was all right. Breathing in and out again was getting easier.

 _“Scans are complete_.”

And Loki put the Casket away again, sat down on his bed and drank from his now cold tea, made it warm with his seiðr. He needed the warmth desperately while he remained in his blue skin.

 _“Comparing the results_.”

He nodded, feeling _off_ somehow. As if he was floating and wasn’t truly here. The colours were brighter, he noticed. The white spots less intense.

This was better, more regulated. The eyes were set to ensure the best shot at survival on Jotunheim, not on Midgard. Asgard had been so bright with its golden façade, he hadn’t noticed. But, now he did.

 _“Are you with me?”_ FRIDAY asked him.

He looked up. “Yes, I am. Do you have something?”

 _“I finished the calculations for Boss and how often he can use the Bifröst,”_ she told him and sighed. _“Sadly it appears as if Boss can’t use it too often. To be on the safe side I’d limit it to two uses per year. My calculations and predictions for future aren’t too optimistic.”_

“Then only one trip and that’s it.” Loki nodded slowly. “I prefer to skywalk with him anyway.”

 _“Thank you_.”

“I have a similar interest in seeing him whole and alive for as long as possible.”

 _“Yes.”_ Now FRIDAY sounded off. “ _I must apologise.”_

“FRIDAY?” He felt himself go cold but this time, out of another reason entirely.

_“I must have miscalculated.”_

“FRIDAY, what did the scans-“

_“You are a Jotun.”_

_What -_

No, no, that wasn’t the truth.

 _“My scans show that you are a Jotun but with Aesir attributes.”_ The Starkpad on Anthony’s pillow blinked up and showed him the data analysis.

It felt like his world was crushing and falling apart. He was no _true god_ , only a Jotun that had adapted well into a hostile environment to ensure the best survival possible.

His blood wouldn’t work on Anthony. That meant he would _lose_ Anthony in the near future. He would be alone again. This was not what he had expected as an outcome.

White rage was welling up in him, hot and cold, and a knife appeared in his hands he did want to throw but he wouldn’t do that in their home. No weapons were allowed in here while one was angry.

“Your scans are incorrect.” Loki slammed the knife on the table and put on his clothes again. Changed back his appearance. “They _must_ be. I don’t know how but they are.”

_“I don’t see why my scans would lie.”_

“They don’t lie, they are _incorrect_.” Loki glared at the nearest camera. “There’s a difference in that, FRIDAY.”

_“I would have nothing rather than that.”_

“Good.” He smiled grimly at the knife that shone frozenly in the light. “Because I won’t be robbed _again_ of something I love. I will not become again a passive bystander as my heart gets ripped apart again. Not when I can do something against it.”

 _“Then tell me how to help you, Loki_.”

He noticed with a dark delight how determined FRIDAY sounded. He waved with his right hand and the book Eitri had gotten from Alfheim, appeared in front of him in a green shimmer.

“The legends _have_ to come from somewhere,” Loki said and opened the book. “The Grandmaster was a manipulative man, but he was an Elder. Why would he lie to me about this? It wouldn’t have brought him anything. At this time I wasn’t even interested in Anthony, so how would he know?”

_“An Elder?”_

“An Elder,” Loki mumbled, “he loves to bet and play. But it’s not about winning and losing with him. It’s about _how_ you play his Game.” He scratched his chin, the rage still burning in him but cooling down, now that he tries to keep his sanity.

_“You think it might have been just a game of his? Telling you of the wonder of gods’ blood?”_

“Yes.” Loki bit on his lips. “Sakaar is a planet where everybody can land. Who says that not a fortune teller arrived there a long time ago and told him of Thanos and his plans? Of _me_?” A suspicion rose in him. “He wasn’t all too surprised when I arrived there. He let me do what I wanted as long as I didn’t displease him. What if –“ he stopped.

“ _Loki?_ ”

“It’s a game. Sakaar is a whole planet about being a game, you play and you either lose or win. And we escaped Sakaar far too easily. Thor with his friends and I with the others. A simple revolution is all that it takes to shatter the control an Elder has over his _own planet_?” Loki shook his head. “No. He _chose to let_ us go.” He picked up the knife, it was one of the daggers the Grandmaster had gifted him. So what if he was just one of the Grandmaster’s players in a bigger game?

A game he could win or lose but not as a player, only as a token? If he wasn’t a player, who did the Grandmaster play with?

The answer was so palpable obvious that it was a shame it had taken Loki so long to figure it out.

It was _Thanos_. Because of course, who else could it be? Thanos was a player that had become interesting in the last few years and with his invasion – things started to roll and became more interesting than ever before. And who was the Grandmaster to let such a good player slip through his fingers? Perhaps Thanos hadn’t even known that he was playing against the Elder. Loki arriving on Sakaar – a man who had been known as a child of Thanos but seemed not to be in his favour any longer?

Loki sighed inaudibly. He truly was just a token once more. It didn’t even have to be a fortune teller on Sakaar, it was enough that the Grandmaster knew who he was and who he used _to serve_. And the game would be on, a new token that brought with him interesting twists and turns to the Game?

What did it matter to the Grandmaster who won?

The _how_ was that mattered. The blood thing was only a strategy Loki could use or couldn’t, that was up to him how and if he used it. It would change the game. And with the Grandmaster gifting him _a new armour and weapons?_

Loki was the Grandmaster’s Champion.

Not the Hulk.

Loki had been the Champion in the box. The Champion in front of all who cared enough to try to see into the lounge. The Grandmaster had allowed him so many things because he _was the Champion_ and therefore in the Grandmaster’s favour. The flaunting around, the possessive touches, the seducing and trying to ensure Loki’s loyalty-

It all shone under a new light now.

He still wanted to cut off the Grandmaster’s balls for daring to allow himself so many liberties with him.

For invading his privacy and not caring about Loki’s refusal that he couldn’t give because he had been intimidated and didn’t want to lose his new _home again_. A place where he had been accepted. Oh, how masterfully he had been played by En Dwi Gast, the great Grandmaster, the most invested gamer of them all.

The blood of gods would make Anthony immortal. It only seemed as if there was something _wrong_ right now with –

Everything?

“FRIDAY, how good are you at analysing things and differ them from material that can only be fiction?”

_“Better than you since I don’t judge based on emotions but divide by what makes sense, use rationality and mark sources as suspicious when something is contradicted again by other things, over and over again until it becomes erased. A simple algorithm system that Boss expanded through his whole life with my help.”_

“Good.” Loki grinned at the knife before he let it disappear again. “Then, listen. And don’t breathe a word of this to Anthony if possible. I know you are his loyal servant but I want to surprise him when this works out.”

 _“I’ll stay silent as long as Boss’ happiness and safety are ensured._ ”

“That’s fair.” Loki took a breath then started to tell FRIDAY of Odin and what he had told Asgard. What he had told Loki and Thor.

Odin had been the one to give the Aesir their godly title and had given Loki his when he had reached adulthood and his skill in causing Mischief had become too prominent to ignore. He told FRIDAY that he had taken Odin as his idol for developing a good skill as liar even when nobody would believe him that. Because Odin was a skilled liar – he lied but never without a reason behind it. Not telling Loki that he was the son of an enemy? There were so many reasons why he wouldn’t do that, from caring about him – what an amazing joke – to wanting to hold the knowledge back because it would prove to be an essential tool later on.

And why would Odin lie to all Aesir about their race and their talent? Why would he lie, and follow a lie that _his_ father had told the Aesir as well? A lie he had spread that he got told by _his_ father?

There was no reasonable explanation behind it.

And when there was no reason, Odin wouldn’t have done it. It was as easy as that.

“It’s not like it is unlikely he lied so the population would be in an uproar,” Loki mused out loud. “But it would’ve been better to stay silent, then one day the knowledge would have gotten lost. Thor and I would have never thought of ourselves _as gods_.”

FRIDAY stayed silent, let him continue while running her calculations in the background.

“He could have told us we are simply enhanced beings, better than others because of our attributes. Most would have taken this an indication that we’re gods. People hear that what they want to hear even when the core of the story is something else.” Loki looked at the camera. “The legend can be wrong. Odin can be wrong as well.” _But that didn’t add up with the Grandmaster’s character._ “But the likelihood of this is-“

 _“-at 17.085_ _percent.”_

“Not very likely then.” Loki leant back.

_“It seems to me as if there is something missing.”_

“Missing?” Loki lifted a brow. So there was something wrong. He allowed himself a feeling of victory. He had been _right_.

 _“Yes, Loki_.” FRIDAY sent him a complete list of her analysis. _“Not missing in your story but the likelihood of something missing with you Aesir is high_. _That something might be the key to your question and our problem._ ”

“How high?” he asked, his fingers curling around his mug tightly.

 _“86.396 percent_ ,” she replied calmly. _“I did a thorough check on the things Asgard had according to the myths and compared it to what we have in New Asgard right now. And it seems to be that one essential part is missing here_.”

“And what would that be, FRIDAY?” Because whatever it was, Loki would _get it_ back here. 

_“The Odinforce.”_

The Odinforce. Loki raised his brows. “We don’t have the Odinforce because this is neither Asgard where the force resided, nor do we have an Odin who controls it.”

 _“Has it always been the Odinforce?”_ FRIDAY asked him and Loki heard the cheek in her voice.

“No,” Loki said slowly.

 _“Then we don’t need Odin.”_ There was such a grim satisfaction in her voice at that discovery, it made Loki smile and wish he could pet FRIDAY’s head. She was so adorable. Always so happy to be protective of Anthony and, for a while now, also of Loki. Wanted to protect them against everything, even from themselves if she had to, but always from _their fathers_.

 _“Do we have to call it Odinforce?”_ She asked next and Loki smiled a bit at that.

“No. We can also call it the Aesirforce, which I still don’t possess.”

 _“Why? You are the king of Asgard.”_ FRIDAY sounded sceptical. “ _By all rights, the Aesirforce should be yours.”_

Loki smiled bitterly. “Because I am not worthy of it. I wasn’t worthy of lifting Mjölnir, I am _not_ the true king of New Asgard. The people don’t accept me therefore the Aesirforce is not residing here.”

_“What if you would wield Gungnir?”_

“The King’s spear?” Loki snorted dismissively. “I wielded it once. And I got betrayed five times over within a few days by the ones who should listen the most to the Spear wielder but instead went against the king’s orders thinking they were right and knew better.”

 _“So you still have it?”_ She sounded amused.

“I do,” Loki agreed. “I picked it up from the floor before I went to retrieve the Tesseract from Odin’s vault and brought Surtur back to life to defeat Hela for us.” Loki reached into the Nothingness that was his pockets and then pulled out the silver spear. It laid hard and cold in his hands. “But ever since we left Asgard Gungnir refuses to obey me. It didn’t want to work, not even when Thanos –, when he entered the ship and we had to fight for our lives.”

He put Gungnir away again. “I don’t need the people to see a spear that doesn’t work. I don’t need to give them more fuel to mocking me anew, FRIDAY. There is enough bad talk as it is already. Rather I would have them think Gungnir got lost in Ragnarök as well and let the spear be forgotten.”

He stopped and listened. He could hear footsteps outside. “Not a word of this, FRIDAY.”

Anthony stepped into the house and after a few more moments where Loki decided to read a book from John Le Carré, he stepped into their bedroom.

“You’re still up.”

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Loki peered at him over the book. “It got quite late for you, didn’t it?”

“Yes.” Anthony yawned. “But I’m back now and am in need of a kiss and cuddles from my Reindeer Games.”

“Then come here and get them.” Loki grinned at him and when Anthony joined him in bed, he pressed a kiss to his lips. He would make it happen that his blood would work again as a tool to supply immortality. He would not give Anthony up. Anthony would live for as long as he wanted to and if he thought like Loki, then he’d live with him for a few more millennia.

~°~

Helping Jotunheim was a step Loki only did to ensure Anthony wouldn’t hate him should he ever find the truth about his manipulation out. It was his way of apologising as well. A bad conscience wouldn’t do any good on this trip though and he had to leave - out of all things - Valkyrie behind when he would go to see the Ice Planet.

Loki wasn’t a coward but to have a third member with them on a trip that could go horribly wrong? It was always better to be on the safe side. Not that anybody had listened to Loki in younger days. No, instead it was preferred to face the possibility of meeting Lady Death earlier than intended.

“Are you scared?” Anthony asked him and touched his hand.

“No.”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m not too fond of what will follow when we have arrived.” Loki’s mouth twitched. “It might be that the Frost Giants try to slaughter us as soon as they set their sigh on us. And then what?”

“Then we’ll leave.” Anthony squeezed his back. “And return at another time.”

“You’re so optimistic.”

“Well, you want to go and make up for your _misstep_ , don’t you?” There was something odd in Tony’s voice that made Loki look to his lover. But Anthony lifted solely a brow and smirked. “A few words can do true wonders at times, would you believe me that?”

“Yes?”

Anthony stared at him. For a moment Loki thought he’d say something. But then he turned his head again to the side. “But I can’t be sorry that we’re only doing your astral projecting magic awesome thing onto the planet. Really, there are better ways to spend a Tuesday evening than _arguing_ or fighting for our lives.”

“Like going swimming in the Byfjorden?”

“Exactly that. Skinny dipping in ice sounds fun. That’s a sport here in Norway actually. Or was that Finland? You should introduce the Aesir to this sport by the way. Cool the hotheads down a bit or send them there as a punishment. Can’t imagine they’d like ice water that much.”

“You would die in there after a few minutes.”

“A bit of ice won’t kill me. Hasn’t even so far.” Anthony grinned and _winked_ at him. “Are we ready to go, yes?”

 _No_. “Yes. Is there a reason why you’re so eager to see Jotunheim?”

“Oh, I just thought it would be fun to meet a few more aliens.” Anthony shrugged. “And _ice_. And I get to see Jotnar for a change.” He winked at Loki. “Since I didn’t see you in your other form yet – only FRIDAY.”

“FRIDAY?” A cold shiver ran down his back.

“Yes. She told me you showed her your Jotun form. I mean you don’t have to show me when you’re not comfortable.” Anthony sighed. “But it would be nice to see that you trust me a bit more, Lokes. I won’t judge you for being from another race. Didn’t do that with Thor either. I only judge you when you fuck up and it concerns me.”

“You want to see my Jotun form?”

“Yes, of course!”

Loki bit on his lips. “Perhaps after we’re back.” _And I know whether you will find me disgusting as Jotun or not_. He wasn’t above exploiting the Jotnar for that. Rather they face Anthony’s disgust than him.

“I will hold you to that.”

“Amazing.” It did feel a bit like he’d just signed his own doom.

Anthony waved with his hands. “We’re going then?”

“Yes.” Loki took his hands and squeezed them. Mumbled a few words and for a moment, they were both engulfed by a green shield before they were thrown out of their bodies and shoved _downwards_.

Astral Projecting was nothing for a weak stomach, Loki thought while patting Anthony’s back who was gagging. “It’s over soon.”

“I thought –“

“I told you we can still be killed in these forms.” Loki shook his head while listening and searching their surroundings for Jotnar. But so far, there were none or far away. “Or well, be killed and we wake up in our bodies but our minds are completely broken and it’s near impossible to set them back together.”

“Did I ever mention that your way of living isn’t safe?”

“Don’t think you did that yet, no.”

Anthony stood up, wiping his mouth clean even though nothing had come from his stomach. “Okay, remind me to get a drink later. I can taste the vomit on my ton-“

Loki removed the taste with a quick spell before he leant in and pressed a kiss to Anthony’s lips. He didn’t feel anything but he needed this kiss, needed the affirmation that Anthony was here with him and he wasn’t alone on his own.

“We going to go home after this,” Anthony whispered and looked him into the eyes. “All right?”

Loki nodded.

“Good. Then I need you know to lead us to the nearest Jotun. We have things to discover and learn before you try to soothe them with the Casket. Can you do that, Loki?”

“Yes.” He closed his eyes in concentration and searched for a cold presence nearby, so cold that it was already warm again. When he found one, he reached for Anthony’s hands blindly then projected them to the Jotun. They landed behind a giant snow hill and the four Jotnar were muttering to themselves in low, guttural sounds.

“Can you understand them?” Anthony whispered.

“Yes.” Loki concentrated on the conversation from the Jotnar. He sent a minor spell towards them that would invite them to talk about _before_ the snap. They followed the lead and talked about how they kept dying, like fish in the sun and that the king wasn’t accepted on Jotunheim’s throne since the Casket hadn’t blessed him. In between they cursed Laufey, cursed his stupid plan of killing Odin in his sleep and bemoaned their losses.

It shouldn’t, but it really shocked Loki how normal the Jotnar seemed to be. There were angry shouts, tired voices and their plight could have been so easily also that of the Aesir when they arrived on New Asgard. Only, that their new home wasn’t melting under their feet and warming up rapidly. _Heat_. Loki knew how heat had felt on his body, when it felt like heat was all he had ever known and he only vomited and was tired, had headaches without stop and it was as if his skin was peeling off, all the time.

He felt like vomiting himself.

The Jotnar all had dark rings under their eyes, small droplets were running down their blue skin.

Hands were touching bellies and backs as if in pain.

He knew that sentiment. He knew how good it had felt for a brief moment to touch the hurt part with the own coolness before the heat and raw hurt would multiply and only pain was left again.

He hadn’t known before he had fallen into Thanos’ grasp, of course. How could he? But the Bifröst had been a beam of energy, hot and raw and this planet that already was melting, hadn’t taken to the utilised stream well. Jotunheim was dying because of him and for years now, the Jotnar were facing heat they should have never known.

There was no delight at seeing their misery. There was only a dosage of self-loathing, an immense cup of pity and sympathy and lots of regret.

 _This looked familiar_. It was like he had felt often when in Thanos’ splendid hospitality, the hotness and -

Loki regretted his deed while watching the Jotnar like he seldom had done before.

He was shaking.

Anthony touched his arm and Loki casted them back in their own bodies.

This time when they opened their eyes, it was Loki who vomited on the floor, having just come back into his body. Tremors were running through him and he was shaking like a leaf. The salt in his eyes burned and was dripping down on the mess he had already created.

Anthony was a warm and soothing presence next to him, his arm slung around Loki’s waist, keeping him close. He didn’t know how Anthony could stand to touch him. There was no reason why he would want to or _wish_ to. Not after he had seen what Loki had caused. The consequences of the evil he had brought upon others because he had wished to please Odin All-Father.

And for what?

For nothing.

Only for more suffering in the Nine Realms, a dead mother, a splintered family and more guilt that sat heavy like Mjölnir on Loki’s chest.

Was this going to be his legacy? _Torture_ and death of thousands?

Anthony mumbled something in his ears. Loki followed him, followed his warmth to where it led him and tried to find a thought that would make sense in his mind. But there was none. There were only feelings of exhaustion, fatigue and pain in muscles. Cold hands on his face. A blue stone in his hands. Terror in his head and in the eyes of his victims.

He shuddered and hid his face in Anthony’s chest, let himself be swallowed by his warmth and got lost in the darkness. There was no need to face the world. All the worlds out there already knew that he was a monster and he had forgotten what the definition of ‘monster’ truly entailed. Horrible deeds, a questionable moral code and pain for all those who stood in his way of getting what he wanted.

Why was Anthony even still here?

He didn’t understand.

A blanket was put around him and soft sounds filled the air, attempted to sooth the trouble in his mind. But Loki only stared into Anthony’s sweater and hoped it would be over soon.

He couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. His thoughts were circulating around the Casket and how to bring it to the Jotnar. If it would be enough. If it would make the planet stop melting and give the Jotnar back their home. It’s the least he can do. It’s the least he _must_ do and he will do more because the guilt and the regret in his system are crumbling him down, he could feel that.

~°~

When he woke up the room was sparely lit and gentle fingers were combing through his hair. He felt exhausted and tired like someone run him over with a horse.

“Are you awake?” Anthony’s voice was a soft melody in his ears.

He nodded and lifted his head from Anthony’s chest what he had obviously chosen as his pillow. “Yes.” He rubbed over his face with his hand and sat up, the blanket pooling around him. “I am.”

“You’re better now?”

“I don’t know,” Loki mumbled. He looked at Anthony. “I-“

“Yeah, it’s never nice to be confronted with the mistakes of your past.” Anthony’s mouth turned into a bitter smile. “Trust me, I have the urge from time to time as well to vomit it all out.”

Loki nodded. He still saw the Jotnar in front of his eyes, still saw their plight and his mistake clearer than ever before. Perhaps it had been the best for Asgard, perhaps he had directed the beam at Jotunheim in the hope of pleasing Odin but he had never thought to image the extend of the suffering he had caused. Rationally he knew that the horror must be great but it was another matter entirely to confront it like that.

Anthony squeezed his hand in assurance. And Loki remembered the _lie_ he had fed Anthony and drew his hand back.

“What’s wrong, Loki?”

He would tell Anthony. There was no way around it. He would tell him and _hope_ , hope that Anthony could forgive him some time in the future. Hope that mayhap he hadn’t destroyed them entirely only partially which was bad enough as it was.

“I lied to you.”


	14. Chapter 14

All Loki could do was to hold his breath and wait. Hold it in and stare into eyes that usually were promises of love and adoration, dipped into chocolate and amber, melted over fire in a quiet night. That was how he usually saw Anthony’s eyes, how he saw his lover, the fire in their relationship, his light that pulled _him_ through the darkness that was surrounding him. That was suffocating him when he didn’t take care and reminded himself that not everything was as dark and bleak as he believed it to be. 

Not everything that he had touched was cold, not everything was frozen to his touch and had been sullied by him. Anthony was still strong and prevailing, even when he still had to turn him immortal. New Asgard was still here and hadn’t been raided yet to ground, the hate the Aesir were exposed to – if FRIDAY wouldn’t have made a filter that kept the bullying away from his people unless they really went looking for it. Then FRIDAY made it that they could see but –

Loki bit on his cheeks, a frozen touch of his past felt like it was stroking over his face – so unlike the warmth Anthony radiated, the comfort Loki can find in him and his hands; it left him feeling dizzy, and not in a good way. 

His vision was still blurry, his head not working like it should and he felt _panic_ – 

He knew barely any time had passed, it was nothing to be worried about, he was thinking only once again in a quick speed, a natural _lie or fight_ response that had been honed and hammered into him. Mostly by himself but it was a trait he never put down, it had served him well – most of the time but – 

He breathed in; the sound almost too loud in the silence of their bedroom. Dust particles were dancing in the light, small and barely noticeable, and they looked like snowflakes, covering their home until they would be buried beneath it and had no escape. All they could do was to sit down together and wait it out, hoping for the worst to pass. It was with fright that Loki realised that this was _exactly_ what they were doing now. He was waiting for the snowstorm, the condemnation coming straight from Anthony’s mouth so that when this had blown over, he could slowly shovel his way free again – 

And that probably alone. 

Finally, Anthony’s voice broke the stillness, abrupt and yet expected, a sweet release because now everything was going to start rolling. 

“When?” 

Loki closed his eyes, alleviation surging through him in waves. It was a sweet relief. He opened his eyes. Anthony didn’t know _when_ Loki had lied, he was – 

It was not that it was going to be better or simpler but he would … have it easier, he hoped. To explain and make things right again. 

Anthony tilted his head. His smile remained bitter though and – 

That was what tipped Loki off. Anthony _knew_.

He felt cold, colder than before probably and a shaky smile was curling on his lips. _He knew_. All the times Loki had thought he was imagining too much, read too much into a simple statement, he hadn’t been wrong. Anthony had been telling him that he knew of Loki’s lie, gave him small hints and big ones, hoping that Loki would notice and _confess_ , that he’d break the charade and had the guts to rectify his lie and make it up to him again. 

And what had Loki done in all his great wisdom? Continued, had let the lie run its course, hadn’t tried to stop it in any way.

He swallowed and tried to find his voice again. “When I told you that I regretted attacking Jotunheim.” 

“Ah.” Nothing more was said. Nothing less either. 

“You knew that I lied.” It wasn’t an accusation, the way Loki said it. It was a simple statement and Anthony’s nod only confirmed his suspicion. 

“It was a good lie.” Anthony crossed his arms, then stood up. “I think we might have to sit down at the table for this talk, don’t you agree?” 

Loki knew better than to argue even when he didn’t feel like moving. He only wanted to _stay,_ have them talk here because moving meant a delay. And Loki didn’t know if he still would have the courage when they sat down at their table. Yet he followed Anthony like a beaten dog into the kitchen where Dum-E was already putting two steaming mugs on the table. Chamomile tea, from what he could guess after smelling in the air. Light, airy, a small bit of apple and not too strong to be unenjoyable. But it was another sign of how wrong he had been when Dum-E prepared tea _without_ adding other interesting ingredients to it. And then it was chamomile tea, not wild berries as Loki usually preferred to drink. 

“Then tell me why you thought it would be _wise_ to lie to me.” Anthony crossed his arms again and leant back in the chair. _Creating distance between them_. “And you better not lie to me again, my friend.” 

He could do this. He agreed to it with a nod. “I won’t lie to you,” he promised and glanced down into the abhorrent tea in his cup and found courage in its abomination, as absurd as that may sound. “The truth is, that I didn’t want to lose you. That was the foremost reason why I lied.” 

Anthony frowned and Loki choked a bitter laugh out of himself and felt it tearing at his vocal chords, rolling over his tongue and making him bleed. “I _am_ a monster, Anthony. I did not regret something you thought detestable and cruel. Your culture does not condone attacks when they lead to extinction of others.” He paused but it was like the gates to a stream had been opened and before he knew what was happening, he kept talking. “Do you think I chose Stuttgart only for the opera and the nice music I might hear there? To underline my dramatic second entrance? I can assure you that this wasn’t what went on in my head then. I specifically asked Barton to tell me of the most gruesome if your people that most still remember. Germany seemed to be a sore spot I could aim at and wound with a certainty. It was _planned_ that I acted there like I did. I knew what image I’d be creating. A grand entrance, a show people will never forget. Is this not what your villains are all about in movies?”

“You-“ Anthony pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes.” Loki nodded. “I wanted to look like a villain, Anthony. And now I confessed you my biggest sin and oh, look, _the parallels_ -“

“Stop.” 

“But don’t you see, Anthony? This is –“

“Stop it.” Anthony leant forward. “Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing yourself to one of thousands of maniacs on a list that will _never end_. You want to look bad? Go ahead. Cut the crap about Stuttgart and why you chose it. That doesn’t concern me, it actually hasn’t. For years now. For me that is _over,_ things happened and I moved on. Just _stop_ manipulating me. I told you _already_ what you did was horrible. You think I’m not terrified of what you did? Loki, _I am_.” He took a breath. 

He looked old, Loki realised. Old but he was still burning with a fire inside of him that Loki could only be jealous of and wanted to have a chance at getting closer to the source of warmth and revel in it. There were tears pooling in Loki’s eyes, he could feel them slowly running down his cheeks. He was terrified. Out of all things. 

“It’s been _years_ since you did what you did.” Anthony looked briefly at the ceiling. “And I am not a good man either, Lokes. I don’t like what you did but _hey_ -“ A grin, so faked that it cut into Loki’s heart– “It’s not my place to judge you for doing what I did. Bit hypocritical. At least you wanted to kill them all on the spot, a quick attack and then it all would be over. I invented weapons that would tear America’s enemies _apart_. Did you know that people talk to me on the open street – or used to – and accused me of killing their family? Because my weapons wiped them apart. A weapon doesn’t differ between an enemy and an ally, they’re all the same to them. There are hundreds of software which try to differ but, they are failures. They won’t know if you changed sides, if you’re in need of help or _anything_. Some of the people I hurt are still alive and crippled. Some probably won’t ever wake up from their coma. Others got torn apart entirely or shot so often they were more of a swiss cheese than a whole person when they came back in a coffin. When there even was one.” 

The dark grin that fell onto Anthony’s face wasn’t pleasant to look at.

“And I didn’t regret what I did _for years_ either. I lived with it. I took the money and created even more horrible weapons, all in the name of the Greater Good. And just because you tried to make yourself look like a villain in the past doesn’t mean you have to be one now. You _are planning_ to change Jotunheim, to atone for your mistake. How many villains do that, do you think?” 

Loki’s mouth opened, then closed it again. 

Anthony continued his voice considerably softer. “Not many, Lokes. What is important is that you _now_ know you did something bad and it was wrong. That you try to change it. Not all will accept that, many will still call you a villain. Fuck, I’ve been out of the weapon business for nearly fifteen years now and yet there are still people who think I am the bad guy. Maybe I am.” His smile turned bitter. “But I also could do worse which I won’t. Not since I’m trying to become better. And as long as you do that as well, I am fine with your past mistakes.” 

“You are?” Loki asked, his voice not more than a whisper of disbelief. 

“Yes.” Anthony tilted his head. “But that doesn’t mean we’re good, Loki. You still lied to me in the hope of manipulating me.” He sighed and it hit Loki in the chest. It was so deep and so long, his mother used to sigh like that when he had disappointed her again. 

“I’m sorry I did that. It’s just that I didn’t want to lose you, Anthony.” Loki held his gaze for a few moments before he dropped it and looked at the disaster in his cup. At least it smelled calming. “You are the best thing that happened to me in decades and-“ he sighed. Looked up in the face of his judge. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do if it meant keeping you. And I know that’s not the best statement to make right now but I want to be honest with you. Anthony, _I love you_. And to lose you, on top of all this?” He shook his head and black streaks landed in his face. “I don’t want that, I’m not sure if I even _can_ and if possible, I would like to avoid that fate for as long as I can.” 

“You idiot,” Anthony mumbled and took his hands, warm and familiar. “You wouldn’t have lost me over that, Lokes.” 

_Wouldn’t have_ , he thought and the panic inside of him started to rise. _Wouldn’t_. _Did that mean he had?_

“I’m disappointed that it took you so long to confess to me that you lied.” Anthony raised a brow and his tone took on a more serious note. Loki’s heart dropped. This was the end, then. “But I’m glad you chose to help Jotunheim regardless, which was actually the only reason why I didn’t corner you. You do know how much I hate being lied to?” 

“I do as well,” Loki mumbled. 

“Yet you did it.” Anthony sighed and squeezed his hands. “Loki, if you want us to work and continue how we are you _need_ to realise when a lie is ‘okay’ and when it isn’t. When it concerns me and our friends - I don’t care about any others - lie to them as much as you want to. But not to me.” 

Loki bit on his lips and nodded. 

“Good. As long as you try to do that it’s fine. Let’s just disregard what you said about keeping me because that’s a bit creepy but in this situation, I think I’ll just blame the nerves, yes? Then we have only the matter of betrayal and broken trust left.” 

“Do you want to break up?” Loki asked him quietly. He averted his eyes and studied the table intently. “I betrayed you and the trust you have in me.” _And I don’t want to come off as creepy_. Of course he would let Anthony go if he wanted to. It would break his heart but that was okay if it meant that Anthony was going to be happy, which was everything Loki wanted for him. 

If it meant happy equalled for him not to be with Loki any longer then it simply was going to end. Maybe it would be for the better. Anthony could go back to America where he wanted to be at times, missing the warmth and the crazy people over there, missing his home, and was only here because Loki _could not leave_. Loki knew that Anthony loved his home country. He loved Asgard as well and wanted to go back there, too. He didn’t begrudge Anthony for that as much as he wanted to.

“Break up?” Anthony sounded shocked. “Why would I want to break up with you?” 

“Because I betrayed, lied, and manipulated you?” 

“Well, yes but you do that all the time? It’s just that you let your lie continue after I gave you pointers and that’s what bothers me the most. I think. I am pretty confused right now that you think I’d break up with you. I won’t give up on you easily either, Loki. Isn’t that obvious to you?” 

“No?” 

“You are a disaster, babe.” Anthony chuckled. “I stayed with you even though I knew of your lie. I stay with you even after you continue to try to push me away with your manipulations although that became better, or less, since we got together. Hell, _I_ lie to you as well at times. Do you think I’d just give you up after I teased you for nearly a year? _My patience_ was tested so much. And you honestly believe I’ll throw that away? Pepper would kick my ass and drag me back here by herself.”

Loki blinked. If Anthony said it like that then it was obvious and clear why Anthony wouldn’t give him up. “You won’t break up?” He asked him, hoping the answer would be affirmative. 

“No, I won’t.” Anthony shrugged. “What can I say? I have problems with letting go of things that I love. Must be the single-child-syndrome.” 

“You love me?”

“Yes, I do.” Anthony grinned at him. “C’mon it’s not like that should come as a surprise to you.”

Loki felt like he was soaring in the sky. His heart that had been plummeting already, became his wings and he squeezed Anthony’s hands back. 

“Okay, now that we have that out of the way and- you have a horrible mouth smell by the way. Otherwise I’d take the chance to kiss you because this would be _the moment for that_ , but so we will continue to talk. Like, serious adult kinda talk.” 

“Kiss first, talking later?” Loki suggested, knowing it would not happen but he had to try. Right?

“First the work, then the reward.” Anthony waggled with his finger. “Good, so. I can’t reward you for such a horrible behaviour though, I’m not a fan of positive reinforcement when the deed was bad and the Prof gave me pointers during our last talk and since he is kind of the most stable person that I know currently, I will try to stick to his advice.” 

“ _Professor Hulk_ and being stable?” 

“Stabler than the most. Pepper is not here so she doesn’t count and I won’t call her at three in the morning. With my luck, Natasha will pick up and curse me in Russian and try to kill me through the phone with her killer thighs.” 

Loki snorted at the image and then nodded. “Yes, continue.” 

“Well, you kind of betrayed my trust. Show me that you are sorry for doing that.” Anthony shrugged. “That’s it. Maybe no sex for at least one week or two, depends on how desperate you make me or how much I enjoy seeing you suffer.” He grinned. “I don’t think I ever introduced you to the concept of cock rings, did I? That would be a punishment that we’d both enjoy. Later. Not now.”

“Are you seriously thinking of sex right now?” Loki stared at Anthony in something akin to horror. They were talking or at least, trying to talk about serious topics and Anthony-

“I’m panicking here, I don’t know what to do in such a situation.” Anthony shrugged with a grin. “That’s just Tony Stark for you.” 

“You cut a fine figure though.” 

“I always do. That’s the advantage of being a Stark. We always look the best. Like Barney Stinson.” 

“ _Barney Stinson_?” 

“You’re my boyfriend and you don’t even know Barney.” Anthony shook his head. “What has the world been reduced to?”

“Why would I know Barney?” Loki looked at Anthony with suspicion. Was this an ex of his? 

“Because I thought I had taught you well in the world of movies and television. All right but apparently, I didn’t. My bad. We will do a series marathon this week with making out and but no follow up sex. Did you know that make up sex is awesome? I am _so_ looking forward to it like you cannot believe.”

He was getting _worried_. “Anthony, are you all right?” 

“No. I mean, yes. I don’t know. Maybe this is just catching up with me. You betrayed and lied to me in my face repeatedly, Loki. You know, like _Rogers_ did for years and was _shocked_ that I wasn’t happy with him and his friend.” 

Loki flinched. “I did not mean to, Anthony. I truly didn’t.” 

“I know. I know.” He took a deep breath. “ _I know_. It’s only, well it’s late, I didn’t sleep for days now or not enough, and we’re having this talk and talks like this normally don’t end well for me.”

Anthony looked ill and pale, his eyes bloodshot and just, _old_. No less beautiful but Loki saw how the last few days had taken a toll on his lover. He stood up slowly from his chair, walked around the table to Anthony who looked at him with wide eyes and pressed a short, but sweet kiss to his forehead. 

“Anthony, elskan mín, I am deeply sorry.” He pulled back and crouched down so that they were on one height. 

“I did not mean to become Rogers nor did I intend to elicit such a reaction from you. That’s not -, I-” 

“It’s okay,” Anthony mumbled and pressed his forehead to Loki’s. “Or, it isn’t but please, don’t do that again. Don’t lie to me and say it’s for something better. A greater good or some bullshit like that.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” 

“Good.” 

They breathed together and Loki felt himself relax. The air in the kitchen smelled of chamomile and DUM-E set up the kettle for new tea. The dear bot had apparently forgiven him enough to make _real_ and _actual_ tea again. 

“I know you just woke up, Loki, and probably don’t feel well. But how would you feel about sitting down on the couch or on the bed and we watch ‘How I Met Your Mother’ as a distraction from everything?”

“Don’t you want to sleep?” Loki asked him quietly and looked into his brown eyes that were still stormy with emotions but shining warmer again at him.

“I’ll probably fall asleep during the series and will drool on your shoulder.” Anthony smiled. “But right now all I want are cuddles with my boyfriend and to forget, does that sound okay to you too?”

“All right.” Loki waved a hand and transported them to their bed. If Anthony needed rest then he’d provide some. He pulled Anthony against himself and let himself be used as his body pillow while FRIDAY started to play the first episode of How I Met Your Mother. 

Loki started to comb his fingers through Anthony’s hair and made sure that Anthony slept soundly. He really did drool on his shoulder but Loki removed it with his seiðr and his love kept sleeping through it, didn’t even twitch. 

~°~

Earning Anthony’s trust back or showing he meant what he had said in earnest was difficult. Loki never had to win trust back before. Simply because most people didn’t trust him from begin on and those who did, they were used to him lying even when he didn’t do that as often as he was made out to be. He was raised as a _prince_ of Nine Realms. 

What did people think his family did? What they did to each other? What did they think they had to brace against when swords and poison failed in their task? Against pretty words and ugly ones that would have torn the family apart that used to be close before.

Instead they were a family, consisting out of four members that lied to each other all the time, manipulated each other into doing things they normally wouldn’t do otherwise. Thor had been a master at manipulating Loki into doing things even when he wasn’t aware of doing it. All the times he spoke of grand adventures, doing things together as brothers and fighting the evil out in the wild, _asking Loki_ to come with him with the stupid and fat grin on his face, not even bothering to hide his excitement. 

It always worked. Because Loki loved doing things with his brothers and because Thor spent less and less time with him over the course of years. When having a little brother became awkward and embarrassing and having friends became better. So Loki sucked it up, each single word that promised him shared hours with his brothers – and Thor of course noticed what worked on Loki and what not. 

Soon words of threats had disappeared completely and only brotherly words had remained but no more deeds. Each time Loki forgot how crude and cruel the Warrior Fours were to him, their laughs derisively and throbbing fat with lies. How easily Thor was influenced by them and started to mock him for wielding seiðr and wearing an armour that didn’t look as masculine as all the others did, it was more _neutral_ , something that suited him simply better. 

He was at a loss for what he could do here though. Rebuilding trust was a task Loki never had to take on because people didn’t trust him in the first place. And if they did, then they didn’t offer second chances and especially not to _him_ , the second Prince. With a sigh he walked to Valkyrie’s house, hoping that Jane would be there. Surely she knew what Anthony would want? 

But then he would have to admit that he had searched for advice from someone else. He turned around and walked the way back down. He had his pride after all, he would figure it out by himself. Anthony wouldn’t need to compare him anymore to Rogers because that had _stung_ deeply. Loki would discover and learn, then _master_ what was needed to show his earnest and had done so on his own devices, no help from outside needed.

There was a migraine coming his way, he could feel it. The matter with Anthony, with the mortality, the whole Jotunheim ordeal and then taking care of the Aesir in general. It was a mess, stress, and pressure.

He took the path to the right and walked up the way to the cliffs. There was an urge in him to go up there again after weeks of not doing so. The feeling was familiar. Loki gritted his teeth and walked faster, he would not let Odin wait – not when this could _maybe_ be of aid to him. A help Anthony would never learn about. 

He hadn’t been to New Asgard’s stone for months, he realised while walking faster and the air smelled saltier. It was like he had forgotten on purpose. It’s just been so busy. Thor would understand that he hadn’t had as much time as he used to have.

What would he say about Anthony and him being a couple? Loki frowned and tried to imagine that situation. Horror, perhaps? Shock? Disbelief that this was real and not an elaborate prank from Loki’s side with Anthony’s support? Would he warn Anthony of Loki’s nature or the other way around?

Loki was looking forward to the day this would happen. Because some day, it would happen and it would be glorious.

He stopped and closed his eyes, sat down on his heels, and let himself be pulled in by an old but familiar trace of seiðr in the air. It was cold, golden, and the air smelled of herby wine. When he opened his eyes he wasn’t surprised to see Odin standing in front of him.

“Is there a reason why it’s always you and never-“

“Frigga?” Odin asked him with a shrewd smile. “She says she wants us to reconcile while we have the chance before you tear Valhalla apart in death upon our reconciliation.”

“I wouldn’t go to Valhalla,” Loki argued and stood up. “Only fools go there, _you_ should know that.”

“And where would you go then?” Odin asked amused. 

“Into a state of eternal chaos, I guess.” 

Odin sighed. “You always were a sweet but difficult child.”

“Was I?” Loki cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t get that feeling. Never, to be honest. Since open communication isn’t our family’s forte, let me try here to rectify that. It was always more that you found me troubling and wanted me to be a second Thor. One you could form and tame after your own wishes.”

Odin sighed again. And Loki found dark pleasure in seeing the old man getting tired. Loki should’ve started this whole talking back at Odin ordeal way sooner. Then maybe his life would have taken a different path, for better or for worse, he did now know but it would have been fun, that much was sure.

“What did you call me here for, Odin?” 

“You forgot an important detail in your calculations.”

“Did I?” Loki rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have noticed had it not been for your amazing input. Clearly you should be in my place and I in yours. The Aesir would thank you for your infinite wisdom and I could relax in the golden halls of Valhalla and get drunk there.” 

“Stop it, Loki.” 

It was the tone that made Loki stop. He had been trained for centuries to stand still and straight when Odin got loud and harsh, to show respect when he commanded it. But he seldom had heard Odin asking him something quietly. And there was no angry or disappointed tone in it. Just … a silent request to shut his mouth. 

Curiosity got the better of him. That was how cats died, right? Out of curiosity. Anthony was going to kill him later.

“Let’s not start a new fight,” Odin said with a tired smile. “There are already too many standing between us that never got resolved and probably will never get talked about for a long time either.” 

“Then tell me what detail I apparently, did miss.” 

“Asgard is not a place, Loki. It’s a _people_.”

Loki blinked. 

“Don’t underestimate the people, Loki, especially not when you’re the _king_.” 

“I know how fickle people can be,” Loki countered, his voice as cold as ice. “Do not presume to think that I don’t. It was you who proclaimed me as _Laufeyson_ in a full hall, full of officials and important people and thereby, humiliated me for all to see, made me into a traitor and painted me as an even bigger monster than I was, simply to control _me_ and _them_. The only way you could cast me into a cell for all eternity without having to fear the Thing would ask of you to do the same to Thor who attacked Realms as I did. Because you couldn’t bear to see your golden son in prison.” 

“Use your brain, Loki.” Odin sounded like he used to again, stern and demanded respect. “You’re looking at this from the wrong angle.” 

“You don’t even try to deny it,” Loki realised in a cold shock.

“The Aesirforce is ready to be yours, Loki. But it is you, not her, who fails at obeying and understanding.” 

“Sounds like I didn’t change much over the millennia.”

“No.” Odin out of all things, smiled at him. “You didn’t.” 

Then he threw Loki out again and when he opened his eyes, Odin was gone and the air tasted of salt once more. 

“Asgard is a people.” Loki stood up with a sigh. “Asgard is not a place, it’s a people. Could you have been any more cryptic, All-Father?” 

There was no reply only the wind combing through his hair with a booming laugh. 

Loki rolled his eyes, walking back down the way to his house where Anthony was waiting for him. 

He didn’t know how he was deserving of Anthony. If he had been in Anthony’s position, who knew if he had done the same and had been as forgiving. But it was _Anthony_ and well, Loki had sworn off his revenge against Odin All-Father as well, had been content with putting him into a senior’s home far away on Midgard, had taken his memory away and his magic and been happy with his life.

It had been a true accomplishment and Loki still was proud of that. 

Maybe he should give Anthony something? Something grand, something that showed him how sincere he was in his endeavour? The problem was only, Loki didn’t know _what_. Anthony had already so much. He would think of something while thinking about Odin’s cryptic words. 

He had a bit of time, after all. 

U had made tea – wild berries – and Loki sat down on the couch, thinking about Odin’s words. They made no sense to him, they were just the words of a mad and dead man.After his fourth cup of tea and nearly three hours later, he remembered that he _knew those words_. 

“Norns be damned,” he swore and stood up, ran towards his room and shook Anthony who had been sleeping – and was snoring. 

“Wake up,” he hissed. 

“You wake me up this rudely again and I’ll think about putting you on the couch at night.” 

“Odin talked to me.” And there went his plan. To nobody’s surprise.

Anthony turned around abruptly. “ _Again_?” 

“I know why the Aesirforce-“

“ _What?”_

“The Aesirforce.” 

“The what.” 

_“Loki, you never talked with Boss about the Aesirforce.”_ FRIDAY sounded amused. 

“I didn’t?” He thought he had. 

“No.” Anthony sounded amused. “Do you keep secrets from me, FRIDAY?” 

_“Occasionally, Boss. I have to keep things interesting after all.”_

“Ouch.” Anthony turned back to Loki. “So, Aesirforce, you were saying before my AI and I started flirting?” 

“I thought I told you,” Loki mumbled, his mouth twitching. 

“You have a lot on your plate,” Anthony said and pulled him down onto the bed. “Happens that we forget things easily. What’s up with the Aesirforce?”

Loki sighed and slung his legs over Anthony’s, pulling himself closer. It was easier to talk like that, he realised. _Contact_. “You remember when I told you of the blood that might be our solution?”

“Yes? Hard to forget when we’re being honest.”

“Well, FRIDAY and I did some scans on me in my Aesir form and also in my Jotun form. She had a theory that I am the same ‘person’ even in different forms, don’t ask me how she thought of that. And Odin and the Grandmaster both did and said things that only confirm that theory even when Valkyrie told me something different. Because the difference is that she is not a god – she is _a Valkyrie_ , a different form of an Asgardian.” 

“Huh, who’d have thought.” Tony blinked rapidly.

“Indeed.” Loki looked into Anthony’s dark eyes. The lights were barely on, casting warm shadows on his handsome face. “But the scans showed us that this wasn’t the case and that is because something is missing from New Asgard that _Asgard_ possessed though.” 

Anthony’s brows shot up. 

Loki grinned at him. “It’s the Aesirforce, formerly known as the Odinforce. Without it, the Aesir _aren’t_ gods – we’re just enhanced beings but the godhood has been taken away.” 

“Why is it gone then?” Anthony frowned. 

“Because,” and here Loki sighed deeply, “I am not the king of New Asgard, Anthony. It needs a king and that should be Thor, not me.” 

“That’s some bullshit.” Anthony glared at him. “You’re next in line for the throne, Thor’s successor should ever _something_ happen. Which means that you _are_ New Asgard’s king.” 

“I am not but I thank you for the sentiment.” 

“You-“ Anthony hit him in the chest. “You’ve been king for four years now and you _still_ doubt your own place? Damnit, Lokes. Could you-” 

“I simply don’t feel like this is my place.” 

“It isn’t, truly.” Anthony rolled his eyes.

Cold disappointment flooded through Loki. He had thought Anthony approved of him as a king. 

“Your fate is it not to be bound to one place for forever,” Anthony said and put a hand to Loki’s cheek. “You aren’t supposed to stick to with the same idiots for the rest of your life who don’t love and appreciate you enough. This is why kingship suits you but only just. You need to have the ability to roam around freely, to go where it pleases you, whenever you want to. That you stuck around here for four years now, that is impressive, Lokes.” 

“What, that I can do something and am able to manage it without putting people ablaze?” 

“No. That you have the restraint to try to do right by people who don’t like you and judge you openly.” Anthony smiled at him. “That’s impressive, Loki. I think I would’ve just thrown the towel at this point or would’ve let Pepper deal with this.”

“That’s why I have Valkyrie,” Loki said dryly. 

“What, she’s your Pepper?”

“Why do you think she’s my right hand?” 

“Because you trust her?” 

“That’s also a reason but not the only one.” Loki frowned. “I really trust her,” he realised, quieter.

Anthony snorted. “You mean you didn’t even realise that you do?” 

“No.” Loki shrugged as far as it was possible while laying on one side. “But back to the Aesirforce.” He sighed. “We need it so that we can become gods again so that the blood _can_ work. And for that we need the people to accept me.” 

“Wrong.” 

“Beg your pardon?”

“If it’s the people who need to accept you then the Aesirforce should already be in place. The people don’t overly like you, Loki but they have long since accepted you as their king.” He winced. “Not out of noble reasons though.” 

“They _accept_ me?” 

“Yes.” Anthony nodded. “They have accepted you for a while now, Loki. You are their king and you have always been the second in succession to the throne. While your first time as king had not been _great_ and I guess, Thor’s friends and Heimdall didn’t help much here, this time there is only you. And you’re doing a good job, even they can see that. They would be lost without you.” 

He shrugged and continued, smirking, “They would have stranded here on Midgard and nobody would’ve welcomed them except for perhaps, Interpol and the FBI. There wouldn’t be a home, no New Asgard. They accept you because you are the best choice and, well, look at them. Some still don’t know how to navigate a phone, you still use horses for field work and disregard a tractor because it’s ‘against Asgardian principles’ you stubborn idiots.” 

“They smell horrible and are worse for the environment than a horse can ever be.”

“I won’t deny that, I’m just saying that –“ Anthony squinted at him. “You’re fucking with me again, aren’t you.” 

“Of course I am.” Loki winked at him. His voice dropped to a purr. “Been a while since I last fucked with you.” 

“I hate you, like, I really do.” Anthony rolled his eyes. “Anyway, point of this was that something else is what is missing so the Aesirforce returns. Because it’s not the people.” 

Loki nodded slowly. Disappointment rose in him. He had been so sure he had understood Odin’s words right. 

“I think the problem is you.” 

Loki flinched back, just so. 

“No, not in that way.” Anthony sighed. “See this is the problem when I just woke up in the middle of the night. My brain to mouth filter has disappeared entirely and things sound bad. No, what I meant is that _you_ need to accept the inevitable outcome that you _are_ the king of New Asgard. Not Thor, not Odin, not Eitri, not Valkyrie, not Bruce. _You_.” 

“I?”

“Yes, you.” 

Loki closed his eyes in defeat. “But I am _not_ the king.” 

“You are.” 

He opened his eyes again to look into Anthony’s determined face. Warmth flooded through him. 

“You are New Asgard’s king, Loki. And I think you better work on learning to accept that when you want the whole blood immortality thing to work.” 

Loki opened his mouth. 

“No, you _won’t_ tell me now that we can wait until we have Thor and Peter back. Don’t you _dare_ to say that. I want you to sit on your kingly ass and work on how to get the stubborn Aesirforce back. Empty that plate of yours. You know, all the trade route establishing again with other realms? Doing reparations for Jotunheim? You put your goal quite high. It’s late May, the year is almost half over. Get into gear again, release the brake and press the gas. You’re worse than my board when a new decision has to be made. Slow and dragging everything down. That’s not the Loki I know.”

“Maybe it’s just too much.” 

“There is no _too much_ for you.” Anthony rolled his eyes. “Remember when you took on all this? You were tired but you still made it work. Did you forget that this all is a challenge? And I promise you the reward will be worth it.” 

“A reward?” Loki’s brow shot up and he skittered forward. 

“Yes. Thor’s face, for once, when he comes back and sees you.” Anthony’s eyes twinkled in amusement and he tilted his head upward, his hands stroking over Loki’s arms. “Then, we _could_ leave and do _mischief together_.” 

“Mischief?” Loki’s ears picked up the drawl in Anthony’s voice. 

“Mhm.” Then, Anthony pressed his lips to Loki’s and he got lost in it. It had only been a few days since he last kissed Anthony but he- 

He had missed it. Much more than he had thought and he moaned into the kiss, feeling quite happy.

“And now, sleep,” Anthony mumbled, his lips just about to start look swollen. “I got woken up quite rudely from a pleasant dream and I intend to turn back to that.” He turned his back to Loki. “Cuddles?” 

“Sure.” Loki felt relief running through him. There had been a bit more of distance between them than normally and he was happy that he got a kiss _and_ got invited for cuddles. It seemed as if Anthony wasn’t that angry with him anymore. Loki moulded himself against Anthony’s back in only his boxers and sighed in contentment. 

“I missed you,” he mumbled into Anthony’s hair and closed his eyes. 

“I missed you too, Reindeer Games.” 

Loki pressed a kiss to his hair and relaxed into the warmth. “Did I already say thank you?” 

“For what?” Anthony interlaced their fingers together. 

“For giving me still a chance.” Loki squeezed softly. “Don’t think I take it for granted, because I don’t.” 

“I figured if I can carry around Rogers’ stupid and frankly, offending phone for over a year, then I can also give you a chance.” Anthony turned his head around so Loki could his smirk. “And if I ever fuck things up I expect a similar treatment from you.” 

“Anthony, if you ever _fuck_ up then I’ll tell you and give you more than one chance.” Loki hesitate but for a split second before he leant forward and pressed a kiss to Anthony’s lips. They were warm and he barely moved his, but it was more than enough. He _could_ kiss Anthony again – he could have done that in the last few days as well but it hadn’t felt like he had truly deserved it. And Anthony had allowed it to him by making the first step. 

“Sleep well,” he whispered against his lips and pecked them again before he pulled back and settled down again. He could hear Anthony’s heartbeat, loud and faster than usual. He smiled. It was good to know he still had the same effect on Anthony as before. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few Norse words get thrown around in this. If you're on a computer hover with your mouse over it, then a translation will magically appear. If you're a mobile user - a translation also is at the end of the chapter 😋  
> Also a big thanks to **NamelesslyNightlock** again for betaing this and making the chapter pretty and amazing 💕

Kissing Anthony was inspiring. It was a fresh wave of air, of _life_ , delivered to Loki on a silver platter. A gentle smile, a brush of lips, a tenderness which made him feel motivated. It gave him enough power to get through this day and onward to the next one, to fulfil and complete the day and the tasks that came with it as well as he could and then, even better because he _could do better_. He wanted to be worthy of Anthony, his love; there was a constant nagging desire in him to show he was able to learn and strive for something more magnificent with each day. It was exhausting but in a good way. It made _him_ feel challenged when he actually didn’t have to but he liked the feeling of proving himself; both to himself and _others_.

So a kiss felt to him like a confirmation, that he _was_ doing well, and it also was proof that they had not only talked about well, his lie, but also that Anthony truly seemed to have forgiven him. That was what made him feel alive and on the day after, after gaining such a kiss from Anthony, Loki felt better and with more energy again than on the day before. Where he’d been sluggish and his brain a muddled fog, ridden with worries and simply feeling _down_ , he felt like he could take on the world again today with just his knives and his wit again. Or not the world but at least, New Asgard and what came with it.

He was about to send Valkyrie off to Vanaheim to barter with the Vanir about setting up a new trading route now that they had the Bifröst up and running again. New Asgard – for now - would _not_ rule over the Nine Realms again, not even with a less severe hand as were Odin’s and his father’s before him; New Asgard only wanted justice and the possibility of getting back on its _former_ track. He wondered whether Thor would become angry again at him for slandering the chance of ruling the realms with an iron fist. But if that was what Thor wanted then he would have to do that by himself. Loki didn’t want to do that anymore, nor did he want to deal with the pressure that came with it – he’d had enough of that to last three lifetimes, and he was still clutching onto his plan with Anthony, to explore the universe together when they were done here.

Let the realms be free of Asgard, be free of prejudices that ruined them all and - above all, give him less to deal with. And Anthony. But he had Pepper to take care of SI so nothing was going to stand in their way later. _His_ right hand, Valkyrie, could prove herself on this trip. There were multiple things this adventure was going to prove when all went according to his plan: she’d realised how far Loki’s trust extended for her but also to make the Thing _see_ that she was more than capable of dealing with important matters, that she was willing to try to ‘rule’ and take over so that when Thor would come back as he would, no doubt about that, Loki wouldn’t have to stay around for the next eight centuries to make sure that Thor understood the most simple things.

He was being bitter. He turned his head to Valkyrie and watched her discreetly. Valkyrie could do that. She _wanted_ to, even. If not for the rest of time, then at least longer than Loki would be able to deal with him without feeling like he would go mad again; and that was what mattered for New Asgard. This was him being selfless and taking care of his country first.

He still had Anthony’s words in his ears that they could _leave together_ when everything had come to an end. Seeing something different than cliffs and the sea for a change again. Even if it would mean to see grey and tall buildings everywhere and there’d be only horrible air to breathe in should Anthony want to stay for longer in New York to take better care of his protégé, which was a very likely possibility. As long as it was a _change_. And America was crazy enough for Loki – they either lived in the twenty-first century like the good people that they supposedly were or were stuck in the nineteenth century or even further in the back and others, well, they lived in a world where no humans were alive anymore and everybody was an alien. There was no in between. What a great time and opportunity to create mischief, especially when the Internet was such a good helper.

He pressed his forehead to Valkyrie’s to breath in together, his hand clasping her neck in a painfully familiar gesture – something he solely did for the few people he liked and knowing his faith in them was not misplaced. When he could count on his trusted ones to act in his and New Asgard’s best interests which were exactly two people at the moment. Natasha had been right, he liked her and Pepper, Rhodey – but that didn’t mean he trusted them to the same extent. Probably Pepper more than the other two but that was because she had New Asgard’s well-being in mind. He only trusted Valkyrie and Anthony that much because they had proven themselves to be individuals who thought for themselves and most importantly, they were loyal _to Loki_. That was a rare thing and why not reward that when he was the king and the people would _look_ closely at how he acted towards whom?

Anthony had said the people only accepted him because he was currently the man best suited to the task and there was no challenger – Loki _wanted_ the people to accept him because he _deserved_ their respect and because he wanted them to show him respect. For four years now he had tried to act in their best interests and planning for a future that wasn’t as bleak as it also could be with how hungry people looked at their inventions – but now it was time to broaden his horizon and by that, _theirs_.

All the small steps would be left behind now, only the big ones were the ones that mattered. If he solved by that approach other issues as well then, amazing. If he created more? Less awesome but he could deal with them after Valkyrie had become _officially_ his trusted right hand and gained the approval of the Thing and the other Aesir as well. _Including the people_ , he told himself, _always a good step in the right direction._

“This is a test, isn’t it?” she whispered, her words barely audible to him in the silence of the room, everybody was aware of the significance of this moment.

“It is.” He chuckled quietly and opened his eyes. Hers were still closed but Loki saw a flash of determination show up on her face. “Don’t disappoint me, Valkyrie.”

“I won’t.” She opened her eyes and looked into his. “With your permission to leave, _my king_?”

“Permission granted.” He stepped back and Valkyrie walked into the Bifröst and got whisked away to Vanaheim. Tomorrow, she would most likely return with a few bruises and mayhap a broken nose. _But_ , Loki thought and turned back to Anthony who stood there, waiting for him with his arms crossed in front of him and an amused smirk on his face, _she’s probably coming back sooner to surprise her mortal_. Sometimes he still had difficulties to call her Jane in his mind.

“If Val returns with a single bruise on her face, I will slap you,” Jane announced happily.

_Only if it’s the face_? Loki wondered, bemused.

“So much violence.” Anthony patted her shoulder with a grin. “Don’t hurt him too badly though, I still need him.”

“I can promise to try and not aim for his dick?”

Anthony thought about that for a moment. Loki only cocked an eyebrow while his lover let his gaze wander over Loki’s body. That’s what he got for having a lover. _Infinite teasing and no stop to it_.

“Deal, that sounds good to me.”

“Valkyrie _will_ return with bruises,” Loki said and his shoulders dropped. “You have no idea how one barters with a Vanir, do you?”

“You need to punch Vanir to get a trading deal?”

“Well they probably want you to prove how determined you are in your dealings,” Jane said with a grin. “A bit like how the Aesir work too, only with better intentions.”

“So you mean to tell me that we ‘lowly’ Earthlings are the only people who are sane enough to _talk and negotiate_ and use our brains that sit otherwise unused in heads?”

“Yes?” Loki cocked his head. “You would lose every fight otherwise and well, _why_ do you think Asgard left Midgard alone for all those centuries?”

“Because Odin didn’t give a fuck about us?” Anthony shook his head. “Don’t try to tell me otherwise. Because that’s not true and you know it.”

Loki patted Anthony’s shoulder. “My sweet summer child, so innocent and naïve.” He chuckled and bent forward so that his lips brushed Anthony’s ears in a light and teasing touch. “Did you tell Valkyrie to call me her king?”

Anthony turned his head. “No.” He winked at him. “Sometimes people know which title is best to be used in what specific moment. Timing and all that and you Aesir have such a touch for dramatics, I didn’t have to do anything, you know.”

“What an odd thing, I never noticed that about us.” Loki pressed a kiss to Anthony’s temple. Perhaps his lover hadn’t _told_ Valkyrie to use his title but he certainly had encouraged her to do it. Because there were coincidences and then there were _coincidences_. And he had the feeling it was more a case of the latter than the former.

His _whole life_ was a coincidence and Loki was determined not to let it be ruled by such any longer. He would get the Aesirforce to work, he’d bring the godhood back to the Aesir so that he could make Anthony immortal and have him at his side for _longer_ than the few mortal years that were left. He turned back to the Aesir who still stood there in the hall, all waving Valkyrie off with wishes of good luck and farewells.

This was an opportunity to announce his plan for Jotunheim. He would have the Aesir to work together with him. Because if he wanted to change things he would have to start at the root of the problem, not in the middle and especially not at the top. What would it matter if he turned Jotunheim into a habitable realm again if the Jotnar would still face the same prejudices? He knew things would not change from one day to the next but they had the time to spare, the time to make it better. Small steps within big ones, two birds one stone or whatever Midgardians tended to say here.

_One problem to face, one step closer to be rid of it all forever._

A few single Aesir were leaving, Loki noticed, and he looked closely at who it was. They would be the ones who’d probably be the hardest to convince later.

He had prepared a small speech earlier in the day about what Asgard had been doing in the last few millennia and what had been good about it. He started with applauding the people for how far they had come in those four years and what progress they had made, which got only confirmed by being able to send Valkyrie off – something that had been unlikely, even almost unrealistic one year ago. He also made certain to mention Jane’s, the Professor’s, and Anthony’s efforts in this so the Midgardians wouldn’t get lost and go by unnoticed in his speech. The faces of the Aesir weren’t completely _happy_ but they seemed happy enough, in Loki’s opinion, to start the second and more difficult part of his speech.

_Silvertongue_ they had called him and he hoped it would be proved today. Seldom he needed his words to work as well as he did today. It wasn’t about manipulations or giving others a small shove to direct them to where Loki wanted them to be. It was about _persuading_ them that the Jotnar deserved a second chance. That their planet was dying and cooking them. That they would _die_ and it would be on the shoulders of them all. A bit too overstretched perhaps but Loki wanted to drive his point home for once and all. If he could then he’d never talk about this again, only act on his words. _Big Steps_ , he’d said and he was making good on it.

The room got cooler around him. Not in a good way. Loki was about to suggest that they _could_ use the Casket of Ancient Winters to make Jotunheim a better planet again when –

“ _Filthy traitor!_ ”

He stopped abruptly, his mouth slightly agape and open.

“We should’ve _known better_ than to assume that you’re a good king,” one spat, and his face was a mask of fury.

“ _Ergi!_ ”

What was –

“Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?” Anthony cut in, his voice steady and _cold_ , cutting as sharp as a blade.

No. Loki knew that Anthony meant _well_ but this was something he had to do on his own. Even when his heart was sort of freezing in action, beating slower, and he felt like his surrounding was getting silent around him. He drew his shoulders back.

“That is what you think of me?” His lips curled in a mocking gesture.

“ _Think_?” One of the men stepped forward, his lips curled in disgust, almost mirroring Loki’s own look. “That’s what we _know_ of you. You still use your ‘magic’ to win battles after all.” A scoff. “And we thought you’d finally sworn it off and settled your crazy.” He spit Loki in the face. “Fools that we were.”

Loki raised a brow. The spit was running down his cheek, disgustingly warm against his own skin. He stepped forward, in his hands already a dagger to settle this _dispute_ between them. He would carve this man’s eyes out. Then put them in his mouth so he wouldn’t need to see what Loki would do with Jotunheim, that he was going to make it better again. Sparing his poor, abhorrent dark eyes from the _vile thing_ Loki was going to do.

“A king who fights with his own people?”

Loki turned around to the other voice. It was a woman, a younger one. She was one of those who worked at the next village and he had thought she was content, _happy_ even with that.

“Are you so insecure in your rule that you need to threaten us?” She grinned at him nastily. “But then, what else would we expect of a bastard child? That poor Frigga raised you with a gentle hand is beyond my understanding.”

“Don’t bring _her_ into this,” Loki hissed, his eyes running back and forth between them both and the other people who looked at him with disgust and _hate_.

“Then don’t insult her memory by doing what you want to do, _ eldhúsfífl.  _Do you honestly think she’d be proud of you currently? _”_

_ “Vámr!”  _

“ _ Veslingr!”  _

The dagger in his hand felt heavy. He _could_ attack them, for daring to insult them but that would achieve the complete opposite. They would become even less willing to cooperate with him.

“Are you sure this is wise, to insult me?”

“It’s no insult when it’s the truth, _Laufeyson_.”

“It would have been better had you died, not Thor.”

Voices of agreement came up, bemoaning the loss of Thor and –

He knew they were right. Thor would have been the better choice. But Thor _wasn’t here_.

_He was._ And it _was a mistake_.

“Thor is not here though.”

“You could have stopped Thanos,” one hissed. “You willing serve him but don’t stop him? How can we be sure that you have ever changed sides, Laufeyson?”

“You will _not_ call me Laufeyson again!”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

_Tear your hearts out?_

“Nothing, Laufeyson. Because you damn well know you only sit on the throne because we _allow_ it. Don’t you ever forget that.”

The words were spoken with so much malice, it burnt Loki to hear them. The man in him who had been raised as a prince flinched back and wanted to curl up somewhere with books and tea and perhaps, _if he was allowed to,_ with Anthony. The warrior in him wanted to kill them all, bathe in their blood until his hands were drenched in red as his eyes were in his Jotun form and later, to wash their stench off by smearing it on their house walls, on their bodies and dump them in the river so their souls would never be able to reach Valhalla. The king in him who was shown to the outside, _to the people_ , stood there quietly, only a dagger in his hands and let the people leave quietly.

Silvertongues apparently could fail as well. How come he was surprised by that?

They left, still glaring at him with scorn and hate, freshly cooked up and burning with an intensity that felt raw on his nerves.

It shouldn’t have come to him as a surprise. Yet it did and it hurt. He wanted to throttle someone, get rid of the rage in him and fight someone. He turned to Anthony his features schooled into a calm façade.

“Loki?” Anthony stepped forward. “I tried to tell them, I wanted to make them stop - but for some reason I couldn’t make a sound-” 

“I silenced you.” He raised his hand with the dagger. “I couldn’t let you speak for me, this is a battle between them and me, Anthony. As much appreciated as your input is, elskan mín, it would have only worsened the situation here.”

“But-“

“I know.” He shook his head slightly. “You see why I think that the problem isn’t me but _them_?”

“Kind of.” Anthony sighed. “I think it’s a mixture of both actually. You’re all right though?”

“I need a fight,” Loki declared and twirled the dagger in his hands. “Get your suit, Anthony.”

“Nothing I’d rather do than that.” Anthony grinned at him, dark and dangerous then walked off towards the training area.

It was Jane who stopped him from following him with a soft hand against his arm. “I’m sorry, Loki.”

“For what?”

“For what they did to you.” She squeezed his arm gently. “I don’t understand much but Valkyrie told me some insults and what they called you wasn’t justified or _okay_ in any way.”

“It wasn’t, but they were right in some aspects.” He tried to aim for gallows humour.

“Don’t let them get away with that, promise me,” she insisted with a frown. “Because if you don’t fight back they will only get even worse.”

“Are you speaking from experience, Jane?”

“Do you think it’s easy as a woman to work as a scientist? They’re like hyenas there and I think I can compare your Aesir with them as well.”

“You might be right in your assumption.” Loki squeezed her hand gently. “Thank you.”

She nodded then walked with him to the training area. “Don’t you want to wait for Valkyrie to come back?”

Jane shrugged. “She is a grown woman, she doesn’t need me to wait for her. And I guess that her priority will be to report back to you, and I have better things to do than to wait in a cold hall.”

“That’s not very romantic of you,” he teased her.

“She’ll text me when she’s on her way back.” Jane winked at him. “And when she is successful, I will wait for her at home.”

Loki gasped as if in shock. “Like a good wife? Jane, whatever happened to you?”

“Well, my _wife_ will probably get promoted officially to the right hand of our king, so I think I can reward her.” Jane wiggled her eyebrows. “Any suggestions as to what I can do?”

“You are asking _me?_ ”

“Well, Tony would just propose to get naked and put cake on my body so she can eat it off.”

“Anthony has an unhealthy fixation with food on people.” Loki shrugged dismissively.

“Oh so he’s doing that to you? Interesting.” She eyed him speculatively. “Is that why the whipped cream disappears so often?”

_Whipped cream_. “No. He prefers honey.”

“Hu.”

Nobody needed to know that they loved whipped cream. Better to feed Jane with another sweet lie, there were whipped cream jokes Loki wasn’t willing to bear.

Anthony was already waiting in the area, his suit not even on yet.

“Ready, sweetheart?”

“I don’t think you know what ready means,” Loki countered and entered the area with a grin on his face.

“Oh, the game is on.” Anthony tapped the reactor twice and the Nano particles crawled all over his body, covering him in a finely crafted Iron Man suit that gleamed red and gold in the sunlight.

Adrenaline rushed through Loki’s body, and he threw the dagger he held already in the hand in the air while throwing _another_ at Anthony.

Anthony blocked it with his arm, then jumped in the air, shooting at Loki with his repulsors. He could feel himself getting excited, his seiðr was dancing in his veins while ducking away.

He threw a blast at Anthony, caught him at the right shoe which made him stumble just a bit and Loki threw another dagger at him. It hit the armour with a _‘clang’_ , but bounced off of it ineffectively.

“You won’t penetrate the suit with a dagger,” Anthony chuckled and _fell_ ; aiming at Loki’s knee with his feet. Loki’s legs buckled, then he got thrown forward.

Instinct made him reach out with one hand to dampen his fall. With the other he reached behind and _pulled_.

The Iron Man suit was heavy but Loki was an _Asgardian_. He rolled them both to the side, sitting up rapidly on the Iron Man suit as he ripped a shoulder piece down. It buzzed lowly. With a snarl he threw it _away_ , shoving the arm down.

“Don’t tell me that’s all you’ve got,” he snarled, feeling a sting of disappointment coming up in him.

“That’s all I’ve got.”

Anthony went slack beneath him.

Loki frowned. Never. Never would Anthony give up so easily, that wasn’t possible, not hi-

The unibeam hit him straight in the chest, throwing him off and far away. He landed on his arse.

“What did you just say to me? If that’s all I’ve got?” Anthony stood up, his hands pointing towards Loki. “Let’s see how you deal with _that_ , Reindeer Games.”

Four separate pieces appeared behind Anthony’s back, pointing towards Loki. He had the time to think that they looked like mechanical wings then he had to _duck_ , roll _, teleport_ away, _danger_.

How had Thanos survived this? He only knew that they both had fought on Titan, more information Anthony had never told him but it made him wonder _how_ Thanos had managed it.

Anthony was full of surprises, as next thing _he_ threw knives – long and sleek and _sharp_ – at Loki and they whistled in the air like a sharp cry from death.

Loki threw up a shield of green seiðr before him, stopping the knives just barely.

He grinned. Sweat was running down his face and oh, this was a good fight. Finally he felt challenged again. With a nod he created illusions of himself, one threw himself at Anthony, taking him off balance for a second while another hit him over the head.

Loki himself turned invisible while walking forward, the adrenaline rushing in him.

Then it was all sneaking forward, observing Anthony as he took down the clones by himself, his suit having an apparent infinite number of weapons and _destroying_ his illusions with a simplicity that astonished Loki. He was a trickster and seeing his tricks taken care off so easily? Heat rushed in his veins when he considered what this meant for Anthony’s intellect. Somehow he had to have figured out how to differentiate between Loki and his illusions. He loved his brain.

“I know where you are,” Anthony said and put the last illusion down, turning his head to the right where Loki stood, with drawn dagger.

Loki jumped forward, aiming at the missing shoulder piece. The dagger sliced neatly through the wires and cut them apart.

He let his glamour drop, grinning in Anthony’s face even when he felt the warmth of the repulsor against his groin. This was a dirty move and Loki approved of it. He breathed against the golden visor, made it foggy and Loki licked a stripe in it.

“That is disturbingly hot.” Anthony sounded breathless under his visor.

“As is your repulsor.” Loki winked at him.

“Oh, you like it?”

“ _Like?_ ” Loki drawled and pressed his groin forward, grinning when he felt the repulsor cool down just a bit and he cooed at his partner’s consideration inwardly. _What a fool_. “I _love_ it.”

Then he rammed his elbow into the helmet, made Anthony stumble backwards. Kicked him in the chest and made him fall backwards. Dust whirled in the air when the suit connected with it and Loki put a foot on his chest. His hand glowed green with his seiðr, all dark and he pressed it to the arc reactor.

“Are you going to give up now?”

For a second, nothing happened.

Then a knife appeared on Anthony’s right hand, moved forwards, aimed for his leg. Loki threw an energy blast at it, pinned the arm back on the ground to where it belonged.

“Fighting still even though you’ve already lost?” Loki tsked.

“Well, why would I give up easily?” The visor disappeared and Anthony smirked at him. Sweat was dripping from his brows. “Even when I’m offended that I fought more against your clones than yourself.”

“Oh, I thought you liked playing with my illusions.”

“I do.” Anthony wiggled with his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “But here I thought you wanted to let off steam?”

“I did.” Loki stepped off his chest and let him stand up. “It was only more interesting to see you fight my illusions and take them down so easily.”

“Oh, I had some time to tinker around with my suit.”

“I noticed.” Loki pulled Anthony close, his hands around his hips.

“And you still fight in that suit.” Anthony eyes dropped briefly over him. “Not that I’m complaining seeing you in this tight leather outfit but I keep thinking that your coat tails had a certain _look,_ you know?”

“Ah, those.” Loki smiled briefly. “Maybe I should wear that again, but in a newer fashion?”

“Approved.” Anthony winked at him. “And if you show me your coat beforehand I _could_ tell you whether I like the look on you or not.”

“Mhm.”

“But keep those tight trousers, yes? They look good on you.”

“What doesn’t look good on me?” Loki lifted his chin haughtily.

Anthony sighed and Loki only grinned more. “So confidant in his looks, I love my man to be so self-assured.” With that he pressed his lips to Loki’s, warm and only chapped a bit. Loki groaned quietly, nipping at his lips before Anthony’s tongue pressed into his mouth. Post-fight kisses were Loki’s great weakness. Anthony smelled like the right mixture of salt, sweat and _Anthony_ ; so perfect for Loki and he buried his hands in Anthony’s unruly hair, tugging at it.

Eventually they both parted from another, breathing heavily and with swollen lips.

“I don’t want to destroy the mood,” Anthony breathed and his hand twitched on Loki’s hip. “But what are you planning to do with the Aesir now?”

“Nothing.” Loki shrugged. “I still will help Jotunheim and urge them to help me as well. But they can be as stubborn as you, Anthony. And forgetting their hate and detest for the Jotnar will not happen quickly.”

“I know that, but-“

“If I deter now they will not take me seriously ever again.” Loki sighed and closed his eyes briefly. There was this sting of disappointment that he hadn’t succeeded on the first try but he could try again; and again for as long as he had to. And if they could not be persuaded by his words then eventually they would give in solely so he would stop.

The knowledge that things seldom worked that way wasn’t new to Loki, but he wouldn’t give up. He would get the respect of the people, one way or the other and, well, if he had to pull the reins tighter around the Aesir then he would do that. He wanted the Aesirforce to come back. If he had to decide between the Aesir and Anthony, he knew what he’d pick. It wasn’t even a difficult task.

His mouth pulled into a cruel smile. He knew the secrets and _preferences_ of members of the Thing and their relatives that shouldn’t have changed in the last few centuries. A few well placed remarks here and there and their good reputation within the Aesir society was lost and they’d be where Loki was. If they didn’t behave then he’d warn them a single time before he brought chaos to them all.

There had been a reason why Loki wasn’t favoured by the court. But it wasn’t his fault that people loved to talk and to brag while being drunk. It was his fault that he remained sober and listened to them while reading his books or entertaining Thor with more drinks in the taverns.

“You have a plan,” Anthony observed. “And I have the feeling that I’m going to like it.”

“It’s an underhanded tactic. It involves a lot of blackmail, threatening and rewarding loyalty if I feel so inclined.” Loki saw Anthony nod in approval and instantly he felt better by that. It was a refreshing feeling to have someone approve of his mischief, of his tricks. Not to be judged constantly by others and having to bear unavoidable suspicious glances that spoke of disapproval.

The armour retracted from Anthony in a silent whirr. “What are we gonna do now? Wait for Valkyrie to come back?”

“Talk about Jotunheim and what we can do and _how_.” Loki cocked his head to the side. “Are you going to help me?”

“Of course.” Anthony smiled at him. “After a thorough shower first, though." 

~°~

The shower had been refreshing and a good opportunity to get his hands on Anthony again, to clean him _thoroughly_ , as had been ordered by his highness. The warm water had been relaxing and Loki left the shower with a satisfied feeling. He still could taste Anthony on his tongue, slightly salty and bitter but he liked it. And it reminded him that he had to think about what he could do _for_ Anthony to show him his sincerity.

It had been only a week since their ‘fight’ and he hadn’t done anything so far. Even when Anthony seemed happy with him again but, Loki wouldn’t want to risk his chance with him. For this he preferred safety and he’d rather overdo it than to do too little.

He walked to the kitchen to boil the kettle before he’d join Anthony in the living room to talk strategy about Jotunheim. After all they only would need to get the Casket to Jotunheim, ensure that the Jotnar realised it was coming from _New Asgard_ and then, if the Norns willed it so, everything would turn to a bright side. Loki hoped that the Casket was enough to stop the planet from dying and turning into a new Svartalfheim. He smiled as he glanced down at himself- he was only wearing baggy pants that Anthony had gifted him on Christmas eve. Loki didn't celebrate it, he preferred to celebrate Yule- but he could never deny Anthony's puppy eyes. So when he asked if they could celebrate this festival because he wanted to decorate a tree with fancy ornaments, Loki could hardly refuse. It had been a nice evening, Loki could admit that. Cuddling with Anthony on the couch, a small tree decorated with Christmas balls and candles and wrapped gifts lying beneath the branches, everything sparkling in green, red and gold.

Anthony had told him he wanted to see Loki’s tailcoats again. Loki didn’t mind that at all. Maybe the time had come to show he _had changed_ again and with a new change a new armour came usually. Maybe he could find a way to combine the tailcoats with something new again.

Maybe, and that was what piqued Loki’s interest, he could enhance Anthony’s armour with his seiðr so it became more powerful, stronger, better.

An armour that would be worthy of an Asgardian and not just any, someone who stood in relation with the royal family and therefore only deserved the best. Loki licked his lips. Anthony’s current armour was already a masterful work but it- it could be even _better_. His fingers tingled in excitement. He knew how Anthony fought and what weapons he preferred. It would be so easy to enhance _them_ and -

He swallowed. He could install a barrier out of seiðr in the suit that would ensure that spells would bounce off of it. So that Anthony couldn’t be taken by surprise by them. Or get swallowed by a hole in the ground and would have to fall for _an eternity_ with no way of knowing when it would stop. There was that grim satisfaction again that it had been the ‘ _Sorcerer Supreme’_ who had been dusted and not him. Loki did not like the man at all. Some people just seemed to leave an everlasting bitter impression on him and that wasn’t rectified easily.

There was arrogance and being an asshole and then there was being an arrogant asshole solely because you could do it. Anthony was arrogant and an asshole, but he had a heart, he was gentle and loving to all those he considered as ‘ _his_ ’. He helped others as well even when it was done in a different style. But he had made sure that civilians felt safe when his name got mentioned, protected them even when they didn’t like him. _He was burdened with a glorious purpose as well_ , Loki thought with a hint of humour.

Then there was Strange. A bastard. Who thought he could do as he wanted and _pranced around_ with his ‘magic’ as if he was the only person around who could wield it and master it. Loki rolled his eyes. Visiting other planes had been something he mastered in his five-hundreds; teenie-years in Midgardian age-like. _And_ then Strange needed a _ring_ to be able to do that.

What a tiro, indeed. It was ridiculous to be proud of that. And then his greatest feat? To defeat Dormammu? He had needed the Time Stone for that. _How droll_. And what a sign of insecurity to do _everything_ with ‘magic’. Loki snorted and filled the hot water in his cup, put a spoon with honey in it. It smelled deliciously of wild berries. Loki loved the smell and inhaled it deeply. Only an insecure man would use his magic to such an extent. Why use magic and deplete your energy when you could just walk? It was useless and Loki sincerely wondered how the man had become ‘Sorcerer Supreme’.

Maybe he should visit the Sanctum in New York when they were done and challenge Strange to a duel. That is, when Strange made it back from the dust. Maybe he liked being with worms. Ash to ash and worms to worms, wasn’t that a Midgardian saying? He’d need to ask Anthony about that.

But he should keep the armour enhancement in his mind. Of course he would need to talk with Anthony first, he wouldn’t touch his precious suit without his permission. Loki was no dick, he left that spot for others to fill. He walked to the living room, where FRIDAY was already talking to Anthony while holograms floated in the air. It was an adorable sight. Anthony’s face was cast in various shades of blue, some single red spots danced on his skin and his whole face was set in a determined expression, a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Loki took a moment to simply admire the view before him. He loved watching Anthony work and he barely got the chance to do so, what with being away to govern people who didn’t like him and who mocked him behind his back over and over again. It was a simple moment but maybe because of that, it was even more important to Loki. A moment when stressed lines disappeared from Anthony’s skin and the worry in his eyes vanished for a little while. When he looked like he _loved life_. Sometimes, Loki got the feeling Anthony _hated_ being alive and couldn’t do much for the dusted ones.

He noticed whenever Anthony crept out of bed in the middle of the night. He had followed him once wanted to make sure that Anthony was all right and it hadn’t been a nightmare that woke him. But Anthony had only sat down in the kitchen and stared at the data they had about the stones, about Thanos and associates before he eventually pulled up a picture of himself and a boy Loki didn’t know. But he had seen the sorrow in the features of the man he loved and the silent tears that ran down his face.

It wasn’t his place to ask about the boy when he wasn’t supposed to know about him in the first place. He could only guess that this was the infamous Peter Anthony wanted to have back among them, no matter the cost. Even if it meant that they would make a binding promise to each other not to say anything about their endeavours. About what they had agreed on. Nobody except them knew and it would continue to stay that way.

“Are you going to stare at me for the rest of the day?”

Loki hummed in agreement but walked over to the couch, put the cup with decaffeinated coffee in Anthony’s hand and kissed his temple. “Why wouldn’t I want to look and admire something I love?”

“Charmer.” Anthony’s voice was soft and he took a sip from his coffee.

Loki smiled then looked at the holograms before he pulled out the Casket from his pockets and let it levitate in the air.

“That’s the Casket?” Anthony stretched out a hand, Loki swatted it away, afraid of what it would do to a Midgardian. “What?”

“I don’t know what effects it has on Midgardians,” Loki said.

“It’s in a _casing_ , Lokes.” Anthony rolled his eyes. “I doubt the casing will do anything to me. And even if, you can say ‘ _I told you so_ ,’ afterwards, okay?”

“I don’t want you to take unnecessary risks.”

“That’s adorable and I love you,” Anthony said and patted his thigh. “But I’m a big boy and I can say when it’s dangerous and when not.”

FRIDAY sounded like she was choking.

“Okay that’s not completely true but you know what I mean.”

Loki sighed. He knew Anthony would do it anyway but he hoped that he’d at least try to keep his fingers to himself. The Casket probably wasn’t even _that_ dangerous to Midgardians – only a small case of frostbite, nothing more. Yet he preferred to see Anthony without any frostbite at all. Only he was allowed to bite Anthony.

“What are we planning to do on Jotunheim?” Anthony asked him. “Apart from giving the Casket back and saying it’s a gesture asking for forgiveness?”

“We need to discover who the king is,” Loki said. “The outcome might depend on _who_ it is.”

Anthony cocked an eyebrow.

“Let’s hope it’s not someone I’m related to.”

“Oh, you don’t want to bingo-check the -cide card? After patricide and –“

“No, Anthony, I would prefer not to attempt _again_ fratricide or regicide.” Loki rolled his eyes. “There is an end to the -cide _somewhere_ and I’d prefer it to be now.“

Anthony winked at him. “Good to know.” He pressed a short kiss to Loki’s mouth. “Good, all jokes however horrible aside Megamind, but we need to plan.”

Hadn’t he started doing this yet? “Yes, elskan mín.” Loki pointed at the Casket. “The plan is easy when we’ve figured out who the king is. We will send a message that the King of New Asgard would request a meeting with the King of Jotunheim to talk about deals and plans and that he is willing to negotiate over many things. A new beginning. They will accept the message and invite us. Then we go there and –“

“That all sounds a bit like fortune will decide.”

“I don’t want to barge in there _again_ if then the chance exists that it will sour the mood towards New Asgard.”

“Pepper would approve, I think.”

“And if Pepper approves, all the better.” Loki took a sip from his tea. He hoped Valkyrie would return soon so he could try to include Vanaheim in the deal he was about to propose to Jotunheim. Loki _needed_ Jotunheim’s ice here to show goodwill and to give the oceans a few more icebergs. He wasn’t sure if that would accomplish anything but simpletons would be appeased and delighted by his gesture to put more cold to the ocean.

If in a few years the Jotnar were more open to perhaps even visiting Midgard and Midgard itself was _opener_ to aliens, they could start exchanges. Knowledge for knowledge, tools for tools, material for material; opening a triangle trading route between Vanaheim, Jotunheim and Midgard. But all would be run through New Asgard – therefore giving it more power and influence over the others.

Loki had said ‘ _No_ ’ to hegemony through military. But why not a hegemony by sheer economic power? Should he not be king then any longer all would _know_ it had been _him_ who established this trading route and either hate or love him for it. With Anthony at his side and Pepper on _his_ , he was quite sure the latter was the more likely outcome. And because Loki did never forget his debts even when they were informal ones, he would make sure that Stark Industries would be the name that would fall from people’s lips in the same moment as his.

Stark Industries would, if Loki had any say in it, become _Stark Universal_.

“What are you thinking, Lokes?”

“Nothing. Just looking forward to the day all this is over.”

Stark _Intergalactic_ sounded even better on his tongue.

This gesture would take _years_ but Loki could wait and give this to his lover as apology and _another_ gesture of his sincerity and good luck and-

He swallowed.

He was thinking already of them still being together _in years_ , had concrete plans for what to gift his Lover Mortal with. Yes, he planned to turn Anthony immortal but that didn’t mean –

He was planning on _gifting_ Anthony in years from now. So sure was he about their partnership still existing then.

It felt surprisingly good. Having faith in _them_. His stomach danced and his brain yelled in excitement, he couldn’t describe it any differently. It simply felt _good_.

“How will we know who the new king is?” Anthony asked and tore him from his thoughts.

The silver in his hair looked lovely, Loki realised even if it personalised how _close_ Anthony was to becoming old. As in, older than Odin.

“You want to go on an adventure?”

“Babe, when do I ever _not_ want to go on an adventure?”

“Sunday mornings. You prefer breakfast in bed at that time.”

“That’s the sad truth.” Anthony clicked their cups together as if they were toasting to something with beer bottles. “Talk with your Thing after Valkyrie comes back, when you’re free to leave.”

Loki groaned. “They will not be pleased by me.”

“Does it matter?”

“What?” Loki looked at him bewildered.

“You are _their king_.” Anthony tilted his head, a small smirk playing around his mouth. “I was the CEO of a company and had my own ‘Thing’ aka the board. I couldn’t do what I wanted _officially_ because there were rules. But I had the most power in my hands and if I wanted to, I could have expanded my boundaries. You are the king. You have your weird-ass spear. The Thing is there to support you and help you _as king_. If thou are to be the king of New Asgard, as they’d put it in your fancy eloquent Shakespearian English, then thou haveth to act accordingly, oh king of my heart.”

“You sound horrible when you speak like that.”

Anthony waved him off. “Not the point of it. You want to be ‘their’ king, as they envision you to be? All powerful and majestic? They need to support you in your quest. And if they don’t, well, then they don’t, but you are _The King_. They can’t get rid of you because you are too valuable. I think out of all of them you are the only one who knows _how_ to read all those contracts. I’d say you can do pretty much as you want and they can’t do anything against it.”

“You sound so sure about that.”

“Well, you could say I had a _mind-blowing_ realisation earlier.”

Loki chuckled softly. “Then I will trust your genius, Anthony.”

“You better had.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eldhúsfífl = Good-for-nothing  
> Vámr = loathsome person  
> Veslingr = puny wretch


	16. Chapter 16

Waiting was something that required a lot of patience. A virtue Loki always thought of as strange, as his mind was one that could never stand still and _wait_ in his younger years. There was always something more exciting, something new to be seen, a new horse in the stable that Loki wanted to pet. He only ever found peace when there was a book in his hands and silence was all around him, hugging him tight and making him see wonders and worlds that he wanted to be real. Otherwise he was what most considered ‘shy’, almost ‘awkward’, but that wasn’t the truth – Loki simply paled in comparison to the jubilant aura that used to be Thor, his shining smiles that lured everybody in and his loud, boisterous way. Books were an escape, a pretence Loki had grown to love and cherish over the course of millennia.

Yet the older he grew and the _rasher_ Thor became, the more Loki found that waiting could be worth the goal in the end and was a better means. _Adults_ seemed to appreciate patience and it was a time where Odin _always_ looked favourably at him and told Thor to be more like him, to be more _patient_ , to know when it was better to stop. But those had been times Loki had tried to be someone else and so – whenever Odin praised him for being _patient_ – a mug full of water or wine fell to the ground and soaked someone else. Served and cooked bears suddenly spoke to the guests and while everybody blamed Loki, he was still smiling, quiet and _patiently_ waiting for everybody else to become quiet again. While Thor was yelling, his loud voice carrying everywhere and people got infected by his way.

Thor became the unruly one simply by Loki being mischievous but being quiet at the same time. Loki was the poster child, Thor the rebellion, simply by him … staying as he was. Patience was weird. There were no clear definitions to it and yet –

Loki could stay in this moment forever, simply how he was. Sitting in their couch, a book in one hand, reading ‘Quantum: Einstein, Bohr, and the Great Debate About the Nature of Reality’ because it sounded horribly fascinating and it was apparently one of Anthony’s favoured books at a late hour. He knew that Einstein and Schrödinger belonged to his idols, a few out of many hundreds that had helped to shape the world to what it was today for Anthony to play in. With his other hand he stroked through Anthony’s hair, curly and short, silver streaks at his temple and so soft under his touch. He liked doing it, it was a soothing exercise and he didn’t _have to_ kiss his love all the time and disrupt his concentration while he was screwing around with a lamp that had gone out a few minutes ago. And he refused to let Loki repair it with his seiðr because he was _a mechanic_ , as he’d so bluntly put it. Loki would let him have his fun if it meant he could enjoy being with him.

If this was what he got for waiting patiently then Loki saw no reason to hurry ever up again or wishing for things to speed up. Simply because he didn’t want this moment to break up either, he was more than content with reading black letters on old, white paper that he turned whenever he was done with the double page, and with his fingers gliding through soft hair. The tender, triumphant ‘HA!’ when Anthony got the lamp to working again made Loki laugh and he convinced his love to put the lamp down before he pulled him into a kiss.

His head was spinning with ideas about Quantum mechanics that oddly enough reminded him of what their healers used and the most plain kinds of magic that were _not_ seiðr but often used by tiros – and yet Midgard’s grasp and concept about Quantum was much more advanced and complicated, their ways how to unravel it all and make it bow to their wishes if possible – it was astonishing as much as it was insulting because that was _not_ how magic was supposed to work.

And yet, with Anthony’s lips on his, his warm breath ghosting over his skin, Loki couldn’t spare another thought over the agony of mankind and their choices of living and functioning. It was so much sweeter to kiss the mechanic, sparks of seiðr shooting through him in a tender way, beard scratching over his skin. Could he ever get enough of this? The little gasps that broke on his lips, tasting salt and the slow mingling of their tongues, hands tenderly stroking over his cheeks before they buried themselves in his hair.

Time was running by, it was ridiculous how fast that could happen when one was being patient. Valkyrie returned only five hours later after she’d gone to Alfheim, the night had already broken in and stars were dancing brightly in the sky. Thankfully Loki had ensured that the Bifröst would be open and available to her all the time – not again would he put only a single person as Gatekeeper, he didn’t trust those. All the Aesir who approved the most and were sincere about their favourable reception Loki would consider as possible gatekeepers and eventually grant them the golden eyes. It was only natural that he wanted the gatekeeper to be loyal to him. Never again would he put someone else in this position, out of fear what would happen should he be in dire need of the Bifröst one day but the gatekeeper was leaving him stranded somewhere else out of pure spite – thinking he knew _better_.

Loki ran with Anthony and as much dignity as they could muster to the hall. They weren’t the only ones, he could hear other Aesir running as well but they were further behind. And Anthony was up to his speed solely because Loki cast a spell on him to make him run faster. He could be generous at times, for sure. But they arrived first, barely out of breath.

When Valkyrie opened her mouth to start speaking, he pointed her to stay silent. He was waiting for the other Aesir to arrive first so that they could _witness_ the victory they had made. Because Valkyrie had been triumphant, he could see that. There was a certain pride in her stance, her legs stood hip wide apart and her back was straight, her face carefully blank but he could see the corners of her mouth twitching upwards. And there also was dirt on her white armour, there were traces of dried blood atop the golden spots and he _knew_ it wasn’t hers because she had no visible wounds anywhere near it. And her blue cap was still _whole_. Not torn or shredded, not sliced up either.

When most of his people were assembled and Loki could feel the tension rising, hearing the Aesir shuffle around in anticipation and low muttering that Valkyrie hopefully hadn’t failed, he pointed her to speak.

“My king.” She bowed her head to him, lower than it needed to be and the effect the gesture had was enormous. The Aesir gasped in shock, some clutched their mouths and they all _stared_ at her and him.

 _She’d done it again._ Mayhap Anthony hadn’t lied – there was no way he could have asked Valkyrie to repeat the title, he’d been _right there_. Perhaps – and Loki swallowed down a rising feeling of awe and pride of being acknowledged as to who he was – it had been truly her idea all along, And not Anthony’s doing at all. Maybe his right hand had sobered up enough to use the organ inside her head.

A Valkyrie always used to have a higher position in Asgard’s society even if they were drunks. And the Aesir really seemed to like and adore her, they had come to respect her courageous and brash nature and had grown fond of her over the past four years. They remembered how harshly she had treated him in their first year, when they’d just started to build New Asgard. The change from that cruel treatment to this gesture wasn’t lost on any of them. He smiled as the air began to taste of success, sweet and salty like the popcorn Anthony was so fond eating during a movie.

Valkyrie’s voice sounded loudly through the hall, her eyes glinting with satisfaction and contentment. “The Vanir of Vanaheim are open to your idea of trading and dealing.” She paused for dramatic effect. He’d taught her well. “Though they also wish to speak with the King of New Asgard soon and the earlier, the better. They send words of well wishes and congratulations and hope for your reign to be long and prosper _over all the other realms_ like it’s never been done before.”

If it was possible the Aesir looked even more shocked.

Anthony behind him sniggered quietly and Loki saw him high fiving Jane out of the corner of his eye. So _that_ had been their idea, hadn’t it? Confusing mortals, all of them. Sometimes Loki missed the times where mortals had been plain and simple, easier to understand and decipher them.

“You’ve fought well, Valkyrie.” He bowed his head to her a bit. “New Asgard and I thank you for your services. May they be available to us for a longer time; may your sword never rust, and your home be the one you deserve and feel comfortable in.”

“Oh, I will take care of that,” Jane muttered behind him and Valkyrie sent her an amused wink. Loki smiled shortly.

“When do they expect me?”

“Within the week, my king.”

“Then I will make sure to visit them soon and I hope to leave New Asgard safely in your more than experienced hands.”

And with that _simple_ sentence Valkyrie had officially become his right hand and the second most powerful person in the room. Life was so enjoyable if it played along to Loki’s rules and did as he wanted.

The people _yelled_ in excitement, chanted her name - and Valkyrie was glowing, so full of smugness like she deserved to be. She’d done well and everybody knew it.

Jane was bouncing behind him in excitement and yelled the loudest after Loki provided her voice organ with some extra volume. She noticed and looked at him with wide eyes, then yelled Valkyrie’s name even louder.

Jane _was_ adorable, Loki thought and let the cheering continue.

Anthony’s hand sneaked in his like a cat at night in its home.

Somehow – or well, not somehow – Loki found even more courage in the deafening loudness of his people and the warmth in his hand. The Aesir were in ecstasy and were in good spirit – their hope in New Asgard was established, their lives were going to be _better_.

If not now, whenever then? So not all were here but what did that matter in the greater scale?

They would hear about New Asgard’s triumph soon enough.

Loki released Anthony’s hand and stepped forward until he stood in the middle of the circle where Valkyrie had been.

And the people became silent.

“People of New Asgard,” Loki started and his voice was a velvet purr, it was there simply to lull people in and they _were_ going to listen to him. “Today has been a day coloured by success and roaring excitement. Our Valkyrie travelled with the help of our new Bifröst to Vanaheim to ensure that New Asgard will prosper once again. She has succeeded and if I may say so myself, she executed her task gloriously. There is no other person in this room who could have done what she did. And we all owe her our gratitude for that.

“Yet, we aren’t done here. The trading route is open _now_ but we’re still living on a planet that is dying of heat stroke. The climate here is neither the friend of the Midgardians nor the one from us and this is something we should use to our advantage.”

Voices rose, angry.

“ _Silence_.” He didn’t yell like he would have done in another time, he stated it and they became quiet once more. Amazing. 

He continued. “Jotunheim has been seen as our enemy for _millennia_ when the worst they could do was to glare at the sky and curse our names. We were the ones who defeated them and took the heart of their planet away. We have started _anew_ and we need allies for the future that is to come. Imagine how the present could be like had the Jotnar been on our side during Thanos’ despicable attack. They would have been a force nobody had counted with and we could have taken Thanos by surprise. But the past is gone and we have to look forward. Who is to say that we will not face such a _Vámr_ again?” And he chose that word with purpose, reminding them of the last meeting and who was a truly loathsome person and who wasn’t.

Some gazes faltered and shame rose in cheeks. _Good_. Satisfaction and the taste of revenge well served spread in him.

“We do pride ourselves in being _gods_ , but it seems that most of you have forgotten what it means to be a god. It does not mean that we are _better_ \- purely by physical strength and a superior healing factor over other species in the Nine Realms. This is something many species have as well outside of our space even if they might not have it to our extend. We are gods because we know how to use our godhood to someone else’s benefit _and_ to our own. If we continue the road we are on then I can assure you that New Asgard will fall. Tumble and end up destroyed as Old Asgard did because arrogance has veiled our eyes and stopped us from continuing to reach our true potential. There is a point where we must change to the other road even when it seems to be a more difficult path to tread on. A way that demands of us to change.

“But if we will not do that now, then we are going to stay like this forever, frozen in this state of eternal steadiness and incompleteness. There is a Midgardian saying, ‘ _don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today_ ’. And I think that this describes our situation perfectly. For years now you’ve let yourself waste away, lived happily on your old and mostly forgotten deeds, praised yourself for your divine being and the advantages that come with it. Is this what the Norns have intended for us though? May Odin’s gaze fall upon me and ashen me should I err.” Loki was breathing heavily.

“Jötunheim _will_ receive help from New Asgard it needs. The Giant’s home _will_ get back the Casket of Ancient Winters – it collected dust for too long in Odin’s vault and now in my pocket for several years. New Asgard will neither stand nor be accused of holding grudges that have been forgotten and been repaid already. We will, from this day on, ensure justice, bring peace and prosperity to us. This shall be the goal if you swear to me your fealty now and mean it. Kneel if you trust me with this and have faith in your king.”

Loki let his green gaze wander over the people before him and before he had looked at them all, the first ones went to their knees, one fist over their hearts, the other behind their backs.

And when they all kneeled - even Jane, Valkyrie, and Anthony to his side with a smirk on his lips, he could feel _something_ in the air. It was golden and green, full of energy and it felt like when he was being led to the cliffs by Odin, _something_ that made him do it and so he reached for Gungnir and a new kind of energy was flooding through him.

It was the Aesirforce finally coming home. He could feel how New Asgard became New _Asgard_ and nothing less, he experienced a tingle in him and listened to the energy starting to spread inside of him.

The rush of power was incredible. Asgard was balancing itself out and this tingle, it was _divine_. He shouldn’t be able to hear his blood sing but that was what happened, he could hear it rushing in his veins. His head was whirring. His hands, trembling.

“Rise,” he said in a quiet voice that sounded inexplicably calmer than he felt in this moment.

They obeyed.

It was as if the Norns were looking at him with favourable eyes again, like when they had heard his curse. It was excitingly and he knew that he was being _heard,_ he was _not_ forgotten or cast aside for others. He was a living conductor, everything looked to be in balance, and he felt a calm settle in him he’d never known before; the Norns approved of him as a king and of his plan.

The Aesir looked at him expectantly and there was still distrust in their eyes, he could see that but it wasn’t much and a bit of distrust never was wrong. It would keep Loki on his toes.

“For the rest of tonight and tomorrow we shall collect our strength. The day after I will go to Jötunheim with Anthony and two guards who wish to join us. Dawn is coming and the sun will shine on us tomorrow.”

The Aesir bowed their heads to him and retreated, their steps silent in the fading night. 

And the next thing Loki did as soon as they had left, was to turn around and pull Anthony at his jacket towards him and claimed his mouth in a heated kiss, tongues sliding against each other. But he stopped before it went too far, before he would lose all control and have Anthony here in the hall with the Bifröst. Arousal was spiking in him, heavy and wanton but alas - he had to act responsible, he couldn’t debauch the place just yet. Who knew what Aesir lingered nearby and would hear them and have anew a bad opinion of their king. Maybe when Thor was back. Maybe then.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what, my king?” Anthony winked at him. 

Loki laughed quietly and buried his head in Anthony’s neck, breathing in and catching his breath. He could smell Anthony and was content.

“I am so proud of you.” Anthony’s voice was no more than a whisper and his hands stroked over Loki’s back in long movements. Loki melted in his touch and his head finally stopped whirring. “That was amazing.”

“You think so?”

“Yes.” Anthony’s lips brushed over his temple, kissing him lightly. The gesture was sweet and Loki could not believe his luck that he could call Anthony his own, claim that this amazing Midgardian had chosen him above anybody else. People who’d be more understanding of his ways and would not lie to him - but Anthony had stayed with him regardless, _voluntarily so_ and Loki melted on the spot.

Jane and Valkyrie left them quietly, closing the door with a soft ‘thud’. 

Loki pulled back from his chosen place and smiled with tears at Anthony. He didn’t know why he was crying, he didn’t _feel_ like crying but they were in his eyes nonetheless.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.”

“I think you did that very well on your own, Reindeer Games.” Anthony smiled at him and stroked the tears away carefully. “Who’d have thought, after all those years, it seems like you _are_ coming out on top.”

“Are you still disappointed in me?” Loki asked him because he needed to know.

“Disappointed?” Anthony snorted. “I just told you that I’m proud of you and you ask whether I’m _disappointed_?”

“Because I lied to you,” Loki said quietly. “I tried to-“

“No, I’m not.”

“You aren’t?”

“No.” Anthony took his hand in his, rubbed soothing circles on them and if Loki were a cat, he’d start purring on the spot. “Loki, you-, you _tried_ not only, but you also showed me that you mean what you promised.” Anthony sighed and bit on his lip.

“You know Steve never tried to make it better. He just continued to run and hide and even in the years where I stayed with them in the Compound, worked with them as an Avenger? He knew we weren’t all right just yet and still he left me alone after I told him to leave it. That had been meant as a sarcastic thing but obviously that flew straight over his head.” Anthony furrowed his brows. “He continued to try talking to me and well, yes, he _tried_. But he didn’t understand why I was still angry at him. He lied to me and used me and my money for years to find his friend who _killed my mom_. Had he told me from the beginning, I would have stopped financing his expedition. Maybe. Would he have told me that his friend hadn’t in his right mind as the Winter Soldier, then I would have considered my stance on this and probably even given in eventually and paid for his expedition again.”

“He-“ Shock ran through Loki.

“Yes.” Anthony shook his head. “Listen, it’s been five years since then or more. I haven’t forgiven him but I’m not angry at him any longer. He had his reasons. But the way he tore the Avengers apart? Ah well, not the point of it. The point being is that he tried but he didn’t _try_ , you know? Like you did not only show it in words but also in action. Loki you were during this week, was it one week only or more?” Anthony seemed to ponder over it for a few breaths. “You are the most considerable asshole I’ve ever met and that’s coming from me. You were open to me about so many things and I don’t know whether you lied to me about any of them. I detected a _small_ manipulation for the better of New Asgard in your speech but that’s fine. And you’re causing your mischief and are making me _finally_ _my coffee_ and not tea any longer. That’s, I don’t know, Loki, why would I stay disappointed with you? You know what you did wrong and you’re doing your best to become better.”

Loki fisted his hands in Anthony’s jacket, pinching it until he could feel his own fingers in the material.

“Hey hey hey, don’t cry.”

“I am _not_ crying.”

“Sure, you’re just laughing salt water from your eyes.”

“Exactly.”

He hid a sniffel.

~°~

Their day off passed quickly, Loki and Anthony stayed in their living room, with blankets around them and watched this annoying series with Barney while they exchanged in between whenever one felt like it, kisses and lingering touches. It was a good day and nothing and nobody dared to disrupt their peace.

 _I could’ve ordered a day off since the beginning_ , Loki realised and shook his head at his own oversight. There was barely anything like missed opportunities that annoyed him to no end. But perhaps it hadn’t even been a missed opportunity, perhaps it had simply been the timing. If as Anthony said, he could do that now solely because he knew best what was up with the contracts then he could’ve never pulled that off in his first two years.

He checked his pocket again if the casket was there. It was only to soothe his nerves not that he’d show anybody how he was feeling; Anthony only recognised it because he knew Loki but there was no need for the others to know about that quirk of his.

A raven made out of seiðr energy had been sent at yesterday’s dawn to the Jotnar, a formal letter attached to its beak and it had come back a few hours later. The letter had been signed by ‘King Byleistr’.

Loki had projected himself to the ice palace and roamed quietly through the ice-covered walls, intent on finding anything or someone who slipped information about Byleistr. It had taken him a while but eventually a Jotun brought a plate with fish to Byleistr and muttered with another how ridiculous it was of King Byleistr to follow his father’s footsteps and do the same foolish thing that had cost him his life, trusting an _Asgardian_ out of all things.

 _Father_. So Loki had at least a half-brother he had probably met on the battlefield before but neither had recognised each other. With an utmost clarity he realised it _was okay_. He hadn’t needed to know about that because he already had his brother who had been an oaf most of his life but his brother nonetheless.

“Are you ready?” Anthony asked him with a grin, only standing still because he couldn’t ridicule himself in front of the assembled Aesir _too much_. Not as the known lover of Loki who was _king_.

Loki was looking forward to the time no restrictions were placed upon them any longer and they could do _what they wanted_ , nothing more and certainly, nothing less. There were plans he wanted to see being put into action.

“Yes.” He checked his pocket a last time then closed his eyes in concentration.

He could feel his clothing changing as they took on a new form. It had been about time to wear something new, to appear more _regal_ again. It was a dark robe with his coattails - just this time, with a green edging instead of the golden ones. A dark green shirt was thrown over it, a golden chest guard with his former stripe pattern from the top left to the bottom right. Dark golden shin guards were sitting over black boots and in the same golden hue, two separate arm guards, decorated with lightning bolts and a horn design.

He put on his horned helmet by hand and instantly felt more like _Loki_ again. There was simply this _feeling_ , Loki couldn’t describe it any differently but the horns belonged to him and when their shadow was cast before him on the ground, he smiled in trickstery manner.

Then the time was there, the sun stood high in the sky and Loki activated the Bifröst. Stormbreaker whirled around and a static buzz filled the air. Anthony stood on his right side, partially covered by his armour so he wouldn’t appear _harmless_ or childlike. Loki would do his best to avoid having Anthony look like a fool in front of the Jotnar.

It was time to do something _right_. He nodded at Valkyrie and then the Bifröst sent them off to Jötunheim.

It was cold here. It was harsher than a winter in Norway and Loki wondered how cold the planet actually was _meant to be_.

A group of ten Jotnar awaited them, their posture seemingly at ease but all of their hands were twitching and Loki could see chunks of ice forming in between fingers. They were nervous and they had every right to be.

“You,” one of the Jotun growled, his eyes on Loki. “You were the one who visited us and lured –“

“Yes.” Loki raised his brows. “I was the one who visited you all those years ago as an ambassador of the former King Odin All-Father. Now I come to you _as_ King Loki of New Asgard.” He smiled coldly. “We have a meeting with King Byleistr, if you would show us the kindness and lead us to him?”

The Jotnar exchanged quick glances, then turned around and walked forward into the tall iceberg where Laufey had sat on his throne, tall and towering above them when their greatest fear back then had been a grounding from mother and yelling from Odin. Simple times. Occasionally Loki missed them. A feast every forthnight or whenever Thor had accomplished something great, so _outstandingly_ they couldn’t have ignored it and had to celebrate it with another feast. Even if the other one had only taken place three days ago. What a fine opportunity for Loki to listen in and learn more than he should.

They walked onward, passed the broken throne and Loki ignored the stab of guilt in him and deeper down the iceberg until they came to a stop in a room that was similar to the old throne room. Only that this one was smaller and less intimidating.

The Jotun on the throne stood up, his face carefully blank, void of emotions and Loki hated it; he wanted to see what Byleistr was thinking. Reading people’s body language he did not know was always more difficult. But he was Loki and he would not avoid this challenge.

He drew himself up, bowed his head slightly to Byleistr and saw him do the same. _Oh Norns_. Loki released a breath of relief. The king was open to a friendly discussion then when he did that. Loki would take this as a positive sign and nobody would be able to change his mind. This meeting was going to go over _well_ , Hel thrice-be-damned.

“King Loki of _New_ Asgard, I welcome you and your companions in Jötunheim,” Byleistr greeted them with a deep growl that somehow didn’t sound threatening. “I hope you had a safe travel.”

“Thank you, King Byleistr.” Loki nodded slightly. “For welcoming us on such a short notice in your realm.”

“Who am I to deny father’s bastard son’s return to Jötunheim?”

Oh.

“If you came here indeed to propose a deal, King Loki, then we ask of you to shed your Aesir skin and show us your _true_ heritage.”

They wanted to see him in his Jotun skin? Loki’s thoughts were running wild. He could feel the cold of the Casket calling to him, could feel it pulsing in his pockets because it realised it was home again. If Loki wouldn’t know better than he would say that the Casket was at least half-sentient and _knew_ what was going on around it.

He reached for the coldness and let it swap over him and he turned blue and cold within mere seconds.

The temperature was _wrong_. It was bearable but only just so. It was too warm for his taste and he gasped - 

The air was too salty.

“We had the luck that someone stranded on our realm a while ago,” Byleistr said softly and his growl sounded _normal_ in Loki’s ears. “Otherwise we would still wonder why half of our people got turned to dust and why Asgard wasn’t responding at all anymore; why the sea is dying on us and why we get punished once more. Then we got told that Asgard has fallen and its people are spread through the Nine Realms like the dark elves and their insatiable hunger for _more_.”

Loki felt Byleistr’s eyes running over him and he raised his chin like in a small challenge and turned back.

“Can you imagine our surprise when we received word that New Asgard wants to offer a deal and is bringing gifts?”

“No,” Loki said because etiquette bid him so even when he knew the truth.

“Liar,” Byleistr called him out in his next breath and he sat down on his throne again. “But that doesn’t matter, Silvertongue. Tell us of your deal and then we can continue and leave the pleasantries behind.”

“I dream of making New Asgard, Jötunheim, Midgard and Vanaheim greater.” Loki smiled at Byleistr. “There is a high demand of ice on Migdard, like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Our ice is melting because someone couldn’t keep their fingers from powers they do not understand and yet you ask of us to sacrifice our ice that we _literally_ need to ensure our survival?” Byleistr’s voice thrummed in the small throne room and Loki could hear the ice clinking above him.

“What if I tell you that you needn't worry about an ice shortage?” Loki waited for three heartbeats, the right amount to create a dramatic atmosphere then pulled the Casket of Ancient Winters out of his pockets, held it out towards Jötunheim’s king.

“Loki, King of New Asgard, do not play with us.” Byleistr sat up straight and his red eyes flashed in the cold light. “If you –“

“This is the Casket of Ancient Winters,” Loki said and tried not to vocalise the ‘ _Are you stupid’_ that he thought. “I _will_ give you this casket, regardless whether you agree to the deal I propose to you.”

“You’ll do _what_?”

“Give the Casket back.” Loki stroked with the thumb over the Casket, felt its cooling touch on his own cool skin. “Asgard had it for millennia as its own and damaged Jötunheim and its people greatly by that.”

“Is that possible?” Byleistr’s voice sounded shocked. His black claws clutching his throne. Loki thought he could hear the ice crack. “Is it possible that an _Asgardian_ sees reason?”

A Jotun shifted and Byleistr’s red eyes focused on them for a moment. Then they were back on Loki. Red. Cold. The blue from the Casket shimmered at them bright and white.

“It was long overdue.” Loki held the Casket a bit more up.

“So you’ve really come in peace.” Byleistr tilted his head, standing up from the throne once more.

“As I claimed to do in my message.”

“Amazing. But how come you still stand before us in your Asgardian skin while touching the Casket?”

Loki cut a grin. “Control. I refuse to be controlled by an object _again_.”

“I sense a story there,” Byleistr stated but stepped forward, his hand rising to touch and take the Casket from Loki. His eyes wandered over Loki’s face in an assessing manner before he took the Casket away. “But I will hear it another time.”

 _Another time_.

The Casket glowed brightly in Byleistr’s hands and Loki thought he could hear sighs of relief from the Jotnar around them.

“It’s time to bring the Casket back to its proper place. Would you join us, King Loki of New Asgard?”

“It would be my honour.”

Byleistr nodded. “Then we can talk on our way there about the issue of legacy.”

“Legacy?”

“Of course. Even if you are our father’s bastard, you _are_ the first born and therefore by all rights, the one who should wear the crown and rule over Jötunheim. The lines would be proof of that should you choose to wear your other skin.”

“Lines?” This was something Loki hadn’t counted on. He never had thought about what it entailed to be the first born of Laufey – well, he _knew_ obviously but he had never assumed he had the right to be Jötunheim’s king. He had been cast out as baby. For him it screamed he had lost the right to the crown. Anthony shuffled behind him.

Was he worried that Loki would take up the mantle of being Jötunheim’s king? One crown was more than enough already and Loki could only feel relieved that he didn’t have to take on this crown as well.

“Did you never become curious about them?” Byleistr asked him, almost gentle. “I will explain them to you if you show them to us once more.” His smile was full of teeth.

 _It was a challenge,_ Loki realised. He wasn’t quite sure about what but being asked to take on his Jotun form in front of them all?

He closed his eyes for a split second, then let the coldness in him crawl over him and turned blue before them all. When he opened his eyes again he saw Byleistr nod in acknowledgment.

“Laufey’s lines, clear as a snowflake.”

Loki did his best not to flinch back when Byleistr touched his lines with his free hand. It was _cold_.

“If you’d be so kind as to remove your hand from my face,” he said quietly, not wanting to appear rude to the others. “I don’t like strangers touching me.”

“Are we strangers?” Byleistr whispered back, his breath cold and Loki smelled ice. “You are my bastard brother.”

“If you don’t remove your hand within the next few seconds,” Loki smiled at him in fury, “then I will cut it off when we’re out of sight later.”

“Later,” Byleistr hummed. “That’s not a convincing threat, _Loki_.”

“I can also stab you right now in front of your subjects and let you bleed out here, put one of the Jotun on the throne who are easily intimidated and make Jötunheim into my first colony. Your decision.”

“And here I thought you came in peace.”

“And you are still touching my face.” It was no accident that Loki had a small dagger in his hand in the next moment and pressed it against Byleistr’s stomach unseen.

The grin that flitted over his face didn’t sit right with Loki at all. “Are you challenging me to a duel over the throne?”

Gasps were heard and someone audibly groaned behind Loki.

Why had he thought he could make a deal with Jötunheim _without_ the traditional fight? The crown was just a pretence to hide behind so Jötunheim didn’t appear as bloodthirsty as it was famous for. Perhaps he had been spending too much time with Anthony, thinking pretty words and giving the Casket back was enough.

“If that is what you want.” Loki drew the dagger back.

“It is not what _I_ want, it is what the law demands.”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up. “Tell me the rules of the fight.”

“Are you sure you _need_ to fight?” Anthony said from behind them.

“Yes.” Byleistr looked at him. “You are not an Asgardian, am I correct?”

“I’m a human. Straight from Earth.”

“Then you don’t understand.” Byleistr sent him a condescending smile. He turned back to Loki, his red eyes glowing in the white blue light. “The winner is who draws the first blood. All weapons are allowed. Those are all rules. Do you understand?”

Loki nodded.


	17. Chapter 17

He’d barely time to think. Not that Loki wanted to – he needed his reflexes now, trust his mind to think _for_ him, while he did all the physical work. Then, he was ducking to the ground as Byleistr threw a dagger made of ice at him. It whirred over his head, splinters, and fell apart into thousand shards behind Loki somewhere. He could hear it in a faint song, and stood up again, excitement running through his veins and he nodded at his bastard brother in front of him.

That had been cheating. He grinned in approval. A good, dirty fight – what was there not to love about it? 

Apparently, Byleistr was someone who wasn’t going to take any chances and preferred to swindle his way out of every situation too. He could work with that. His coattails around him spun in a new tune as he jumped forward suddenly, kicking the other king in the groin. Byleistr groaned, his hands covering his delicate area; his eyes, angry red slits.

Loki wasn’t above playing dirty either, not that this should come as anybody’s surprise but maybe the Jotnar had missed the messenger. He multiplied the strength behind the kick with his seiðr, a simple action but one that showed _result_. Byleistr doubled over, hissing in pain, ice made of frustration frosting on his eyelashes.

“Don’t start playing dirty when you can’t bear suffering retaliation.” Loki tilted his head. “Get a grip, _King_ of Jötunheim. We’ve only just begun.” He almost pouted at Byleistr when the bastard took a moment too long to straighten again. _What a weakling, he’d be dead three times already against Thanos._ Weak. A helpless blue babe against an overpowering villain who took and - 

“Promises.” Byleistr rolled his shoulders back, formed a long knife of ice and sprinted towards Loki, his face a mask of snarling fury and spit flying in the cold.

Finally, fun times were to be had. Loki smiled as he waited until the last moment, then teleported away, let Byleistr ran into nothing. A harmless illusion, nothing more but he was _ridiculed_ for everybody to see and remember, which was what counted the most in this fight. It was a political match, not just one over strength and prowess.

“I’m over here,” Loki taunted the other king. He flung a dagger out which barely graced Byleistr’s head. Maybe it cut off a single hair, but who was Loki to look out for that small feat? He needed _blood_ , not hair after all. 

“Magic?” Byleistr studied him closely, his arm turning into a massive block of hardened snow.

“Seiðr,” Loki corrected him calmly, then beckoned his adversary closer with a smirk. “I won’t teleport out of your way again, I promise. After all, only a fool falls for the same trick twice.” Which was _exactly_ what Byleistr had been doing by allowing Loki close to him and back on the planet in the first place. It felt like the start of Thor’s coronation and then Loki’s first attempt at kingship all over again. 

There was a loophole to his phrasing: he still could shimmer out of his way or levitate away from him should he wish to. And of course, he was able to teleport somewhere else as long as Byleistr wasn’t running directly _at him_. Would others start listening to his words, ever? Loki doubted it but he saw Anthony shaking his head slightly. _Someone_ had noticed.

Byleistr used a similar fighting strategy like Thor, Loki realised. Both were tall men, had lots of muscles all over them, covering most sensitive parts and they fought with brute strength. He hissed as Byleistr’s fists connected with his stomach while he blocked the icy knife with one vambrace. Sharp noises resulted from this, making Byleistr and himself wince at the same moment but –

It looked as if Byleistr had no problems with spitting Loki in the face in the next heartbeat, and really, it was sheer luck that Loki ducked away from the knife, coming at him from the over the side in a deathly swing that promised a lot of blood. 

Loki was determined not to lose this fight to his _younger brother_. Bastard brother, and, admittedly, not the one he wanted either, but that meant no rules were applicable here; not that they would have mattered anyway. Being younger could mean more energy perhaps for him. It would be good to know how much younger Byleistr was, to have a more accurate guess. 

A jump in the air saved him from being pierced by ice that shot up from the ground and a bit of his seiðr brought him down on much safer ground. 

“Scared of a bit of ice?” Byleistr mocked him, his red eyes gleaming. The Casket still was in his hand, Loki noticed. S _tupid_. So much leverage being out in the open, that could give him _ideas_ , to say at least. Unless Byleistr wished to fight him with the Casket? Yet, Loki was a Jotun, surely Byleistr would see the flaw in such a mistake? Loki wasn’t sure with how many more idiots in the family he could deal with, wasn’t Thor enough punishment for stealing all those cakes from the kitchen?

He considered for a heartbeat whether it would be mean to counter an ice attack with a heat blast? 

“Ice is not my preferred element of choice,” Loki grinned. “Do you need that Casket to play with ice, I wonder? Are you not able to summon it at your own will?” 

Byleistr snorted and yes, there was the ice Loki had hoped for, erupting from the Casket like a waterfall. 

Green fire burst from his hands, meeting the ice in the middle, a wonderful _song of_ _ice and mischief_. He had to tell Anthony later about that joke.

“I prefer fire,” he said calmly, “as _the god of fire_.” 

Then, with no care for the burning intensity he experienced, Loki shoved the fire forwards, put more heat into it, drawing more energy from his surroundings and put it into his spell. Why not use every available source that he had here? Byleistr cheated first. It was only fair and would show Loki’s appreciation to Jötunheim’s tradition of fighting for an old and cold throne he didn’t want in the first place. 

He laughed as sweat started to drip from his brows in his eyes, could feel cold excitement in him _melting_ and – 

He jumped out of the way when icicles were thrown at him. 

They weren’t small. He pulled his hand back from where it lay on the snow-covered ground before another big chunk pierced the ground. 

There might be the chance that he had underestimated the power of the Casket in the hands of a Jotun who knew ice better than anyone else. 

He leaped up in the air, throwing a dark green blast at Byleistr while doing so and ran forward with two sharp and glinting daggers in his hands. 

Snowflakes whirled around them when he slithered through it, his daggers meeting Byleistr’s ice knife and sparks flew up in the air, cold and white -

 _First blood_ , he reminded himself and ignored the throbbing in his knee from his jump. Good thing they had never said whether the blood had to be seen or not. Because he was fairly sure his knee was bleeding under his leather clothes but – black prevented blood to be seen from others. An advantage Loki had grown to care for over the last few millennials.

He was so close in Byleistr’s personal space he could see his pores, blue and dirty and could smell his sweat, salty and like the sea in Norway. It was either now or never, he realised, and time seemed to slow down and he brought his dagger upward in a very stupid move that Byleistr blocked easily with the Casket. He stepped on his shoes with all his power in the next second and the grip on the block slackened and Loki cut Byleistr’s blue cheek open.

The knife went through the rough skin like it was butter. 

The purple blood started to drip the cheek down a few seconds later and when Byleistr made an attempt to slice him up as well, Loki teleported a few steps away, his blade glistening with the purple blood. Perhaps there even was a chunk of blue flesh on it. He hadn’t teleported _out of his way_ , simply chosen to avoid being roughened up. Some daggers sliced mean if one wasn’t being careful. 

“Do you yield?” he asked Byleistr, forcing his breath to calm down. 

He saw him touch his cheek and realising the blood being seen there. “I yield.” 

“Good,” Loki mumbled and let the dagger disappear. He breathed out. 

Byleistr looked at him with pinched eyes and his fingers were trembling, balling them to fists and unclenched them again with an obvious strain in them. 

The Jotnar around them shifted on their feet. Their eyes running back and forth between Loki and Byleistr, tension rising. 

“I think you wanted to bring the Casket back to its original place, _King_ Byleistr.” 

With that, the tension got cut in the air, deflated like a balloon and everything was over. So simple but it had made Loki feel good and _finally_ , he had a brother who he could best in a fight. _Finally_.

Byleistr’s red eyes bore into Loki’s and he nodded, a hint of hate was seen there.

Or was it just the shock? Loki sighed and turned back to his Asgardian skin. Instantly he felt warmer again and he looked around to find Anthony. He needed –

He didn’t even know what it was in particular that he needed. Then, Anthony was there, taking his hand and squeezing it warmly.

“Follow me,” Byleistr said forcedly calm, turned on his heel and started to walk away. 

They followed in silence, more than aware of the importance of this moment. 

With a little wave of his free hand he washed the blood away he could feel on his knee. Better if the Jotnar never knew that he had cheated. Jötunheim wouldn’t become whole again in a few days, Loki learnt when new ice was covering Jötunheim and it blinked in the sun. He was glad when he could go home again. 

Byleistr agreed to his trading deal even when it would take a bit with the ice export and _weren’t_ those _curious_ glances direction his way upon his request. Loki bathed in them.

Stark Intergalactic would happen, Loki was sure of that and this was only just the beginning. And in between, he was going to casually save Midgard and avert the climate change. Good publicity was all that counted nowadays.

The Aesirforce was humming happily in him when the Bifröst took them back to New Asgard. 

Never before had the sound of seagulls been so beautiful and the people so normal and happy to see him again. 

He wanted to sleep. 

“Are you all right?” Anthony asked him softly. 

“I’ll be better after a nap,” Loki mumbled and hid his yawn in Anthony’s shoulder. He chuckled quietly. 

“Then I’ll better get you home.” 

“Mhm.” Loki nuzzled his cheek briefly then teleported them back in their house. The Thing could wait until later for a report and he trusted the other ones to tell them what happened however rough it may be. 

And shortly after his head hit the pillow and he had Anthony to snuggle with, he promptly fell asleep and was gone. 

~°~

He went to Vanaheim a few days later. This time he took Valkyrie with him and two members of the Thing. Loki was going to bring Anthony with him to Vanaheim at a later day when they’d be having more time for themselves and needn’t have to deal with upcoming trading deals and business negotiations. Anthony had grumbled and pouted but ultimately agreed even when it had been with a pout Loki barely couldn’t resist.

When the Vanir and the Aesir had come to a satisfactory agreement for both sides, Loki asked the Vanir about the Infinity Stones in a very round-about way. They told him how the Collector had been born, what a horrible philosophy Thanos lived by and in the end, they finally brought him a book. A gift in goodwill, as they called it. Loki couldn’t wait to read it through, the tome looked old and heavy in his hands, his seiðr was tickling in his fingertips, waiting to break out and _see_. 

But not today. Today was Anthony’s birthday – fifty-two years if Loki had done his mathematics properly, and he’d been preparing the gift for a whole while now.

Luckily, Anthony was still sleeping when he opened the door to their bedroom quietly, a tray with coffee and self-made sandwiches on them and a hideous red and yellow cupcake with a single candle on it. Loki could “cook” but he couldn’t bake. Almost every attempt was a disaster, and he had needed most of the night to get a cupcake to the point where it didn’t taste like salty chunks of butter. He even had made sure to colour the whipped cream red and yellow. Thankfully, Rhodey knew how to colour things correctly and had sent Loki the correct instructions for that. Having friends was nice.

Yes, he only had to use a colouring bottle but that had been _di_ _fficult_ enough. The red was more of a pale pink than Loki had allowed it to be and the yellow was a sad attempt of an orange hue. And he wouldn’t present his lover with something that horrendous. So, he had to use multiple bottles to get the right colour and some other stuff he had no idea what it was. He wouldn’t use his seiðr for this simple task. If mortals could deal with this _without_ advanced help, then he could accomplish the same feat.

Wasn’t baking supposed to be _easy_ and _fun_? Dum-E had chirped all the time whenever the batter hadn’t done what Loki wanted and U cleaned the pots faster than Loki could use what was in them. Disaster bots, both.

A chaotic attempt at baking a simple cupcake, indeed. But he wouldn’t tell Anthony that. 

Instead, he sat down carefully next to him, the tray resting on his lap and pressed a short kiss to his forehead, willing him silently to wake up. 

“Breakfast ‘n bed?” Anthony mumbled and blinked up at him. He looked adorable when being sleepy. 

“Happy Birthday,” Loki whispered and kissed him shortly, ignoring the morning smell because it was a birthday morning. 

“Don’t want to get older,” Anthony grumbled. “Not fair.” 

Loki laughed and held the tray out to him. 

“Did you _bake a cupcake?”_

“Yes.” Loki nodded, remembering the struggle all too vividly.

“Is this why you weren’t in bed most of the night?”

“… No?” 

“Liar.” Anthony smiled at him cheekily, then sat up straighter in bed, taking to tray on his lap. “You even coloured it,” he cooed. “That’s so adorable. Look at that! Whipped cream in Iron Man colours.” He licked his lips and Loki swallowed. 

“You know,” Anthony started, put the tray away and only held the cupcake up, “I know _exactly_ where this would taste the best.” 

That was the single occurrence that Loki allowed the colours red and yellow on him. 

But, everything for his Anthony on his birthday and really, getting whipped cream licked from one was an experience Loki would never pass. 

They spent the day together with Valkyrie and Jane, eating sushi and a proper cake Valkyrie had baked. Loki hadn’t known she had that skill but it was red wine cake, so … he should have expected that. It tasted delicious even when Loki felt like he ate more wine in solid form than chocolate cake. 

It was an experience, to say at least. Rhodey, Pepper, and Natasha called, singing together a triumphant ‘Happy Birthday’ in different tones – it was unbelievably off-key, but it put a big smile on Anthony’s face and that was what mattered. Even when Loki suspected a growing tinnitus in his ears now.

Of course, FRIDAY took it upon herself to take pictures and recorded the whole thing. 

Rocket, Nebula and Carol send a short video of themselves singing ‘Happy Aging’ – off-key as well. It made Loki wonder whether anybody could even sing here. But he would keep that thought to himself, seeing how pleased they all were with themselves and he wasn’t entirely sure if Rocket hadn’t sung incorrectly on purpose. 

“Thank you.” Anthony laid down, his head in Loki’s lap and a happy smile on his face. “I think that was easily one of the best birthday parties I ever had.” 

“I didn’t do a lot.” Loki started to comb his fingers through Anthony’s unruly hair. Although he felt pleased that Anthony had said that, he didn’t feel like it was the truth. The gift hadn’t even been given out yet and _already_ Anthony was claiming it was the best birthday he ever had? 

“You did do a lot.” Anthony opened the eyes and looked at him sombrely. “You brought me breakfast into bed, I got to _eat_ a cupcake and it was a day I could just _relax_ for a change. Tell me how that isn’t a good birthday.” 

“It’s just … I haven’t even given you your birthday present yet.” 

“I have you, I don’t need another gift.” 

Loki’s breath stopped for a moment. “You charmer,” he choked out, feeling something warm in him rise and making him feel _loved_. 

“For you, always. Even when I have no idea how long that’ll be.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, I _am_ fifty-two. I _have_ a very alcoholic past, don’t you remember?” 

“And don’t you remember that I have a solution?” Loki eyed him sceptically. “The Aesirforce is _mine_ , Anthony. We’re … we’re good. We can –“

“You mean, the blood turning me immortal thing is _working?”_ Anthony sat up, abruptly. 

“Yes,” Loki said with a lofty smile. “It is.” 

“Then why the fuck are we here and _talking?”_

Loki laughed. “So eager?” 

“Ehm, excuse me when I’m happy that I can apparently live _forever_ with my boyfriend who is sex on legs and still as young as the day I met him when he rescued me from space and from a slow death by suffocation? So, blood.” He clapped in his hands, suddenly alert. “How does that work? Do I need to go vampire on you? I have to warn you, my canines aren’t sharp enough for that, I may be Iron Man but that doesn’t mean my teeth are made of Iron.” 

“Your teeth are stronger than Iron,” Loki told him with an amused glint in the eyes and licked his lips. “But I have to ask you that and-“ 

“Lokes, I _want_ to be with you.” Anthony leant forward; his hands gripping Loki’s tight. “And I am definitely sure about that. We’ve been together for … not even a year yet, I think, but apart from Rhodey and Pepper – It is you I know and trust the most. You are the one who saved my life, you are the one who held me up when things with Pepper started to crumble and really, I don’t know where and who I’d be today if it weren’t for our promise. For your friendship and your love. And I would kill for being allowed to spend more time with you.” 

“You-“ Loki didn’t really know what to say. His mind was turning off, focusing on single words, his emotions running wide and wild in-between complete bewilderment and happiness and disbelief. There had seldom been moments when Loki got to hear such an earnest and heartfelt sentiment, something that was spoken _to him about him_ , and not something someone told him because they wanted to use his status to their own advantage or because they wished to get close to Thor. 

He could feel his lips tremble and Anthony smiled at him, tears pooling in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to lose you just because my lifespan is shorter than yours. I don’t want to say ‘goodbye’ earlier than I would have to, either. And I have an extremely bad feeling when I think about what happened on Titan.” 

“I will not lose you,” Loki swore him, his voice quiet but steadfast. “I won’t.” He took a deep breath, calming down. “What happened on Titan, Anthony, that it gives you _still_ such a bad feeling?” 

“Do you want to talk about that now? I promise you, it will sour the mood drastically.” 

Loki nodded. “I’ve never learnt exactly what happened, only that you and the others fought Thanos and that he threw a moon at you.” 

“Yes.” Anthony’s eyes looked up to the ceiling before they focused on Loki again. “I’ going to need another drink for this. I only told Rhodey what happened up there, and- it’s not easy for me, Lokes.”

“I know it isn’t.” 

“Good.” Anthony poured himself a drink and emptied half of it in one go. “Because this starts like any good story does, in New York, in the year of our Lord and Saviour 2018. The sun was shining and I was on a jog with Pepper.” His smile turned cold, brittle. “Then, Strange popped by in a glowing orange circle and from there on, it all went downhill rapidly.” 

Loki listened to Anthony’s tale with avid interest, hearing the tale of how Anthony had even ended up in space in the first place. That he only wanted to save Peter and then Strange. Even when he wasn’t a nice man, Anthony wouldn’t let him die or be tortured – it wasn’t his place to judge who was to die and who wasn’t, and he was an _Avenger_. A protector of the people, even when they were assholes and didn’t deserve it. 

Loki wanted to strangle Strange. Just because he insulted him, offended him, and told him he’d sacrifice Anthony and the boy in a heartbeat if it meant the time stone would be safe. Oh, not that Loki didn’t understand that sentiment. It was more that he was offended because how _dare_ he. He would pay him back for _frightening_ Anthony. 

_“There was no other way_.” 

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Loki mumbled and pulled Anthony in his arms, cuddled him, and hoped to give him the sense of safety that he so desperately needed. Loki wasn’t quite sure if he was talking about Anthony or himself here. 

“Neither do I.” Anthony kissed his cheek and smiled lightly. “So, this is what happened on Titan. Now you know the whole story.”

“And Peter-” 

“I hope you will get to know Peter personally in a not all too distant future. You’d like him. He’s adorable, young and a teenager. Means, he _is_ trouble.” 

“Are you telling me that I am a teenager?” 

“You occasionally behave like one, yes.” 

“Thank you, you _cradle robber_.” 

“Oooh, low blow.” Anthony grinned at him. “Good that you’re like a millennium older than me.” 

Loki chuckled, bent his head and kissed Anthony to shut him up. It was sweet and slow, just what he needed to assure himself that Anthony was _here_. And not gone, not dust or anything else. He didn’t like that Strange gave up the time stone for Anthony _after_ his loud and bolden declaration the time stone was the utmost priority in his sad and stinky life where he needed rings to be powerful. 

“What else is going to happen after I drink your blood?” Anthony whispered against his lips, his breath warm and short. 

“You become stronger, more resilient according to the book.” 

“Only advantages then.” 

“Indeed.” Loki smiled at him. “You want to drink it today or- ?”

“I … would you mind if we pass today? I feel drained and I don’t want to do that when my mind is busy with other things.” 

“I and my blood won’t run away,” Loki promised him with a smile. “We see no reason to do that.” 

“Good, because I would take that very personal.” 

Loki laughed and they kissed again, trying to shoo each other’s troubled thoughts away, clearing their heads but it only had little success. 

“Sleep?” he asked Anthony, feeling tiredness seeping into his limbs already. 

“Movie, first? We still aren’t done with Fight Club.”

“I’ll fall asleep on you,” Loki warned him. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

Loki sighed but agreed. Maybe it was better that way. 

~°~

It was the Annual Snap Day. 

June, the fourth was a horrible day and Loki felt numb, tired ever since he woke up. He felt dazed as he walked down to the stone with the names of the dusted Aesir and the ones who died because of Hela and the Black Order. He felt n _othing_ when he touched the stone and gently traced the letters of Thor’s name, emotions were eluding him; nothing seemed to reach him in this state of trapped fogginess and delirium. 

Four letters, fourth day in a month. Maybe it had been fate. 

“Do you ever talk to him?” Anthony asked him, his voice sounded as void as Loki felt. 

“He’s not _dead_ ,” Loki replied, his fingers tracing the letters again. “He’s dust, but not dead, not entirely gone yet.” 

“So, you _don’t_ talk to him?” 

“No. Why, do you?”

“Sometimes.” 

“Does it help?” 

“Occasionally.” Anthony reached for his hand. “It just… it gives me a sense of him being here, you know?” 

“He can’t hear you.” Loki frowned and got slapped by Anthony on the shoulder for that. 

“Don’t be such an ass. I _know_ that he can’t hear me.” 

Loki looked at him thoughtfully. Tried to figure out where he, well he knew where he went wrong but he had to figure out how to smoothly recover from that. “Did you ever talk to Thor?”

“To the God of Thunder?” Anthony smiled at him weakly. “Every time when there was a storm, Reindeer Games. Every single time. I have to honour my buddy somehow, don’t I?” 

“Yes.” Loki looked back to the stone. “I hate storms.” 

Anthony didn’t say anything for a while. “It reminds you of him, doesn’t it?” 

Loki only nodded. 

“Me as well. But I’d rather be reminded of him and have it turning me sad than not to be reminded of him altogether.” 

“How do you stand that?” Loki inquired of him, turning his head to the side.

“I don’t know. I’m trying to focus on the good parts of grief? That he and Peter will be back? I’m not entirely sure, Lokes. I’m not sure at all how we survived so far without Thor trying to electrocute us for debauching another either.”

“Oh, Thor wouldn’t electrocute us for that. He would give us both only very stern looks for weeks. And then he’d inquire if your family wishes to be paid in goats or in horses.” 

Anthony spluttered. “He would do _what_?” 

“Well, someone has to know your worth and I can’t be asked to remain neutral on that topic, I would steal all available goats on this planet and throw them at Pepper and Rhodey, hoping this is a suffice beginning as courting price because I know that nothing on this planet could ever measure up to your worth.” 

“I have to say, that’s the weirdest and also the most romantic proposal anyone ever told me.” 

“Good, that does mean I don’t have any competition to fight.” 

Anthony laughed and his eyes gleamed full of mischief, his face lit up in the sunlight and his hair tussled in the wind. 

“I’m glad that I have you here, Loki.” 

Loki turned around to him, looking at him with a smile on his face. The numbness in him was leaving and a little something called hope started to rise. 

“I’m happy to have you as well.” 

“Yes, I’m quite a catch, you should count yourself lucky.” 

“I do, don’t doubt that for a second.” On a whim, Loki pulled Anthony close to him and kissed him tenderly, moving his lips gently and carefully. Kissing Anthony always made him happy, made him feel better and gave him a reassurance he hadn’t known he needed until that very moment. It gave him a sense of joy, utter delight, and complete bliss in a single moment, and all of that together – 

It was a cocktail of eternal happiness.

When they broke apart to catch their breath, Anthony tugged at his clothing, making Loki look at him. “This might sound weird,” Anthony said with a smile and pulled him closer. “But I think this might be the right time.” 

“Are you sure?” Loki asked, knowing fully well what Anthony was talking about.

“Yes.” And Anthony said that with such confidence that it erased all of Loki’s doubts. 

He might have panicked only for a second when the impact of what Anthony told him, hit him. Straight in the chest, with a Bilgesnipe who delivered the kick. He stroked Anthony’s cheeks gingerly, asked him again if he was really sure he couldn’t quite believe it, grasp that the moment had come because – 

It seemed so unbelievable. 

For Loki, it was like they had been in Tromsø perhaps two months ago. Their date weekend that hadn’t been one but somehow, had been and Anthony was _his_ and was willing to become immortal for him. He would drink his blood, which was more frowned upon in this society than he had realised before and was _disgusting_. 

“Yes, I’m sure that I want to stay with you, Loki.” 

“I won’t let you go again.” 

“That’s perfectly all right with me because I’m not planning to let go of you either.” 

With that, Loki kissed Anthony, pulled him close, ignoring where they were for a moment there, too busy with kissing Anthony, too busy with coming to terms with the fact that his life was _fair_ and nice to him for once. He let them disappear in a shimmer of green, landing perfectly on their bed that was smelling fresh and clean. 

He didn’t know why it did that, he only knew that he had Anthony with him and his sole task for the moment was to get their clothes _off_. Seiðr was tickling over their bodies, removed annoying layers that weren’t needed for this and - 

Fingers raked down his back, teeth attacked his neck and Loki –

Loki couldn’t have felt any happier than in this moment, sharp jolts of pain chasing through him.

He nibbled on Anthony’s collarbones, licking his way up to his throat, marked him there before he wandered downwards. There was more to taste, to mark. And Loki took delight in knowing that he’d never have to face a day where he _wouldn’t_ be able to do this any longer.

Anthony had made a joke two days ago when they were casually discussing drinking blood, that they could go full romantic vampire cliché. Which meant fucking and giving another pleasure before the bite. That was how Loki had learnt of the thrilling horror of ‘Twilight’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’ but he couldn’t make fun out of them. Not when it meant that this was what put Anthony beneath him, made him moan in pleasure and have him be _his_. 

Loki licked and nibbled on Anthony, made him sing tunes he seldom heard from him before and was proud, so pleased and the flush on Anthony was a gorgeous, remarkable sight. 

“Never leave me,” he whispered hotly against Anthony’s lips, searching his eyes. They were full of pleasure and lust and, most importantly, full of love. For _him_. 

“I won’t. Not if I can prevent it.” 

Loki nodded, his hair falling forward and Anthony put it back behind his ear. It was a tender gesture and Loki melted on the spot, wondering how he’d _ever_ gotten this lucky to deserve this man. 

He carefully conjured up a small knife, set it to his throat and sliced it carefully. The cut wasn’t deep so that there wasn’t a danger of Loki bleeding _too much_ but also not too shallow so the wound wouldn’t heal instantly. He had practiced the cut on his arm, didn’t want to fail when the situation arose, not to stand there and be embarrassed because he couldn’t get it on. 

Dark blood started to drip from the cut and before he really knew what was happening, Anthony turned them around so he was laying on his back on the bed, Anthony atop of him. 

He nodded when he saw him hesitate for a split second then leant forward, setting his lips on Loki’s throat. They were hot and the blood was warm, causing a tingling sensation in Loki and he closed his eyes, let his head drop. He hadn’t expected this to feel so good and he brought a hand to Anthony’s dick, coated in lube, and stroked it. 

Anthony sucking his blood, moaning around his cut, it was -

He couldn’t describe it fully. It was _intimate_ , for one and he got lost in the sensation of teeth sliding over his skin, a tongue lapping at him while he pleasured Anthony. Loki didn’t think he ever did something that intimate before, it was Anthony drinking _him_ , his blood and he moaned when he sucked harder. 

He could feel him swallowing and – 

White exploded before his eyes and he was _gone_ , could only hear and feel, could not say any longer what truly was happening, only had sensations to guide him through it. Something warm was running down on him, a spurt of hotness landed on his chest. 

_Bliss_. 

Pure and unaltered bliss. 

~°~

He opened his eyes. Someone heavy was slumped on him and – 

“Anthony?” he mumbled, his brain coming back and working again. He couldn’t move his right arm. 

“Hmm?” 

“How do you feel?” he asked, worry lacing his voice and he started to thread his fingers through Anthony’s hair; it was sweaty and sticky, and he could see on the corners of his mouth dark stains. 

_His blood_.

A tingle went through him. 

“Good. ‘N tired.” 

Anthony looked up at him, his eyes blinking tiredly and he smiled at Loki. There were dark red stains everywhere on him. “You?”

“Awake enough to do _this_.” Loki waved with a hand and cleaned them and their bed up, let the red stains disappear and the dried cum on both. 

“Thank you.” Anthony yawned, his eyes focusing on Loki. “I don’t feel any _different,_ to be honest.” 

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. Why?”

Loki smirked at him. “Because you keep my arm _down_ and you’re not even trying, Elskan mín.” 

“Oh.” Anthony’s gaze fell on his arm. “ _Oh_.” He looked at Loki. “And you-?”

“Well, I could move my arm if I put more strength in it.” He sniggered when Anthony’s eyes went wide, far too wide as it could be considered healthy. 

“That’s -that’s me doing that?”

“Yes.” 

Anthony continued to stare, shifted on Loki before he pulled his arm back. “Wow.” 

“FRIDAY, would you run a scan on Anthony, please?” 

_“Yes, I can, Boss. Good morning to you both.”_

“Morning, Fri,” Anthony said with a smirk on his lips while they waited for FRIDAY to scan them. 

Loki was not afraid of the result. He had ordered the scan to prove to Anthony – ever a scientist, the man – that they hadn’t failed, that the blood _had_ worked. A simple test of strength wouldn’t do anything for him, only disbelief in the future. And Loki would do his best to avoid that when he could. 

It was better to have Anthony be certain in his new status from this moment on, preventing future panic attacks over this, have him be assured and _calm_. 

_“Congratulations, Boss. You are pregnant.”_

Loki’s, “Beg your pardon?” came to the same time as Anthony’s, “We didn’t have penetrative sex yesterday, Fri.” 

Loki’s eyes flitted to Anthony, who stared at him in amusement. “And you say your brain works in the early morning.” 

“I-“ 

“Psst, it’s all right, Lokes. That was pretty mind-blowing yesterday.” Anthony patted his cheek in a very condescending manner. “So, what’s the result, Fri?” 

_“Your results are close to the ones from Loki, Boss. Congratulations.”_

Anthony’s shoulders slumped in relief and Loki could _feel that_. It was one thing to see the strength, another to have it confirmed completely by FRIDAY. 

_“The Bots are sending their congratulations as well,”_ FRIDAY continued, her voice happy and light. 

“Thank you.” Anthony swallowed then turned to Loki. His eyes were shimmering wet. “Loki, it _worked_!” 

“I know.” 

“No, you don’t understand. It worked! I am –“

“Immortal?” Loki suggested with a raised brow. “A God? A superior Iron Man?”

“Yes, something like that.” Anthony traced his lips with his thumb, tempting Loki into catching it with his teeth and holding it gently. “Biting, again?” 

Loki only winked at him, then started to suck on the thumb, tasted the sweat. 

“Greedy,” Anthony mumbled before he replaced the thumb with his own lips and tongue. Loki felt only all too happy with that exchange.

~°~

Loki had called Pepper to tell her of the triangle set-up he planned, and Loki was astonished once more, how quick she thought and had figured out his plan. He leant back on the couch, sinking into the pillows there, a cup of tea in one hand. 

_“You really love him, don’t you?”_

“Of course I do.” He laughed on the phone. “Why do you think I made him immortal if not because of that?” 

_“You did what?”_

“He hasn’t told you about that yet?” 

_“Loki, spill the beans and I will think about your proposition of renaming my company.”_

“That’s an offer after my own heart,” he sighed dramatically.

“Right, I knew I forgot to tell Peps something,” Anthony threw in loudly. “Sorry, Peps!” 

_“Tell him if he ever forgets to tell me again that he’s become immortal_ ** _I_ ** _will throw him out of the window, for once.”_

“No violence during a call,” Loki admonished her, amused. “I have beans to spill, don’t I?” 

_“Yes. Feel free to start at any time_.” 

That was how Pepper learnt that Anthony had become an immortal. She congratulated him as well on inventing a means for gaining immortality. 

~°~

Natasha called him a few hours later, congratulating him on his newborn immortal. He was amused that he got congratulation wishes for that. Then he realised why FRIDAY had made the pregnancy joke and groaned in the phone audibly. 

“What can I do for you, Natasha?” 

_“It’s Clint. Again. Who’d have thought, right?”_ She sounded bitter. 

“Shall I look for him again?” 

_“No.”_ He heard her exhale loudly. _“There’s been an incident. On the border of China.”_

“An incident?” 

_“A planned murder,”_ she corrected herself and her voice became cold. “ _Forty-eight people are dead, cameras are mostly destroyed, and the material doesn’t show much, only a man on a murder spree.”_

“I’m sorry,” he said, as sincere as he could. 

_“You said he has heart.”_

His brows shot up. “Yes, I did. Why?” 

_“Can you look for me if he still has one? Please.”_

He had never heard her say ‘please’ before. She was not unlike Anthony and him in that regard. Too proud to plead, too stubborn to accept an apology, too hurt to believe one. A usage of please was a rarity. 

“Yes.” He closed his eyes and searched for Ronin. He didn’t even bother with looking for Clint, not when he had wandered off that far from his path. 

His mind was cold and dark when Loki found him and Ronin was cleaning his sword systematically, like a machine. Rubbed the blood off. Made it clean. Washed away the grime. How had he loved to see that side of him when he had been under his wing. But then, he would have missed Clint’s excited grin under the blue shine and his loud but joyous kind. 

Ronin put the blade in its scabbard, stood up and walked towards a small table, spreading out maps and started a small laptop. 

Figuring out where his next duty laid, no doubt about that. 

He wasn’t sure how to figure out if there was still heart in Ronin. There obviously had to be, otherwise, he wouldn’t be on this rampage but how much of it was left? Loki tilted his head. Could he risk it? 

_Please_. 

With a snarl he ripped at the connection between them, pain erupting between them what for Ronin equalled to the worst migraine he would ever have in his life. 

There was a brief flicker of recognition, of angst and fear for himself, a flicker of wanting to protect his family before it disappeared again and numbness replaced those emotions. 

“Fucking hell,” Ronin cursed and walked to the fridge, ripping it out with force before taking out a bottle with beer. He snarled and stared at it. “The fucker isn’t there,” he muttered. “Not there. Not here. Norway.” 

Then he pulled the lid off and glared at his reflection in the fridge. “And they are _gone_.” 

It shouldn’t have been, but it was a disheartening sight when Ronin pushed Clint aside, his whole posture changed and became straighter, his mouth set in an ugly snarl and he wandered back to the table. 

“I need something,” Ronin said in a whisper and took a deep sip from his beer. It tasted as cold as he was. His hand was stroking over his hair, tightened, pulled - 

Loki pulled back out of Ronin’s conscience. 

_“Are you still there, Loki?”_

“I am.” He pinched his nose bridge and inhaled deeply. “I am. It took me only a long while to understand what I was seeing.” 

_“Don’t torture me here, Loki. What did you see?”_

“Ronin.” He shrugged, feeling a bit awkward. On the other end, there was only silence. “As I told you, he split his soul and Ronin won the fight. There still is your Clint in him, just _weak_ because he is not needed and the more time will pass, the more difficult it will become to get him back. My seiðr can barely track Clint Barton down any longer.” Oh, what a great work the Mind stone had done on poor SHIELD agent Clint Barton.

She exhaled shakily. _“So, he’s gone?”_

“Gone for the time being. He’s cold. Cold in his soul and the only thing that matters to him is to find the next victim. It’s not any longer about getting revenge for his family, to find an ‘equilibrium’ between the dusted and the fallen ones. It’s only following his instincts at this point and those tell him to kill and kill and kill. It worked for four years now and makes life bearable. Can’t you see-“ 

_“Yes, I can see.”_ She scoffed on the phone. _“I see that he is more lost than ever and he still won’t come home.”_

“You are angry,” Loki realised, perhaps too late. 

_“For fuck's sake, of course I am! My best friend didn’t come to me when his world crashed around him, he didn’t even bother contacting me. Instead, he goes on a murder rampage and kills hundreds of people. I’m not stupid. I know how anger makes us do things we normally wouldn’t do. But-“_

“It hurts you that he apparently doesn’t care about you at all.” 

_“Yes. And now I apparently lost him and will lose him in the future. Is this what karma thinks is fair? I’m trying to keep the Avengers together, the sad rest of us, my family got broken and splintered apart and is drifting apart further. And I-“_

“Deep breaths, agent.” His voice was steel. Cold. Demanding. He couldn’t need a soldier hyperventilating on him. “Deep. Breaths.” 

Had someone told him years ago he would try to calm Natasha Romanoff down on the phone, he would have laughed and waved it off. Apparently, life was going a strange route and he only could follow it and try to prevent it from going paths he didn’t like or favoured. All he could do was to manipulate, lie and and fate to his favour. He couldn’t do very much more than that and if it meant he had to calm a soldier down? 

He would do that. 

It took him only a few more minutes then Natasha had a grip on herself again. 

_“We won’t talk about that again.”_

“About Barton?” Sometimes it was fun, playing dumb. 

_“No. Thank you, though. I appreciate what you did.”_

Loki nodded. “I can look into what might help with the whole Ronin-Barton-case.” 

_“You would?”_ She sounded surprised. Not, that Loki could judge her for that. He didn’t quite know by himself where those words had come from. “ _For what cost?”_

“Surprise me, Natasha.” 

He could feel her hesitant, then with an iron determination she told him, _“My friends call me Nat.”_

 _Nat_. “Surprise me, _Nat_ ,” he said slowly, testing the word on his tongue; it was short and sweet, unfamiliar but familiar enough not to taste wrong and trigger an alarm in him. 

_“Will do, your highness_.” The sass in her voice is strong. Loki sniggered and without further ado, ended the call. 

And here he thought he was done with the Barton thread. Loki looked up at the ceiling. “What am I going to do with you, Hawkling?” 

“Barton giving you trouble again?” Anthony asked from under the couch, lifting it for about forty minutes now. 

“Indirectly, yes.” 

“Great. Now _you_ finally understand what it’s like to live with the Avengers under one roof.” 

“They aren’t living in New Asgard.” 

“And yet, _I do_. Nat has offered you to call her by her nickname, Pepper and Rhodey have long since adopted you into our weird little family, even told me to stop teasing and torturing you.” Anthony huffed. “I wasn’t _that_ bad, was I? Anyway, back to the point. So you have us three insanely talented people, then Nat who won you over _within a year_ , don’t deny it. Barton, who isn’t even present but you c _are_ about him. The Professor who lives here partially. Thor is here _in nomine deus sanctum_ and all that.” Anthony sighed and the couch got sat down. 

“I am _not_ an Avenger.” 

“No, of course you aren’t.” Anthony grinned at him, then straddled him in one go. “You just happened to be part of them.” 

“Weren’t you the one who was adamant about leaving the Avengers?” 

“I was. Am. Because the version of the Avengers they portrayed doesn’t sit right with me. But look at this, Loki. Look at what you did and still do. You are avenging Thor and Asgard while you throne here and you’re doing it magnificently. I think,” Anthony’s voice dropped to a low whisper, “that you _are_ my most favourite Avenger.” 

“I think I hate you,” Loki declared earnestly. 

“No, you don’t. Don’t start to so early. After all, I’m only fifty-two years old. The best years lie ahead of me.” 

“Yes,” Loki growled and pulled Anthony flush against himself. “Immortality suits you.” 

“And being an Avenger suits _you_.” 

Before Loki could properly protest, Anthony dove forward and kissed him. That was – for now – enough to shut Loki up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that we enter that horrible Year 5 with the next chapter. _But_ things have changed and people have grown and Loki did become an Avenger, despite what he claimed thousands of words ago 😋


	18. Year 5 - 2023

**Year 5 - 2023**

Nearly half a decade had passed since the snap. Time flew by. The sun rose and went down again, feasting the sky with its colours day by day again, and at the same time, chaos was reigning countries. It was beautiful and it was a grievance at the same time; Loki revelled in it while he watched TV. People had started to move on, if only slowly and with a lot of hesitance but houses that were only rented before, now were on sale – an acceptance that the lost one won’t come back and the living were in greater need of housing than ever before. There was cold compassion in Loki, knowing that the Midgardians were right and _yet_ – the Aesir had planned and built houses with enough space for their own lost ones were they to return. It felt like New Asgard was the only place which held out the hope for the snapped ones to return, all others having given up already.

Forests were burning and dwindling even faster, architects were looking forward to their greatest creation time that could ever be because people wanted _new_ things and money was somehow not a big problem with current politics. Nobody cared about countries that quietly changed their systems overnight, all too happy with caring only about their own needs, no paying mind to the drastic shifts that were going to involve them soon. New alliances were forged, systems got more corrupt with the passing of every day – a tactic that had been going on since Year one but as corruptness played less of an important role in the news, Loki realised that it had become a new state of normality.

It was all a form of chaos, indirectly or direct, consequences of such deeds happening tomorrow or at a later date, revealed today and car industries tried to regain their sovereign spot in the economy but –

They hadn’t counted on flying boats. Loki chuckled to himself as Asgard’s invention finally hit the market, funded by AmChan and Stark Industries. It was a mass production, more in the cheaper area than in the expensive one and Pepper’s voice had taken on a smug turn when she announced to him that they were going to “whoosh the car off the market quicker than they could hit the brake”. There was a complicated deal behind all this, _New Asgard_ was the main distributor of the flying boats but Stark Industries had bought most shares of them to ensure that nobody could ever _get_ more so that New Asgard was safe, while they could claim at the same time, they were their own business and country.

It was chaos, it was mischief – it was what Loki needed in his life and craved for as long as he was bound to wield Gungnir. It made him feel more like the god of Chaos and Mischief again, less burdened with the weight of the crown. He wondered whether this was how Odin had turned so bitter and _regal_ – forgetting what he was the god of, so he became the god of everything and _knew_ everything. It was tempting to give in to the same temptation but Loki was stronger than that. His ego was constantly tamed and kept in check by Anthony’s caring side, never stopping to call him out when his head grew too big with a pointed eyebrow and Loki suddenly felt the loss of warmth at his side, his partner not standing _with him_ any longer and that was enough most times, to bring him back to Midgard.

There was also another way to remind him _not_ to turn into Odin: Someone had tried to call him ‘All-Father’ during the meeting today. Loki would never forget this feeling of cold disgust and _horror_ – he was Loki. _King Loki_ , if you had to give him a title and no, he wouldn’t deny that it felt good to be spoken to in such a high regard, no belittlement to it this time. But he never would be _Loki All-Father_.

He was no father, for one. And for another, he didn’t feel very omnipotent to claim such a title in good faith without feeling he was not only going to lose himself but also _someone else_. So, instead he watched TV today to calm himself down, and listened as the reporter told of the fall of India – there had been signs of that happening for months now that it would fall and apparently, now it was gone. Or, the government was. The people there had had enough and blamed the politicians for nothing getting moved forward and the elephants that lived in India were closer than ever to extinction. That was another reason that didn’t sit well with them, so the people went full on French Revolution.

Maybe he shouldn’t enjoy it as much as he did but Loki couldn’t help himself, the amusement at the chaos sitting too deeply in his bones.

“Watching TV again, Reindeer Games?”

“India has fallen.” He turned his head to Anthony, who stood there in the door in a black hoodie and jogging pants. He looked good, Loki decided, perhaps even better now that he was immortal and not so close to death anymore.

“Oh, _fuck_.”

“Is that as bad as it sounds?”

Anthony snorted. “India used to be one of the leading countries in electronics and technology, Lokes. Before the snap they were on their way to becoming one of our ‘first world’ countries, having fought their way up from poverty and all that. Not, that it still wasn’t a problem, but you know what I mean?”

Loki nodded.

“Yes, so. And now that India has fallen – that means we could get an even bigger problem with electronic devices import. Which is a shame now that I finally could get vibranium from Wakanda officially.”

“Is that the material Rogers’ shield is made out of?”

“Exactly that.” Anthony’s eyes gleamed under the light and stepped closer.

“A shame that we can’t get our fingers on more Uru,” Loki said quietly, tugging his partner close by the lapels of his hoodie and then pulling him in for a kiss. He smiled as they broke apart, breathing softly, and contentment was running over Anthony’s already flushed face.

“Uru?” Anthony smirked at him and let his hands wander down Loki’s body, all the way down to - “Your other godly material that only the worthy ones may touch?” Anthony squeezed Loki’s dick gently through his leather trousers. Loki gasped.

“Yes,” he panted and licked his lips. “Exactly that.”

“Well, to be honest I’m more than happy with what I already have in my hand.”

“That’s good to know,” Loki purred and pulled him closer again, made Anthony straddle him and kissed him hotly – what was some boring TV against Anthony, silver and sexy, and, most importantly, _his_? He moaned slightly, his own hands wandering beneath the black hoodie and stroking the skin he found there.

“Mhhm, but a little demonstration to remind me why I’m happy would be nice, don’t you think so as well?”

“I wouldn’t mind at all.” Loki leered at him, bucked his hips up against Anthony’s own hardening arousal before he teleported them into their bedroom. Maybe he couldn’t live up to his title as god of Chaos currently in the world, but he certainly could be that in their bed.

Good thing he left that unsaid because he was sure that Anthony would kill him for saying that out loud.

~°~

Afterwards, as Loki was drawing small patterns into Anthony’s skin, seeing his suit in front of his eyes and thought about where he could improve the suit and how. The joints at the shoulder parts were too weak and too exposed in his opinion and when Anthony pulled out his ‘armed wings’, his back was more vulnerable for others to attack him there. He sighed in frustration as he couldn’t remember how the shoulder joints were protected, he knew there was _something_ but he couldn’t remember what which meant, in conclusion, there was none.

Anthony was proud of his armour and he didn’t wish to insult or offend his lover for suggesting that there were ways to improve it; that there were any weaknesses to begin with. Because – the suit _was_ amazing, no doubt about that. Loki knew many who would kill to get one of those in their greedy, dirty, little fingers.

“What’s all the sighing about?” Anthony sounded as if he was halfway between awake and tired. His voice was rough and sleepy but with a hint of energy still in it.

“Nothing.”

“Stop lying to me.” Anthony turned around, his eyes wide and awake. “Spill the beans.”

“There’s-” he stopped.

“Yes?”

“I thought about combining and _strengthening_ your suit with my seiðr,” he eventually admitted, his eyes fixated on Anthony’s eyebrows. Close enough so his lover thought he was looking into his eyes but far away enough Loki wouldn’t have to see hurt flashing over his expression.

“That’s possible?”

“It is.” Loki hesitated again before adding, “I thought about where you would need more protection and where it would simply help the suit to gain more steadiness. And we could improve your weapons, make them more _lethal_.”

Anthony sat up, abruptly. For a moment Loki thought he had gone _too far_ and it all was lost now, that this was it, Anthony would -

“This calls for a new suit!” Anthony announced and jumped out of the bed, naked as the day he was born and with a fat smirk on his lips.

“I need coffee, FRIDAY, be a darling and tell U to make some, I’ll bring up schematics in the meantime and you,” he waved at Loki. “You, I need you to tell me what you thought about and show me where and what you’d do and what this would entail. No excuses, no nothing, I let you do what you want to my suit within as much reason as possible, access to my babies, my treasure, and you tell me everything about your beloved seiðr, deal?”

“Deal?” Loki said, hesitantly, overthrown by the enthusiasm Anthony showed and yes, he was a bit distracted by the sight of his partner naked. He should ask him about a striptease anytime soon. Loki had the feeling he’d need it because when Anthony had his new suit, it was going to be a hassle to separate him from it.

The Aesirforce was unsettled but not because of New Asgard or the King. Something was going to happen, and Loki didn’t like it. It gave him a feeling of being his mother, only in a weaker sense, but foreseeing something was going to happen? Never had this happened to him before and why would it start now? He gulped nervously. Were the Norns sending him a _sign_ , a warning?

“Wild berries tea for you, yes?”

He gave an affirmative nod, then Anthony was on the run to their closet, putting on some boxers with a helmed logo which Loki very much approved of, and then he left the bedroom in a hurry; probably heading towards the kitchen. Anthony was a disaster on two legs, currently being ruled by the desire for _science_ ; nothing else was going to make him stop at this point. Maybe Loki should have thought about that before.

Loki got up carefully, chose a green tunic and dark pants to wear before he went to join Anthony in the kitchen. He kissed his neck and nibbled on it before his attention was directed to the tea with a regretful sigh coming from Anthony. It smelled lovely and was just the thing he needed for a late afternoon. Anthony was talking excitedly about the suit and his magic, another breakthrough in science by that and how _cool_ his armour would be. It was not difficult to get sucked in by Anthony’s enthusiasm and his charming smile. Their minds were working together while they sketched the new suit: Mark LXXXV.

“A special suit.” Anthony grinned at him. “My best one, so far as I can tell. Might be because of the name, but then, might also be because this is me, we’re talking about.”

“Everything that starts with an L is foretold to be amazing,” Loki agreed loftily.

“Aren’t you a fine example of modesty.” Anthony’s mouth twitched.

“I have no need for modesty.” 

Anthony sniggered. “That is true.” He tipped at the blueprints in front of them. “So, my modest seiðr master, now show me where your magic will run through and tell me whether it’ll melt my cables or do something with my nanoparticles.”

“If my seiðr would hurt you or your suit in any way, then I wouldn’t have suggested this.”

Anthony looked at him with a warm glint in the eyes. “I know. But better to be safe than sorry, right?” He winked at him and a warm feeling filled Loki. He sighed in agreement, bent forward and started to draw the lines in the blueprint where his seiðr would work and be stashed in.

“Wouldn’t make it more sense to put your magic around the arc reactor?”

Loki tilted his head. “It would, undoubtedly. We would have to change some plans and think about whether the Nanoparticles form the suit first or if my seiðr goes first and-” he chewed on his lip. “Would form a magical undersuit, for the lack of a better word? A secondary protection layer in case your nanos are running out like-”

“Like they did on Titan.” Anthony’s mouth twitched. “Yes, would be better to avoid that happening again.”

Loki agreed with a committal hum, trying to kill the fear that was spiking up in him.

Anthony tapped on his arc reactor, before he pulled off his shirt, he had put on perhaps an hour ago. Loki’s tea was cold already, but it still smelled of the berries and mixed _wonderfully_ with the scent of black coffee. “Can’t we have them run at the same time? Only each focuses on a different part of the suit and I decide in the situation, which does what?”

“A second set of Nanoparticles then, only made out of my seiðr?”

“Yes.” Anthony shrugged. “Seems otherwise only like a waste of time for me. But it also gives an advantage in flexibility, variety, and surprise which I fully support.”

“I see.” Loki raised a hand, stopped in front of the arc reactor with a silent question in his eyes. He would not touch the reactor without permission, not when there were so many unpleasant memories attached to it of unwanted people grabbing the arc reactor or attacking it.

This was the stuff Anthony’s nightmares were about in cold nights when snow reminded him of abandonment so many more betrayals than he could count; something Loki knew all too well by himself. Even when it had become less for him of those nightmares and his nowadays featured more the loss of Thor dissolving into mud and ash; Anthony dying on the ship on the way back to Midgard, dying on Titan, dying on Jötunheim because someone had discovered that Loki kept on fighting despite bleeding _first_ and -

Anthony nodded, an excited grin spreading over his face and Loki pressed his hand to the reactor which was in the shape of a roughly cut heart. It was warm and thrumming with energy. He smiled before he let his seiðr seep into it, slowly, exploring the space it had in there between the other nanoparticles without damaging them.

“You know what,” Anthony breathed. “Just leave your magic there, I start building the suit and then, when it’s mostly done, I’ll yell for you again and we can finish the suit completely. We have the most things sketched out and calculated, now it’s only a matter of programming and remembering how I want them and how I _could_ twirl them more.”

Loki’s eyes wandered to Anthony’s, warm and sparkling, his face set in determination and Loki swallowed. “Do you know what it means to ask a sorcerer to let his seiðr stay on you?”

Anthony smirked at him. A tingle went down Loki’s spine when it deepened. “Oh, I don’t know but after seeing your reaction it’s kind of a big thing, right, Lokes?”

“It implies full trust,” Loki mumbled. He reached for Anthony’s hands, his seiðr dancing over his tanned skin, tingling like a feather in the wind.

“You already knew I trusted you though.” Anthony tilted his head but let his hands stay in Loki’s. He squeezed them, trying to hide the fact that his own started to tremble.

“Sorcerers weren’t, _aren’t,_ fully trusted on Asgard,” Loki began to explain in a small voice, “They are generally looked upon with suspicion and disregard. Warriors and smiths were the most trusted ones in our society, apart from the royal family of course.” He looked at Anthony thoughtfully, didn’t bother trying to hide the bitterness he felt.

They had trusted him, yes, but only so much. Nobody would have taken his word for granted but nodded along anyway because otherwise it might have been an insult. His life as a prince had been full of those nods, never changing and never sincere, just preventing the other outcome and hoping to appease the second prince. It could have been useful and when only by that. “You wouldn’t let a sorcerer touch you with his seiðr unless you wanted a mother to have less pain during birth. There was, _is_ , no need for us.”

“Not even for the soldiers?” Anthony sounded sceptical.

Loki snorted. “Especially not for the soldiers.” Anthony frowned at that but Loki already continued, aware of the idiocy of Asgard’s traditions and rules. But it was how it always had been, and some things would never change or only a bit over time. It wouldn’t happen during Loki’s rule that a seiðr-master was suddenly respected and wanted. “It is preferable for a soldier to die on the battlefield. It’s our way to get into Valhalla where our forefathers and their forefathers rest. It is our paradise and reward to feast with them upon one table and sing of glorious battles. And you-”

“Do you mean to tell me that your Aesir would rather die _in pain_ after a fucking _battle_ than to be healed and live for another day?”

“Yes.” Loki shrugged with a grimace. “It’s about honour, Anthony.”

“You totally got the brains out of them all.” Anthony kissed his nose, winked at him. “But seriously, what idiots. You were saying about seiðr and trust?”

“That this is something only couples engaged to marry would do.”

“Oh, well then, Lokes. You want to marry me as long as I’m still young and beautiful?”

Loki’s jaw dropped open. Had he-

“No, I’m not kidding.” Anthony shrugged and Loki’s brain stopped working for a moment there. “I mean, I already drank your blood, I promised to be with you forever and wouldn’t let go of you anymore and you did promise the same to me.” His voice softened and Loki –

Loki had to hold onto _something_ , so his knees wouldn’t give out because –

Was this a proposal?

For a marriage?

He –

Anthony, he-

“Don’t you go and faint on me,” Anthony whispered his hands warm in Loki’s and now holding his, holding him here and managed not to let Loki fly away on his thoughts, so light did they become. “I’m just asking you to marry me, Reindeer Games. Well, I mean, we should’ve known back then. When you threw me out of the window. All great love stories start with a dramatic entrance or a theatrical scene, don’t they?”

“Anthony, please, do not jest with me,” Loki whispered, his heart beating faster and faster, his breath short and –

“I would never do that to you.” Anthony winked at him, before he sank down to one knee and proposed to him in earnest, it made him feel warm, words cutting him open, leaving him raw and at the same time, he knew he was safe -

He had known Anthony could be a romantic, but he hadn’t known what a talent his lover had for bending words to his will. They were beautiful, and they soothed a pain in Loki’s heart he didn’t know he had, an ache that finally got put to rest for the last time. His brown eyes burned with new promises and a desire to strengthen and keep onto their old ones, a wish to let them never be parted and be their ones for the rest of their lives. His words were amazing, they were more than amazing, they robbed Loki of all sense and coherency, and he could only croak a “yes” before he sank down to Anthony on the floor.

He kissed him with a new passion, the fire he saw in Anthony burning all those years ago which still accompanied him throughout his life, it warmed his cold self from the inside and turned him over, he pulled Anthony closer and soaked in the happiness they were experiencing in that moment, a warm shower of exhilaration raining down on them in a steady flow.

He still couldn’t believe that this was happening, weren’t they talking some minutes ago about the new Iron Man suit? It was unbelievable. Incredulous. His heart was racing and he kissed Anthony again, softer and poured the love into the kiss he couldn’t describe, he couldn’t talk, it was too much to feel, to think, too much of everything and nothing at the same time he’d ever experienced before –

If he used to be part of debris, now he felt like a comet, turning into a falling star, green and gold, for all to see and envy him for his luck.

“Would you believe me that I didn’t expect to be engaged when I woke up this morning?” Anthony asked, amused and his eyes were _wet_ , Loki could see it pristine clear. “I honestly didn’t think about it. Doesn’t mean that I never did think about it though, you know? I just figured it would be better to wait and observe first before striking.”

“I’m not an animal,” Loki chuckled quietly and closed his eyes in bliss for a moment. This elated feeling in him, he didn’t want it to go. Ever. It was –

Pure endorphins running through him, making him feel happy and his mouth started to ache so broad was his smile. “You can’t treat me like prey.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Anthony grinned at him.

“Shut it. _Fiancé._ ”

“For you, always, darling,” Anthony purred, and then he sighed. “So, next time we talk suits, does that mean we’ll be standing somewhere _in suits_ , about to get married?”

“That does seem likely, yes.”

“Good to know.”

They stood up slowly, still smiling, and Loki’s mind slowly wrapped itself around the idea that he was _engaged_. Engaged in such a dreadful time when nobody from his family was alive, when there were things to do that were more important than thinking about a wedding and –

He shoved the thoughts away, instead chose to kiss Anthony’s hands tenderly before they went to tell FRIDAY and the bots the good news. Not, that they already didn’t know but it was the principle of the matter that made them do it. And when the bots chirped around them in happy tunes and FRIDAY congratulated them again for being pregnant _with luck_ , Loki couldn’t have felt happier. And - perhaps he had been wrong to think that he didn’t have any family left to see him married, because this right here? What he had with Anthony and FRIDAY and the bots, with no manipulations and only care and affection between them? It felt more like a family to Loki than anything else ever had.

Instead he could just bask in this moment, unguarded and open, knowing he was accepted here more than ever before. He would take the greatest care of them, as would Anthony. Same went for FRIDAY with her digital fingers she had everywhere, nobody would get them again like Thanos had. They were safe, and nobody would dare to harm them again.

~°~

It was a few days later when they were still full in ignorance and Loki still tried to grasp that he not only had a lover who was his forever but also was _engaged_ to him. Life apparently could be beautiful before it decided it was about time to show one again how hard it could be. Barney Stinson would make an innuendo here, Loki thought as he saw Natasha’s serious face on the screen when he accepted the call.

Natasha _never_ called them on their home phone, nobody really did. It was for emergencies. And they didn’t have many _Midgardian_ ones, no. The emergencies they had in New Asgard concerned the Aesir, the Vanir, or the Jotnar. They were the ones who abused their phone because Anthony had insisted on sending the leaders phones so they would be available all the time. He _might_ have proposed that idea when they were drunk on endorphins and Anthony blissfully fucked out – because that was the only time he ever talked such nonsense and did it. Loki hadn’t believed it. Had fallen asleep again, thinking his fiancé was cuddling with him but in truth, it had been a pillow. It had been small enough to fool Loki.

“Scott is back.”

“Scott? I have no idea who that is.” Anthony took a sip from his coffee, his tone light and mocking. But his eyes were narrowed and his fingers clutching the cup a bit too tight to be normal. He was stressed, Loki realised, and his stomach lurched. Anthony knew fully well _who_ this Scott was.

“What does that mean?” he inquired.

“That we now have an ant for your boot.” Anthony wiggled his eyebrows, but the joke fell flat. This time. Natasha didn’t look very amused either, the bags under her eyes darker than before.

“Scott came back from the Quantum Realm,” she said neutrally, watching Anthony closely. Loki didn’t know how he felt about that. He didn’t like it when someone watched his fiancé too closely, that was solely his duty and his right.

He was riled up. That’s why he had all those weird thoughts. Of course, everybody could look at him. Just not … _that_ way.

“He says it’s been five hours for him when it’s been five years. And-“ Natasha bit on her lip, shortly and that was it. Loki knew it from that gesture alone. Their time of peace and tranquillity was over. “He thinks that this might be the key to make time travel happen.”

“Time travel.” Anthony raised his head. Loki’s grip tightened on his thigh. He needed a calm head right now. “Are you fucking serious, Nat?”

“Yes. Believe me, I wouldn’t call otherwise. And apart from that, Pepper would kill me should I call you on this number for a jest. But when did I ever _joke_?”

“All the time,” Anthony mumbled. “It just went over Cap’s head. Too dark. Too Russian.”

Her smile was sharp. “I am not joking now though. This is serious. And I need you _both_ here right now.”

Their peace and early honeymoon were definitely over now.

“What are you planning?” Loki asked. He wanted to know that before he went head over heels to America while being in ‘danger’ that he might get ‘caught’. Not, that he thought that would happen. Anthony would never let that happen and Anthony’s word held weight in America as one of their favourite Avengers, their beloved Iron Man. Even when Iron Man had been less active in the last few years. He was still popular and famous among the people and, especially the President liked him since Anthony had saved his life.

Not that Loki understood how such an idiot like Ellis had managed to become the President of the United States once more but who was he to complain? He only hoped that one day, someone more capable would be running the States.

Natasha’s eyes went to him, startling wide and in them was a familiar fire burning. “To collect the stones before Thanos had them and bring the others back.”

 _Bring the others back_. He peered at Anthony who sat upright from one moment to the next. Straight, focused, and paid _attention_ to it now more than before _._ Not like Loki was any different he was only more controlled in reigning his emotions in, he knew hope and its temptation, its wicked ways, and its way down to Hel.

“Tell us more.”

“Come here and I will tell you more. I think it’s about time the team gets back together, don’t you think so as well?” The last part was directed at Anthony who stared at the screen.

“I sincerely regret connecting the phone with a hologram,” he groaned. “Natasha Romanoff, your big doe eyes will be the death of me. I swear it.”

“Better not, I get the feeling your fiancé won’t like it.”

“The fiancé would prefer his future husband alive, yes,” Loki confirmed and crossed the arms in front of him. “When do you want us there?”

“As soon as possible,” she replied with a nod. “It would be better for all of us involved to talk about this quickly. Professor Hulk is already here, I stopped him from getting on the plane, would be a waste of time for all involved if he did. Pepper has cleared rooms for you, so that isn’t an obstacle either anymore. The only thing that we’d need to clear is, is _how_ do you want to present yourself to the team?”

“As fiancés.” Anthony shrugged and warmth flooded through Loki. By now he knew that Anthony would stand to him, _with him_ but it was always nice and appreciated to see it. He still couldn’t believe his luck and he kissed Anthony’s temple in gratitude. “If Rogers has any problems with that, tell him he can stay with his _anonymous support group_.”

“I’ll tell him to be polite.” She tilted her head. “But I expect the same from you, Tony. I need you both to be able to work together – if not directly, then indirectly. And I _know_ that could be difficult but this is on a different scale, this is-“

Anthony growled. “You don’t need to tell _me_ to put feelings aside, Romanoff. We both know who can’t do that.” His eyes burned brightly, and Loki felt like his hand was burning from where it laid on Anthony’s thigh. The anger his fiancé exuded was magnificent. It was a familiar feel and Loki could feel a small grin steal on his face; it was time to get Thor and Peter back apparently.

And perhaps even to torture a man from long forgotten times.

~°~

“I don’t like this,” Anthony announced as soon as the call had ended. “This is- like where the fuck is Antman suddenly coming from?”

“ _Antman_ ,” Loki repeated slowly.

“Yes, I know. Ridiculous name and all that. Still, I don’t like it. _Time Travel_?”

“Apparently.”

Anthony shook his head. “We can’t assume that this works, only because Antman stayed for five hours that were five years in a plane that is smaller than anything else. Time-space-correlation is-“ he stopped.

Loki cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, darling?”

“I _hate_ Quantum mechanics, would you believe that? Because I do. With all my heart.”

No, he hadn’t known that. Anthony sighed. “Natasha said we could time travel with the help of the Quantum realm but we _don’t_ have anything to travel back _with_. That’s-” he gritted his teeth and Loki looked at him in concern. “She _knows_ how to bait me.”

“Do I need to be worried?”

“No.”

Loki looked at him sceptically. “You don’t sound so sure.”

Anthony chortled a laugh, it sounded pressured and fake and not at all like the laughter from the last few days. “It’s just that we now have a _clue_ how to travel back in time. Which means that _now,_ we can save Peter.” His voice sounded wistful and Loki only watched. He had made his decision already, somewhere between listening to Natasha and observing Anthony, he’d go to America and do his best to get Thor and Peter back. If Anthony didn’t wish to come with him –

That was fine.

No, it wasn’t, but Loki wouldn’t force him. If Anthony thought their hopes were slim, too slim to have a chance at success then it was only fair if he stayed back. Loki would bear the backlash then from first-hand but better him than Anthony.

“If we go to America, we will see the Avengers,” Anthony said abruptly. “That means, that you _will_ have to face Clint. Can you do that? It’s something different to stand face to face with him than only to visit his mind or talk about him. Believe me it’s always something different than in your head than it is in reality. It will hurt. And he will not hesitate to hurt you even more. He hates your guts.”

“He hates me less than Thanos,” Loki weighed in calmly. “And that’s all that matters. If he wishes to shoot an arrow through my eye? Please, he’s welcome to try.” He grinned at Anthony like a shark. “It doesn’t mean the arrow will find my eye or even leave his bow.”

“You are sure of that?”

“I have enemies,” Loki drawled the word ‘enemies’ with a laziness, “that are more fearsome than a lone ninja.”

Anthony sniggered. “Don’t say that to his face though. I fear he might go sushi rolls on you.”

“I don’t taste good.”

“How would you know?” Anthony teased him, “I quite like your taste.”

“That’s not -”

“Psst, Lokes.” Anthony reached for his arms, pulled him close then buried his face in Loki’s neck. His breath was hot and tickled Loki but he stayed right where he was. “Will we get Peter and Thor back?”

“I sure hope so,” Loki mumbled, his arms settling around Anthony, pulling him in tight. He was warm. “And if we don’t, we won’t give up. New Asgard is running, Valkyrie is more than ready to take over the reins for a bit and we can focus more on that _now_.”

“The Thing won’t be happy.”

“They won’t be but Jane will be ecstatic.” Loki smiled in the silver-grey curls. “And nobody wants to argue with her. Did you ever argue with her? She’s horrible, I always think that she’ll jump me in the next moment and strangles me.”

Anthony chuckled warmly in his neck. “She would, yes.” His hands settled on Loki’s hips, warm and big and Loki sighed in contentment, kissing the man’s unruly hair because he couldn’t reach any other part of him.

“We’re going back to the States then?”

“Yes.” Loki cleared his throat. “I assume we will have to do this officially?”

“I don’t want to risk the remaining goodwill of the President,” Anthony grumbled and Loki could hear the regret in his voice. He only nodded.

“Then I will –”

“You will do nothing.” Anthony looked up. “We both know that you won’t be allowed in America on such a short notice, so you have to keep a _low_ profile, alright?”

Loki blinked. “You want me to sneak into the US.”

“Well, yes. It’s not like you can’t do that.”

“Like a criminal. Adding charges to my already existing criminal record.”

“Yes.”

Loki grinned at him in excitement. “Anthony Edward Stark, I love you. What have I ever done to deserve you and your awesomeness?”

“Mhh, you saved me from space and you were, _are_ , and will continue to be the best partner that I’ve ever had,” Anthony purred and angled his head up, asking silently for a kiss. Loki couldn’t deny his request and did as asked, kissing him on the lips firmly, holding him close and was held close as well.

He was allowed to _cause_ mischief! Spread chaos, even when it was an unseen one and not –

Not truly mischief but it was better than nothing. His chest felt easier as if someone had rolled off a Bilgesnipe from him. He drew small circles into Anthony’s neck, tugging at a few strands and made the other moan in content before he deepened their kiss.

“We’re getting them back,” he panted against Anthony’s lips, his hands already wandering down and beneath his shirt, cold and searchingly. Anthony shivered against him, his lips parted in a silent request, a small keen left his throat. Loki pulled him into a searing kiss, desperate to ignite the fire in Anthony that had left his eyes and was now returning. A frantic meeting of their tongues, teeth clicking against each other and he didn’t stop, _couldn’t_ stop.

Not now, when the fire was there and back, burning them both with its passion and Loki moaned.

This was what they needed right now, a small sliver of hope, but broader already than their research in the last few years had been – the books they had read, the facts and information they had brought together and analysed before they had to see that this wouldn’t work like they wanted it to. Again, and again their hope had been crushed and they had started to hide it like others did their secrets before their partners.

A hidden hope was better than a crushed hope and Loki could only hope that this wouldn’t backfire all too harshly. But Natasha was a woman of facts, of reality and she would have never made the attempt to rekindle Anthony with the Avengers had it not been serious.

He relied too much on humans and their character.

All he had to do was to ensure that Peter got home safely from the dust, that Thor was back and that Anthony would come out of this – whatever _this_ was – unscathed. Loki let himself be drowned by equally desperate hands that promised oblivion for a while, and he let himself fall into warm eyes that were driven by licking flames.

This was a safe place and he would ensure it would stay that way. He wouldn’t let the fire go out, even if it meant he had to burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clear up possible confusion: Ellis served his four years as President during the time Iron Man 3 takes place. Then somebody else got elected for the next four years - he became President after his predecessor served his fours years. I hope the maths is somewhat correct but honestly, if it doesn't:  
> The Snap messed the US up and some things just went wrong xD 
> 
> Thanks again to the wonderful **NamelesslyNightlock** who is amazing with not only betaing but also pointing things like that out to me. We wouldn't want to be unconstitutional, would we? 😆💕


	19. Chapter 19

Thinking everything was going to be easy from now on had been a mistake. There were obstacles in their way _already_ , and they only had moved to the hall. _We are going to save the world_ , they’d thought as they entered with confidence in their steps but soon, that confidence had turned into annoyance.

To say the Thing wasn’t delighted was an understatement. Loki rolled his eyes when one of the oldest didn’t stop talking and _talked and talked and talked_. Matters of security, concerns about the kingship on New Asgard: what would happen when Loki did not come back? Either hindered by death or because he got stuck in time which was years ago and wouldn’t be able to come back for a couple of _years_. Decades, even if all went wrong very badly.

“And what will happen if I don’t leave for America?” he asked them coldly. “New Asgard won’t be named should this succeed. Instead, we will become famous for being _cowards_ and they all will spit in contempt at us.”

He didn’t have to say the ‘again’, they all could hear it. “It isn’t such a long time ago that we used to be the beggars here - even when Stark Industries did its best to help us as good as it could. We weren’t wanted here, barely connived because we’re _aliens_. People from elsewhere and not wanted, nor needed. We had nothing to provide, nothing to show forward. We don’t have Thor. We can’t just let this opportunity to go to waste to make us more popular. And isn’t that what we want? What we need so New Asgard can be brought back to its old glory, shining brighter than ever before?”

They shifted uneasily and Loki’s smile if possible, turned colder. “What New Asgard needs is fear _and_ respect. So far, we have respect. But not because of our knowledge or the power running through our veins. It’s respect because of our technological breakthrough. And I’ll be damned if I let this chance pass by! When all goes lucky which I hope, we _will_ have _Thor_ back with us! New Asgard’s rightful king! The man who should stand here in my stead and plead his case to you. We can get him back now. We can bring all the other Aesir back who we’ve lost five years ago. We could cross names out from our stone and show them the wonders of New Asgard.

“And no, we cannot send Valkyrie. _This_ ,” he pointed at Anthony, at the door where America laid, “is something a king must do, and I will not leave my lover alone.”

Unhappy noises arose but Loki sent them a withering glare and they quieted. “I will leave. Valkyrie will take over during my absence. She’s more than capable of doing the job and I _trust her_.” It was the first time he said that out loud. It felt … good. He managed to get a look at her, with her eyes wider than he’d ever seen them before and yet her chin was put forward and her stance straight; shoulders pulled back and chest out, one hand resting on the handle of her sword. She looked –

She looked like the royal warrior who she was.

He nodded at her with the respect that was due. “I entrust to you the lives of my people into your capable hands, Valkyrie.”

“Bring us our other half back,” she said fiercely. “Your people will be fine when your return, I swear it.”

Anthony took his hand and they walked out of the hall when the Thing finally gave them their agreement. Not, that they truly had something to argument against his departure with. He was king. They were the Thing, they listened to _him._

He was going to leave for America and would await Anthony in the car Pepper would send for him in a few hours. With a suitcase in one hand and in the other Anthony, he teleported them to the airport nearby.

“See you in a few?” Anthony looked at him, concern painted over his face.

“I’ll be waiting for you in the car,” he promised with a soft smile before he pulled Anthony in for a long and warm kiss, tender and loving, savouring it until they ran out of breath and had to let go.

“Okay. Don’t cause a too big ruckus, Reindeer Games.”

“I won’t promise anything.” Loki winked at him, then watched as his lover took the suitcase and wandered off to his jet. Loki stayed and watched until the jet took off a few minutes later, waited until he couldn’t see it anymore in the bright light of the sky.

He would see him in eight hours again at the airport in New York. Loki couldn’t wait until then. But first, he had to clear a few left matters up which had bothered him long enough now.

It was time to get to know more about the rules in the game he was playing.

A true coincidence that the Grandmaster was currently in Australia, playing roommate with someone called ‘Darryl’. Horrible name, really.

He hated that he had to face En Dwi Gast again after having left him behind –

But there were things he needed to know, and he would rather know them now than when it was too late. He called his seiðr to himself, let it engulf him and then walked on Yggdrasil’s branches towards Australia, where the Grandmaster lived.

Loki left the branches, appearing directly next to the Grandmaster, who had cucumber slices on his face and was snoring softly and not in the rhythm his chest was moving.

“Grandmaster.”

No reaction.

“The cucumber is rotting on your face.”

The man screamed and threw the green slices of his face and Loki couldn’t stop the chuckle that sat in his throat.

“Loki!”

“Grandmaster,” he said calmly. “I have business to talk with you about.”

“Well, what a lovely surprise,” the man cooed and wiped the cream on his face away, before licking it off his fingers. If it was meant to be erotic then Loki had never been so uninterested before. His lover was far away in a plane and he’d see him in roughly eight hours again –

What was there some cream licking against the yearning in his chest?

“You are not interested,” the Grandmaster pouted and looked honestly hurt.

“I’m engaged,” he said rather shortly then pointed at the table, conjuring up another chair to sit on. “Can we skip this whole talk and go over to the business part?”

“Always so hasty,” the Grandmaster grumbled but sat down. “So, _Loki,_ tell me who’s the lucky guy who manages to snatch you?”

“Assuming already it’s a guy?”

The Grandmaster laughed. “Of course it is a guy. Who else would capture the attention of Loki so vividly if not for the man who has similar problems?”

“Then you know already who it is.” Loki was not impressed.

“One could say he and I are burdened with knowledge.” The Grandmaster winked at him and Loki felt an intense need to put a dagger to his throat to have the blue blood spill in blazing colours and dirty the floor. “So, yes, I know you and the Iron Man got it on.” He tsked. “And you didn’t even invite me _once_ to a threesome, Loki. I’m appalled! Is this how you pay me back for my hospitality?”

“Your hospitality?” Loki tilted his head. “Let’s not talk about what you define as ‘hospitality’. I want to know about the game you’re playing and have been playing for years now with me as a toy.”

The Grandmaster’s eyes lit up. “You finally figured it out!”

“Yes.” Loki growled at him. “Tell me the rules of your game,” he demanded.

“I can’t.”

Loki wanted to kill him. Here, now, right on the spot. “Why?”

“Because that would be against the rules.” The Grandmaster leant forward. “Nobody but the players can know them. Otherwise it would be cheating.”

Loki _loved cheating_ and he leant forward as well until they were so close that their noses were touching, and his skin crawled with disgust. All he wanted to do was to bury the dagger from Sakaar in the Grandmaster’s eyes like he had done to Thanos as well, but he had to hold back. First, he needed answers, then he would gauge how useful the Grandmaster would be in his future plans.

“But it’s not against the rules to choose a champion and give them useful tools,” he concluded with a smile that resembled one of wolves.

“No.” The Grandmaster smirked. “It isn’t. And when he can have a whole family, his _Black Order_ , then I can have a whole batshit crazy champion for myself, who most likely has a personal grudge against Thanos. Oh, what a luck that you’ve got lost in space, Loki. What an incredible luck. I almost feared the game was lost and-“ he sighed dramatically, “I. _Hate_. Losing. But then, you fell in my lap. Almost literally.”

He started to giggle and the crazy in his eyes shone and blended Loki. He had forgotten how toxic this man was. How _mad_.

“What better champion could I choose than one I could literally hide behind another, protect him from Thanos, while you were unaware of the games I’ve started to play with and about you?” The Grandmaster’s voice descended into a purr.

Loki’s eyes narrowed.

“After all I did give you the daggers, the uniform, and let you have the codes to my ships, so that you could throw the first dice to start the game. And you did start it! A _revolutionary_ start, I’m almost tempted to call it. You think Darryl would like it?”

Loki nodded slowly. “I thought the escape might have happened too easily.”

“Well, I hadn’t expected that you’d kill my entire planet, and then, the _Snap_ -” The Grandmaster drew back with disgust on his face. “What a horrible tactic. So tasteless. I remember the time-,” he stopped. “No, that was in another universe. This Thanos truly only does things to reach what he thinks is the ultimate equilibrium.”

Loki listened with a passive face while the Grandmaster kept on talking about the _failure_ this Thanos was, how utterly ridiculous with his desire for balance in life when the _other Thanoses_ had chosen to court _Lady Death_.

There were more Thanoses out there, ones who had another goal and yet, quite similar one but they were in another universe. Loki had the sinking feeling that the Grandmaster was playing him information here he’d desperately need – and apparently, multiverse would become crucial for him in the next few days.

“Then there is this whole Infinity Stones debacle, a horrible thing,” the Grandmaster ranted on and on and Loki got the impression that this was –

Well, their business deal. He wouldn’t be able to get a single word into it. All he’d learn was what the Grandmaster was willing to share and what he could understand and take with him to America and Anthony.

“Hiding stones with my brother was extremely intelligent though, I have to give you that. And then,” the Grandmaster’s eyes darkened, and his voice got cold. “He killed _my brother_. I heard you went through a similar experience.”

“I did, yes,” Loki breathed. Thor, dust, a quiet and last, _“Hel-“_

“Good.” He sneered. “Then you’ll understand my desire to make him pay for that. Either,” his voice dropped to a whisper, lighter than the air in the house, “you will let me know when the _game ends_ or you will kill him for me.”

“Whom?”

“You know who.” His eyes narrowed and Loki swallowed. No way they would-

“Don’t be hasty about it. Let him suffer.”

“Can you see the future?” Loki asked him, earnestly. Because what else could this be.

“No. I only see the game in front of me.” The Grandmaster waved him off. “Strategies are _my thing_ , because it’s my entertainment. I can see where the moves will lead towards, what things will be brought into rolling by moving this piece and leaving another unharmed. It’s about staying objective and only wanting to win that makes me think of things others would exclude because it’s too irrational. But what if not this, is ever rational? He will make you feel pain like you have never known before, don’t doubt it. It will be,” he licked his lips, “ _ironic.”_

“What do you _see?”_

The Grandmaster laughed. “Your greatest fear, Loki. And it can only become your downfall. Oh, logistical thinking is fun.”

“What happens with Anthony!” He sprung to his feet, about to draw his blades when the Grandmaster raised both hands up like in surrender.

“I can’t tell you all the rules, can I? You could know so much already, my pretty boy if you’d only listened to me.”

“I did listen,” Loki hissed but the Grandmaster only tutted at him.

“Did you? Because then you wouldn’t be asking such questions. Now, I tire of this game. Call Darryl for me and tell him I need another two slices of cucumber so I can stay young and pretty. Don’t I look fantastic? Barely a second older since you left me on Sakaar, do I?”

“Pretty as ever,” Loki gritted out, turned on his heel then left. He was going to _kill_ someone. Thankfully, he was going to meet the Captain today. Perhaps he would prove himself to be as the fitting outlet for Loki’s rage, otherwise he would have to ask Anthony respectfully whether they could debauch the Compound.

He called his seiðr to himself once more, sliced the cucumber in pieces that laid forgotten on the counter in the kitchen – a short thank you – then left in a green shimmer, travelling back to New Asgard. There were only two hours left, he realised and took a deep breath in of the salty air. Seagulls were screeching and he could hear other animals as well.

This was home, wasn’t it? Loki couldn’t say for sure because for him, this was land he’d poured effort and strength into but at the same time, his heart was not bound to this place, it was bound to someone else’s.

He walked to the stone they had erected years ago. Soon there would be less names on it and most would come to live in New Asgard, if everything went after plan. He touched the letters gingerly, traced them with a single finger, hoping with all his might that this was the last time he would have to do that. There were better things to touch than golden letters in a cold weather. With a last pat to the stone that made him yearn for Thor’s rough pats to his back when he tried to encourage his brother, he went the way back to his house.

Perhaps it wouldn’t even be his any longer. Maybe it would end up as a part-time house and Loki wasn’t entirely opposed to that idea. But only when Anthony and he had their other matters sorted out completely, were free to go and do as they pleased and life not that horrible anymore. When the dusted people were back, and Thor had the control over the Aesirforce. He didn’t want to let go of it, he realised with a growing horror.

Let go of being king, Norns be damned, **yes** , but not letting go of the Aesirforce. He liked the feeling of it streaming through his body and charging his seiðr up, making him stronger than before.

“You’re back late.”

He turned around to Valkyrie, who stood there with a small smile on her lips. He nodded, still in thoughts and not quite understanding that she was _there_.

“Did you learn anything useful?”

“Multiverses,” he said with a snarl, coming back into reality.

“Did the old idiot say nothing otherwise?”

Loki hesitated. “I’m not sure. He said lots, but who knows what from he said is what we need?”

“We won’t.” She shrugged, then fiddled around with an item on her belt. “Look, this is very abrupt. The call from Natasha was unexpected so I didn’t have the chance to give you something properly, but I thought you might like it.” She held a flask out towards him.

“For _me_?”

“Yes, Lackey. For you.” She laughed quietly. “I mean, if you want it?” She started to pull the flask back but Loki reached for it, overwhelmed by a sense of possessiveness and gratitude and a burning thought of it being ‘ _mine’._

“No, no.”

She smirked. “I put Vikingfjord in it. So you don’t get crazy around the Midgardians there or try to invade New York again. But then I hope, Anthony will hold you back.”

“Did you put _vodka_ into the flask?” He shot her an incredulous stare.

“Yes. I can’t put wine in there, that would be a shame. And now you can say it’s water. It is water for you, think about it.” She wiggled with her eyebrows. A hesitant expression flitted across her face. “I –“

Loki looked at her inquiringly. She took in a deep breath, then –

_She was hugging him_.

Like, arms around his own body, warm, smaller and muscles and _hugging him_.

“Don’t die for a change,” Valkyrie muttered into his tunic. “I’d miss you.”

_Oh_. That wasn’t –

He knew that they were _friends_ but –

“That means you should hug me back,” she snarked and looked up at him with a grin. “And tell me that you will come back alive and in one piece, preferably.”

He winked at her, playing it _cool_ like Anthony would say to that and hugged her back. “I’ll try to do my utmost best.”

“If you die, I will personally ensure that Tony ends up on New Asgard’s throne to get a hand on the Aesirforce, and then let him do what he wants with the Bifröst. I won’t stand in the way should he try to eliminate your soul after I dragged you back from Hel,” she threatened. “And then I’ll take the flask back. Just, so you know. Would be a shame if it got wasted as well.”

He chuckled and released her with a pat on the back. “I appreciate it.”

“Good. And now go, I have to rule over a country.”

“Why do I feel like it was a bad idea to give you free rein?”

“Because it was but you love bad ideas.” She winked at him. “Make sure America is still standing in one piece when you leave it but bring me back something sweet from over there.”

“Sure,” he replied dryly. “Because I will have the time in between getting the dusted ones back to shop for candy.”

“Mhm.” She patted his cheek. “Take care.”

He smiled warmly at her. “You as well, Valkyrie.”

Her brown eyes sparkled with mischief. “You know, Anthony told me to do something before you would leave. You have the choice between suits and lions, what do you want?”

“-Lions?” Because they made him think of Thor and this was supposed to be about _Thor_ ; he couldn’t possibly be wrong about that.

She sniggered. “Remember, you choose this. Ah well, poetic justice and that.”

“Val?”

She pointed him to stay silent, cleared her throat and –

Started to sing.

Loki stood there, not believing what was happening.

_“_ _I can see what's happening_  
What  
And they don't have a clue  
Who  
They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line-“

He didn’t know those lines. But they were horrible corny and he didn’t like them. Even if Valkyrie had a nice voice, there were things he didn’t need to hear.

“Stop it.”

“Aww, but why? They’re so fitting!”

The groan came from his deepest core. “No.”

“Yes. Like there’s this line ‘ _And with all this romantic atmosphere, Disaster’s in the air’_.”

“That’s horrible.”

“That’s Anthony and you, if you’d please.”

“No, we aren’t.”

She tilted her head. “I’m sorry but wasn’t it you who let himself be led around and teased for _ages_?”

He gritted his teeth. Would that follow him around forever?

“Let Tony sing to you the other lines. I swear to you, you’ll love it! It’s hilarious! Almost as if that song had been written for you!”

“Aren’t you supposed to sit in a meeting right now?”

“Aren’t you supposed to leave for America in a sneaky and totally legal way?” she fired back, her smirk deepening.

Loki raised his hands in surrender. “I’m leaving. Just wanted to let time pass.”

“You softie,” she cooed and Loki threw her an offended glare. She wiggled with her eyebrows. “You wanted to make sure we’re fine, yes? That’s _adorable_! Loki, god of Mischief, Fire, Chaos and Lies, the unofficial Double King in the Nine Realms, the stabbing Asgardian with the loose silvertongue, have you become _soft for the people_?”

“Would you _kindly_ put a stop to that?” he asked, irritated.

She sighed. “All right. But really, ask Tony about the song. You’ll love it, I promise you.”

“I will regret it, won’t I?”

“Perhaps.” She bumped her shoulder into his and he stumbled a step back, having not expected that. “Take care of yourself and Tony, Loki.”

“I’ll do my best.” He called his seiðr to himself, nodded at her a last time in farewell, then disappeared onto Yggdrasil’s folds. America was waiting for him.

What a horribly familiar thought this was to him.

~°~

The good thing about arriving at the Compound was that conflict happened the second Loki entered it.

“What is _he_ doing here?”

Loki turned his head to the right side, grinning at Rogers darkly. “I’m here to save the universe. You know, like I’ve been trying to do for the last four years. What are you doing here? Isn’t today a weekly therapy group meeting?”

Anthony sniggered next to him, squeezed his hand, and shook his head with a fond smile.

“I’ve been helping others.” Rogers crossed the distance between them, and Loki couldn’t help but think ‘Muscles and no beard anymore, less of a Thor imitation’.

“Yes, with words.” Loki cocked a brow. “Amazing. I hope people feel supported by that. Or is it more of an not-so-anonymous dating group?”

Rogers spluttered. Loki continued, merciless. Being among the Rogues – or the Avengers – brought him his sharp tongue back and he _enjoyed_ being deliberately mean to the man out of time. “I heard that a cock sometimes can let wonders happen and heals poor, tortured souls. And as selfless as you are, I’m sure you are quite open to that.”

“I would _never-_ “

“Right, you would never make out with the niece of the woman who’d just died and you declared as your one and only love.” Loki’s grin turned sharp. “Or did you think you were the only one who grieved for _Peggy_?” He patted Rogers’ hair. Probably a mistake when a hand clamped around his wrist, steely, and pulled it back. Blue eyes bore into his, like cold fire and Loki just leant in closer, his grin turning darker.

“You are not the only one who has lost someone, Loki,” Rogers said, his voice in an attempt of neutrality. “There’s no need to take it out at me.”

“No?” His brows shot up. “Not? Interesting. Seeing as you couldn’t even bring a neutral word over your lips when you first saw me.” He winked at him. “But that must be because of the interrupted date, right? So, who was it? And on what ba-“

“I _won’t_ discuss this with you. I promised Nat to try to stay civil – I won’t say anything about your relationship with Tony, whatever my opinion of you both being together is. Can you return the favour?”

“No promises,” Loki chuckled and added with a sickly-sweet smile, “because if you say a single word about Anthony that he doesn’t like, I’ll toss you out of the door.”

“Aww, not the window?” Anthony said besides him.

“No, that’s solely reserved for you.” Loki turned back around to him, his features already softening when he saw him. “Special treatment for my favourite Midgardian.”

Anthony blew him a kiss, exaggerated by lengths with winks and Loki smiled at that. Perhaps he’d gone a step too far at seeing Rogers – but he really, really had hit a nerve with his derogatory use of ‘ _he_ ’. Loki wasn’t an Avenger, not officially anyway and he’d be damned should he let one of them talk over him and belittle him in the same minute.

“Cool down, guys.”

A new voice said from the doorframe. It was Natasha, a peanut butter sandwich in her hands and looked at them bored. “I’m sure you can measure dicks later when we’re done with everything. For now, I need you to be civil and able to work with each other. Don’t tell me you can’t do that. That would be a shame and honestly, would be a disappointment. A god and America’s Icon, not being able to work together?” She clicked her tongue in disparagement.

“Say hi and then we can hopefully start our new _adventure_.”

Loki turned back to Rogers who looked at him with carefully blank expression. He had to work on his poker face, Loki decided amusedly. How had Rogers ever fooled someone? He was as simple to read as a book for children.

“Hello, Rogers,” Loki started, and his tone was perfectly polite, like he had been trained to use as a prince of Asgard. “My name is Loki, King of New Asgard and by birth right, King of Jotunheim as well. The god of Mischief, Chaos, Lies and if it suits me well, the god of Mayhem.” He held his hand out in the Midgardians' fashion of a greeting. He wouldn’t let say someone Rogers had been the first in a start-over.

“Lovely,” Rogers said and _smirked_. “Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America. Nice to make your acquaintance again.” They shook hands.

Loki couldn’t even say something horrible about the handshake, it was perfect. Not too tight, not too lax; no sweat on Rogers’ palm, just – Oh Norns, he was like Thor, probably perfect in shaking hands since the day he had been born.

“ _PLATYPUS_!” He heard Anthony yelling next to him, then his lover took off, running towards Rhodey who walked towards him as well. The joy that was written in both men’s faces was adorable. Loki smiled when he saw them hug and complimented each other’s greying hair.

He could hear a ship launching outside. It was quiet but not quiet enough for him not to hear it.

It didn’t take long from there on until Nebula and Rocket entered the room. Carol was probably too busy with being in space and taking care of others. But at least, she had gotten invited according to what Anthony had told him in the car.

“The space prince is back!” Rocket walked up to him, gave him a high five and eyed him critically. “You’re looking good, buddy. And that’s coming from _me_. Must be the love bites on your neck, I’m sure.”

“And you look like you just ate,” Loki retorted dryly. “There are blood spatters on your snout.”

“No way!”

“Absolutely.” Loki eyed the red spot critically. “Or it’s jam. Do you eat jam in space?”

“Yes. Preferably when I’m flying the ship and _not_ Carol. She’s unbearable. Thinking she’s the best pilot out there when we all know it’s _me_.”

Loki laughed. That was a lie, the best pilot was him, without a doubt. But he wouldn’t say anything – Rocket was a formidable pilot and there was something about having the raccoon on his side. “How have you been doing?” he asked instead.

“I hate staring up at you,” Rocket said earnestly and growled. “Can’t see your pretty eyes from down here.”

“You wish to see my eyes?” Loki grinned. “I can do something about that.” He waved with a hand and Rocket floated upwards on a cloud of green seiðr until they were on the same height.

“Yes, your eyes.” Rocket pointed at them, the claws probably a bit too close to Loki’s likening but he trusted Rocket not to take them out. “Pretty. So green. They would fit perfectly to my collection.”

“My eyes?”

“Yes. Do you remember that I gave your brother an eye?”

“I do, yes,” Loki said abruptly.

“Aww, is that still a touchy spot?” Rocket cooed. “Brother’s gone, family’s lost and all that?”

“Your tree isn’t back either. Did you already replace him or did you just forget all about him?” He shouldn’t challenge Rocket. But-

“ _HA!”_ Rocket barked and his grin was full of teeth. Oh, didn’t that look familiar to Loki’s eyes. “As if I’d forget Groot, you fucker.”

“Good to know.”

“Yes.” Rocket glared at him. “You can count yourself lucky that I like you otherwise I’d cut off an arm from you, for daring to imply that.”

“Same to you, only I would have taken your whiskers.”

“ _My whiskers!”_

Loki chuckled. “Yes.”

Rocket stared at him. “Nobody touches my whiskers, asshole!”

“I didn’t touch them, did I?” He smirked.

“I missed your shit attitude, man,” Rocket laughed. “Finally someone who doesn’t shrink back from being an asshole.”

“You should ask Anthony about me being an asshole.” Loki high-fived the paw gently. “I’m sure he can tell you lots about that.”

Rocket twirled one of his whiskers like others did with a moustache. “I heard you’re getting married.”

“ _You’re getting married?”_ Natasha screeched, suddenly standing next to them. “When did that happen? Where’s the ring? Oh, Pepper will be so mad when I tell her that, she was sure you’d already _be_ married in secret.”

Loki stared at her. Then to Anthony who winked at him before turning back to talk with Rhodey and Nebula. Those three were a trio Loki did not want to think about. The disaster that reigned in them, just one of them with a bit of tighter grip on one of them. Dangerous.

“Yes?”

“Okay, okay. I know this was supposed to be an important meeting but – _you’re getting married_! And didn’t think to tell a single soul?!”

“I thought Anthony would tell you.”

“He didn’t. Clearly. I wonder if he told Pepper,” Natasha mused. “Anyway, congratulations. Seems like things are finally going your way, hm?”

Loki nodded shortly. He didn’t like the way Rogers stared at him, nor the way the other man frowned with a taco in his hand. He didn’t know him; he either was as dangerous as an ant or like Hulk used to be.

“That’s Scott, by the way,” Natasha said as an introduction and waved Scott over who followed like a lost puppy, the sauce from the taco slowly dripping down to the floor. Well, he would lose his sauce to if he’d met himself. “He’s the one who came up with the time travel theory with the help of the quantum realm.”

So the man who was the reason they were here. Loki held out his hand when Scott was up close and the man reached for it hesitantly.

“Congratulations for successfully assembling the Avengers,” Loki said dryly. “The last time someone did that with this splintered group has been eleven years ago and the reason had been _me.”_

“Oh, so you-“

He could see Scott’s mind working, slowly in the beginning and then faster and faster until –

“-are the _Loki_. “

“The one and only,” he grinned and squeezed the hand just a bit tighter. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Scott.”

“Yes. Same. Very great.” Scott’s eyes flitted over to Natasha who smiled at him.

“Don’t take him too serious, he’s mostly playing with you and assessing where you are on the food chain.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” Loki nodded seriously. “And so far you’re ranked above the Captain, so congratulations for not being at the bottom of the chain, _Scott_.” He purred his name, just to see the man blush a bit. He was adorable. Loki was half tempted to ask Anthony if they could keep this one –

Then he realised with dread that he was _collecting_ Midgardians. Like his foolish brother had done.

He looked around in the room. It seemed that all were there, even Professor Hulk with his own tacos bag.

A certain spy gone rogue was still missing from the group, he realised as his eyes were sweeping through the room.

“Who are we still waiting for?” Scott asked, sparing Loki the mundane task of doing so.

“Clint,” Natasha mumbled and she turned her head to the entrance. “He said he’d take a shower a while ago before he’d join us.” Her mouth twitched. “Believe me he needed one.”

“Jam?” Rocket asked, deadpan.

“He smelled worse than anything else I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.” Natasha sighed. “I hope he at least remembers what a shower _is_.”

“Oh, I’m sure he does,” Loki mumbled and looked to the door. He could hear steps.

Then, Clint entered the hall, his hair still wet and the bags under his eyes heavy and dark. Loki had expected a shout when Clint would see him, an arrow being drawn and pointed at him or a gun – something, at least. But Clint only looked at him, cold and nodded once.

“Hawk,” Loki said, just for the fun of it and because he wanted to see if he could get a reaction out of the man.

“Loki.”

“Did you cut the hair by yourself?”

Clint grinned. “Perhaps you weren’t wrong in declining my offer to cut your hair. Who knows what I would’ve done with it.”

“Given me a horrible haircut, that’s for sure.” Loki shook his hand without any hesitation.

Clint shrugged. “Well, it still would’ve looked better than the oily look you were rocking back then. You can’t argue with that.”

“No.” Loki let his eyes glide over Clint, there was a tattoo now on his arm and his eyes were cold blue. “How’s the vengeancing coming along?”

Clint looked at him with raised brows. “I heard that there might be a chance to get my family back.” He laughed coldly. “What’s vengeance against getting back your loved ones, right?”

“Absolutely. So, you aren’t Ronin anymore but an Avenger again?”

“Oh no.” Clint waved him off and Loki could see Natasha stiffening next to him. “I _am_ Ronin. The Avengers are just currently the best option to get my family back. I’m sure you can relate to that.”

“So you have no problems with working with me?”

“As long as we’re working for the same goal,” Clint said. “I honestly don’t give a fuck who I’m working with. I want my family back and there’s no price too great for that.”

Loki nodded. He understood that sentiment all too well because wasn’t he here out of the same reasons?

Natasha cleared her throat, the peanut butter sandwich got stolen by Rocket in the next second and she let him.

“ _Avengers_!”

And with that, the noise stopped and the Avengers and their allies stood still, looking to the woman among them with fiery red hair and a determined expression on her face.

“You know why I’ve called you here and _thank you_ , for coming here. We have today a _third chance_ at getting back at Thanos and most importantly, getting the Vanished ones back. I need you to work together for this. Put your hostilities aside for this – you can fight each other later when we don’t have these troubles any longer.”

Loki’s mouth twitched at that but he didn’t say anything. He _could_ put them aside for now.

“Good.” Natasha sighed in relief when she saw them all nod. “Then we have to figure out things first. Tony, Bruce, Scott – I need you three to work on the time travel theory and-“

“I’ve already solved it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally went to Australia 🙌😭 And there are the Avengers and things happen and I have no idea what happens, I have forgotten like, 95% of this 😆


	20. Chapter 20

Loki knew that he was gifted with supreme hearing abilities, he’d often used this particularly skill as youngling – and as an adult but nobody needed to know that – to listen what the cooks were planning to do as dinner. Depending on the food he either put too much salt into it or when it was _another_ one of Thor’s hunting accomplishments, lots of bay leaves. It was seen as an insult not to eat the fresh quarry, so everybody _had_ to swallow the leaves as well, the sharp and bitter taste that was unenjoyable when eaten in a too big amount.

Thor hadn’t cared overly, much to Loki’s chagrin, his and Volstagg’s hunger a number too huge for bay leaves but all the other Aesir who were forced to eat –

It was a small taste of gratification. That was what Thor got for stopping to invite him to the hunting trips and rather went with his _friends_ ; it wasn’t that Loki didn’t like to stay at the palace to read but he still wanted to get _asked_ even when it only was to say, “No”. As a younger brother he felt like he was entitled to that right.

This was why Loki had been forced to hone his hearing skills, to see if he could make Thor regret leaving him behind without another word. It was also why Loki was pretty sure that he _had_ heard correctly and the shock and disbelief in the other Avengers’ faces weren’t a fitting expression. Did they still not have any trust in his fiancé?

He slowly turned around to Anthony who grinned smugly at them all, his sunglasses hanging loosely in the collar of his sweater.

“You did _what_?” Natasha asked, blinking.

“Well, the flight from Norway to here was eight hours long,” Anthony started to explain with a shrug and tilted his head at them. Apart from the smirk on his face his expression was unreadable, Loki couldn’t put his finger on it but his fiancé simply looked closed off, there was not even a spark in his eyes to be seen. “And I got called here for time traveling but we didn’t have a machine yet, did we? So I used the flight to tinker around and FRIDAY was, as always, most helpful and made me the best coffee which was really inspiring.”

“Anthony,” Loki choked out while pride for his wonderful and clever Midgardian flooded through him. “Did you really-“

“Solve time travelling? Yes.” He shrugged. “As I said, I had nothing better to do in those eight hours. And after you politely refused to engage in phone sex so I thought, I could use the time as well to do what is remotely useful. FRIDAY, would you be so kind and show the scheme?”

_“Of course, Boss._ ”

A hologram was projected into the air from Anthony’s phone and it looked like a twisted doughnut. Pretty, a simple design, and apparently, what was going to be their time travel machine. Loki licked his lips and listened to Anthony’s explanation as to how the machine worked and told them the theories of time travel and what would happen should they go back in the past.

“Going back in time is easy with the quantum particles,” Anthony closed his monologue. “So we only need new outfits and-“

“There’s something we should take into consideration,” Professor Hulk said with a frown. Loki turned to him, keeping Anthony in sight. He sighed. “We had some test runs with Scott earlier, we used his van.”

“The van.” Anthony frowned. “That old thing that stood around apparently randomly on a rooftop and Professor Hulk told me about?”

“Yes!” Scott nodded with Professor Hulk in unison.

“You were _trapped_ in that?”

“Yes!”

“And you still went back in there voluntarily after being in there for five years?” Anthony whistled. “That’s impressive. Or stupid. I don’t know but that sounds like the exact thing I would do too, so I guess that doesn’t say a lot about your sanity.”

“It’s only been five hours for me,” Scott protested feebly and Loki snorted softly.

Anthony shook his head. “Don’t say that. Well, tell it us, that’s good but never tell the world outside it’s only been five hours, that’s not impressive. _At all_.”

“I don-“

“Psst,” Anthony said. “I know. Five years are a long time. Did you get a coffee already? Food?” His eyes dropped to the taco. “Oh, you’ve got food. Awesome. Then, didn’t you want to add something?”

“Changing the past does not affect the present,” Professor Hulk said quietly. “Which means that whatever we do, it already happened – for our future past selves.”

“So whatever we’re doing now – it has already happened but we don’t know it yet?” Loki asked, trying to wrap his head around that theory. He smelled guff there, not that he was going to say something. If his fiancé was going to shine in the spotlight then Loki wouldn’t dim it, only make it greater.

This was how a marriage was supposed to work, right? At least he hoped so, there hadn’t been a lot of _good_ examples he could learn from. Frigga and Odin had worked together but sometimes when Loki woke up in the middle of the night and Anthony was snoring softly next to him, he wondered how his ‘parents’ had turned out to be the way he knew them. There’d barely been any love, Frigga going along _too easily_ at times with Odin but he knew, had tried to make it easier for him as _Jötunn_ , even when he hadn’t known it back then.

How fitting to show the monster from the realm of eternal ice and darkness, seiðr to fight the shadows found in the golden realm. Maybe that had been her way to make him feel like he was a part of them or maybe she just wanted to be a good mother. Who could say, after all she was dead now and all unanswered questions Loki had, would forever stay that way too.

He only could hope that Anthony and him would in the next few centuries to come _not_ be like them, have more love still for each other and _support_ , not undermine each other and play favourites. But then, neither Anthony nor he wanted to have children – he hoped.

“You could say it like that, basically.” Professor Hulk smiled softly. “It’s a bit more complicated than that and there’s this matter that if we _do_ change something, then we create an al-“

“Alternative reality,” Loki growled. “And by that we have multi-verses in our hands.” Oh, he wanted to kill the Grandmaster. Wring his neck and rip all his hairs out, one by one until the ground was covered in white and grey strands.

“Yes.” Professor Hulk nodded. “Exactly that. We’ll have to be careful.” He shot Loki a wondering look as if _astounded_ Loki had followed his thought strain. He bit back a smile, so sharp that it would maybe have torn the green skin apart or put a crack into dull glasses.

“We do indeed,” Loki muttered, thinking of all the other Thanoses that existed in the other realities.

Natasha clapped in her hands. “Tony, thank you so much. That is exactly the sort of news we need.” She nodded at him.

“No worries.” Anthony waved her off. “Now, with that out of the way, I need two days – at most three – until the machine is built. I’ll need the Prof for that, Lokes, possibly Scott in between for checking stuff over.”

_A lie_ , Loki thought and tried not to show his amusement. It seemed his Anthony had decided to get to know Scott better. He wasn’t sure if this was curiosity or a desire to keep the poor man away from Rogers.

“All right.” Natasha nodded.

Rogers continued, apparently falling back into old patterns way too easily for Loki’s liking. “In the meantime, we can think about the stones and how we get them safely. Which means we need to know where they were-“

“Anthony and I decided to collect data on this _years_ ago,” Loki interrupted her, his eyes set on Anthony, his small, adorable genius. He still couldn’t believe he had figured out _time travel_ within eight hours because he’d been _bored_.

Ronin laughed. “Do you even have anything _not_ available or at hand right now?”

“The dusted ones,” Loki said with a shrug. “But that’s it.”

“We also have a plan on how we can make sure that the transition will go over smoothly. Stark Industries has an emergency plan and will send out a code to the still functioning governments that we are attempting to bring a few dozen people back.”

“A few dozen,” Clint repeated dryly. “Nice way of selling our endeavour.”

Anthony winked at him. “Don’t want to overdo it.”

“Do you have the data with you?” Natasha asked.

“No,” Loki answered for them. “But I can collect them any moment I want to.”

“Great job, man.” Ronin yawned. “Then we’re done for today, yes?”

“I guess so,” Natasha mumbled. “Steve, you’re still open to the sparring round you offered earlier? I might _need_ it.”

The group dispersed loudly – Rocket was arguing with Scott about the word ‘quantum’ and whether he needed the cards in his jacket or not; Rogers left with Natasha, Nebula went off with Anthony, talking with him about space and difficult partners.

Loki felt a bit lost there, for a moment.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come back to you,” Clint said, unexpectedly.

Loki turned around to him, not having expected to be talked to.

“Tony, I mean,” Clint clarified with a shrug. “He has this habit of returning to people he cares about, whether it’s good for him or bad.”

“Are you speaking from experience?” Loki asked amusedly, glad not to be left out. It was an interesting feeling.

“He didn’t know me, or any other of the Avengers fully and still invited us to live with him in his Tower. And not only that, he even made us a home there for when we didn’t or _couldn’t_ go anywhere else.” Clint shrugged. “That’s just how Tony is, I think.”

“No words about us being together?” Loki inquired, not knowing if he could trust the apparent peace between them.

“It’s not my job to care about Tony.” Clint shrugged. “That’s the job of others.”

Loki looked at him. He thought of this man as ‘Clint’ but –

The man he had known as _Clint_ had never been his, he had gotten the darker and loyal aspect of him and baptised him ‘Hawk’ – a break in the man he acknowledged fully even when Loki did have other things to care about back then. This man before him looked like Ronin, yes. His Hawk had been humorous but driven by his desire to prove himself to Loki and being the best right hand, one could wish for. This man here though?

This was Ronin. Someone who only cared about his family and how to get them back – and if they failed, he’d return to his path as dark and lonesome warrior, slaughtering all who stood in his way until either he was the last man standing or he found death. Loki didn’t like that outlook. It was extremely sobering and would be a _waste_ of talent and skill.

“You really don’t care, do you?”

_Ronin_ snorted. “No. Why ever would I?”

Why would he, indeed. It was partially depressing having to see the humour completely gone from his troubled blue eyes, the laughter that had been hidden in the wrinkled of his skin vanished completely and only rage and the desire for vengeance burned in the man. It was everything he was now – humour hadn’t helped him, caring hadn’t done him a favour either. So he had reached out to darkness hoping it would help him to cope –

And it seemed that it had.

“Will you tell me as well that this was a mistake?” Ronin asked him, his smile a mixture of bitter sweetness.

Loki shook his head with a bitter smile. “No. Was it me in your situation, I think I would do exactly the same.”

Ronin nodded. “Thanks.” He raised a brow. “You _did_ spy on me, didn’t you? You don’t seem surprised by what I chose to do at all.”

“Why ever would I do that?”

“Because you take care of the things you call ‘yours’.” Ronin grinned shortly at him. “And I’ve been yours, haven’t I?”

Loki blinked.

Ronin patted his shoulder. “Some things don’t even change, do they, Sir?”

“No, they don’t, Hawk.” A bubble of affection was running through him, memories sparking of his Hawk holding him up when the wounds were starting to affect him and his legs barely could carry him any longer. The glow of blue, a dark grin, someone excited to hear about his plans and making them even more affective -

“Good to know.” He nodded. “You offered me the last time a sparring match when you’d feel better.”

“You still want to do that?”

“Sure.” Ronin laughed. “I told you that I love sparring and am always up to learning new tricks.”

“Always the circus hawk,” Loki mumbled thoughtfully. His eyes flitted to Anthony who listened patiently to Nebula complaining about her girlfriend who was so loyal to helping others that she tended to put them above _her_ – and Anthony had done the same to Pepper. He probably told Nebula now how Pepper had brought him out of that and what didn’t work and that it wasn’t done with any bad intentions on Carol’s part.

Anthony Stark, the couple therapist. Who’d have thought.

Loki couldn’t care any less. He wanted to show Anthony how proud he was of him for figuring out time travel – not to stand here with Ronin, however fun it was.

“Don’t kill him or her when you get your fiancé back,” Ronin chuckled.

“But how about stabbing them?”

“I’m not entirely sure that would help your case. Go and drag him away, promise him a round of breath taking and mind-blowing sex and he’ll follow you most certainly.”

“I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with taking your advice for relationships,” Loki said with a grin. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one who gives out orders?”

“Times are changing, keep up, old man.” Ronin patted his shoulder. “But seriously, out of all of us, I am the only one who got married and has three kids. I think you don’t find anyone better suited than me for this task.”

Loki nodded at Ronin, the grin still on his face when he walked towards Anthony. That was _his_ lover, and he wouldn’t be let standing here like someone else even if Anthony hadn’t done it with malice intentions – he was not to be ignored or disregarded because of _Nebula_.

Oh, he was acting irrationally and was driven by jealousy, but they were back in _America_ – back with the people Anthony had once claimed as his family and yes, he was worried a bit, insecurities he thought forgotten, acting up again.

“Loki!” Anthony beamed at him and pulled him in for a searing kiss when he was close enough. Oh, this was definitely better and more what Loki did have in mind earlier –

He bit down on Anthony’s lips and when he hissed in pain, slipped his tongue inside and claimed his lover back –

Back from what he did not know, but it was calming him to have Anthony pressed against his body, the goatee scratching and burning his cheeks and his tongue playing with his.

“Don’t you ever let me stand there like that again,” he growled and pressed his nails into Anthony’s sweater. “I don’t like that. “

“Won’t happen again, Lokes,” Anthony whispered and pressed closer, seeking more and more contact Loki provided all too happily. This was better. “But Ronin wanted to talk with you.”

“Did he?” Loki squinted at him, not quite forgiving Anthony yet even when he rolled his hips into Loki and made his desire fairly clear.

“He kept staring at you,” Anthony mumbled. “Do I have to be jealous?”

“No.” Loki laughed amusedly. “But do _I_?”

“Never,” Anthony assured him, his thumbs drawing circles on Loki’s cloak. He could barely feel the motion but it was there, grounded him bit for bit and he dropped his head with a small smile onto Anthony’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Loki’s ears and shivers ran down his back. “Can I make it up to you?” His hands wandered a bit further, squeezing his ass suggestively.

“Hmm,” Loki purred into Anthony’s neck, licking it in short strokes. Goosebumps started form there. “What were you planning on doing?”

“Well,” Anthony’s voice faltered before he started to sound normal again. Just normal in a deeper, huskier voice that Loki adored. “I could show you our rooms, the shower if you want to and make sure that you’re thoroughly _clean_ from all that bullshit.”

“And how do you want to do that?” Loki blew over the moistened skin before he drew back and smirked at Anthony.

“I’ll show you,” Anthony said with a suggestive wink.

“Then show me what you mean.” Loki patted his ass in retaliation and shooed him on. A _shower_ sounded deliciously tempting right now. A perfect chance to free Anthony’s mind from other people and soothe Loki’s own insecurities by claiming his lover back, maybe adoring his neck with a bite or five to make sure everybody got the message Anthony was taken.

~°~

It was two days later when Loki pulled Natasha to the side during his break.

Anthony had been gracious enough to give him one and Loki intended to bring him a lunch full of vitamins and proteins like _potatoes_ and coffee, but also some water to keep him thoroughly hydrated.

The machine was nearly done by now and then they would sit down and go through their plan – Loki and Anthony had gone through their material and summarised it; he was also playing with the idea of telling the others of the game the Grandmaster and Thanos were playing. But what good would it bring? Nobody except for Valkyrie and Professor Hulk knew who he was. And Loki wouldn’t go to Australia for _another time_. He could do without.

He feared that one last visit would be one too much and only one of them both would leave the situation alive.

“This is for you.” He pressed her a phone into the hand.

“What for?”

“That you can call me – where and especially, _whenever_ you are.”

Her eyes widened a small bit and a disbelieving laughter rose from her throat. “Are you-“

“Yes. Use it _wisely_.”

“Will the others get one as well?”

He licked his lips. “Not everybody that would take too much time. But each team will get a phone and that should suffice.”

“You already divided the teams?”

Loki nodded. “Not all but how it would make the most sense. Feel free to re-arrange them tomorrow if you’d want to but I think,” and his mood soured when he thought about it, “that the split like it is, will be the most useful and successful like that.” He squeezed her hand.

“All right.” She nodded. “I’ll wait until tomorrow. And I _will_ tear the teams apart if I don’t like it, I can assure you of that right here on the spot.”

His mouth twitched. “Understood.” He walked towards the kitchen, left her behind with a magical enhanced phone in her hand which also worked in the past, he hoped.

~°~

Loki woke up at night, hearing muffled sobs and the bed was slightly rocking back and forth. It was a moment like that where Loki was grateful for hearing so well and he turned around, his hand already reaching for a dagger although he didn’t know why or for what, it was just a movement that was so ingrained in him that he didn’t question it any longer.

Anthony was crying, hiding his face behind his hands and he looked completely broken. It ached Loki’s heart to see him so – and he didn’t understand _why_ Anthony was weeping, but he slowly sat up and slid nearer to his lover.

“Anthony,” he whispered, not wanting to scare him but Anthony only shook his head. Didn’t say anything else and only seemed to distance himself increasingly from Loki.

“Hey.” He kept his voice low, soft, and tried not to let it be too quiet so Anthony wouldn’t hear him any longer. “What’s wrong?”

Again, he didn’t receive an answer only managed to make Anthony look up at him, his eyes red and burning, his lips trembling.

“Can I hold you?”

After a moment that felt too long, that made Loki feel like he had done something _wrong_ , that he’d noticed too late and failed his lover – Anthony nodded and turned towards him.

Loki didn’t hesitate for a moment longer and pulled him into his arms, stroked slowly over Anthony’s back and threaded his fingers through the stubborn silver-grey hair. He could feel his shirt dampening but no word was being spoken. Loki had to read Anthony alone by what he did and that was _difficult_.

But he hoped he didn’t do anything wrong, started to hum gently a melody into Anthony’s ear – quietly and soft, repetitive, and easy to remember. And slowly Anthony started to relax back against him, his breath getting slower and steadier.

It made Loki wonder what it was that made Anthony break so completely – and that when they were so close to their goal. The time machine was completed – a stroke of mad genius had Anthony pull a 75-hours-all-nighter and only by that and because Loki had forced him to make some breaks for food the machine was done. He frowned and pressed a kiss to the unruly hair, sagging back against the headboard.

Perhaps Anthony would speak with him tomorrow about this. And whatever it was – Loki would do his best to ensure it wouldn’t upset Anthony ever again. He didn’t wish to see him so lost ever again. No tears unless they were shed of joy and yes, this was impossible to achieve but –

It broke Loki’s aching heart. Because he couldn’t do anything when he didn’t know what happened. He could only hold Anthony and hope with all his heart, that it was enough and settled him. They would bring his Peter back and perhaps it was the correct step towards the right direction to put an end to these nightmares.

The time travel machine was ready, Anthony had many, many Doctor Who jokes prepared and they had some ugly suits for the travelling – another thing Anthony had designed on the flight to America and Loki was eternally grateful that he hadn’t accepted Anthony’s request of phone sex.

Because figuring out suits when they were otherwise ready to go, only had a ‘team’ meeting in the way and then, well, then they were off to tumble through space and time. Perhaps in less than twenty-four hours Loki wouldn’t be here anymore but somewhere in the past. He tightened his hold on Anthony unconsciously, holding him closer. A sudden fear crawled up in him that he might lose him.

Lose Anthony but gain Thor back.

The thought wasn’t pleasant. Loki closed his eyes when they started to burn when he tried to imagine the situation. It was dark in their bedroom and darkness made him think of scenarios he’d rather avoid, but it was like falling through space again just this time, he was grounded by warm hands and somehow –

Made it this so much worse because he knew he was fine –

But he wasn’t, the dark space wasn’t around him, it was _inside_ of him, in his head and had been nesting there for years now. He didn’t –

He swallowed, his fingers trembling out of sudden –

If he had to choose, he wouldn’t know what to do. That’s what he told himself because he didn’t want to be seen as a monster because he knew exactly whom he’d chose – with no hesitation from his side. He’d be judged harshly from both sides for it but he’d be happy.

“I can’t lose you,” he mumbled into Anthony’s hair and was glad that he slept. “I _won’t_ lose you. Neither you, nor Thor. You will both come back to me.”

The night progressed and Loki stared out of the window, hoping and praying to the Norns that tomorrow everything would be going _fine_ , that they’d make it without any further trouble – he had _behaved_ for five years now, had done as he was expected to do and hopefully made his family proud. He hoped it had been enough to get his wish fulfilled and his seiðr touched his cheek tenderly, assuring him with warm touches and Anthony slept soundly.

Everything would be all right.

~°~

The sun was slowly peeking into their bedroom and for a moment Loki was confused. He didn’t remember having a window so close to their bed nor having such a big one. Perhaps Anthony hadn’t been the only one who didn’t have enough sleep. Slowly he came to realise that they were in _America –_ not in New Asgard any longer.

His neck hurt from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in. Anthony was already awake, playing with Loki’s hair, tugging at it lightly, twirling it around his fingers.

“Good morning,” Loki said quietly, not wanting to disrupt their peace.

“Morning,” Anthony mumbled back, his eyes fixed on Loki’s throat.

Loki frowned but chose not to say something. The silence continued. Loki let his thoughts run; there was nothing he really focused on, only snippets and what could be and what was. Snippets of what had happened in the last decade alone – so many, many things and it seemed they were coming to a culmination now.

Eventually the silence became too long for Loki – Anthony still wouldn’t look up to him. It started to worry Loki immensely.

“Are you all right, Anthony?”

“I-“ Anthony sighed, hiding his face even more from Loki.

Loki frowned. Was this related to Anthony’s nightmare?

Carefully he shifted up, taking Anthony with him. Anthony slowly raised his eyes, his fingers scratching over Loki’s skin. He didn’t mind. Anthony met his eyes for only a heartbeat before they shifted away – _guilty_. That wasn’t what Loki had expected. Tenderly he stroked over Anthony’s jaw, followed the bone structure and let his touch linger on the skin that was kissed by the sun. He didn’t like the sense of guilt in Anthony’s brown eyes – they were supposed to gleam of happiness, satisfaction or with his burning fire that slumbered somewhere deep in him.

Not _guilt._

Not as long Loki had something to say about this and that he _had_ – he tilted his head downwards and pulled Anthony into a slow, soft kiss. It was tender, lips moving slowly and not shy of any feelings Loki had. The sun was shining on them and Loki imagined he could taste its warmth on Anthony’s lips and he tasted them again, until he could feel a smile starting to form on Anthony’s lips.

“Whatever it is that has you so in fear,” he whispered when they had to part for air much to his regret, “we will get through it together. I promise you that.”

Anthony’s eyes widened for a split second and Loki realised he had hit the nerve of the issue. _Together_.

“I know you won’t leave me.” Anthony’s voice was quiet but firm and his eyes were starting to gleam again, the smile still tugging at his lips. He looked so handsome, Loki realised and kissed his forehead, couldn’t help himself when he had such a divine being in his arms. “But I can’t help but to be afraid.”

Loki opened his mouth to argue, but Anthony shook his head slightly. “Let me explain.” His mouth twitched. “We both know the feeling of being abandoned by the people we call ‘family’, be it that they die or that they chose to leave us behind – for _someone else_. That’s -” he swallowed and Loki wanted to tug him close to him again, promise him he’d never leave Anthony behind but he stayed silent.

“Loki, you mean _everything_ to me and that feeling, it’s overwhelming and I love it, I love you and I- I can’t lose you. I can’t _lose_ you, do you understand? I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me behind for-“

“No!” Loki shook his head. Cradled Anthony’s face in his hands and stroked over his cheek, wanting to make sure he _understood_. Wanted to make sure he saw that Loki would never leave him behind for someone else –

Not even for Thor.

There, he had thought it for the first time explicitly. “I won’t leave you behind,” he said instead and wetted his lips. “I promise you. I am not going anywhere without you at my side. Because I can’t lose you either, do you understand? I can’t. I love you and the thought of you _not_ being with me – it’s unbearable and hurts just to _think_ , Anthony.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” Loki swallowed, kissing him softly again, before he added because it _was_ needed and there were so many thoughts he had to say, had to tell Anthony _now_. “I promised you that. I promised you that when we both decided to get married, even before that already. I promised you to stay when you chose to become mine for an eternity and drank from my blood. Even before that I would’ve made sure that I was always only ever a call away from you, should you be in need of me as a friend. I want to marry you, Anthony Edward Stark. There is no doubt about that and with that vow, I want-“

“Yes,” Anthony interrupted him, his eyes raging with love and warmth and Loki felt a grin split his lips. “I want that all, Loki. That all and more, for as long as you want.”

“Forever,” was all Loki could say before he pulled Anthony in for another kiss – _finally_.

And he nibbled on his lip, cradling Anthony closer and closer until there was no space between them anymore. They needed this, he realised while he explored Anthony’s mouth in soft strokes and whimpered as the realisation hit him. Anticipation had been holding them both tight, so tight they couldn’t breathe anymore and now, now they could and he tried to come even closer, didn’t know how only knew that he _had to_.

He could feel Anthony marking him and tilted his neck, offering him more space and room to claim him as _his_ , while he dug his nails in Anthony’s sides, marking him there as _his_ , they were each other’s. He needed more, he needed the contact and he was driven by that thought and he thought Anthony as well, by the way he willingly went with Loki and asked for more until they were one. Loki couldn’t say anymore what limb belonged to whom, they were a tangled mess, kissing and marking another until they found their climax, breathing out.

_This was better_.

Anthony looked at him, smile sated and happy and nibbled slowly on his neck. Small sparks of pain shot through Loki but he didn’t complain, let Anthony do what he had to do and was happy with being marked.

“So, you won’t leave me?” Anthony asked him, his voice hoarse.

“As long as you want me to stay, I won’t leave.”

“Good,” Anthony mumbled and dropped his head on Loki’s shoulder. His hair tickled him in the nose.

They laid there for a few more minutes, the sun shining stronger by now. It was perhaps around nine in the morning and Loki thought he could smell coffee in the air.

“I really don’t want to move,” Anthony stated with a sigh. “But we have things to do, right?”

“Yes.” Loki smiled at him. “We’re going to get Peter and Thor back today.”

“We will.” Anthony nodded. “And before that, we only have to survive and can’t fuck up history, right?”

“Exactly.” Loki chuckled in affirmation, threading his fingers through the sweaty silver hair, tugging it until a content expression flitted over Anthony’s face and stayed there. Yes, he liked that much better than the guilt he had seen earlier. Perhaps he knew now what Anthony’s nightmare had been about and if not, he could suspect it quite strongly. The refusal of letting Loki touch him last night, not wanting contact – guilt.

Guilt for thinking, _dreaming_ Loki would leave him behind for someone – _Thor_ , the Aesir, the Jotnar, for everybody but wouldn’t stay for Anthony. Knowing it was only his head that made him think something like that when he knew and was sure that Loki would never do that to him.

But it was all right now and they stood up with small smiles on their faces. The sun was shining and they walked down to the team room, a big packet flowing behind them on green seiðr.


	21. Chapter 21

There was a song Anthony liked to hear when he was in his work area and exercised the organ inside of his head, a song he liked to yell along with. Sometimes he sang but never to that one song, apparently it was a necessity to scream to ACDC and ‘Highway to Hell’. Loki never understood that, being personally more one to sing than to _yell_ like an undignified king. Not that he wasn’t one to some degree but there were principles even he did not fight about. For some reason the song was playing inside of Loki’s head as they walked down the floor to the team room. They were loaded with cereal bowls in each of their hands and cups of tea and coffee because this meeting already promised to be long simply because the night had been long for them too.

It felt like a promise for exhausting hours, burdened with migraines and growing despair but –

Loki tried to hide his smirk at that; it also was time to tell the Avengers of their carefully forged plan and to share what they had learnt of the Infinity Stones. Hopefully they wouldn’t cause any more and bigger trouble but he had his doubts about that.

These were the _Avengers_ , if there weren’t any inconveniences while working with them – unknowingly for them or not – something was _wrong_ and that to an extent that just by thinking about it, Loki felt stress rise in him and he clutched the mug until his bones were shining pale white against his skin.

It didn’t take the group long to be assembled around the big table, everybody walked in, carrying a mug of steaming coffee or two. It seemed as if nobody shared his fondness for tea. They didn’t even have blueberry tea here which was a great offense, Loki found but Rocket stared at him with an amused tilt to his mouth, his whiskers gleaming innocently in the light.

“We have information about most Infinity Stones,” Loki started and cast decidedly all thoughts about blueberry tea aside. With a flick of his hand his seiðr showed them the stones in the forms they had been trapped in, glowing in their different colours brightly. Beneath them information were listed, their powers (if known) and where they’d been and how they reacted to people wielding them. It came as no surprise that some had lots of notes, others not so many.

“The space, time, and mind stone are the ones that we can get hold of the easiest,” Natasha realised after she was done reading and threw him a glance.

Loki nodded in confirmation, his eyes circling through the room until they landed on Ronin.

“New York, 2012,” he laughed, his voice full of mockery. “What a great year. Good so, I’m out of _that_. Have fun with the Chitauri, losers.”

There was a silent question in Natasha’s eyes now, her feet placed on the table and Loki nodded while fighting the urge to look at Anthony. He had the quiet suspicion his fiancé was thinking about following her example. He’d put Ronin into a different year – somewhere _else_ but not New York and _certainly not_ 2012\. That could complicate matters quite a bit.

“I know where the soul stone is,” Nebula said and pointed at the orange gem. “It’s on _Vormir_.”

“That sounds suspiciously close to ‘vomit’,” Anthony muttered under his breath with a grin.

Nebula looked at him with cold black eyes. “It is where I lost my sister, Tony. _Don’t_ you dare to joke about that _._ ”

He nodded, looking – yes, indeed _, chastised_. So someone else than Pepper was able to make Anthony look like that? That … No, that didn’t sit right with him.

“Loki, _down_.” She glared at him. “The stone is on Vormir, I don’t know how we’d get him. But I do have the coordinates to the planet.”

Anthony gave her his phone. “Type them in here, FRIDAY will take care of the rest.”

New coordinates lit up on the screen in dark orange. A shiver ran through Loki, they were really going to do this, weren’t they? Travelling through time -

“Rogers, Scott, the Professor, and Anthony will go to New York,” Loki said, despite how much it tore his heart apart. But he had to _focus_ and Anthony was needed there. “The Sanctum Sanctorum, Professor, is over here,” Loki pointed at a map of New York and where the Sanctum was hidden. “I don’t know what you will have to do to get the stone but seeing as Strange gave up the time stone on Titan– mention this and everything should be fine, most likely.” Loki shrugged. “Whoever taught that idiot has hopefully more brain cells back then.”

“All right.” The Professor smiled at him indulgently. Loki wanted to hit him. “But let us not mock the dust people, yes?”

Loki’s eyebrow twitched in irritation. “Scott, Rogers, Anthony – the other two stones they are –“

“With you.” Anthony looked at him with worry. “Will your past self give us trouble?”

“Not more than usual, perhaps even less so,” Loki mumbled. He remembered the day, clear as the sky outside. The pain in his back but also, the feeling of freedom streaming through him. “Just remember that this is not _me_ , even though it’s me.”

“Yeah, I won’t kiss him, don’t worry,” Anthony joked with a wink. “The French kissing is all reserved for you.”

“Adorable,” Ronin mumbled with a grimace and imitated vomiting noises. Loki rolled his eyes at that, hiding the upwelling fondness.

“I’ll go with Nebula,” Rhodey said out of sudden.

Loki looked at him, but Rhodey looked determined. Actually Loki wanted to give Rhodey a choice as to where he could go – and he wouldn’t have minded seeing him go with Anthony to New York. Not at all. He’d like to have his fiancé protected by someone he could _trust_ and – Rhodey was among his first choice.

Nebula nodded, apparently happy with Rhodey as her companion. “We’ll go and look for the Power stone. I know where Quill got it from.”

“ _Quill_ got the Power stone?” It didn’t feel like an exaggeration to say that Loki’s eyes nearly dropped out of his eyeholes. Out of all people to retrieve the stone he would have never expected it to be _Quill_.

Natasha was the next who spoke up. “I’ll go with Clint.”

That didn’t come as surprise to him. “You will?”

“Yes, I will.”

Loki stepped Ronin on the shoe, just enough to make him feel pain because he hadn’t _reacted_ to Natasha’s announcement in any way. There were more important matters to think about than to bicker about his on-and-off friendship with her.

“Are you not happy, Boss?” Ronin blinked at him up under his lashes.

“You’ll go and search for the soul stone.” Loki’s brow arched, daring Ronin to argue but he complied. Oh, he hoped he was wrong with what he had clued together about the soul stone but –

He didn’t trust the universe. That was why he’d given Natasha the phone earlier and he sincerely hoped that Ronin truly _did_ have heart, that the Mind stone had done his work correctly, and that this was _Ronin_. Because otherwise –

It was better not to think about this at all and curse it with negative thoughts.

The teams were sorted out quite quickly – Loki would go with Rocket to Asgard to retrieve the Reality Stone since they were the only ones left now.

Then the time had come to solve the mystery of the flowing package. Anthony opened it, his face full of glee when he pulled out the suits he had designed for their time traveling on the _flight_. Loki started to wonder if phone sex wouldn’t have been the better option because –

The suits were _ugly_. Loki couldn’t remember ever seeing such an epitome of grotesqueness before which said a lot because his brother was _Thor_.

For one, the suits were _white_. But then, also mixed with red and black and –

“Anthony, what in the Norns’ name did possess you when you chose this colour scheme?”

“To be honest? Boredom.” Anthony looked at him, a grin plastered on his face and he looked so _young_ , full of life and humour, it was difficult for Loki to harbour any resentful feelings for him. “And I thought a change in the looks would do us some good, don’t you think so as well?” And Anthony said that with such a sincerity, Loki couldn’t bring it over himself to tell him that the colours were absolutely repulsive, and even the first Iron Man suit in its silvery, old, and bedraggled state looked better than these suits.

He chose to remain silent on the matter though and put one on with a wave of his hand.

“ _HA!”_ Rocket cackled. “You look like you’re a pale sheet of nothing!”

The other Avengers started to snigger.

“Well, I have to admit that white perhaps isn’t the most becoming colour for you, Lokes.”

“Really, Anthony?” He tilted his head. “Who’d have thought that there is a reason why I prefer to wear green and black clothes?”

“I _might_ have forgotten that in my enthusiasm?” Anthony considered him for a moment and Loki did his best to look like a kicked puppy, pouting at him. “Change the colour theme?” Anthony suggested then, a wince in his voice.

Loki sighed. He _wanted_ to but he also didn’t want to upset his lover. Because even _if_ Anthony had given his consent, he liked the colours and the idea behind it and to change them –

_No_.

“It’s fine. I’ll survive it.” _And change the outfit as soon as I’m on Asgard_.

“All right.” Anthony beamed broadly, blending him almost and then mentioned him to come forward. “See, Loki. This is a thing I and Nat talked about-“

“And _me_ ,” Rhodey threw in with an eyeroll, turning to Loki. “He _always_ forgets me. And then the idea to do this even comes from me, not him. He just had a suggestion, I fleshed the whole thing out.”

“That’s a lie,” Anthony argued but chuckled at his friend shamelessly.

“Stop bickering and get to the point,” Natasha said, clearly amused as well and pulled out one of her batons. “Loki, the time has come.”

“Time for what?” He asked, suspicion in his voice.

“Time for you to become an Avenger. _Officially_ ,” Anthony declared with a smirk.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

Loki shook his head. No, he _wasn’t_ an Avenger, despite what Anthony said. He wasn’t and he would never be one. _No_. This was a way he would not walk upon.

“Oh, come on you little baby,” Natasha cooed. “Step forward and receive your title so we can all shoot off and tumble through time and space.”

“That’s not-“

“Loki, come forward. Otherwise, no sex and whipped cream for a month _at least_.”

His eyes went wide as he looked at Anthony who looked at him deadly serious. “You are not joking about this, are you?”

“Yes.” He made a ‘come here’ gesture with his fingers.

And perhaps he really meant his threat. Loki gulped quietly then stepped forward. He hated how weak he was for whipped cream. And sex, obviously. But to his defence, Anthony was extremely good in bed and no sex would mean he’d have to suffer a cranky Anthony. Something Loki wished to avoid if possible. So doing this was totally for the Greater Good and he hoped future Loki would appreciate his sacrifice.

Anthony took the baton from Natasha, his eyes fiery brown and determined, he looked almost ready to slay Loki were he to say he was going to run away.

But to Loki’s surprise, it was Rhodey who said the ‘ceremonial’ words.

“Loki, King of New Asgard and fiancé of Anthony Edward Stark, you have proven yourself to be a worthy member of our group. You faced Thanos tall and unyielding. You have since then – after our defeat – proven yourself as someone who doesn’t give up, as someone who stands to his principles and tries to do his best for all involved.” He nodded at Natasha.

Warmth filled Loki when he realised that those words were spoken in earnest and that, surprisingly, none of the other Avengers tried to cut in between.

“Loki, kneel,” Anthony commanded softly.

Loki threw him a quick glare but – he was already in it and backing out now would be a fatal mistake and he could hear the others gasp for breath when he really sunk down to one knee, bowing his head lightly. He would kneel to Anthony and no one else because - only he was deserving of this. Having an Avengers title or not, that didn’t matter to Loki. What mattered was that Anthony looked at him with a special warmth and love that was solely reserved for Loki’s eyes; something that he cherished and would do his utmost best, for the rest of their time together, to keep and care for that it might grow and develop further.

“Loki, you have been deemed fit for this high estate by your friends,” Natasha said and her voice was low and dark. Fitting, Loki thought and continued to listen to her, remembering a time Odin had sworn Thor in to be king. “You have indicated your _willingness_ to accept this honour of being an Avenger by our estimate. Do you swear that all you hold true, that you will honour and defend them?”

Loki looked at Anthony while saying the most conflicting words he had ever uttered in his life, “I will.”

The Baton touched his left shoulder, his right afterwards.

If there wasn’t such an eerily silence the whole thing might have been a bit underwhelming. But Loki heard nothing except for the words being spoken and felt Anthony’s eyes on him and it was –

Not perfect but not horrible either.

He slowly stood up, breathing in deeply.

“Welcome to the Avengers, Loki,” Anthony said, his voice a gentle whisper full of pride and love. His hand rose and touched the famous ‘A’ that was printed on his chestplate, his fingers dancing on the white material. He bent his head so his lips could touch Anthony’s, claimed them in a tender kiss.

He knew that this was the last time he could do this for a while, that they were going to be send out any minute now, that they wouldn’t see each other for a while.

If everything was going to work out, they could _call_ each other – but the mission had to be put on first place and Loki clutched Anthony tighter against him, realising that he didn’t want to let go for as long as he could.

What did a title matter when there was _Anthony_ , who gripped him with the same kind of desperation and fear. Worry was crawling its way through him but that could be done later, could be thought of later when he was running against time for power and he kissed Anthony deeper, tried to mark Anthony with his lips while praying to the Norns at the same moment to ensure his safety and well-being.

“Take care,” Loki whispered when they broke apart, foreheads resting against each other. They were still standing so close, he could smell Anthony’s cologne, lime, and something else he couldn’t decipher but he liked it. “And return to me hale.”

Because he would kill everyone in this room if Anthony died on this endeavour to get the dusted ones back. Then he’d leave the planet behind and do _something_ , find someone to unleash his wish for vengeance against until he found peace.

“I will,” Anthony whispered with a voice, steeled by confidence and determination, echoing his words from earlier. “And you will come back to me, otherwise I’ll kill your sorry ass in whatever time you got lost in.”

“2013, your time counting,” Loki mumbled, gave Anthony a last kiss then parted from him.

The time had come to travel backwards.

~°~

Asgard was as beautiful and horrible as Loki remembered it to be. The guards were still walking through the corridors with their false founded confidence and the servants cursing the royal family for having to deliver a _dinner_ to the undeserving bastard of a prince. The dungeons hadn’t become prettier but his memory seldom betrayed him and ten years were nothing to it, everything was _exactly_ as he remembered it. He knew where his cell was. He was also sure that they would pass him as he laid on bed, dying of boredom.

“You’re coming, princess?” Rocket asked, his tail twitching in excitement.

“Yes.” He started to walk, his eyes set on the next cell. “I need five minutes, Rocket.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I have to do this. Otherwise the present doesn’t happen as it happened.” At least, that was what he _hoped_.

A brow shot up but Rocket nodded in agreement.

Loki could remember the light flickering and _there_ it was. The flicker. The short black out, the lights turning on again like nothing had happened.

When the younger Loki turned his head around, Loki was standing there in his uniform. The coattails flapping quietly around his legs, creating this old and familiar sound and his younger self _stared_ at him, eyes wide in shining green. _Suspicious until his last breath._

Loki smirked. “No, you are not crazy, despite the All-Father’s best efforts to drive us into madness in here.”

“So, you’re me from the future?” Younger Loki cocked his head.

Loki nodded, silently taking in his younger self’s state. He looked a bit thin, but well rested. It was better than Loki would have thought. In his mind he had looked close to a skeleton but that might’ve been the loneliness. The enforced solitude that was only ever interrupted by his mother. Had she known what she saved him from?

“You have more wrinkles in your forehead,” the younger Loki mused. “Tell me, can we talk about the future or is this all another secret I cannot let be in on? To _protect_ me?” he spat out, getting angry, a snarl on his face.

“The only one who can protect us has to be ourselves.” Loki smiled at him bitterly. “Take care of your chest. Do you remember by chance the spell we learnt what felt like aeons ago under the tutoring of the Vanir?”

Loki’s brows shot up, his mood darkening. “Will we-“

“Do you _remember_ that spell?”

The younger Loki nodded.

“Good.” Loki breathed out. “You will be thankful for the spell when the time has come. We’d be missing out on _so many things_ otherwise.”

“Like the racoon?”

“Not only him, but yes.” Loki tilted his head. “Everything will be worth it in the end. Completely different to what we ever imagined it to be like but-“

“Your seiðr. It is _vastly_ different to mine, I can sense it through the barrier.”

Loki held his breath. He hadn’t –

“You have found someone.” The younger Loki came closer, his eyes wide and impossible green. For a change Loki realised how intimidating his stare could be. “Who? Do I know who it is?”

“Yes.” Loki laughed quietly. “And it’s not an old acquaintance in case you were wondering. It’s no Asgardian.”

The other Loki tilted his head, and Loki could see himself thinking. “A young one then. And not someone I ever expected it to be.”

“Yes.”

The green eyes darted to the raccoon for a moment.

“No, you keep your greedy little eyes to yourself,” Rocket spoke up. “This fine fur is happily not taken and will stay that way if I have something to say about that.”

Loki saw how his other self sighed in relief. Had he-

Oh, yes. He had. He wasn’t even surprised at that.

“I can’t let you remember that you spoke with me,” Loki said. “I can only leave-“

“-a feeling behind.”

“Yes.” Loki bit on his lip. “I’m sorry for what it’s worth.”

“Will you tell me the name of our _special_ someone?”

“You won’t remember it,” Loki said softy.

“No, but for a moment I’ll _know_.” The younger Loki lifted his hand, touching the gold glittering wall. “Tell me, Loki. I deserve to know what poor soul we’ll torture for all eternity.”

Rocket snorted. “Oh, I get the feeling he’s torturing you more than him. He just threatened you to a week without sex, in case you were wondering.”

For a moment the younger Loki only stared. Then, he threw his head back and started to laugh. “Oh Norns,” he guffawed. “How deep are we in that this threat works on us?”

“Deep enough that we’re engaged,” Loki replied, dryly.

Younger Loki chortled even more. “That does sound like life will be fun in the following years.”

Rocket grinned and slapped his thigh. “You have no idea how fun. I swear you, Stark keeps you on your toes for many years.”

Loki groaned.

“Wait, it is _Stark?”_

“Yes,” Loki said calmly.

Younger Loki seemed to ponder that for a moment. “Interesting. And also, not at all surprising when I think about it.”

“No?”

“No.” The younger Loki gave him a razor-sharp grin. “After all, we tossed him out of a window. Who in the Norns’ name would possibly not _fall_ for that?”

Rocket started to wheeze. Loki rolled his eyes. “Clearly we didn’t lose our wit in the dungeon.”

“It seems to be the only thing left for me here.” The younger Loki nodded. “Alright. Stark. That was somewhat of a surprise. Now take that knowledge again from me so that I can be surprised again by that.”

Loki smirked and pressed his hands against the golden wall. “That _might_ hurt.”

“Oh, do your worst, Loki.” He walked back to his bed, a small smirk on his lips.

Loki’s green seiðr exploded and broke through the barrier, hit the other Loki on the head, blocked the memories of their talk and left only the feel behind of something. Loki would survive tomorrow. The light flickered out again and Loki knew that when his other self looked to the hall, nobody would be standing there anymore. It would be a flicker of his imagination, a feeling that time had gone missing and eventually, things would make sense to him.

They ran the staircases up, breathing quietly and looking out for Einherjar, controlling the dungeon. Loki felt oddly relieved by having talked to his younger self; maybe he should try that more often.

“How is it that you have such long legs and I’m still faster than you?” Rocket asked, shaking his furry head.

“Because you run faster.”

“Then hurry the fuck up, long legs. We have a stone to get into our paws.”

Loki nodded and sped up.

They had reached the upper level soon and-

He stopped, pulling Rocket behind a column. His heart was beating. It was _her_. Frigga. He swallowed and peered from behind the column, to see her ordering some maids to bring him food to the dungeon. She looked good. Her golden hair was bundled up in a braid and her voice sounded as firm as always, but with a note of gentleness. He _missed_ her, Loki realised and drew back. Breathed in. Out.

When he looked again, Frigga was gone and the way was clear to go.

“Loki.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. Rocket groaned.

“Look at me, my son.”

The voice hurt. She hurt and soothed some pain in him he hadn’t known he still felt, wounds he thought healed were tearing up again and slowly, as if facing Ragnarök once again, he turned on his heels to see his mother standing there. Her lips stretched to a lovely smile and in her eyes danced mirth.

“You’ve grown into a handsome man.”

Words were lost on him, the silver he was so famous for, left him all alone and he could only _stare_. Tried to comprehend that what we saw was _real_ – as real as it could be in a time travel.

“Lovely to make your acquaintance, your Majesty,” Rocket drawled and bowed a bit to her. Loki desperately wanted to slap him for that. “But we are on a mission here. You don’t mind us stealing the Reality stone, do you? Well, we’d take it either way but a permission would be nice.”

“You’ll find the Aether down the corridor, the door to your right.” Frigga smiled at him. “Be quiet, she is asleep at the moment., the Infinity Stone wears on her energy more than Thor could ever imagine.”

“And that’s it?” Rocket asked with suspicion.

Frigga nodded. “I’ll talk to my son in the meantime.”

“You can’t keep him,” Rocket warned her.

“I would not dare to.” She smiled at Loki.

Rocket left, and Loki remained back with Frigga. His _mother_. Who he had last seen when he told her she wasn’t his mother any more. It had been ten long years without her.

“Do I finally get my hug after all this time?” she asked him quietly and Loki only could _nod_ , before he was hugging _her_. She smelled of summer and a breeze in the wind and her hug was still as warm and amazing as he remembered it to be.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her hair, warmed by the sun rays.

“Oh, I missed you as well, _sváss mín_.”

He held tighter onto her before he released her again, feeling like he could breathe again. “I am not-“

“The Loki from the dungeons? Oh, I know.” She winked mischievously at him. It reminded Loki _where_ he had actually gotten the mischief from, and it certainly hadn’t been Odin. “You look healthier than you did for a long while.”

“Yes.” He swallowed, his hands reaching for her wrists, taking them tenderly. “ _Mother_.”

The smile he got from her for that, it made all the pain worth he endured while standing with her, not being able to tell her that she’d die. It might change the future and even though Loki wished for her to be alive, she _was dead_. And he had learnt to accept that fact a while ago.

“You have never attempted to communicate with me,” he said instead.

“Oh, probably because everything is already said.” She tilted her head. “My Loki, I can feel the Aesirforce in you.”

“Yes.” He laughed shortly. “It is.”

“And your seiðr feels a bit different as well.” She raised her brows. “Is there something you want to share with me, _sváss mín_?”

“I am engaged?”

“You are?” She squealed. “That’s amazing. Who tamed your unruly and wild nature, Loki?”

He looked to the side, feeling shy out of sudden. “It’s one of Thor’s Avengers, mother.”

“No way.” She chuckled and it felt like they were sitting in her rooms, drinking tea, and talking about the weekly stupidity in the court. “Which one was it? Don’t tell me it’s the one who you had under control.”

“No!” He shoved her away playfully. “No. I have some dignity left, mother.”

“Aww, then it must be either the lady or the one you tossed out of the window.”

“ _Mother_!” He glared at her.

“So it _is_ Anthony Stark.”

He sighed. “Yes.” It didn’t sit all too well with him how easy she had known which Avenger it was. “It is indeed Anthony.”

“Is he treating you well?”

Loki remembered their talks at night, outside when he had to play king, their stupid jokes when they wanted to cheer each other up. When they made each other breakfast in bed. Their Christmas eve together that had been wonderful, their kisses. Their promise to stay with each other for eternity, whispered against flushed skin and salty cheeks, spoken and repeated just this morning that already felt so far away and he felt a smile playing on his lips. There was no doubt to hear in his voice when he answered, “He is the most amazing man I’ve met. And it is my honour to be with him. I wouldn’t know what and where I was right now, had it not been for him.”

“He sounds like a good man.” She smiled at him. “I’m happy for you. You deserve happiness in your life as well, Loki. Tell him he better continue to treat your right or I’ll slap him from wherever I am in your time.”

His breath stopped.

“Ah.” A look of understanding flashed over her face. “Tell him anyway.” She reached for him and he bent down a bit, feeling his eyes going wide when she kissed his forehead tenderly. “May the Norns watch over you and your partner, _sváss mín_.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Mother, tonight-“

“No, Loki.” She shook her head. “Don’t tell me what is going to happen. I’m sure that whatever will happen, it happens out of a good reason and the Norns have given it their blessing.”

“It’s my fault.” He looked down at the floor, couldn’t bear to withstand her strong and loving look anymore. He was not – _worthy_ , not when her blood was still staining his fingers deep red and he smelled iron in the air. He still – he didn’t even know if she was going to _suffer_ , he death was a big question to him and he couldn’t -

“Your fault?” She tilted her head and sunlight danced on her fine hair, made her look even more divine than she already was. “My son, I’m sure that whatever is going to happen, that isn’t your fault.”

“I told him to go left,” he whispered, pained, seeing the Kurse pass him in front of his inner eye.

She stroked over his cheek with her thumb, her eyes full of warmth and love. “But it’s not in your hands where it goes. Some things happen because someone else decides to follow an advice, sometimes the advice isn’t even needed to do what it does. There is no fault with you, Loki. You are only a prisoner down there and you are hurting and angry.” A grin tugged on the corners of her mouth. “It’s all right. Give Thor my love from me, yes?”

He winced.

A shadow fell on his face. “It seems life has not only been kind to you, has it?”

“No,” he whispered, old pain tugging at his heart. “But when has it ever been?”

“At the end of every bridge there is a rainbow. And I have to take my leave from you, your father is awaiting me for a fight about you being in the dungeons. I can’t let have him think I’m caring less about you, can I?”

Loki choked back a pained whimper. He wasn’t ready to let _go_ , not yet. Thousands of things streamed into his mind, telling him that he should tell her, now, before it was too late – _again_.

“Take care.” She kissed his cheeks. “Thor’s out in the gardens if you wish to avoid him.” She squeezed his hands one last time – and this time, for real – then left.

Loki looked after her as she wandered down the corridor, the sun glistening on her dress and her steps were light as a feather before she took a turn to the left and disappeared from his view. His hands were still warm from her handshake and slowly, despite the pain it caused him, he averted his eyes.

Thor was in the gardens?

He called his seiðr to him, shifted in his forms until he became smaller, more feminine and his hair grew, changed his clothing into a golden dress, then skywalked to the gardens.

Thor was not to oversee in the garden of Frigga, his hair glowing softly in the sunshine, his shoulders drawn back and muttering under his breath.

“Thor,” he called out, his voice feminine and _familiar_ and it hurt.

But he still smiled at Thor in the disguise of Frigga, his hands touching the wild flowers growing to his right.

They were dark green, with golden speckles and smelled like wild berries. It had been Loki’s favourite flower since day one – the colour scheme had intrigued him and the fact that such a deadly looking flower smelled so lovely. The flower had no name, Frigga had told him one day, what must have been aeons ago. It simply had tricked its way into her garden, and it had been such a beautiful flower, she had chosen to keep it there. Now he was wondering whether she had been talking about the flower at all.

“Mother,” Thor greeted him with a pained smile. “Have you been talking to Loki again?”

“Perhaps.” He grinned at Thor and patted his cheek, feeling a mixture of love and mischief coming up at him. He had missed those earnest blue eyes, the thundering voice and simply, _Thor_.

Five years without his brother were nothing, Loki knew that. But in those five years, many, many things had happened and often he had wished for Thor to be there for him. To have Thor with him, joke with him about Midgardians and their strange customs.

“Mother, you must stop-“

“When have I last told you that I love you?” He cut in, not wanting to hear his brother’s painful words that were, well _partially_ justified.

Thor smiled at him. “Right now.”

Loki laughed and took his hands in his. He wished that Thor would palm his neck but he wouldn’t do that to mother. This gesture was reserved for Loki alone and Norns, he was looking forward to the time he could get it again.

“Don’t ever forget that I love you, Thor.”

“Why would I, mother?”

That felt wrong. Loki smirked. “Because I think you might have forgotten it, _brother_.” And his voice dropped to his usual drawl, and Thor’s eyes went wide.

“Loki!”

He chuckled quietly. “It’s good to see you, I have to admit that.” He squeezed Thor’s hands when he tried to pull them back. “I hope I see you again in a few. But I _had_ to see you now, it’s been some time and I forgot how stupid your face looks.”

Thor just looked at him, bewildered. Loki was glad Thor did not yell for the guards or called Mjölnir to himself.

“But I see that you’re doing well, so it’s time for me to leave. And take your memory of this.” Loki chuckled and let his seiðr flow up to Thor’s head, fogging and obscuring the memory. He couldn’t _erase_ memories, but he could certainly watch them and if he wanted to, change them. Thor, as well as his younger self, wouldn’t remember a single word about their conversations. All that would be left behind was a warm and fuzzy feeling, a tinge of contentment.

Loki left without further ado and skywalked to Rocket, who had just retrieved the Aether from Jane.

“Are we ready?”

“Yes.” Rocket glared at him. “So, I did all the work and you had some lovely talks with yourself and your mum?”

“I ensured the future would play out the way it is supposed to,” Loki said calmly and led him to a hidden room. He pulled the torch town and a door in the wall opened, they slipped in it quietly.

“Well, then I _will_ cut you some slack for it. Providing that you’ll help me to get some prosthetics.”

“That’s all?”

“Sure. Have to make sure Groot gets something to play with when he comes back, right?”

“Right.” Loki chuckled, changed his outfit back to the Avengers suit, then they were on their way back.

Hopefully, everything had gone smooth as well for the others.


	22. Chapter 22

Of course, that wasn’t the case. Rocket and Loki had just arrived back at the Avengers Mansion at the wrong time – and as the first team as well. They’d forgotten about the Convergence and how that would meddle with the time so they arrived _far too_ early. FRIDAY told them they’d just left to the past _seven seconds_ ago and was _amused_ at their plight.

“Does that mean we can have a break?” Rocket looked at him, his mouth twitching. “I could eat a whole bunch of green frogs right now.”

“You want to eat _now?_ ”

“Of course. Do you even know how difficult it is to get an _Infinity Stone_ out from a _human_ and trying not to wake them up because Quill was never happy either when I put a needle in his arm.”

Loki was tempted to ask _what_ was in the needle because he smelled the mischief, the chaos and it was no wonder he like the raccoon, was it? But he bit his tongue and let Rocket walk off, the Infinity Stone safely stored away in Loki’s infinite pockets.

The compound was quiet, without anybody else here. He felt tired after the journey, seeing his mother and Thor again and –

His phone rang.

Loki’s heart stopped when he heard it. The phones were only to be used in the greatest emergency case. He instantly thought that it was Anthony who was calling him; perhaps his past self had killed Rogers – he remembered how the man had annoyed him back then, his self-righteous characteristic and his stupid blue eyes and horrible blond hair.

But the caller wasn’t Anthony and he breathed out in relief for a small second only to close his eyes in bitter defeat afterwards. It was Natasha.

Her voice was terribly flat and cold, he could hear nothing else but her. Rocket was staring at him with wide eyes, having returned from the kitchen and held bread with jam in his paws. Loki saw his own panic reflected in the dark eyes and it seemed that everything _had_ to go wrong now.

“The stone has a guardian.”

“Then kill the guardian,” Loki suggested with a frown on his face. There was literally nothing easier than this and he only proposed it because he knew with _whom_ he was talking to. If it had been Rogers Loki would have tried to say it in other words, a sentence that stood in relation with ‘it’s for the Greater Good’, ‘we have to sacrifice one for all’ and lured the man with sweet, honeyed word whereas Natasha preferred a brutal clarity, with a bit of honey on the side.

“It’s not about the guardian.” He could her hear sigh at the other end of the line. “He’s only here to tell us how to get the stone. No, Loki. It’s about the price for the stone.” She laughed dryly, bitter and she sounded far away.

He licked his lips, looked out of the window and his shoulders dropped, his worst fears, suspicions coming true. “He wants a soul for the soul stone, doesn’t he?”

“Yes.” Her sober voice sounded so final. “And it has to be a soul you love. You said I should call you in case of an emergency. And-“

“This is one.” He nodded and Rocket’s eyes went wide, the bread stuffed into his mouth.

She laughed. It was cold and Loki felt like he was talking for the first time to the woman who had been trained years, _decades_ ago in the Red Room, created to _be_ a robot of a people who wanted to use her skills and abilities; an assassin who only thought about what was a practical, tactical approach and not _ever_ with emotions. The mind was stronger than the heart and he was scared for his friend, and who he was going to lose in this. It was scary because she also had _Ronin_ with her, not Clint. Ronin, who didn’t think of her at all anymore as family, more as a friend – if that was even the case. Loki hadn’t gotten the feeling from their short interactions, that he _liked_ Natasha enough for her to be a friend. Because the sister he’d had died alongside with Clint and now there was only Avenger Natasha left.

“I could of course, throw Clint from the cliff.”

“He is not Clint,” Loki said calmly, his heart racing.

“I could also sacrifice myself for him.”

“Nat, _no_!”

“But it would be for the Greater Good.” He could hear her smile into the phone and he dearly wanted to throttle her and shake sense into her. As if Loki would _ever_ give her up. He wouldn’t, she was his _friend_.

An annoying one, yes, but one with a quick mind and a sharp tongue and battling idiots from the left and from the right, she was the glue for the Avengers and-

Anthony would be devastated would if Natasha kill herself and left Pepper behind and have another friend in deep mourning, red eyes and an empty soul, hollow from the inside out. And of course, because they would lose _her_. He growled into the phone.

“The ‘Greater Good’ can go and pack its things,” Loki hissed, his fingers twitching, dancing with his green seiðr. “By the Norns, I swear to you _Natasha Alianovna Romanoff_ , if you kill yourself on Vormir I will _personally_ ensure that Pepper-“

“I can’t do that to her, can I?” Natasha said, her voice quiet and getting warmer again. “She’d come here just to kick me for daring to leave her alone to deal with you two morons on her own.”

“Yes.” He did his best not to comment on the last part of her statement.

Natasha laughed shortly. “Why did I go and fall in love with this woman, Loki? If it wasn’t for her, then I don’t think I would’ve called you now. Instead I would be running towards the end of these cliffs and have be over and done with.”

“Then I think I’ll have to send Pepper a big thank you basket,” he replied and hoped, she continued to talk to him.

“Yes.” Perhaps Natasha was smiling right now, her voice was indefinitely softer and warmer to his ears. “When I look at the abyss and think of jumping, I can only see her face and how angry and upset Pepper would be with me. And I-,” she swallowed. “I can’t do that to her. _I can’t._ Even if my death would be for the Greater Good, I _can’t-_ Loki, I can’t give her up.”

“You don’t have to,” he told her quietly and clutched the phone, trying to get a hold on her.

“But I can’t sacrifice Clint either!” She yelled at him, her voice a mixture of betrayal and anger.

He smiled sadly. “You will have to sacrifice either Clint or Ronin, Nat.”

“I _won’t_ let him die!”

Loki nodded slowly. “I know.” He bit his lips, regret overcoming him. “I’m sorry. This is -”

“You had your suspicions about this trip and Vormir, hadn’t you?”

There was no need to deny it. “Why else do you think I handed out the phones? There were so many, many things that pointed at that Vormir cost a big price with Nebula losing her sister. You think that-“ he broke off. “But someone _had_ to go.”

“And that’s why you made sure you and Anthony were separated from the beginning, right?” Natasha asked him coldly. “So you could ensure that you both weren’t sent to this place, so you don’t end up where I am right now.”

“Can you blame me for that?” he asked her, curiously. “I am a selfish bastard and I protect which is mine.”

“Even sacrificing your friends for that?”

“I don’t have to sacrifice any of my friends,” Loki said haughtily. “Don’t you remember what I told you about Ronin?”

“You are a selfish fucker, Loki.”

And as much as that _hurt_ to hear, she had a point. He closed his eyes. “I have never claimed anything different.” A shrug, pretending not to be bothered by it when he _was_. “Do you want to yell at me or curse me for a bit longer or are you ready to listen to me now?”

A minute passed where he could only hear her breathing harshly, could hear her walking around. It was interesting that he couldn’t hear Ronin somewhere, muttering or cursing – or planning. Yet, Ronin didn’t feel much and he didn’t love Natasha – so it was fruitless to plan her murder. The soul exchange wouldn’t work that way and Loki had the feeling that Ronin was patiently waiting for instructions.

Like his Hawk.

A bitter smile tugged at his lips.

“I’m ready. Tell me of your plan,” Natasha announced abruptly. “And I swear to every fucking god that I know that I _will_ kill you when I’m back Loki, for betraying me like that.”

“You chose Vormir by yourself,” he reminded her.

She hissed in the phone. “ _The plan_. Now.”

“You love Clint, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“You will have to sacrifice Clint.”

“I’ll kill you as soon as I see you again,” she told him, her voice low and dangerously. “Don’t bother running, _King of New Asgard,_ I’ll find you.”

“Listen to me. What would you prefer – a world _without_ Clint or a world where you can try to get him back?”

“What are you implying?”

Loki bit on his lips, starting to feel nervous. “That there is a way to –,” he stopped, starting again. “Back when I’ve met Clint for the first time, I told him, ‘ _he has heart’_.” He chuckled. “The Mind stone in the sceptre, it _is_ overly complex, and it showed me that there is the possibility for two persons in one body. Or, two souls. The Hawk was a combination of both – the good side and the bad side, more leaning towards the bad side of course.”

“What happened with Clint?”

“He is still there. Just … Anthony would say an ‘override’ command was used on him. But the Mind Stone also created a rift in him, which in turn, started to split Clint’s soul. There was enough space for _another_ soul then and it is where the second soul lives in. I never thought that this was going to work. But when his family got dusted-“

“Ronin could _grow_ himself a complete own soul?”

“Exactly.” He fiddled with his Avengers suit, before conjuring back on his other outfit. Wearing the white-red Avengers suit felt wrong here, without Anthony around.

He felt wrong for wearing the heroes’ symbol when he was condemning one to a split soul. There was only the hope that after the inquiry of the Infinity stones they would be able to repair and restore the soul – make it into one again. Undo the split. He could hear Anthony in his head, saying in his amused drawl, “ _easy as that.”_ It made him feel better for a moment.

“You could have just told me that from the beginning.” Natasha sounded tired. “So, what? I’ll go and have a talk with Clint and we discuss this out? Which of us gets to die? Or, which part of him does?”

“Don’t insult your intelligence by pretending you don’t know who has to go,” Loki admonished her.

“I think I’ll tear your organs out when we meet again,” she announced, dark and pleased and Loki’s heart felt like it got ripped apart. “And I hope you know how to-“

“No.” _Yes_. There was a way. But he couldn’t tell her that, not now, anyway. Because the guardian had to believe someone beloved had died and was gone forever and the bloody stone would have to think that as well.

“Give me the phone, Natasha,” Ronin suddenly cut in. There was some noise then, “It’s Ronin.”

“Did you hear what Natasha said?” Loki asked him.

“I’m going to have to die.”

Loki frowned. “No, not-“

Ronin chuckled on the other end of the line. “Yes. A soul for a soul, someone who is beloved?” He sighed. “Natasha and I-“ he could hear Ronin frowning. “It’s a bit weird to think of myself like that, but I love Clint and I think that-“

Someone cursed in Russian.

“Listen, I never truly understood the whole soul shebang,” Ronin started to say in a dry voice. “But I know that I’m not fully _Clint Barton_ , that there’s something different about me. And I can still feel him, the other me, he’s still here. I guess what I wanted to say with that is, I think I _love_ him.”

“You do?”

“I don’t think a soul can hate itself.”

Loki dared to doubt that but he still nodded slowly. “It will hurt.”

“Yes, I think so. Actually this reminds me of Voldemort’s horcruxes.” Ronin laughed. “The only question is, which of us is the horcrux.”

 _A fitting comparison_ , Loki thought with bitterness.

“You don’t know either how to sacrifice a part of your soul, do you?”

Numbness started to spread in Loki. “The guardian will know what to do. He is there for a reason.”

“Ah, well.” Ronin sighed. “If I get a horrible concussion afterwards because Clint is dead, I will slice you open. I know where you sleep and with whom.”

“Don’t threaten Anthony,” Loki told him in a cold voice.

“I would never threaten. I only stated a fact. And now it’s time to die. In a kind of way. With how much pain you think, do I have to reckon?”

“With less pain than Clint will experience.” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “Make sure that Natasha is sacrificing him as well, we-“

“We won’t take any unnecessary risks, understood.” Ronin whistled. “What a change from the tune when I used to be your second-in-command. Back then, everything was about risks and endangering the safety of others.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“Sure.” Ronin chuckled, then sighed and it hit Loki deep in the core of his being. “Fingers crossed that this works. See you in a few, Boss.”

The call ended.

Loki blinked, willing the salt from his eyes away he hadn’t known had formed. The thought that in this moment or in the next one, _Clint_ would die –

It was horrible. To an extent. He didn’t really want him dead or splintered apart like Voldemort had been. In those two years he had ‘watched’ over Clint who had become Ronin, somehow he had grown to Loki. He still preferred his Hawk, though. And the sacrifice meant they would get Peter and Thor back. Ronin had made the ultimate decision, not him. He swallowed.

“By the Norns, let the stones work,” he mumbled and rubbed over his face with his hand. He could only hope that the Mind Stone would return Clint’s mind. And if not? He shuddered, shutting down that thought quickly.

The Infinity Stone _would_ work. There was no ‘but’. He refused to have Clint’s soul on his conscience. Natasha’s words had been hurtful enough and he didn’t dare to imagine what the others would start to think of Anthony – who was willing to be and stay engaged to such a monster as Loki was.

But it was out of his hands now. Whoever would come back to the Avengers Mansion from the past, the decision had been met and Loki would do his best to undo the catastrophe.

They could choose when they wanted return from the past and Loki _waited_ together with Rocket for another Avenger to pop back up in their timeline. He could feel Yggdrasil shift – an echo, a deed that happened some time ago – then she was calm again. A frown marred his face. Something had gone wrong in the past, there was no other reasonable excuse otherwise.

Natasha and Ronin materialised, both heaving and there were cold tears swimming in Natasha’s eyes. “You fucker better give me Clint back,” she hissed.

Ronin looked up, cold, blank, and expressionless. Perhaps there had been more Clint left in him than Loki had thought. “He’s gone,” Ronin announced blankly and took Natasha’s arm away from his shoulder. “It hurt like hell.”

“My utmost apologies,” Loki said and stood up. The widow shifted her weight from one leg to the other, her fingers twitching in an old and memorised movement of pulling the trigger on her gun. “We need to wait until we have all of the stones,” he said quietly. “Then we might have a chance of getting Clint back to us.”

“There is a chance?” Natasha sounded disbelieving. Not that Loki could hold it against her.

He simply nodded. “I couldn’t have told you earlier. There was a risk the exchange wouldn’t work then.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I think I’m starting to see where you got the moniker ‘god of Lies’ from.”

The smile he bestowed upon her was full of teeth. “Go and take care of Ronin. The others will come back soon.”

“I _hate_ you.”

“I know.” He tilted his head to a side. “Get some sugar into you, your fingers are trembling.”

Ronin groaned. “You’re worse than when you’re around Tony. Like an old couple. Just, the whole love is missing. That’s why it’s not bickering. Only trying to hurt the other more.”

“Shut up, you’re hurt.”

“Depends on-,” Ronin yelped when Natasha stepped on his foot and Loki couldn’t stop the smirk forming on his face. The two assassins left and Loki barely had the time to catch his breath and not to despair over whatever this was, when someone else came back.

It was Scott.

Panic flooded through Loki. Why wasn’t Anthony with him?

“Chill,” Scott dared to laugh. “Stark and Cap just decided to go back another time in the past. We encountered _some_ trouble on the way.”

The Time Machine whirred and Rhodey and Nebula appeared, the power stone glowing in her hands.

_But where was Anthony?_

He better hadn’t gone lost in the past, Loki prayed feverishly and nibbled on his lip. Welcomed the two newcomers, then the Professor appeared. The Time Stone was glowing in his hand in green, seeming to mock him with the light.

Loki blinked, hoped that with that Anthony would appear in the machine. But, nothing happened. His breath was coming out quicker.

There might be black spots dancing in front of his eyes. Something was tugging at him, calling his name but he was fixated on the blasted machine. Anthony was stuck somewhere in the past. Loki’s stomach churned.

What if Anthony never came back from this? Would stay there and –

He had gone back _again_. Bile rose in him.

“How much further did he go back?” he asked hoarsely, not even bothering to look at Scott personally.

“Back to the 70’s.”

A blink in the eyes of Loki’s timeline. But if Anthony had gotten stuck there, then he would have lived _without Loki_ for about fifty years. That thought didn’t sit well with him.

“He should be back soon.”

Loki peered to Rhodey who was squeezing his shoulder in comfort. “It’s Tones we’re talking about here. He’ll come back.” _To us_.

The Time Travel Machine started to whirr.

Loki ran forward as soon as he could recognise Anthony in one of the two figures, pulled him tight against him before he crashed his lips to Anthony’s. He was here, he was _truly here with him_ –

Not gone, not lost, not stuck, still the same. Loki kissed Anthony in a sort of frenzy, lips moving aggressively against another. Anthony was _… here_.

Slowly the thought started to sink in and fester in his mind as the goatee scratched against his own smooth skin and Anthony was still standing so deliciously close against him. He pulled back, looking him into the eyes –

Wide and brown, full of fire and a love that only shone for Loki.

“You’ve been gone for a while,” Loki whispered, not caring one bit about the stares he could feel burning in his back.

“My dad’s a dick,” Anthony offered casually. “Even before he had me. Held me up and wouldn’t let me leave to go back to my fiancé.” He winked at him and Loki’s heart softened. He noticed how Anthony’s eyes became softer when he started to speak again. “There was Jarvis.”

“Jarvis?” For a moment Loki remembered the AI that had flyted with him so fiercely back then before he muted him.

“My AI.” Anthony smiled up at him. “And then, _my_ Jarvis. My butler. He was there with Howard. I’m not sure, I think he knew something wasn’t right there and _oh fuck_ , Loki, I told him _my_ name is Howard.”

“You-“

“Yes.” He started to chuckle. “I told him my name was Howard. And that I’m engaged to an amazing man called Loki.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Howard so shocked,” Rogers threw in with a small grin on his face. “Really, it was amazing.”

“Not that I want to interrupt your lovely and romantic catching up,” Rocket snarled, “but did you get the stones? That’s what we’re here for, right? Not for sending those two idiots off into their honeymoon.”

“Oh, yes.” Anthony smirked at the raccoon. “We got the stone on the second try, don’t worry.” He levelled a playfully angry glare at Loki. “Your other self really gave us a hard time. And I forgot what a dramatic little shit you were. Really, you turned into Capsicle? Incredible.”

“You gave yourself a heart attack,” Scott helpfully offered and Loki only stared at his lover with wide eyes. Giving his own younger self a heart attack? “I think you two fit another perfectly. How are you two even _alive_?”

“I don’t know,” Anthony chuckled, his hands twitching on Loki’s hip. “But I like it.”

“Can we discuss that later?” Natasha snapped from behind them.

A feeling akin to guilt arose in Loki but he refused to have it – he had had to make sure first that Anthony was all right.

“We have the stones now, don’t we?” She continued merciless and her eyes were a devouring fire. “You said we have a chance to get Clint back. _Now_ , keep your word, Loki.”

Anthony raised an inquiring brow but Loki only shook his head. He took the Soul stone from Natasha and plucked the sceptre with the stone from Scott’s grip. He could feel the stones’ energy flowing through them, wild and awake, recognising each other again.

“Ronin?” he asked the man, continued after seeing him nod. “This will hurt way more than it did on Vormir.”

Ronin eyed the two objects in Loki’s hands sceptically. “What will this do to me?”

“If all goes right, it will bring Clint back and may be able to revert-“ he stopped. “Oh, even better.” He looked at the professor. “I need the Time stone for this as well.”

“I’m not sure I understand what’s going on here.” Rogers frowned at them.

“You don’t need to.” Loki threw him a careless grin. “The stone, Professor.”

Maybe it shouldn’t have come to Loki as a surprise that the Aesirforce liked the stones; it ran absolutely wild in Loki and he could feel it becoming excited and by that, his own seiðr started to cackle and showed on his hands.

“Dude, is that _magic_?”

Loki snorted. “That’s seiðr, not magic. Don’t insult me like that ever _again._ ” He cracked the Mind stone free from its shell and cackled. “This will be fun.”

Ronin stepped forward and Loki pressed the stones to his temples, the soul and mind stone to the left, the time stone to the right and already could feel them vibrating in excitement.

“Step back,” Loki said to the others, reminding himself in the last minute that most of them were not gods and well, he had never used three Infinity stones at the same time. Who knew what would happen?

“On three, Ronin.”

“If I die, then make sure that all assholes who killed whales, die.” _One_.

“That’s all?” Loki asked him, bemused. _Two_.

“I’m panicking, whales were the first thing that came to my mind. And – _three_.”

At least Ronin was able to count while thinking of whales. Loki pushed his seiðr into the stones, let their energies mingle.

His eyes closed automatically and this time, it was easy to enter Ronin’s mind, the link open and welcoming him. The Infinity stones were flowing next to him, guiding him to the original rift in his Hawk. There _was_ Clint, feeling his home in the energy of the Soul stone and the Mind stone seemed to recognise its handwriting as well.

 _It’s time to give him back and make him whole again,_ Loki thought gently, tugging at the Time stone. From all the stones this was the one that didn’t seem to like him and Loki blamed Strange for that. But it relented, green tendrils appeared and Loki bade the other stones to help their friend.

Infinity Stones weren’t evil by nature. They did what you asked them for, and it depended on how you behaved towards them. And while the Time stone started to revert back Clint, how he was before he got sacrificed to the Soul stone, said stone carefully let the soul free again, bit by bit so it didn’t get hurt and when Loki could feel Clint whole and back in his body again, the Mind stone started to close the rift.

Loki got thrown out of Clint’s mind, the link closing rapidly.

He opened his eyes and saw the stones’ tendrils slowly vanishing from where they flowed into Clint’s mind, going back to their shells. Loki pulled his hands back. He had done what he could. Now it all was on Clint, whether he survived that or not.

“Did it work?” Natasha asked.

“It hurt.” _Clint_ opened his eyes. “Let’s never do that again, yes?” He stepped out of Loki’s reach. “I consider that as your apology for what you did to me and _enabled_ me to do.”

“That it was.” Loki tilted his head. “You might get a migraine within the next few days, depends on how much the stones’ energy have influenced you.”

“Awesome.” Clint rolled his eyes, turned away and Loki smiled when he saw him hugging Natasha.

His shoulders dropped in relief. Loki wasn’t sure what he had done if this hadn’t worked out.

“I don’t want to shock you,” Anthony interrupted his musing, “but your hands are smoking, Lokes.”

 _Oh_.

They really were. He chuckled and put the smoke out, let his seiðr heal his hands from the minor burn.

“Now that this is cleared up and Barton is back,” Loki turned to his partner and the humour faded from his face, remembering the state of panic he had been in. “ _Why_ were you _late_?”

“Funny story, that.” Anthony swallowed, seeing that Loki didn’t look appeased in the slightest.

“Yes?” Loki purred. “Funny, that you are in possession of a _phone_ where you could have texted me that you needed a bit longer, that there had been _complications_.”

“Maybe we should go outside?” Anthony suggested with a nervous smile.

Loki wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily. He smirked. “No. I think we’re fine where we are right now. What possessed your mind not to text me ‘we need a bit longer’? You text me _things_ all the time but when it would be important? I get _nothing_?”

“I forgot in the heat of the moment?”

“Why don’t you tell me what _actually_ happened?” Loki drawled and stalked closer. “So I know for how long I have to punish you?”

“Well to be fair, the complications arose because of you.”

Loki stopped in his movements.

“Your other self _may_ have taken the Tesseract with him in 2012, sooou, it’s your fault I couldn’t text you. I was busy with planning how to get back the Tesseract.”

“ _I_ took the tesseract?” Loki asked, amused from himself.

“Don’t tell me you let Loki get away on purpose,” Barton snarled from where he stood.

“I didn’t.” Anthony lifted an eyebrow. “Hulk wasn’t just cooperative, and the Tesseract basically run towards Loki. You can’t tell me that was an accident. It seemed as if the Tesseract is drawn to Lokes. Well, he disappeared with it, we were left only with the sceptre and the Time Stone but we were running out of time, you know _and_ then Steve and I decided to go back in time again.”

“Not knowing whether you had success in your mission?” Loki said calmly while he felt like pinning Anthony to next wall and curse him for being so deliberately stupid. “You went back, knowing that you could have been stuck in the past for good fifty years?” Rogers shifted around uncomfortable on the spot. “That’s what you-“

“It was for the mission, Lokes.” Anthony’s brows furrowed. “Look, I know that was shit of me _not_ texting you but-“ he tilted his head. “I could have made another set of Pym Particles or stolen some more.”

Rogers shifted again on his spot. Alarm bells started to ring in Loki’s head but he would pay attention to them later.

“Like hell would I stay in the past and suffer through fifty years without you on my side.” Anthony shrugged. “It was a risk but you _know me_. I couldn’t have lived with me hadn’t I tried. And if this hadn’t worked, well, at least then I would have called and asked you to bring me back somehow.”

Loki looked at him, searching for clues that Anthony wasn’t speaking the truth but he didn’t find any. Slowly, he nodded.

“Don’t do that again,” he said.

“I won’t.” Anthony grinned. “We’re good again?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, _good_.”

Loki let himself be pulled forward and drawn into a small kiss. He would never get over the fact that he could kiss Anthony and do so without having to fear rejection – he could simply lean into it and enjoy it, blend out their surroundings and the trouble in his mind started to sooth and calm down.

“I’m glad you’re back with me,” he whispered into Anthony’s ear, not caring at all that he could hear the others shift around uncomfortably. They had stayed, it was their fault if they felt awkward now.

“As am I.” Anthony pecked his cheek, then turned around to the others. He cleared his throat. “Good, so, just to make sure you all understand what happened-“

“You snogged your boyfriend in front of our faces?” Rhodey suggested with an innocent face.

“That too.” Anthony nodded in his arms. “But I actually wanted to say that I _did not_ help Loki in 2012, ban that thought from your minds. He escaped all on his own, that wasn’t me.”

“Tony really hadn’t anything to do with that,” Rogers confirmed. “Loki just saw an opportunity and took it.”

The suspicion on the face of the other Avengers started to fade away. Was this how it always had been with the Avengers, Loki wondered. Suspicion and distrust towards Anthony whenever something had happened that could be remotely be caused by him and nobody really who trusted him for a change? His eyes wandered to the Professor who only smiled at all of them. Perhaps he had stood besides Anthony. But then, the Hulk _hadn’t_.

He had left Anthony behind to have him deal with the mess that had been Ultron.

Loki’s mouth twitched. It seemed as if Anthony and him were closer in some aspects than he had thought possible. Nobody would believe the truth out of the mouth from the Liesmith either. It was a lonesome fate and something he always had to struggle with. At least, Anthony had Rhodey to be on his side and stand with him.

“We have the stones,” Rhodey said and broke the tension that still was in the room. “How about we go and have lunch, then we can try to recreate the Gauntlet?”

“Good idea, Platypus,” Anthony agreed with a smile and Loki nodded in agreement.

The group dispersed and Loki wanted to follow Anthony out of the room when Natasha called him back.

“Don’t die,” Anthony told him earnestly but left after an assuring nod from Loki.


	23. Chapter 23

Hope was a horrible fiend, as was it a great supporter. It depended on the situation and after all that was happening, the stress and tension on Loki’s shoulders, stirring his head up, he thought for a moment about ignoring Natasha’s call. There was a strong desire to go on, follow Anthony and kiss his neck, let a hand wander beneath his shirt and let themselves be distracted. An early celebration to say, admiring the beauty of his fiancé and that he managed to survive his past self without further scratches, who’d returned to him whole and hopefully, still as sane as before.

And there was Natasha, who he knew was _disappointed_ in him and it sat heavy in his chest, intense, borderline to acid odour, poisoning his already shrivelled heart and darkening his hair. He thought of hedgehogs, their spikes and felt an odd assurance in doing so. Perhaps it was because Anthony’s hair reminded him of the pelt of a lamb, soft and speckled with different colours and he’d heard more than enough jokes on his expense about his old hair style; spikes and looking _aggressive_ at a time where he couldn’t afford gentleness, had to seek shelter in his mind that wasn’t fully his own and always wore his armour.

When he’d been thrown across a mountain, his back tearing back up and did have to listen about him being the _would be king_ , cold blue eyes trying to fool him with words of affection and _love_ , the promise of people mourning who only rejoiced in his absence and drank to his fall. Loki didn’t need to have been there to know how the Aesir were; simple-minded, headstrong, and glad to see the black ship gone from the golden realm eternal and all Loki could hope was that Thor’s own shine dimmed without the shadow to contrast his light.

It was with an inaudible sigh that he felt on his lips more than he heard, that he turned around to Natasha and her burning eyes that judged him already and now it was only her waiting for his acceptance of the sentence she was going to pass.

All he could do was to hope that this –

That it won’t end with them not being able to be friends anymore. It was an infinitesimal hope, of course, Loki knew that. He knew were the roles reversed, he’d be a storm of cold fury and strike her down where she stood, wasting no thought, only let his seiðr run its course and be over with. Would it be satisfying?

No.

He smiled, acrimoniously as the thought already started to hurt him at the inevitability of their fate, not being able to be around her anymore, to trade scathingly sarcastic remarks or to complain together about their respectively partners and their lack of _rationality_ at times. Because even Pepper lost some sanity in Anthony’s company, Norns bless her poor soul.

“I’m still angry,” Natasha started, and her voice was even, balanced. So unlike how Loki felt. “Don’t forget that. And I probably will be for a while longer. But-,” she breathed in, out, stayed calm. “I get why you did what you did. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same had we been in reversed positions. I hate that you made me sacrifice _my best friend_ , but.” She smiled at him without humour, her sharp eyes a promise full of glinting steel covered in dripping red to a bright ground. “You had the _decency_ of giving him back to me. And in an even better state than he had been in before.”

They looked at each other, quiet. The Compound froze in this moment, a second of shared breaths in the hostile tranquillity they were trying to breach and get over. A step on tiptoes, testing the icy surface, aware of the Jörmungander below them, the jaw ripped open and waiting for its snack on delicious warmth, envenoming them as it bit down and lured them into a violent sleep, separated even more so than before.

She broke the silence, greens meeting each other, throwing out a rope to the half-wit in love on ice. “Will Ronin be able to come back?”

“No.” He kneaded his fingers, skin rubbing and pinching until he felt it heating up beneath his rough touch. “Ronin is now again a part of Clint, his darker side one with the lighter, only without the additional stipulation of an extra soul.”

She nodded. “He isn’t the old Clint anymore, is he?” And her voice turned soft as she said so. 

“No. How could he?” He tilted his head, a black strand falling in his face. “But you are one of his people again and he won’t leave you again to kill innocent villains and guilty civilians again.”

Natasha snorted and red hair fell into her face. “You’ve kept your promise.”

“I always do.” He smiled hesitantly.

“I’m starting to realise that.” She rolled her shoulders back. “You said that I should surprise you after you helped me with the whole Ronin-Barton-case. And you did. With methods that are a bit cruel but they worked. It reminds me of the Red Room.” For a second there was a lost look in her eyes. “Here’s my offer to you.”

A thrill of excitement rushed through Loki.

“You’re still seen as a criminal here,” Natasha said with a raised brow. “Even when the government knows that you’re officially untouchable because you are seen as Norwegian and they cannot touch you because you’re also protected by Stark Industries and your contract. Nobody with a sound mind is going to challenge Tony or _Pepper_ ; I can help to give them right sort of people a good shove into the right direction.”

“And that would be?” Loki asked, his voice quiet. He didn’t want to believe what he thought he was hearing here. He let go of his hand, focused on her fully.

“Redeeming your status as criminal.” She smiled shortly. “I’m the face of the Avengers and the President knows better than to start a fight with the Avengers. Without us, America would probably be in a state of complete chaos and destruction. I can go and plead for your case, assuming that Tony is behind that idea as well, but he’ll probably be. I don’t see why he wouldn’t.” She snorted.

“Pepper is going to help me, we already talked about that. We can go and plead for your case ‘acted under duress’, temporary insanity, you wanted to get away from Thanos and SHIELD has files of you where you stumbled after you arrived in the base. I assume that this was because your back hurt out of _reasons_. If Clint ever saw evidence-“

Loki’s stomach churned uncomfortable. His hawk had more than just _seen_ the damage.

“-then I can _ask_ him to tell what he saw. I won’t force him, though. Either he will help or not. Adding to that that you’ve been very peaceful the last five years since you’ve been here and _nobody_ knows officially of your relationship with Tony, we can say that Tony went there because you saved him and he wanted to help you now. That’s what most people think, anyway. And of course, there was for a short time the rumour that he had cheated on Pepper with you, but we got that shut down quickly. Pepper won’t stand for that.”

“There was _what_ kind of rumour?”

Natasha raised a brow. “What did you think the people thought when they heard that Tony was going to move to New Asgard? _After_ his break-up with Pepper?”

Loki never thought about that. Somehow, it hadn’t mattered to him. He had been way too enthusiastic to hear that Anthony would come and stay with him, what others would think when they learnt of that –

“You sweet summer child.” Natasha grinned at him. “And Tony didn’t say anything, did he? You need to keep a better eye on him and media, Loki. The rumours only shut up because Pepper and I got _caught_ on _accident_ on a date – and because Tony pulled a new idea out of his head to help the Americans, so the gossip was shut up fast.” She shook her head with what he hoped was a fond eye-roll.

“Do you think that’s do-able?”

“Yes.” She sounded so sure. _Confident_. Loki’s heart warmed a bit. “And we can always bribe senators without letting it look like it was a bribery.”

Loki snorted.

“With you controlling the Bifröst, don’t you think that _especially_ the Americans are interested in being a part of this exchange?” Natasha sounded cheerful.

“Stark Industries is part of it.”

“Exactly. And it belongs to two Americans. Don’t you think the President wants to get America be part of it?” She chuckled. “Propose a deal so they can get a bit of the honey and I promise you, nobody will remember that you were the one behind the attack on New York. After all the shit Thanos put us through, you look like a maggot in his shadow.” 

Admittedly, _ouch_. Loki bit down a harsh reply. “You don’t think the population will tear the President apart for that?”

She waved him off. “Perhaps. But not to offend your villainous abilities, but what Thanos did was just evil. And we can always institute on of our own into the Office.” She shrugged. “Use what you’ve got. The Avengers will vote for you and I’ll make sure that we get the Captain’s voice as well. He might feel like he owes you one.”

“Rogers’ agreement would definitely help,” Loki agreed.

“When this all is over and done with, we can start on that.” Natasha grinned. “Better to do it straight away while the people are _happy_ , and not when they start to think again.”

“And you say _I_ am the cruel one.”

Her eyes gleamed. “I see an opportunity, I go, take and use it.”

“I approve.”

“Good.” She tilted her head. “Is that good enough for you?”

“It’s more than I could have ever imagined,” Loki breathed, and a smile spread on his face. There was a high chance _now_ that he could go with Anthony to his home. _Legally_. And didn’t have to fear he’d ruin his good reputation or would have to worry about being discovered and causing problems he did not want.

She nodded and turned to leave.

Loki looked after her, feeling torn between just _asking her_ but he didn’t want to look needy.

“Natasha!”

“I told you to call me Nat, didn’t I?” She didn’t even turn around. “Don’t think a small fuck-up like that means a withdrawal of your rights.” She stopped and turned back around to him, a small smirk playing on her lips. “I know that without you, Tony wouldn’t have welcomed me back in the ring of his friends.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes, you did.” She winked at him. “That’s why I’ll let this one thing slide. _This time._ Because who knows what would have happened had that not been the case. Perhaps Pepper and I would have more trouble, everything is possible.”

“Anthony would never stand between Pepper and your luck.”

“I know.” Natasha smiled at him. “But it could have made things unpleasant for us. And you should go and find your boyfriend, don’t you think? And Loki-“

“Yes?”

She grinned like Mephisto, her hair shining red and amusement swished over her face. “Let him repay you for making you kneel and wait, yes?”

He chuckled and bathed in the feel of relief that flew through him. “I will.”

With a new bounce in his step he walked off, intent on finding Anthony.

 _Thank be the Norns for Nat still being Nat_ , he thought. He had been sure that their friendship was over, was done with and he could consider himself lucky when he didn’t end up on her hit list. Not, that this would have resulted in him dead or something similar, but she would have made sure that he regretted what he had done. In one way or the other.

 _Norns_ , he liked her.

~°~

Anthony was sitting on the couch in their room, a hologram floating in front of him. “You’re still alive,” he greeted him with a grin.

“Mhm.” Loki sat down next to him, staring at the numbers on the hologram. “The Gauntlet?”

Anthony hummed in approval, then swiped it away, turning to Loki. “Look, I don’t want to have this standing between us but-“ he cleared his throat.

Loki looked at him questioningly.

“You understand why I couldn’t help your younger self, right?”

Of all the things Anthony could be worried about and it was _that_?

“I can’t change the past, even if I wanted to. You don’t deserve what happened to you and perhaps it could have been avoided that your mum died, but-“

“We can’t change the past,” Loki agreed quietly. “It’s good that you didn’t change anything, Anthony. I _am_ happy for that.”

“ _How_ could you be happy that I would have let you go through the misery and prison again? Losing your mother and Thor once over?”

“Because in the end, it is worth it.” He looked at him.

Anthony frowned. “I don’t think I can follow you there.”

Loki laughed, cradled Anthony’s face in his hands and explained him softly the matter. “I’m glad you didn’t try to change my past, Anthony because that would mean that something would have changed. With things playing out the way it did, I got _you_ in the end. Only because all of that I now have you here, in my arms. That is worth every pain I had to endure to get to this point.”

Anthony’s eyes widened. “But-“

“No.” Loki shook his head with a grin. “No. Life could have been nicer to me, yes but the past doesn’t matter. Not as long as I have _you_ here with me.”

“Loki,” Anthony breathed and a smile tugged on his mouth.

“Mhm,” he purred and leant forward so he could capture Anthony’s mouth with his own. It was the truth. Loki wouldn’t change his past for anything in the world, not when it meant that he could lose Anthony by that. Even if that meant he had to lose Thor first – this, here, it was worth any curse he ever uttered, every time he wanted to explode because of sheer boredom and feeling stuck; that was alright.

“Thank you,” Anthony whispered with a raw voice. “That you- that you understand and think that I’m worth _all_ of the pain.”

“You’re worth so much more than that,” Loki breathed with a smile. “There’s nothing that would compare to what you are to me.”

Anthony _blushed_ at that. It was a sweet, faint tinge of rose on his cheeks and his eyes were barely able to hold contact with Loki’s. “Loki, that’s-“ he spluttered. “You can’t just throw such nice things at me.”

“I can’t?” Loki asked with amusement, checking the time on Anthony’s clock. They had surely a few hours before they would have to return to the dull routine of life and getting people back?

“No,” Anthony insisted. “You can’t. Because when you do that, I don’t know what to say. And I hate it when I don’t know what to say.”

Loki grinned and pulled with a quick motion Anthony on his lap. “I’m always open to other ways of expressing feelings and sentiment.”

“Oh?” Anthony inquired, licking his lips. “Are you? How _fortunate_ for me to have such an open-minded partner.” He rocked his hips against Loki, and he could feel the outline of his hardening dick against his.

“Absolutely.” Loki winked at him before pulling him into another kiss, tongues sliding and rubbing lazily against another. He rocked his hips in a slow motion against Anthony’s, lazy and let his hands slip under Anthony’s sweater like he’d wanted to do earlier.

“What a good thing that we’re both not so much into communicating by words,” Anthony panted against his mouth, his hands sneaking down Loki’s clothing. “But I feel like I owe you a big thank you, don’t I?” He grinned, a promise in his eyes and Loki could only whimper when he felt his warm hands against his dick.

“I wouldn’t say _no_ to that.” 

“Oh, _good_ ,” was all what Anthony said before he kissed him again, and Loki let him, meeting Anthony’s tongue with the same fever before he slid down from his lap, down to the floor.

He swallowed heavily, excitement running through him then he felt warm lips against his leather pants. They slowly wandered to his middle, licking his dick through the pants. Loki lifted his hips when Anthony pulled them down to free his cock. The fresh air tingled and he couldn’t supress the moan that fled his lips.

Anthony winked at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief before he leant forward, his lips closing around the head. It was _warm,_ a velvet temptation for easy prey. It was enjoyable beyond measure, arousal building like a tightly strung coil and Loki carefully gripped Anthony’s silver hair, holding it to tug at it softly.

He wasn’t entirely sure which of them moaned next, but delicious tingles ran down his spine, made his hips rock forward. Anthony looked up at him through his lashes, a picture of totally debauched innocence and despite the situation they were in, Loki couldn’t stop the grin that fought its way to his lips.

Anthony raised a brow, pulled back. Loki whimpered at the loss of the heat around him.

“I hope you’re not laughing at me,” Anthony said, licking Loki’s tip and Loki was quick to shake his head.

“No,” he panted.

“Mhh, I’ll believe you that for now.” He blew on the tip, made him shiver and Loki’s hands twitched in the unruly hair.

“I would never,” Loki mumbled, barely recognising his voice raw and hoarse as it was.

Anthony smirked before he took him back into his mouth and threw all finesse over board.

Having Anthony before him on the floor and pleasuring him willingly, enjoying how he could ruin and reduce Loki more and more to a whimpering mess, Loki loved it. It made him feel good and loved and Anthony moaning around him –

He tried to draw back when he could feel how his muscles tensed up and the burning in his stomach became too much, too intense but Anthony held him there, sucked another time hard and Loki let go.

Anthony grinned around him, before pulling back, licking him clean and Loki could feel an echo of arousal in him. He pulled Anthony back on his lap, nibbling on his sweaty throat, and let his hands wander to Anthony’s belt, opening it quickly. The tip of Anthony’s cock was already weeping with precum. He wrapped his hand around it, started to stroke it.

He pressed his mouth to Anthony’s neck, nibbled and sucked on it until he was sure it would leave a dark mark behind before he moved on, up to Anthony’s lips, to capture the moan that escaped him. Loki grinned into the kiss, grazed with his teeth over Anthony’s bottom lip, made him buck up into Loki’s hands.

It didn’t take him long to get Anthony off, have him arch against Loki, whimpering Loki’s name barely audibly before he sagged against Loki.

Loki conjured their mess away with a flick of his hand, leaning his head against Anthony’s.

The glow slowly started to fade away, leaving only a distant thrum of satisfaction in his limbs behind. Loki closed his eyes in contentment. Ten more minutes and then they would get up and go back to the others. Create the Gauntlet and insert the Infinity stones.

His eyes opened abruptly when he realised the implications of that. They had the _Infinity stones_. And not just one or two-

No, they had all six of them. And it had cost them nearly nothing, only some nerve fluttering and unwanted tension, nearly broke a friendship apart but nobody had died –

They were all still standing here, _alive_. Anthony was here and safe in his arms and they were closer than e _ver_ before to getting Thor and Peter back. And here he was, enjoying it with the man he loved the minutes after a satisfyingly orgasm, chasing the feel of bliss in mutual destruction.

That was how close they were.

“You’re grinning like the Cheshire cat; do you know that?” Anthony mumbled in his neck. “And I don’t see that, I’m _feeling_ it. What’s up with that?”

“I realised how close we are to being done,” Loki responded, clearing his throat.

Anthony lifted his head, his eyes wide and blinking. “You’re right,” he said, as understanding hit him as well. “Loki, they’re almost _home_. We’re so close to having them back with us.”

Loki nodded eagerly, a black streak landing in his face, sweaty and gleaming. “Can you actually believe that?”

“No.” Anthony sounded as disbelieving as Loki felt, so _torn_ between hoping and knowing you nearly achieved your goal and being scared that this is just a dream. And you’re afraid of waking up because the reality isn’t as nice to you as the dram is. It was horrible. But Loki knew that this was real, this was _their chance_ and so far, they had been more than successful in their endeavour.

It was unbelievable, a treacherous path of hope Loki trotted on and forgot to scorch with his seidðr and mind.

“We’re nearly there.” And he couldn’t wait until he had Thor back in his arms. Could hit him over the head for _daring_ to crumbling to dust in front of him, for leaving him alone to deal with this mess. He wanted to have Thor back to tell him that everything was going to be okay now, that New Asgard was waiting for him and that Loki had discovered what it meant to ‘ _be so much more than the god of Mischief’_ and tell him, he preferred that role over being king of New Asgard.

These five years of being forced into this role when he didn’t even want it, when nearly every path had been blocked by one obstacle or another, they’d managed to make him miss his mischief so much more.

That this felt wrong and that Thor was the king – as he was always meant to be.

The Aesirforce tingled happily in him.

“Soon,” Anthony mumbled, his eyes beaming in delight and anticipation.

“Soon,” Loki repeated, his voice calm and assuring, stealing a kiss from Anthony, not that he’d minded it in any way. He kept their kiss sweet and soft, giving them the chance to _realise_ and to enjoy the moment. Loki squeezed his eyes even more shut when he could feel them watering. They were so close to being _done_ , Thanos’ horror was soon over – they would be finally free of his shadow that hang over them, clouding their days, without a break, never ending, never stopping.

“Did you think already about how you’re going to tell Thor?” Anthony asked him, his eyes sparkling.

“What should I tell Thor?”

“Oh, you know, the usual,” Anthony said in a sing-sang voice, “that you’re fucking me and occasionally, I you. That sort of thing.”

“Aaah.” Loki leant back against the couch-rest. “I thought I’ll tell him that I made you immortal because I was too greedy to let you die of a mortal death. At a time when he isn’t looking or is too distracted. Perhaps when he learns of what I did to poor Stormbreaker? Then he’s in grief already and then he can also grieve for your poor and lost innocence.”

Anthony’s jaw fell open. “ _My_ innocence?”

“Indeed. After all, who knows in what ways I have corrupted you.”

“ _I_ introduced you to the secret pleasure of whipped cream and you want to tell me that –“ Anthony shook his head. “No. Nope. Sorry but Thor won’t buy that.”

“Won’t he?” Loki tilted his head, his fingers dancing over the fabric that hid Anthony’s tanned skin.

“Not to brag,” and Loki heard from the tone _exactly_ that Anthony meant the opposite of that. “But from the both of us, I am the notorious and famous playboy.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.” Anthony’s eyes narrowed.

“Interesting.” Loki grinned at him. “Seeing that Thor only knows you as a man in a relationship and has been in one for years.”

“Are you implying that Thor won’t believe me?”

“Not you, directly.” Loki smiled at him benevolently, enjoying how he riled Anthony up. “But Thor grew up in a society where everybody walked around and boasted with how many women they had already in their bed, and how _good_ they had to be to have so many of them.”

“So, Thor thinks that I what, just boasted around and it was all actual empty words?” Anthony’s eye twitched.

Loki sniggered. “In a kind of way. You have to know, on _Asgard_ one doesn’t court another lightly. For you being in a relationship with Pepper meant to him that you had long since sworn off your promiscuous ways.”

Anthony’s jaw dropped open, _again_. Loki gently clapped it shut again with his fingers. “Don’t think bad of him,” he whispered into Anthony’s ears and enjoyed the shiver that ran through his frame. “I like to think that I ruined you. And if not your innocence,” he let his voice drop to a dark purr, “then I ruined you at least for others.”

He pulled Anthony flush against him, rocked his hips up and made him keen before he pulled him down and kissed him again. Anthony was a beautiful mess on his lap, still lightly flushed from earlier but his nails scrapped against Loki’s skin as if they were trying to find a hold there. Loki liked that thought, swiped his tongue over Anthony’s lips before he slid into his mouth, claiming it as his.

Loki knew that they probably didn’t have enough time for another round but he couldn’t help the thrill that shot up his spine and arched against Anthony, his hands sliding down his back, deeper and further down.

And Anthony stared at him with diluted pupils, breathing heavier than before and rocked back into Loki’s possessive hold.

“You did,” Anthony uttered, his voice dark and he stared at Loki, his eyes burning. “And you know that we probably don’t have the time for one more round, you fucking asshole.”

Loki tutted gently, squeezing his cheeks. “That’s right.”

“I hate you,” he whimpered before sagging against Loki. “Not fair. Not fair _at all_.”

“I never said I play fair,” Loki replied and even he could hear the smirk in his voice. “But it truly is time for us to join the others.”

“Hate you,” Anthony mumbled again then, without any warning, bit down on Loki’s throat, sucking his chosen spot with force.

Loki froze where he sat, pain running through him and his hands twitched. “Anthony-“

He let go, looking at the mark carefully. “That’ll do for now.” His grin was dark. “I don’t think Thor will be able to miss _this_.”

“And you said I don’t play fair.”

“Well, I never said I was one to play fair, either.” Anthony pulled his sweater off and stood up, tucking himself back in which Loki had neglected to do earlier. Happened to the best. He looked Loki up and down. “I hope you don’t have a problem with that but everybody will know that we just fucked with how you look.”

“I don’t mind.” Loki stood up elegantly and let his seiðr take care of his appearance.

“ _That_ ’s cheating, Lokes.”

“I know.” He winked at Anthony. “But I don’t play fair.” He kissed his temple, and walked off.

“And what about me?” Anthony asked amused.

“You?” Loki blinked innocently. “Admittedly, I like the thought of you going downstairs with me now, so everybody knows what you were just up to and with whom.”

“Aren’t you a possessive little git?” Anthony asked him fondly.

“Completely.” Loki held out his hand to him and Anthony took it after a small eye roll.

~°~

When they entered the workshop where most of the Avengers were assembled already, Natasha only clapped his shoulder with a smirk.

There was this feeling of bonding again. And yes, so Loki had perhaps doubted that she had meant her words about still being ‘Nat’ but –

This kind of proved that she was serious about them. Automatically his posture went less rigid, less forced straight and he chose the next best table as his designated place to sit down.

“You know how a chair works, Lokes,” Anthony reminded him with a grin while FRIDAY let holograms appear.

“A table is more comfortable.”

Rocket of course, used that as incentive to jump on the table too. “It’s fucking uncomfortable.”

“It’s a table, what did you expect?”

“That your majesty made it softer.”

Loki chuckled but let a pillow appear under Rocket’s butt. It was green, of course.

“Are you staking claim on my butt?” Rocket asked as soon as he saw the colour.

“No. It’s too furry for my taste.”

“So, if I shaved it, you’d be interested in it?” Rocket cocked an inquiring brow and his eyes beamed in dark delight. “Stark, were you aware that your partner is _that_ kinky?”

“I was.”

Loki was surprised by the passive aggression in Anthony’s voice and turned his head around to him, to see his lover watching Rocket with squinted eyes. He wasn’t jealous, was he?

Anthony turned away abruptly and pointed at a hologram where the gauntlet was shown on. “That’s what the Professor and I were tinkering on while we built the Time Machine. It’s a replica of the gauntlet Thanos, just better and with more style.”

Loki could hear Clint snicker. “Still all about style, Tony?”

“Well, someone has to keep the standard up. I mean, nothing against your new attire, you really rock the black and gold but _that haircut_? With that tattoo? Really, Legolas? Didn’t you learn anything while living under my attentive hand?”

“I might have thrown every advice I got out of the window when a bastard snapped.” Clint winked at Tony. “You know, like you did with every advice you got when it concerns bad boys and let yourself thrown out of a window.”

“I have you known that SHIELD’s regulation book does not only exist because of me.”

“It does.” Clint chuckled. “Nat and I added a rule whenever you got drunk again. I think we even asked you for some advice on how to seduce a mark.”

“ _That_ was why you asked?”

Loki looked with interest at the bantering match in front of him. It was like they were flyting with each other and he could see how happy Anthony was with how things were now. It really seemed as if he had missed the Avengers team more than he had thought apparently.

“I’m _married_ , I don’t need to ask how to seduce someone!”

“We didn’t even know you’ve already been married for three years!”

“Yes? See how successful I am?”

“Did you just insult your wife?”

Clint snorted. “I insulted your intelligence, not Laura. Heaven forbid, that woman has more brain than we have testosterone in this room.”

“Aaaah.” Anthony chuckled and Loki’s heart did a weird little thing. It was almost as if it was fighting its own jealousy of seeing Anthony so happy with someone else than _him_ with contentment that Anthony _had_ someone else to banter with and was that joyful. He wasn’t quite sure if he liked that feeling.

His eyes dropped to the spot where his mark was – dark and blooming, bit by bit. At least everybody knew who Anthony had chosen to stick to and that wasn’t Clint. It wasn’t the Avengers either.

It was Loki and that thought loosened the jealousy that raged in him.

“Back to our topic,” Anthony said and pointed at the gauntlet. “This will take perhaps one hour? FRIDAY already run some tests.”

“Do you have the material?” Rogers asked.

“Yep. Nat was so free and called Okoye for some vibranium. Can’t believe you actually got some.” Anthony sounded impressed.

“Why shouldn’t I?” An elegant eyebrow rose. “After all it’s not like you’re going to sell it or abuse it for sinister motives, will you?”

“I thought about putting the spare on my armour and mix it with nano.”

“I see.” The redhead nodded. “Your motives are truly sinister, Tony. Someone should detain you.”

“Ask Loki, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind cuffing me to his bed.”

 _No_ , Loki really wouldn’t mind that at all. He grinned. “When do you want me to start?”

“When we’re done,” Anthony replied absently. “Can you get Dum-E and U here? I need them for tool picking.”

“The bots?”

Loki looked to Scott amused. “Yes, those are his bots, why?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Anthony groaned. “You were the one who tried years ago to steal my bots, weren’t you?”

“… Maybe?”

Anthony glared at Rogers. “And you bring something like that into my house. Someone who _finally_ recognises the worth of my bots. How dare you.” It sounded incredible flat and Scott _blushed_.

“They are remarkable. Admittedly, I was ordered to get your AI but I figured it was even more difficult to get him than the bots.”

“JARVIS would have kicked your ass so badly.” Anthony chuckled, amused. “Good, so, we have things to do. Or, the Professor, the bots and I do. You can go and I don’t know, throw a dice about who does the honours later.”

“Maybe warn the people that people will be back in a few moments?” Rogers suggested.

That was actually not even that stupid. Loki rolled his head, then concentrated on the bots at their home before he pulled them here through Yggdrasil’s folds to the Compound. They chirped happily when they heard saw Anthony.

“Aww, kids,” Anthony crooned and cowered down to greet them properly. Loki thought that Dum-E was kissing Anthony on the cheek with his claw and U chirped in excitement. The three of them looked completely adorable, so excited to see another again even when they had been separated for a couple of days.

Loki smiled at them, stood up from the table and strolled over to them, patting Dum-E’s claw with affection. It felt like a piece of home was coming back to him.

Anthony stood up after a bit more bots cuddling and straightened his posture. “Good. It’s time for us to start the gauntlet. Steve, I put you into the responsible slot of warning the people but by Einstein, tell them that we _might_ fail – which I don’t think we’ll do but better safe to be sorry, right? Don’t want more people to rush back into your group therapy chat than before, all because of a crushed hope.” He nodded. “Legolas, I need your eyes to look out for if something goes wrong.”

~°~

 _Lie_ , Loki’s senses screamed but he didn’t say anything. Anthony probably wanted to use the opportunity to talk with Clint or simply, have him close again. Loki didn’t begrudge him for that and let himself be pulled away by Nat, to prepare a short dinner.

Not that anybody was hungry.

It was a simple matter of distraction and Loki appreciated it. It gave him the time to do something with her, trade barbs and quicks and shooed away the thought of a possible failure. Even when it was Anthony who helped to create the gauntlet – there was still this small chance something would go wrong.

“What will you do when Thor is back?” She asked him quietly, cutting down potatoes.

“Tell him he’s an idiot for just being dusted like that,” he said with a grin. The fork in his hand trembled. “And tell him that the Odinforce is gone.”

“You think that would shock him?”

He put the fork down, not understanding why he had picked it up in the first place. He needed a mixer to make pudding, not a _fork_. Perhaps he was a bit more unfocused than he had realised.

“Maybe. What about you, Nat? Someone waiting for you?”

“Clint’s family.” She stopped in her task and looked at him with a pout. “Did you know that they wanted to name their youngest after me? And that traitor turned out to be a _boy_ , so now it’s a Nathaniel, not a Natasha.”

“A shame,” Loki agreed lightly.

“You’re not taking my suffering seriously.”

“I’m relieved for the world to be spared another ferocious woman who’s more than capable of ruling the world than they think.”

“Do you always gauge people by whether they could rule the world or not?” She grinned and eyed the pudding. “I think you need to add more amaretto to this.”

“I don’t think alcohol belongs in _pudding_.”

“Alcohol so belongs in pudding, you coward.”

He glared at her before he opened a bottle with said content and poured at least a quarter of it in his pudding. “If that tastes terrible, I will feed Dum-E with it.”

“Can bots even get drunk?”

“Not sure.” He frowned. “Maybe something to explore for a later date.”

They chuckled at the image of Dum-E rolling around drunk.

Loki tasted the pudding when it was done – for scientific reasons, of course. Natasha and him had to know if they even could serve this to the others. They didn’t wish to poison them after all. And it tasted _good_. The mixture of vanilla and amaretto – Loki thought he had found a new addiction. It simply tasted perfect, the almond was an impeccable companion to the sweet vanilla flavour.

“We can’t give this to Dum-E,” Loki groaned and peered at the sweet temptation in the pot. “That would be a complete waste of an ideal dessert.”

Natasha nodded, eyeing the pot as well. “We should put it in the fridge. That way, he can’t find it and we don’t eat everything in one go.”

“Absolutely.” He cleared his throat and offered her the pot a last time, before sinking in his spoon as well. A … _reward_ for being so nice and considerate to the others. And because they were so generous and selfless enough to put the pudding away. Far away. Into the fridge. Where it belonged. Not, in their hands anymore. Or have it sitting like a temptress on the table.

Never before had it been so _difficult_ to close the door to a fridge. Loki kept his eyes on the seemingly innocent pot until the door was well and truly _closed_.

“ _I can alert you should someone attempt to open the door and try to take the pot_ ,” FRIDAY suggested dryly.

“Agreed.” Natasha stared at the fridge with a longing. “All right, reward for later.” She eyed Loki with suspicion. “Can you even duplicate the stuff?”

“I could.”

“But you won’t?”

“If there is too much, we will run into the risk of having Strange discover this baby,” Loki said with a wince. “And I’d rather be damned than to have him taste this.”

“You’re a good Sugar Daddy.”

“I try my best.” Loki’s mouth twitched. “How else could I ever keep Anthony around if not for duplicating pudding?”

“A mystery, really.” Natasha closed her eyes with a curse. “I _want_ more of the pudding.”

“First work, then temptation.”

“All right.” She squinted. “When I come here there better be something left and not _everything_ is gone.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“ _Do_ your best, there is no try.” She poked him into the sides. “And now, let’s go. I suspect Tony and the others are done soon and I don’t want to miss a single little moment of this.”

“Neither do I,” Loki mumbled in agreement, then they walked back into the workshop.

Rocket was annoying Anthony.

“Your best friend is a bit annoying,” Natasha said with a grin when Anthony snarled at Rocket.

“All amazing people are.”

“Good thing then that we all are _amazing_.”

Loki rolled his eyes with a grin. He had to supress a chuckle when he saw Rocket hiss at Anthony and looked like a cat that got wet in the rain.

They watched in silence when Tony and the Professor carefully slid the last stone into its correct place. Loki held his breath from the anticipation alone. Then, the Soul stone clicked when it sat right and –

The gauntlet was _done_.

“That’s it. A wrap on this story.” Anthony looked up with a grin. “FRIDAY, would you be so nice and tell the others we’re done?”

“ _Sure, Boss._ ”

Loki walked over to Anthony, pride sitting in his chest and he told him exactly _that,_ before he kissed him sweetly.

“I only need to recreate a gauntlet to impress you?” Anthony looked at him with mirth dancing in his eyes. “Laughably easy, if you ask me.”

“Oh no,” Loki breathed, “it’s only so easy because it’s _you._ If it were somebody else, then-“

“Don’t care,” Anthony interrupted him. His features softened as he gazed longer into Loki’s eyes. “We’re nearly done.”

Loki could only nod before he hid his face into Anthony’s neck, his mind whirring and running wild in anticipation. They were _so_ close and he only could held tight against Anthony, hoping it wouldn’t tear him away.

When he heard the others coming into the room, he pulled back, pressing a short kiss to Anthony’s temple then stepped back.

“So, did you decide who’s gonna do it?” Anthony asked, forgoing every skirmish and skipping straight to the issue that laid on hand. Literally, in some twisted way.

“We thought first Cap should do it,” Clint said. “But then we figured he might lose his hand. Whereas Loki’s hand is _smoking_ after using only three stones. So, the next best candidate would be Loki. Or the Professor. We aren’t picky.”

Loki winced.

“Could you do it, Loki?” Rogers asked him.

“I’m not sure.” He smiled at him with teeth. “The gauntlet is strong enough to bear most of the weight but are you sure you _trust_ me with this?”

“You’re an Avenger, are you not?”

He stared at Rogers. “You would _trust_ me with the gauntlet just like that? No hidden fear that I murk it all up? That I do whatever I want with the stones and I send you all to the next moon?”

Rogers raised a brow in disbelief. “And how would that help you with getting Thor back?”

“I could still do that afterwards.”

“I’m good with landing on the moon if that means we get the people back.”

 _Norns_ , Loki wanted to punch Rogers for being so irrationally rational.

“You would die out there.”

“Then that is what we’re going to do. But I don’t think you’ll do that.” Rogers crossed the arms in front of his chest. “So, what will it be, Loki? Will you put on the gauntlet, or not?”

Loki glared at him.

“Look, if we didn’t have trust in you, we would have never said your name here,” Rhodey cut in, his tone serious. “The choice is either you or the Professor. But you already know how the stones work, that plays hugely in your favour.”

“Unless you’re pissing in your pants because you’re afraid, you can’t get out of this number,” Rocket added helpfully.

Loki started to hate being an Avenger. This was like being New Asgard’s king. Forced into a role and everybody expected you to do it. He peered at the red gauntlet and its shining stones.

“I’ll give you more of the pudding,” Natasha proposed.

“You made _pudding_?” Anthony frowned. “And didn’t tell me? Now that’s bad manners.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“If you don’t want to do it, I can do it,” the Professor said with a smile. “Despite what Rocket says, you have the right to back out of this. And I’m sure that I can wield the gauntlet too.”

“Loki.”

He turned to Natasha.

“Remember what I told you? Use _every_ advantage you can get.”

“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t try to manipulate him,” Rogers groaned.

“No.” Loki shook his head. “She’s right.” Okay, so this would probably hurt but –

At least he could tell Thor he was his saviour. _Again_.

He looked at Rogers. “If that hurts, I’ll tell Thor you made me do that.”

“Sure. But don’t you need to put on the gauntlet first for that?”

“Now _that_ is manipulation, Captain.”

Rogers winked at him. “I learnt from the best.”

“Don’t flirt with my fiancé.” Anthony tutted from where he stood. “Now then, Lokes, ready to go?”

No, he wasn’t. In fact, Loki would rather be anywhere else than _here_ and have the gauntlet stare at him with the seven stones. It wasn’t the same one Thanos had, he told himself while reaching carefully in the gauntlet and let the nano-particles adjust to his size. It was a different one. And the stones _wouldn’t_ erase his brother again.

Instead they would bring him back.

He could feel the stones shake lightly in their brackets.

 _Bring them back_ , Loki thought and raised his arm. _Bring everything and everyone back you took five years ago_.

He breathed in and when he exhaled, he snapped with his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.


	24. Chapter 24

_Pain_.

That was what rushed through him as six different powers teared and pulled at him, strong and with passion – the gauntlet wasn’t there to secure them and hold them into place, Loki realised while his mind started to fog and the pain became hotter, _white_ –

It was the trying to lash out and give some of its power off and the only possible recipient was Loki. It was horrible. He might have screamed when they flashed up, and the stones did their best to follow his wish: _To bring_ _everything and everyone back from five years ago_.

Was he acting as a portal?

He couldn’t say.

He was _pain_ , and that was all that mattered in these flashes of colours and power -

Then, it _stopped._ Just like that.

Loki breathed out. His throat felt hoarse.

“Did it work?” he asked croakily. Because his arm was burning and tingling with the power that had flown through it and he wouldn’t do that _ever_ again. He willed his seiðr to the burn, soothing it with cool touches as good as he could, his head spinning and feeling light, so _light_. He pulled the gauntlet off, twitched his fingers in a repeated motion; clench, relax, clench, _relax_. They came back to life, blood rushing back in huge spurts, and he shuddered in relief. Had he lost the feeling in his arm, his fingers, Loki didn’t quite know what he might have done in that case.

Nobody said anything, only exchanged uncomfortable glances, unease hanging in the air.

Loki raised a brow. “I won’t do that again, just to clarify that.” He threw the gauntlet into the Professor’s arms. “Next time, it’s your turn.”

But he hoped there was no need for another turn. It had been two snaps too many already for his taste. He just wanted to kiss Anthony. And cuddle in their bed before letting sleep claim him. For Loki it did feel like he’d been running a marathon and he was just trying to find Anthony’s eyes –

A phone rang.

Loki looked in amazement at the speech in which Clint ran to the phone. He held his phone up with a trembling hand before he answered the call.

“ _Laura_?”

The voice on the phone was definitely female. Barton closed his eyes in what only could be relief. His features relaxed, a soft look took over and Loki felt the same bone crushing emotion, and his shoulders sagged down.

They had done it. _They had done it_. The dusted ones were _back_.

 _Thor_ -

He turned to Anthony who looked at him with pride in the eyes before he walked up to Loki, his hands interlacing behind Loki’s neck and pulled him into a searing kiss.

“You did it.” Anthony grinned at hm, his voice full of wonder and excitement and Loki could only nod. “We’re _done_.”

“We are.”

It should have been clear to Loki that this was the moment everything went to Hel.

Because _everything_ had gone so well, there had been nearly no obstacles in their way. Their operation had gone so _smooth_ and successful. The dusted ones were back and that meant, _Thor_ was back. _Peter_ was also back.

That meant that Loki had kept his promise he’d made what felt like ages ago and who used to be a different Loki.

Yet, it still came to him as surprise when the compound started to shake and the trees outside trembled in the wind that picked up on speed.

“What is happening-“ he whispered, barely audible and tried to force the ugly feeling down. His seiðr was shivering and this time, it was in dread. It was cold. Loki swallowed and reached for Anthony’s hand. He was no fool, only occasionally when it made the other laugh and look at him in fond exasperation. And whatever was going to happen now and _here in this very moment_ –

It wasn’t promising at all.

The opposite, actually.

Anthony nodded at him shortly, then let the Nano-particles and Loki’s stored seiðr crawl over his body.

“Take cover,” he said with a grim voice before the visor shut down and he threw a shield up in front of them.

Loki had barely the time to assure himself that Natasha and Rhodey were also safe somewhere and to register in the back of his mind that _someone_ was missing, then the Compound already exploded.

It was a burning heat that swallowed them whole, out to flay them alive -

His seiðr did only so much in his moment of panic and the shock wave threw them all somewhere in the room.

He could feel himself whirling through the room; _flying_ , his mind supplied him calmly while his surrounding was only a blur of colour and noises and heat, then his head hit something hard and –

~°~

Loki woke with a gasp. _Where -_

He sat up, ignoring the dull throb at the back of his head and took in his surroundings.

The Compound was no more. He laid under the free sky and he _was alone_.

He remembered holding Anthony’s hand, remembered that something had exploded and the nagging realisation that someone had gone missing.

The air tasted of ash and debris. If Loki didn’t know any better than he would say he was on the ground of a battlefield, and –

“ _Anthony!”_ Please, let him hear him.

“ _Lokes_!” 

He turned around, his head whirring, feeling so light again, and he ran towards the direction the yell had come from.

Anthony wasn’t alone, he was with Rogers and both looked grim, their faces set in determination and _rage_.

“It’s Thanos,” Anthony told him shortly. “We don’t know how but the fucker came through the Time Machine to us.”

“Thanos.” Loki stopped. Head empty.

He missed the light feeling suddenly.

“Thanos,” Anthony repeated. “Seems like we’re having another go at it, Lokes.”

Rogers put the shield against his arm, strapping it tight.

 _Battle_ , Loki’s senses screamed while he tried to comprehend that _Thanos_ was here. Again.

He didn’t miss the sight of purple blood on his hands, the warmth of it either –

He wished he didn’t have to see it again. Didn’t have to live through his nightmare a _third time_.

A living, breathing Thanos who still had his head and hadn’t been punished yet for his insolence and assumption he was the Master of the Universe. Within a blink of his eyes, Loki felt old anger run through him, filling him up, better than any meal could have done and he rolled his shoulders back, let the daggers from the Grandmaster slip into his palms. He smirked, unease covered by feigned bravery but he was _Loki,_ he would _not_ run away from danger. He’d never done so, only chosen to opt for a tactical retreat when times called for it but _never_ had he run away, and he would not start breaking his tradition now.

“It seems to me as if we have a villain to kill.”

Rogers nodded grimly. “Don’t pull your punches.”

“Why would I?” Loki snarled. “After all, Thanos deserves what he’s got in coming.”

Anthony nodded in agreement. “Ready?”

“Where’s the gauntlet?” Rogers asked in the comm.

“ _It’s with Clint,”_ Loki could hear Natasha answer. “ _I’m with Rhodey somewhere stuck in the ruins but we’re getting our way out of here quickly. You guys, go and get that bastard.”_

“Sure thing,” Rogers replied.

 _“Good luck_.”

Loki waved with his hand and was dressed in his battle attire, green and black, menacing and felt ready to take on Thanos. He hadn’t even realised but he had missed this, somehow. The desire for a fight, the moment his nerves tensed in anticipation, and the three stepped forward, silently, menacingly, a whisper of fury in the ash filled air. It was black, not brown as mud and it tasted of ember, scarring red and painful.

Loki swore quietly when he saw Thanos sitting on a piece of what used to be a wall of the compound as if he had done nothing wrong, and everything was completely normal.

“ _Loki_ ,” the Titan greeted him. “This is where your true loyalties lie?” He tutted, blue eyes glinting cold under the gold. “What a shame. Betrayed by one of my _children._ ”

He stayed silent, didn’t know for a moment what to say, only panic and adrenaline running through him. Thanos was here and breathing. _He’d never been one of Thanos’ children._ A servant, a tool to use and exploit. Nobody Thanos spared more than a fleeting look, all too happy to leave him in the more than _capable_ hands of The Other. Thanos looked …

Younger. More _alive_ than when Loki had _met_ him last on his backwater planet where he was gardening. Where sunflowers had grown, and birds had chirped to sing to the downfall of the universe. A gentle breeze around their noses, full of Valhalla and everything was _destroyed,_ but here nothing seemed to have changed. It was a crime, a challenge in horrible taste and a poor joke which still haunted Loki at nights. How much peace Thanos had found there. Because he’d looked happy there, undeservingly so.

His ugly purple skin and the deep chin marks were still the same. It wasn’t what gave it away. The difference was that Loki knew that armour _extremely well_. He knew it from when he had met Thanos first. So much broader, giving him a feeling of being a warrying emperor and installed fear in whoever saw him –

When Loki had let go of the Bifröst on Asgard, and the Other hadn’t been far away from him, watching him like a new insect to dissect. The blue and gold on Thanos had seemed like a mockery to Loki, reminding him of Frigga and Asgard, his _home_ he’d let go of and –

“What was it that made you betray me, Loki?” Thanos asked him, his voice dark and grave. “Did I not pay enough attention to you?”

Loki’s hands twitched around the daggers.

“Or is that another one of your rebellions?” Thanos tilted his ugly head. “And here I thought The Other had finally taught you to be a good child. Do you need a reminder, Loki? How much easier it is to stay on my good side and how much more _rewarding_ it is to please me?”

“Loki-“

Loki ignored Anthony, his eyes widening as he saw a hooded figure walk up behind Thanos. He knew _him_.

“He was most eager to stay as he heard that we might get to see you again,” Thanos continued. “Aren’t you happy to see him again?”

Cold, thick fingers, abhorrent breath. Eyes that were too many to count. Touching him, _fire and_ he was _alone,_ there’d be no attempt to save him despite how much he yelled; _abandoned_ and even Yggdrasil could not reach him here and his seiðr was getting weaker and –

The Other so close, and Thanos in front of them, even closer. They were both not far away enough for his taste. His nightmares, brought back into life by _their own making_. This was why it was not good to play around with time, because there _had_ to be consequences and –

The difference between a nightmare and this was that he would not be able to wake up from this. Only leave with eyes wide open or closed forever.

“You couldn’t live with your failure,” Thanos continued, his voice cool and collected. Loki would never not hate this tone, this haughtiness, the confidence in his arrogance –

Anger coiled in him.

“And where did that bring you, Avengers? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would _thrive_.”

Loki could hear Anthony snort. Saw the eyeroll in his mind and it did help to settle him, grounded him and he felt the ground under his feet again.

Thanos ignored it, his eyes fixed now on Anthony though. Loki refused to call the emotion by its name that clawed at him when Thanos wouldn’t avert his eyes. Let them rest on Anthony. He swallowed. Hands twitched.

“But you have shown me, that’s impossible. As long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist.”

“Yeah, we’re all loads of stubborn.”

Loki’s eyes flitted to his lover for a split second.

“I’m thankful.” Thanos inclined his head.

Loki didn’t quite understand why they were _still_ talking, why weren’t they fighting? This wasn’t about strategy and tactics, Thanos had the Compound already torn apart – what did it matter when they walked slowly around Thanos? The Other had his eyes on them as well, a silent shadow behind Thanos. The Black Order couldn’t be far off either when Thanos was here. Because when things went wrong, they went wrong _horrendously_.

“Now I know what I must do. I will shred this universe down to its last atom and then, with the stones you’ve collected for me, create a new one. It is not what is lost but only what it is been given … a grateful universe.”

Loki remembered how good it had felt to bury his daggers in Thanos’ eye sockets. Purple. He wanted to see it again.

He’d lied earlier.

Sometimes it did feel good to kill a person twice.

“A universe born out of blood,” Rogers growled.

“They’ll never know,” Thanos replied calmly. “Because _you_ won’t be alive to tell them.” 

“Let’s see about that,” Loki laughed darkly. “Maybe it’s you who won’t leave this battlefield.” He paused waited for Thanos’ eyes to rest on him before he continued. “ _Again_.”

“Somebody needs to do something about your insolence, little god.”

Anthony laughed at that. “That’s rich, coming from you, Sesame Street.”

“It’s time for you to die,” Thanos announced and stood up.

He reminded Loki of Odin. Just older, more purple and he _really_ didn’t like the way he put on his golden helmet and reached for his double sword.

Anthony winked him a last time, his face full of the cocky confidence Loki had grown to love, then his face disappeared behind his visor again, eyes glowing up in blue.

Loki had fought with Anthony, he knew how he preferred to fight, what he would go for. When he went a bit in the knees, Loki knew he’d take off in the next second and it was up to him and Rogers to cover the ground and also, to take care that Anthony wouldn’t get hurt.

There was no certainty to it though. He only knew that Rogers loved his shield for a reason and throwing it around, well, it reminded Loki of another fighting style and he hoped, that this was close enough for them to cooperate. If Rogers hadn’t anyone he could orientate on, Loki would have to double his efforts.

He and Rogers ran forward, while Anthony took off into the air.

The Other – how could have Loki forgotten, how could he – seemed to run forward as well. You didn’t have to be a genius to know who he went for and Loki all but threw a dagger at Thanos before he changed course in the last second, let The Other ran through his illusion.

Three against two? The odds weren’t bad. Even when they had been taken unawares, but he had fought harder battles with Thor and the Idiotic Four.

“Missed my illusions?” Loki grinned cheekily at The Other, and while he was in the progress of turning around, Loki blasted him away with the joint force of his seiðr and the Aesirforce. He could hear his high scream while he sailed through the air, the scent of fire hang in the air.

He’d give him two minutes before he was back and would focus on Loki again. With quick eyes Loki searched the sky for Anthony, found him flying towards Thanos. Who was busy with exchanging blows with Rogers.

Loki ran forward with an accelerated speed, his heart pounding calmly while the blood rushed in his ears.

 _Attack_ , that was what his senses told him, and he obeyed as they had never failed him before.

Anthony shot a green-blue blast at the Titan. Loki smirked in content, he could feel his seiðr in the blast and Thanos staggered to the side, taken by surprise by the power behind the blast.

It was pure luck that he caught Rogers in his stumbling, throwing the soldier backwards.

And Loki suddenly stood in front of him, a simple green tendril sneaked its way around Thanos’ leg and held him there.

“Little god, you come to play?” Thanos taunted him, throwing his sword into the other hand.

 _So confident_.

Loki almost sniggered as he peered up at the purple monstrosity, and disappeared out of view, let Anthony ram into Thanos from behind with full speed. Only then he threw another blast after Thanos, running after him.

Rogers had found his way back to his feet and –

Loki choked.

Coldness seeped into his limbs, made him stumble.

“Little god,” an old voice hissed into his ear and Loki couldn’t move, frozen. “You _failed_ us.”

“ _LOKI!”_

“And now you will see how your _friends_ will fall beneath his hands,” The Other continued and Loki wanted- he wanted that The Other would take his hands away, his fat four fingers and stopped hissing in his ear. “When he’s done with them, I will let you follow them. Eventually.”

“ _You ly_ -“

“We promised you that there is no place, no space where you can escape him. That he will teach you greater pain than you could have ever known.”

He had, hadn’t he?

Sweat started to form on Loki’s forehead as he tried to get his seiðr to react, called the Aesirforce to him, but whatever The Other did, it was _strong_.

Fighting against his hold was a task for itself and Loki could only try harder, more, had to fight more against the mind block that was put on him.

He couldn’t just stand here, frozen, and watch Anthony and Rogers die.

Because he saw that they were losing. Rapidly.

Anthony was too distracted and not even Loki’s help in making the suit more durable was enough to withstand the power behind Thanos’ blow.

If Loki could have moved his limbs, he would have torn Thanos apart in this moment. Taken care of Anthony and whisked him away, far away from here, probably to New Asgard in their house where he would be out of harm’s way. Maybe that was what he should have done from the beginning.

_This had been a tremendously stupid idea._

Yet, Anthony wasn’t one to stand down from a fight and Loki could only _watch_ as his lover didn’t move anymore, he wasn’t –

He was sure he wasn’t dead; he could see his chest moving from here, but he was for sure, knocked unconscious. Rogers didn’t fare better on his own and Loki _tugged_ with all his might against the spell on him. He hadn’t escaped back then just to be reduced to a passive bystander now –

And he _tugged_ , he tore at his seiðr, demanded of it to be of service now, it was his extra limb, it couldn’t just stop working now. He didn’t allow that.

Anthony still didn’t move and Rogers was being thrown to the ground.

“Watch them _die,_ little god,” The Other chuckled. “It is what you _deserve.”_

 _No_ , no he wouldn’t. Neither of them would die here today, not as long as Loki was still breathing and that he was. Something in him _cracked_ and he all but shoved The Other away, pounced on him in the next moment, buried his other dagger from Sakaar in his throat.

Blood was spraying in his face, it was warm and _disgusting,_ it was _blue_ , but Loki didn’t care. Not when the bastard was still twitching and he wrapped his seiðr around his neck, pulled it to the side until it cracked.

Only then Loki let of him go, shoving the now dead body away with a harsh kick.

Thanos _roared_. “Disloyal _wretch_!”

Loki sent a flicker of his seiðr at Anthony, a small energy wave so he would wake up again, hoping that nothing more serious had happened. He wasn’t sure what- what he would do otherwise.

He couldn’t bear to think about it.

“Time to die, Thanos!” Loki hissed and he heard his seiðr cackle, a dark melody in the orange sky where the flames were licking the ground and climbed higher in the air.

Rogers started to move again and that was the last Loki saw of the soldier, then he was too focused at trying not to die. Thanos was _angry_ and his sword cut through the air, he could hear it whirring and threw a shield made of his seiðr up. Loki snarled, _pushed_ , and pushed, forcing Thanos a step back but it wasn’t enough.

He had to –

His breath came out ragged, ducked away from the backhand Thanos wanted to deal him, lost his shield in the progress.

 _Anthony,_ where was he? Loki couldn’t see him anymore, he hoped he was away, far away from here, helping the other Avengers with getting away from here.

“I’m right here.”

Loki turned his head to Anthony who stood next to him, his repulsor glowing coldly. Rogers came to stand on Anthony’s other side, his shield battered, cracked apart in the middle - but it was still functionable.

“Where are the others?” Loki whispered.

“On their way. We had an imposter in our round,” Rogers told him in a short-clipped tone.

“I don’t like being the one who says it,” Loki looked at Thanos who was joined by Ebony Maw and his other children, their smiles nastier than Loki remembered them. “But I don’t think we can win the fight like this. And we will have to eliminate them all.”

“Do you have a plan?”

Anthony raised a hand. “We do what he did. Just, the other way around.”

Cold fear gripped Loki. “Anthony, _no-_ “

“If we dust them,” he said grimly, “then there will be no one left. And we would be safe.”

“All right.”

Loki’s head whipped around to Rogers who smiled at him without humour.

“Let’s go for it. Clint, what’s the status?”

_“Bringing the gau-“_

Loki threw himself down to the dirty ground when debris started to attack them. _Maw_ _was back in the game_ , Loki thought, then jumped up.

“Just so you know,” he panted and threw an unholy green blast at Maw, “I don’t see any advantages at being an Avenger.”

Anthony laughed, then took off to the sky again.

Then, Ragnarök was coming down on them, yet all over again.

Loki only saw ships fall and he _knew_ what was inside of them. It was the rest of Thanos’ army and his assumption only got proven correct when they jumped out of it, spread over the whole facility. A few ships launched on the ground. The only thing Loki could do was to throw a look at the growing black mass in despair.

This was, well, this was _bad_. And Maw continued to throw debris at them. Ducking, blocking, sending back was all Loki could do while he tried to survive without greater scraps than he already had gotten. Perhaps Anthony and him could compare scars afterwards. He laughed bitterly, about to release a stream of pure energy at the dark children when –

 _Orange portals opened_.

And not just one.

Loki’s mouth fell open in shock. There were dozens and _people_ walked out of them, and none looked like there were here on accident.

The air was crackling. It smelled fresh and full of energy, one that wasn’t like Loki’s seiðr that rested in him. No.

_Not him._

And yet, Loki couldn’t find a lot of resentment in himself for the _magician_ , not when they were about to lose. _This one time, he’d let the other off the hook._

His eyes flitted over the people that walked through the portals, quick, back, and forth, left, and right until he found him.

 _Thor_.

He looked exactly like he had at that day five years ago. A bit of a torn cape, his armour not cleaned up sufficiently. The only difference was that the hammer in his hands was a weapon Loki didn’t recognise. It looked new. Thor’s eyes glowed and lightnings were jumping over his body, his hammer.

Thanos’ army assembled behind the Titan, snarling, and hissing.

They weren’t few in numbers.

But a glance behind assured Loki that they weren’t few, either. _And_ , he thought grimly, pretended that it wasn’t blood that was dripping down his brow, _they didn’t have Thor_.

And it felt so natural, so easy when Thor joined him, came to a stop on his side.

“You look like someone dragged you through the mud,” Thor told him in a cheery voice.

“Someone has to do the dirty job while you’re busy elsewhere.” Loki couldn’t tear his eyes away from his brother.

“Aaah, didn’t you miss me?”

Loki sent him a soft smile, the only one he’d allow himself now. “I did.”

“Good. I think there’s a lot you have to tell me, _my King_.” Thor winked at him.

Then they descended into silence when they heard Rogers rallying them with a loud “Avengers” and a quiet, only audible because they were all afraid to say something, “ _Assemble_!”

~°~

Now, this was fun again. Loki had Thor on his right, Anthony on his left and they charged forwards with the others. His hands were glowing with his seiðr, let it tear at the Outriders’ long limbs while he flung daggers into the Chitauri. Because _of course_ they were here as well. They had marked the beginning of Loki’s mad fall; it was only fitting to have them return now. Even when they were a different breed, they still had the same weakness which were their almost unprotected faces.

He was working his through the forces, saw from the corner of his eyes how Natasha and a red magic user took on Midnight and proceeded to slate himself a way free. He didn’t know where the gauntlet was – Scott seemed to have it right now. But who did they want to bring the gauntlet to?

Anthony took a sharp turn to the right, blasting his way free and seemed to run towards someone. Loki noticed with grim satisfaction how an Outsider got burned by a shield of seiðr when he tried to attack Anthony’s back who didn’t notice – too caught in whatever was going on and hugging said someone.

 _Most likely his Peter_ , Loki thought, then turned away, his eyes sweeping over the battlefield.

Then, he got wrestled to the ground and there was dirt in his mouth, and instincts kicked in. He rolled around, his elbows hitting the enemy not all too gently until he had thrown him off, put a dagger through black eyes and the Chitauri died on the spot.

As he looked around, he saw Midnight died under Natasha’s Widow Bites and Loki was sure he could feel her painful yell. It rang beautifully in his ears.

The numbers of the opposite army were slowly diminishing. Loki couldn’t say when Thor had left his side, but he saw him use his lighting, reducing Thanos’ army even further.

And Thanos looked _furious_. Maybe enough so to spit fire and he was hunting for the gauntlet as well. Maw was hovering besides him, and he looked decidedly _far too smug,_ his eyes directed at the sky.

Loki only wondered for a moment then he realised _why_. A shiver ran through him when he saw what was breaking through the clouds. The shape, the colour, the _thrum_ , he knew Thanos’ ship well enough.

He couldn’t let panic get the better of him.

 _Fighting,_ that was what he had to concentrate on now. Fight and survive and ensure Anthony and therefore, Peter too. Thor could take care of himself at least on the battlefield. He always had.

The ship was coming closer and Loki was preparing to throw an Eldritch blast at it when someone else beat him to it.

He knew her. There was only one person in the width of space who glowed and beat the crap out of others. In the rush of the battle he had completely forgotten that Nebula’s _girlfriend_ was here – and if Nebula sent her a warning that the other half of life would come back soon then it was no surprise that she would appear here, even when it was a call in last minute.

It was a beautiful sight to watch her destroy the ship but Loki couldn’t look at it for too long –

The battle was still going on and there was _freaking Peter_ , swinging around with the gauntlet. For a moment he thought his heart was stopping. If something was to happen now to the boy, Anthony would go off rails. Completely.

And then he saw Peter being wrestled by the Chitauri. Before he knew what he was doing, he was already running forward, intent on saving the boy and get him to safety. To his immense relief, he hadn’t been the only one who noticed the boy was in trouble – Carol helped him out before Loki reached him.

How had he even managed to get separated from Anthony so quickly? His heart was beating rapidly, he threw another dagger at a Chitauri and followed Carol with his eyes as she took the gauntlet away.

There was a group of Outriders coming at him, did that have to be _now_? He had lost sight of Anthony again, he wasn’t quite sure where Peter was and Thor was off _somewhere_. There was Natasha’s red hair gleaming up pretty close to him. But –

_Where was Anthony?_

Panic, again. Quiet and troubling him, distracting him from his task. Snarling noises in his ear and he ducked away from flashing teeth, away from sharp claws that meant to tear his eyes out. An unholy green blast flung them away from him and for the first time in many centuries, Loki _ran_. He ran away from the fight, his eyes looking for his fiancé he had lost. Not to say he knew something was wrong but –

Something wasn’t quite right either.

He could hear Thanos laughing in triumph.

Coldness ran over him, made him run even faster and faster. He had to reach them. Because where Thanos was, Anthony couldn’t be far away either. There was just this gut instinct and he remembered how Thanos had kept looking at him earlier, as if he had chosen Anthony as his personal enemy to fight. His archenemy even though he _shouldn’t_ know him. Not by face, at least. Thanos surely knew of Iron Man who had nuked his ships in 2012 but –

He had never seen his face, had he?

Finally he reached him and he _had the gauntlet_.

_They couldn’t have lost –_

It was over and there was Anthony, kneeling in the dirt, blood was running down his face and Loki only felt a tired fury in him.

So, they had the dusted ones back but they were going to die anyway.

And if that was the case, then he wanted to do that at Anthony’s side, at least _that –_

The gauntlet didn’t work.

Which meant –

 _Panic_.

Anthony was raising his hand, determination written over his face and he looked at Loki just _once,_ just a milli second then he looked back at Thanos. The Infinity stones were glowing bright and –

“Oh, _Snap_.”

Anthony _snapped_.


	25. Chapter 25

There was this horrifying realisation that Anthony was a mortal.

He was more likely to die than Loki was.

He jumped forward, his brain not even transmitting his actions any longer to him, he was only _acting,_ there was no time to waste –

And all he felt himself doing, was to watch as he grabbed Anthony and it felt like he was seeing it from another’s perspective, detached from the actual _happening_ and miles away, floating; there was no panic, there was hard alloy below his fingers, cold and smooth and it was everything Loki could feel until –

 _Pain_.

So much more intense than before. The Infinity Stones had been gentle then, Loki realised as his vision went white and even brighter than when he had looked at the exploding Asgard. It felt like his nerves were on fire, on ice, on agony.

It felt so infinitesimally long. It was an astronomically short time. A millennium in the span of a few seconds, and he was at the centre of it, dying in calm of the massacre, fires burning high and –

It stopped.

“ _Anthony,”_ he whisper in a shaken voice and turned to him in _fear,_ with was left in him capable of feeling and not killed off. What –

Anthony did not look fine. “Loki,” he mumbled, his eyes dropping shut.

“No nononono-” He swallowed bile. “ _Stay awake!”_

Anthony blinked, slow, a hazard movement for life.

Loki didn’t realise he was kneeling next to him on the ground – _it didn’t matter._ All he could think about was that this _wasn’t fair_ , and that he had to do something. His seiðr pulsed on his hands angrily, pressing forward and engulfed Anthony in its green shimmer. His fingers were trembling, and he felt more than he saw, others kneeling next to him, shaking, faces pale in fearful dread of the perceived _inevitable_.

Then his seiðr disappeared.

“Anthony?” he asked quietly, hoping that whatever his seiðr had done had worked because if it hadn’t- he-

Then –

“Hurts,” Anthony mumbled, opening his eyes. They didn’t look any more like Lady Death was possessing them, and were not full of pain either. “Arm.”

“Otherwise?”

“Fine.” He peered at Loki with a small smile. “Whatever your magic just did there, it was _awesome_. Can we do that again, later?”

“Mr Stark, are you all right?”

Loki turned his head slightly to the side, seeing Peter. He looked as shaken and upset as Loki felt. Although, Loki didn’t know how he felt, there was Anthony to care and worry about, there was no –

“I think so, Underroos.”

Loki shook his head, sent another tendril of his seiðr towards Anthony. This time to check him over.

“Hospital,” Anthony mumbled. “Might be an idea.”

 _Hospital_ , Loki thought and grabbed with one hand the person to his other side – metal, he noticed – and with the other, Anthony and skywalked them away. _Hospital_ , Anthony had suggested, and Loki would get them to that. Even when he wasn’t the greatest fan of them, when he’d prefer having Anthony somewhere else but –

He didn’t know much about human physiology, just what was necessary, perhaps a bit more. And his seiðr showed him that Anthony would survive but his arm-

There was perhaps a greater damage than Loki wanted to think about, wanting to realise what it meant. Why had he never taken the chance to study more about healing spells? That would be helpful now, not his knowledge about dragons, or Allspeak or _anything_ else, really.

“We need a doctor!” The person next to him shouted and Loki realised that it was Rhodey.

People screamed.

Whether it was of their sudden appearance, or their bedraggled state or whether it was because of him – that didn’t matter. They took Anthony away and Loki wanted to yell, wanted to scream that they should bring him back but there was a metallic arm around his waist, pulling him in, not giving an inch despite Loki’s struggle.

“You need to calm down,” Rhodey ordered him with a shake. “Loki!”

“Anthony is-“

“In good hands.” Rhodey shook his head. “Unless you know things about how to heal and stuff, we won’t be able to do much. _They_ know what to do. And you already made sure he’ll survive, right?”

Loki nodded. Feeling numb, suddenly. Tired. There was an ache in him he didn’t know how to place, and a tight fist coiled around his heart, threatening to choke it.

“Sit down. I’ll get a coffee for you. Or tea. And then, we’ll wait, yes?”

Loki nodded. Because what else could he do?

~°~

Time was flying by. Passing in fluctuating intermetals.

What were they doing?

He only had his seiðr that pulsed in his hands, a small green flame that he had connected to Anthony’s heartbeat, beating in its rhythm. It was steady. Never too fast, never going slower. Was this time? Rhodey was gripping his thigh tightly. It hurt but Loki wasn’t going to say anything about it, the pain grounding him in the maddening worry.

He was perhaps crushing Rhodey’s suit a bit too tight as well. They were doing that because there was nothing else to do. They only could wait now.

And sit around.

Anticipation and dread were rushing through them, and whenever a nurse or a doctor walked down the corridor, they looked up in the hope for news. But nobody stayed.

More people got brought him, people who perhaps had just come back from being dead. What did Loki know? Or, care about _them?_ He felt tired. His eyes were throbbing and twitching but he held them open, nonetheless.

Rhodey stared at the floor, he realised, and was whispering mantras, promised, they all were inaudible.

Loki couldn’t form the strength to muster words. He could only think. A clock was ticking somewhere. Above them?

Since when did they have coffee in their hands? He wanted wild berries tea. No, he wanted Anthony out of whatever room he was in, and safe and secure in his arms. Not tea. He wanted Anthony.

Rhodey was shaking. The seats were cracking under their weight – Rhodey’s phone was blaring. No, that was his helmet.

Someone talked with him on the phone but he didn’t listen. Couldn’t.

Why in the Norns’ name had Anthony taken the gauntlet? There were so many others, so many who were stronger who would have less problems with wielding the stones than Anthony. Had he saved him there? On the battlefield?

Or was this just his imagination, a ‘ _what if’_ scenario that was happening way too soon. Because Anthony wouldn’t die, no. Was that his loud breathing or was it the old lady, sitting on the opposite of him in the room. He was that. She’d breathe quietly were she panicking, most likely, too old and frail to muster up _noise_.

If he was losing Anthony here, now, he would go back to Australia. Find the Grandmaster and let him feel his pain, let him be part of Loki’s misery.

“We did all we could,” someone said.

Loki looked up. It was a woman in a white work coat, smiling despite the exhaustion that was painted on her face.

“But we will have to think of what we’re doing with his arm. Most of the nerve endings are heavily injured and damaged, there’s a chance he won’t feel anything in three fingers.”

“But he lives?” Loki asked, his voice hoarse.

Her face softened. “Yes.”

“Oh, good,” he mumbled, feeling weaker.

“Loki, are you okay?”

“ _Splendiferous_.” The walls were rotating.

“ _Lo-“_

~°~

Really, getting knocked out _twice_ within a single day was two times too much in Loki’s opinion. Knocked out, he insisted, not _fainted_.

He blinked and saw Rhodey’s worried face hovering over his.

“Are you back with us?”

“I am.” He sat up. Cleared his throat. “Anthony?”

“Are you sure you can walk?”

“ _Anthony?_ ” he insisted, his voice sharp.

“All right.” Rhodey nodded and helped him up. “He’s in the room at the end of the hallway.”

They walked down the hallway. Loki wasn’t sure how Rhodey managed to walk without the help of his suit that got left standing in the waiting room. Or did he have wobbly knees as well and was just better at hiding them?

The room was white and _abhorrent._

That was the first thing that crossed his mind and perhaps it was a distraction so he wouldn’t think about Anthony. But his eyes flitted over to him nonetheless, too eager to see him alive and _well_ as that he could put it off any longer.

Anthony was smiling at them with tired eyes, an IV above his head and his arm was bandaged. But he was _alive_.

“Hi again, you look horrible,” was the first thing that fled Anthony’s lips.

A dry chuckle escaped Loki and Rhodey. “Same goes for you.”

“No, no. I look awesome. I always do. Even in a hospital. It’s the Barney Stinson symptom, I _told_ you that.”

Loki moved forward automatically faster, then he was bending forward and kissing Anthony. He tasted of salt, of iron and so much more.

“You’re alive,” he whispered.

“Yeah.”

“If you had killed yourself I would have dragged your sorry ass back to us,” Loki hissed, feeling angry in the next moment. “How _dare you_ do that to me?”

Because what if he had lost Anthony? Had lost him to the Infinity Stones? There would be no going back from this, only _forward without him_. The thought alone hurt Loki more than anything else. Had Anthony not thought about what consequences his action could entail?

“I was the only one close enough to do it. _And_ it wasn’t like we had a lot of time there, did we?”

“Bullshit,” Rhodey snarled. “Even goddamn Strange was close by. And don’t think I didn’t see what he did. Because you can be damn well sure that I will tell him what I think of that.”

“But it was the only option in over fourteen million!”

“What,” Loki said icily, “does that matter if it meant we would lose you?”

Anthony frowned.

Loki realised they were a bit difficult and well, giving him a hard time. His head was spinning and he wanted to vomit, the sickening realisation how _close_ it had been to lose Anthony –

“I don’t regret what I did,” Anthony told them seriously. “I can’t. Not if we won the fight by that.”

“You-“ Loki started. Was he telling him just that it would have been fine had he left them behind? Was it that?

“Whatever you’re thinking, _no_.” Anthony reached for his hand and his eyes flitted over to Rhodey’s as well. “I’m more than glad that I survived it and I won’t touch those stones ever again. Don’t get me wrong. I would have hated it to leave you two behind. After all, how would you manage your lives without me?”

“We’d be having less grey in our hair,” Rhodey choked dryly.

“Yeah? But you’d miss my lovely voice.”

“Good thing that we still can hear it then.”

Loki pulled two chairs forward so Rhodey and him could sit down. Each of them grasped one of Anthony’s hands. Squeezed them. And Loki’s heart hurt when he realised that not all of Anthony’s fingers squeezed back.

“When are we moving out of here?” Anthony asked them quietly, his eyes fluttering shut again.

“When we know what to do with your arm,” Rhodey told him.

“Oh, _that_.”

Loki studied Anthony’s face intently. He didn’t look upset, more curious as he watched his left hand.

“I’m keeping it. I have some seriously awesome things in my workshop and I have the _feeling_ that this might prove to be the moment to explore how well magic and science can work together. Because I refuse to lose the feeling in three of my fingers. What would I do without them?”

“Be alive?”

“Yes.” Anthony nodded. “But more problems in the workshop. No, Lokes and I will fix this little issue quickly, I’m sure.”

Loki laughed quietly. “I’m sure we can do this.”

“Awesome. So, can we leave here? I don’t like hospitals.”

“Give us a moment to breathe,” Rhodey mumbled. “We can leave later. I have to inform the others that you’re alive and well.”

“Oh, right. That.”

“You both should sleep,” Loki said. “I’ll inform the others.”

“You need sleep too,” Rhodey started to argue but Loki shook his head.

“I will do so when I’m back home. For now you need rest. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Are you going to stay here?” Anthony smiled at him. He looked almost hesitant to ask him that. But surely that was just Loki’s imagination.

“Of course. I will always stay with you.” He pressed his lips to Anthony’s hand. “Sleep.”

He helped the matter with his seiðr. It made Rhodey and Anthony fall asleep quickly and Loki made sure that Rhodey wouldn’t have problems later with his back by carefully lifting him up and putting into the other bed in the room.

As next thing he sent a small raven to Pepper, assuring her that Anthony was alive and well and bade her to tell the others. Another raven got sent to Valkyrie, assuring her that there was no need to kick him, he was still alive and if she’d be so kind to tell Thor he was all right, too?

A nurse walked into the room, her eyes flitting up and down his body.

“We’re taking him home later,” Loki told her quietly in the hope of not rousing Anthony and Rhodey from sleep.

“Is that a wise idea?”

Loki nodded. “We can take care of him from here on, thank you. And let the doctor please know that Anthony wishes to keep his arm, there is no need for an amputation.”

She nodded. “All right. To where do we send the bill?”

Right. Bills.

_Midgardians._

“I’m sorry this might actually sound very stupid, but in what country are we?”

“You are in the Sørlandet Hospital Kristiansand, Norway,” the nurse told him with a smile.

Oh. _Norway_. No wonder he had felt so weak. Transporting two people to Europe when he wasn’t thinking clearly and had simply trusted his seiðr to bring them to where they needed to be – that was taxing.

“So, welcome back home, I guess?” She grinned at him.

“Thank you?”

“Do you have the necessary information so I can fill out the bill?”

“No.”

She frowned disappointed.

“But I’m sure FRIDAY has.” He reached for his phone in the depths of his pockets and dialled a number.

_“Loki? Is Boss still -?”_

“He’s still alive, yes,” he assured her softly.

FRIDAY breathed in relief. _“That’s good. Dum-E and U were worried about Boss.”_

“They weren’t the only ones,” Loki mumbled. “Please, tell them Anthony is doing well, yes? And here is someone who needs information for a bill.”

 _“Bill_?”

“We’re in a hospital in Norway,” Loki told her.

 _“Boss went voluntarily in a hospital? A wonder has happened_.”

“That it did.” Loki breathed out. “Would you be so kind and work with the lady, FRIDAY?”

_“Of course.”_

Loki held the phone out to the nurse. “That’s Anthony’s AI. She’ll tell you what you need to know.”

“Oh. Awesome?”

“She won’t bite.”

_“I can’t bite.”_

The nurse laughed quietly. “Then thank you, Mr Loki. And I’ll bring you to the office, FRIDAY, if that’s good with you?”

_“As long as I get brought back to Loki and Boss, I’m good.”_

“I will bring you back, I promise.”

Loki’s eyebrow shot up. He was kind of amazed that the nurse was willing to comply to FRIDAY’s request and even made a promise to her. Not many would do so.

He sat back down on the chair. Observed how Anthony’s chest rose and fell, again and again. Carefully he stroked the silver hair back from Anthony’s face. He looked relaxed in his sleep. Loki smiled at that and took his hands in his. They were here. They were alive with little damage and the one that they had – they would figure out a way to bring the feel in the fingers back.

Loki would make sure of that. There was no other option and he wasn’t one to accept failure. Not after having tasted victory.

Rhodey and Anthony slept soundly. Loki would tease them later for their snoring, he decided. He settled back more comfortably against the chair and waited for them to wake up again. Then he would bring them to New Asgard or if Rhodey wished, back to America.

But that could wait until then. For now he was content with watching them breathe and sleep.

His mind came to a rest as well. The rush of adrenaline started to wane. He felt calmer. Everything would turn out for the better from this point on, he could feel it and his seiðr pulsed calmly on his hands as he waited.

~°~

Rhodey choose to go with them to New Asgard. He hadn’t been there for a while now and like hell would he leave his best friend alone now. Pepper would roast him for that. So Loki took him and Anthony at the hand and walked them through the calm folds of Yggdrasil. He could feel her pulse in excitement and delight as he walked on her branches, happy that the universe was back again and whole.

And that they had survived. Because Loki couldn’t explain otherwise the warm feeling in her dimension he received nor the easy travel that they had.

They had barely left her and stepped on New Asgard’s ground when he was engulfed in a hug.

It was a big hug.

Short hair was tickling his ear.

“You’re back.” Thor pulled back and looked him into the eyes. “Welcome back, Loki.”

“Are you sure that those words aren’t supposed to come from my mouth, intended for you?”

“Well, yes. But why would I want to stick to the rules?” Thor chuckled. “Even if it’s only been a few minutes for me – Well, I can’t even remember most of it. I just woke up on Wakanda, like most. The king there gave me this pretty little hammer because I didn’t seem to be able to call Stormbreaker to me when the sorcerer from Midgard called us to get back into _another_ battle.”

“Strange,” Loki growled. Because in the short time Rhodey had awoken before Tony, he had told him how this weasel had sent Anthony to his grave. And didn’t that want to make Loki slap him and let his relieve his car accident for at least thirty minutes. If not more.

“Yes.” Thor sent him a funny look. “Don’t, whatever you’re planning. He’s not worth it.”

“ _You_ say that.” Really, Thor was just back and already telling him what to do again. It was as if he had never left. “But I don’t think that’s up to you to decide.”

Thor looked at him quizzically.

“That’s up to Anthony.”

“Ah.” Thor tilted his head. “Interesting that you’re using his full name, Loki.”

“Well, I told him he can do it,” Anthony cut in with a grin on his lips. “I think as my fiancé he earned that right, don’t you?”

Thor’s jaw dropped open.

Rhodey laughed heartily at that and Loki simply pulled Anthony in for a kiss. If this was how they told Thor, well he wouldn’t complain. There were worse ways to tell someone you were engaged.

“Congrats?” Thor offered weakly.

“Thank you.” Anthony pulled back with a sigh from Loki. Then he reached for Thor’s hand and shook it. “I’ll have you know that I worked hard for your brother’s hand. And welcome back, Point Break. It’s been some quiet years without you. And my toasters are faring well, in case you were wondering. Nobody who electrocutes them for a change.”

“Ah, the toasters.” Thor chuckled. “Tell me, are Pop Tarts still a thing then?”

“You idiot,” Loki rasped out. He felt tired suddenly. So tired and Thor was standing close to him, he was here and alive and breathing.

Thor looked back to him.

“Why would you think it was a good idea to get _dusted_ , you _Eldhúsfifl_? How dare you to do this to me?” Loki hit him in the chest. “You _left me alone_. _Again_. After you promised me everything would be alright? And you just- you just _disappear_!”

“That wasn’t my choice, Loki,” Thor told him quietly. “If it had been I would have stayed with you. But I heard you did amazing without me too.”

“Amazing?” Anthony grinned at him. “More than that. For someone like him to be stuck in the position as king and not killing anyone in the time? That’s indescribable that’s how amazing it is, Point Break. And then he did other things in the meantime too, just so you can have a good home to return to after we were done.”

“Your faith in my brother is a bit shocking,” Thor said with a grimace. “That’s a bit… unsettling? The last I had in mind of you two was that you met as enemies.”

“Ah, I saved his life. Things went from there on.”

“You did _what_?”

“Yeah, he did.” Rhodey chuckled. “To be honest I think Loki saved Clint too. And Natasha.”

“The Hawk?”

“Yes.”

“And Pepper is now together with Natasha, when we’re already doing a crash course,” Anthony told him with a grin. “And Jane is with Valkyrie. Really, Point Break, you missed out on some glorious girls’ nights. We have had Pop Tarts in your honour.”

Now, _that_ might actually explain the crumbs Loki had found in his hair in that one night.

“I’m sure we can repeat those nights eventually.”

To say that Loki enjoyed the look of hopeless confusion on Thor’s face was an understatement. He revelled in it.

“I’m glad to have you back,” Loki told him with a grin. “The people here have missed you.”

Thor nodded slightly, taking in his surroundings. “It’s pretty here.”

“It’s awesome,” Anthony told him and waggled his eyebrows. “Welcome in New Asgard.”

“Thor,” Loki started, and his voice turned serious.

“Yes?”

Loki noticed how the Aesir came closer, some clutching others with all their might to them, a few tears were running down flushed cheeks.

“It’s time for you to become king again.”

Thor let his eyes wander over the people before they landed back on Loki. “Are you sure? The people seem happy to have you. And you did well.”

“If you don’t take the throne,” Loki said calmly, “then I will stab you for so long until you accept your birth right. You think I’m letting myself be stuck in this position for another couple of years? No. Thanks, but no thanks. I have my pride and my fill at being a king. Good luck with the Thing.”

“The Thing?”

“Yes, I thought it would be a good idea to introduce it here. Midgardians aren’t that fond of a single person ruling a country without a _parliament_ , as they call it.”

“I-“

“And if you have any trouble with what I and the Thing did, ask Valkyrie. She’s my second in command and _extremely_ good at what she does. Including kicking you into motion if you do not hurry.”

Thor’s jaw dropped open again.

“Enjoy the experience.” Loki nodded seriously.

“But, Loki, don’t you want to stay king? Isn’t that what you dreamed of for years?”

“No.” Loki tilted his head with a smile. “No, it isn’t. I’m not sure it ever was. But my time and my place is next to Anthony. We deserve some time off. If you truly are in need of me, feel free to message me. I’ll leave you a bird.”

“You’re leaving?”

Loki looked at Anthony who smiled at him.

“Not immediately, no.” Warmth was filling his chest. “After all, you just came back and there are things we should talk about. And we need to tinker out how we can get back the feeling in Anthony’s hand.”

“And plan a wedding,” Anthony said dryly. “Don’t forget that, Lokes.”

“Right. Wedding.”

“I feel like I missed a lot,” Thor mumbled.

“Oh, just great things in between catastrophes,” Rhodey told him.

Loki smiled again at Thor. “Are you ready?”

“Not really, but go ahead.” Thor chuckled.

“Then, Thor.” Loki smiled. “Kneel.”

And Thor went down willingly on one knee, his face serious and solemn.

Loki pulled out Gungnir from his pockets and Thor’s eyes went wide. “I thought it’s been lost to Surtur.”

“No.” Loki smirked. “I found it before that.”

“Of course you did,” Thor chuckled. “Continue, brother.”

It had been ages since Loki had heard the words from Odin’s mouth but he still remembered them clear as the day.

“ _Gungnir._ Its aim is true, its power strong. With it I have defended New Asgard and the lives of the innocent across the Nine Realms since the time of the Great New Beginning. And though the day has come for a New King to wield this weapon-“

There were relieved sighs from the people, Loki noticed with a smirk, then continued. “That duty remains the same. Thor Odinson, _my brother_ , so long entrusted with my love even if it had been shaken the last two decades, today I entrust you with the greatest honour in all the Nine Realms. To give you the sacred throne of New New Asgard. I sacrificed a lot of madness for it, a lot of sweat and curses and worked hard to hand it over to you now.”

Thor smiled at him. And Loki returned it before he spoke the last part.

“Do you swear to guard the Nine Realms, each single one of them even if they aren’t under our obligation any longer?”

Thor arched a brow. “I swear.”

Oh, that would be fun to explain to him, Loki thought with a grin. “Do you swear to preserve the peace?”

“I swear.”

“Do you swear – this time for real –“

Anthony chuckled quietly behind him.

“-to cast aside all selfish ambition and pledge yourself only to the god of all the Realms?”

“I swear.”

“Then on this day, I, Loki, proclaim you hereby to the King of New Asgard. May your rule thrive and be strong in justice and equality.”

He felt the Aesirforce tingle in him before a part left him. He couldn’t see it, but he was sure it was swirling around in Thor now. And he rose from his knee with a grace Loki seldom saw him having.

The people cheered as they called Thor’s name, praised his kingship – maybe this time, he would finally stick around to be the king.

Loki stepped back into Anthony’s arms.

“You did well,” Anthony breathed, his hands coming to a rest on his hip.

“As did you,” Loki whispered, bent his head, and met Anthony’s lips in a simple kiss.

They were finally _free_. And he could taste the freedom on his lips.

After everything that had happened, this felt nearly anti-climactic, but Loki clutched Anthony closer, pulled him in and revelled in their kiss. It was his first as a free man, without enormous burdens on his shoulders that weighed him down.

Was this how victory felt like? This feeling of tingling sensations, the burning tears in his eyes, the tremble in his hands? Because if that was it then it could stay for a while longer. It mingled sweetly with the kiss; Loki felt elated, happy, proud, _free_ –

And he could feel the mischief tingling in his fingers, sneaking up in him again and this time, he let it. There was no need any more to hold back and restrain himself, to deny himself the title of being the god of Mischief.

He opened his eyes and pulled back, looking at Anthony’s green and golden hair with a delighted smirk.

“I like your colours.”

“Do I want to know what you did?” Anthony grinned at him, his face blushed and just –

He was gorgeous. The way his eyes blinked at Loki with warmth and love, the grin that played on his lips and wearing Loki’s colours – it was perfect. He was perfect.

“Let’s disappear for a bit,” Anthony suggested and tugged at Loki’s coat. “We can join the others later again, yes?”

Loki nodded and whisked them away to their house. They would forgive them if they decided to spend some time alone. After all, they had won. And the rightful king was back on the throne, hopefully Thor wouldn’t disregard Gungnir once more. But then his new hammer wasn’t _that_ fancy.

They ended up in their bed, their clothes gone already and simply held another close. Breathed in. Breathed out. Realised what had happened.

It felt like waking up from a dream only that the dream was reality and this one, Loki thought, getting pulled into a long and deep kiss by Anthony, this reality could stay with them.

~°~

At night Loki used his seiðr to bring the Avengers to New Asgard. Except from the witch because she was grieving for her lost _partner_ – really, an android? And of course, _Strange_.

Because Loki didn’t want to start the new chapter of his life with him. He still had the urge to visit Strange and steal his ring, so he wouldn’t be able anymore to conjure up his weird circles and wasn’t able to travel on different planes any longer. Also, because he didn’t want his blood on his hands. Anthony had been very adamant about him, even when the smile had been bitter. But he was used already to being sentenced to death, what did one more attempt matter?

Except for, that it _did_ matter.

But he pulled another wizard over here as well, apparently a colleague from Strange. His name was Wong and he liked Beyoncé.

Anthony liked people with a good music taste. And Wong was pleasant to be around with, his harsh demeanour just a pretence so nobody would bother him with useless and trivial things. Loki could respect that.

The fire was crackling, the flame high and bright and it spent enough warmth for all of them.

Loki sat down next to Thor on a log. There was a bottle of beer in his hands.

“How do you like kingship?” he asked him with a grin.

“It’s complicated,” Thor offered with a shrug. “Bit different to how I imagined it to be back on the ARK.”

Loki hummed and opened his own bottle.

“So, how did you fare those past five years?” Thor looked at him.

It was his turn to offer a shrug. “I nearly went mad in between. I missed causing mischief but following my call would have meant a chaos which would not be in my favour.”

“I can expect then more mischief in the next centuries?”

“Absolutely.” Loki offered him a smirk. “I have to make up for the time I missed. And I don’t want to become the god of Politics, really. It might have been a close call with that one. “

“You had that much-“

“Yes,” Loki said with a sigh. “Extremely many politics to deal with. They can be fun, don’t forget that Thor, but when we started here, we were nobody. Only allowed here because Anthony contracted us under Stark Industries. The land officially belongs to him.”

Thor frowned.

“It was better that way,” Loki explained him, his gaze dropping to his hands. “After all, I was and still am, a criminal in the eyes of many. Although we may have found a way _finally_ to solve this issue. But by being part of Stark Industries, we had a protection around us. Nobody really tried to bother us and many companies got a boost or a better reputation who employed Aesir, simply because we were affiliated with Stark Industries.”

Thor nodded silently.

“And then there was the matter with Valkyrie.” Loki shook his head with a grin. “She hated me in the beginning. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to try to do good for your people when your future second in command fights you on every step you want to make? And the Thing wasn’t that easy to work with either.” He patted Thor’s back. “Have fun dealing with them.”

“You will really leave then?”

“I will.” Loki smiled at him. “Remember when you told me I could be more than the god of Mischief? In those five years I realised I don’t _want_ to be more than that. I _am_ Mischief and Chaos. And I will follow my call. The only difference is that now I have Anthony at my side.”

“You’ve grown,” Thor realised quietly and his eyes were on Loki, a hint of pride glimmering in them.

“No,” Loki disagreed. “I haven’t. I simply prioritised what is important to me and where to put what. I can’t be any longer in your shadow, Thor. It is not my place anymore. You are your own person, as am I. And it is time to let others realise this as well.”

“And you’re getting _married_!”

“Well, married in Midgardian tradition, yes.”

Thor spit out his beer. “You- you already are-?”

Loki sniggered. “He’s not entirely mortal anymore. He accepted my seiðr, by all Asgardian accounts we are married. It just didn’t feel like one for him. And the moment was a bit off then.”

“You’re married!” Thor exclaimed and his face brightened. “Look at that, my little brother, all married and engaged with one of my shield-brothers!”

“Yes.” Loki tilted his head. “Who’d have thought right? And then it’s the one I tossed out of the window.” He took a sip from the beer. “Also, I didn’t have the time earlier, but mother sends her regards and love from about ten years ago.”

“You really saw her?”

“I did.” Loki bumped his shoulder into Thor’s.

Thor bumped right back. Loki nearly fell of the log because of that.

“Do I need to give you or him the shovel talk?”

“Neither,” Loki replied. “We’re in too deep for that. Perhaps Anthony should give you the shovel talk.”

“For what?”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll think of something. He’s creative like that.” Loki looked to his right where Anthony sat.

He was with Rhodey who kept close to him, a worried look on his face as if he was afraid Anthony might fall over the next second.

Peter Parker who told them animated stories from his days as Spider-Man and of the battle. It was adorable. His enthusiasm reminded Loki strongly of Thor and himself back then when they were young. Running back to the palace to their parents, blood, grime, and dirt decorating their cheeks to tell them of the ‘monsters’ they had slain in the forest. Mostly, it had been Fandral and Loki who used to play said monsters. Anthony looked to him with a small grin, winked at him then directed his attention back to Peter.

“He looks happy,” Thor commented softly. “I can’t remember when I saw him last that happy.”

“Really?”

“Yes. After Ultron, things turned worse for us Avengers. There was a lot of suspicion in our team and I fear, I wasn’t the best friend to Anthony either. I too, looked at him with distrust.”

“He’s still happy to see you again.”

“He didn’t want me to fight on his side during his fight with the Captain.”

“I think he didn’t want to intimidate the Captain all too much. And avoid the hazzle of bringing you into politics with the accords.”

“Whatever happened with them?” Thor asked.

“They got abolished, shortly after your … disappearance. America needed the Rogues back for moral and all other kind of support. Not out in the world. And there was too much happening to concentrate on a few vigilantes they didn’t have a chance of catching.” Loki turned his head back to Thor.

“Take care of the people out there when you’re dealing with them. Not all – if at _all_ – want your best. You may be Thor and an Avenger but nowadays, there are a lot of them. And not all are favoured by the population. The red witch? She’s still made responsible for the disaster in Sokovia. Clint and Scott got only pardoned and allowed back here because they let themselves be grounded and weren’t allowed any contact at all to the Rogues.”

“Doesn’t that seem a bit harsh?” Thor took a sip from his beer, his eyes wandering over the people who were assembled around the fire.

“Not really. I wish that the former All-Father had taken to those measures occasionally as well. What do you think how much trouble could have been avoided like that?”

Thor started to laugh. It was loud, boisterous, and thundering, his eyes were shining in the orange light with tears and it was addictive. His laugh was familiar. It was what had been a characteristic of Loki’s home for many millennials. He started to laugh as well, thinking about the Warriors Four being reprimanded. Thor being grounded. It was _hilarious_. Those pouting children’s faces, sulking for weeks.

“Maybe it would have been better.” Thor bent forward and wiped a few tears away. “But then, brother, you would have never been able to leave the room at all! Think of all the things you would have missed!”

“I?” Loki arched a brow. “I would have found a way to get out of that. You had been the one who’d gotten grounded. Not me.”

“Right,” Thor guffawed. “Because you were the symbol of pure innocence, the most innocent of them all.”

“Absolutely,” Loki agreed, deadpan.

Thor laughed some more, then he calmed down again. “I’m glad to have you back, brother. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, you oaf.”

His brother smiled and put his hand on Loki’s nape, pulling him in.

Loki felt himself relax. _Finally_ , was all he could think. He felt lighter and more at ease as he breathed in Thor. It was the combination of the hand, the scent, the joyous atmosphere around them and the fire cackling that made him shed a few tears. And brought a smile to his lips.

“You will make a good king,” Loki whispered while his hand clutched Thor’s cape. His seiðr danced on it, panted a sparkling green Pegasus on it. “I’m sure of that.”

“I will make you proud, _bróðir mín._ ”

“You better do,” Loki told him in a sharp tone. “If I hear that you mucked things up, I’ll set Pepper on you.”

“Pepper?”

“And Natasha,” Loki added and stroked a streak from his face.

“They would never -!”

“They will,” Loki hummed in delight.

“Then I better won’t disappoint you.” Thor winked at him. “I think your husband wants your attention, Loki.”

“Does he do that?”

“Yes.” Thor smiled at him softly. “Go to him. I won’t run away from you, this time.”

Loki nodded, stood up and walked back to Anthony.

“How are you?” he asked him, sitting down next to him. He was still worried that Anthony would tell him he wasn’t feeling good in the next moment and that he’d lose him. The sight of him holding that gauntlet up, his determination and cold desire to finish Thanos for good – it had been impressive. But also terrifying. And Loki wouldn’t take a chance at losing his fiancé if he could avoid it.

“Good.” Anthony grinned.

“Your fingers?”

“As if nothing has ever happened,” Anthony announced with an even bigger grin.

“Beg your pardon?” Loki stared at him with wide eyes.

“Well, Scott has a girlfriend, Hope van Dyne. Very old family, her dad can’t stand me as its usual. But her mum? Janet, that’s her name. I think you might like her. She has some really awesome and world changing quantum powers. I want them too.”

Loki blinked, tried to follow Anthony’s words, they just didn’t add up overly much. What had Quantum powers to do with his fingers? Unless –

“She came over while you were busy with Thor and doing your nape grabbing thing. Thanked me for saving them all from the great big plum.”

Loki escaped a weak chuckle at the nickname.

“Point being,” Anthony continued and put his hand to Loki’s cheek. It was the hurt one. “I can feel with them again, Lokes.”

“She managed that?” Loki asked, his hand reaching up to Anthony’s, covering it with his. “You can _feel_ again?”

“Yes, I can.” Anthony stroked over his cheek in a tender motion. “My fingers are good again.”

“Norns,” Loki breathed and surged forward, capturing his lips in a kiss. Thank the Norns, thank Janet for helping Anthony, thank them all for giving him the feel in his fingers back.

“Marvellous, isn’t it?” Anthony winked at him. “My fingers demand to be put to use, Lokes. Are you willing to entertain them or not?”

“I wouldn’t mind testing them out.” Loki turned his head, kissed each of Anthony’s fingers just because he _could_ and because he knew that Anthony would feel it.

“Before we leave, I have one single question.”

“That would be?” Loki tilted his head.

“Thor is the king now, right?”

Loki nodded slowly.

A grin spread over Anthony’s face. “We brought yesterday everybody back, we defeated Thanos for real. There’s a fire, the people are in a good mood and everybody who is important to us, is here.” He licked his lips. Loki’s heart jumped where it was sitting in his chest. “I wanted to ask if you would agree to marry me here, now.”

“Now?” Loki repeated, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “Are you sure?”

“There is nothing I would be more sure about than this,” Anthony whispered. “I want you, Loki. I want you to be mine and the other way around as well. And at what better time than this? Nebula and Carol are here too and that is- well, when will that ever happen again?”

“I don’t know.” Loki swallowed around the excitement in his stomach. “But when you’re sure I’ll tell Thor.”

“Making his first official act as king marrying us,” Anthony chuckled. “Go, I’ll inform the others. We don’t need to change our outfit, do we?”

Loki looked at them both. He was in a simpler leather outfit, Anthony wore a hoodie, jeans, and chucks. If that wasn’t perfect, then Loki wouldn’t know what was.

“I’m fine with that.”

“Good.” Anthony kissed his cheek. “Let’s do this.”

Loki didn’t run back to Thor, but he walked quickly.

“Get up!”

“What’s the matter, Loki?”

“I have need of your kingly powers,” he said with a grin.

“What-?”

“I hope you remember the words to marry people, otherwise think of something _now_.”

“Are you and-“

“Yes. And now, hurry up.” Loki laughed. “I can’t be late to my own wedding, can I?”

“No.” Thor agreed with a smile, stood up quickly. “Let’s hurry before your Avenger runs away.”

“He wouldn’t.” Loki laughed. “Maybe others, but not him.”

They came to a stop before the fire. “You know Loki,” Thor began and, were those tears in his eyes? “I’m not sure if I already told you that, but I’m more than glad that you found someone to spend your time with and cause chaos.”

“As am I.” Loki turned his head.

“YOU’RE GETTING WHAT?” That was Valkyrie.

“MARRIED, XENIA. MARRIED. SO, YOU’RE COMING OR NOT?” That was Anthony.

“LIKE I’D MISS LACKEY GETTING MARRIED.”

It was a blur of people starting to scream and yell in excitement. Then, Anthony stood next to him, happy and his eyes were sparkling. Loki felt himself grin and he clasped Anthony’s hands in his. He couldn’t look away from him, enthralled by the love he felt for Anthony and captured by the love he saw shining in those brown eyes that had taken him hostage years ago.

His lips formed words that spoke of a promise of love and devotion. A wish never to be parted. And he knew and saw Anthony speaking as well but he didn’t know what they were about. It wasn’t important. What mattered was that Anthony agreed to be his. That all words that fell were positive only and filled him with a warmth that he had started to associate with Anthony. It was tingling and his blood was rushing through his veins, shivers were running through them.

There was a “I will,” and another one, echoing the sentiment tenderly.

Loki leant forward at the same time as Anthony, their lips meeting in the middle. It was a firework of emotions that was racing through Loki. He couldn’t stop kissing Anthony, his love, his Midgardian, his _husband_. His mouth started to hurt from the grinning but he couldn’t stop it. Anthony was smiling in the kiss as well.

And when Loki started to come back from this high of emotions – this was better than getting drunk – he heard people cheering and whistling.

He blinked a few tears away, at least the ones that weren’t already running down his cheek. What did he care if they saw him crying now?

“Hello, _husband_ ,” he purred tenderly.

“Hi there.” Anthony winked at him. “Nice to meet you, hubby.”

“If you call me that again,” Loki said with an arched brow, “I _will_ toss you out of the next window. And if I have to conjure up one first.”

“Shards bring good fortune, or so I’ve heard,” Anthony whispered with a wink.

They turned around to their friends, who were grinning and clapping.

Perhaps he was losing his edge, but Loki only could smile seeing them so happy for them. And with Anthony in his arms, the man he was married to now, officially, it made every worth it. He pressed a kiss to the unruly silver hair and stopped thinking about everything.

He just hid his smile in the silver hair and felt content for once. “You know, I love you,” he said loud enough that Anthony could hear him.

“I love you too.” Anthony turned around. “In case you forgot.”

“I would never.”

“Good. Because I won’t let you forget it, either.”

“Sounds good to me.” Loki kissed his cheek.

The rest of the night passed with more laughter, tears, and slaps on their backs before they could sneak away to spend time together.

Loki stared in wonder and amazement at the man who had chosen to spend eternity with him. And he was curious to see how this eternity would look like. He couldn’t wait for it.

They fell asleep as the sun just started to rise and bathed them in her warm light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eldhúsfifl: Good-for-Nothing 
> 
> I _might_ be sad that next week is going to be already the last chapter dkfj 🥺


	26. Year 10 - 2033

**Ten years later – 2033**

In the years they explored space and many other planets, met a lot of new people, Loki realised he’d grown and found his inner solace. He wasn’t bound any longer to a golden throne, no longer bound to any expectations because Anthony and him knew each other that well, they knew what they could expect from each other and what not. It was soft and calming. The words: ‘ _relic’_ and _‘monster’,_ didn’t flit through Loki’s mind once and Odin stopped visiting him as well. Mayhap the old man finally realised that Loki could live his life on his own wonderfully, and all what needed to be said _had_ been said. It was closure, just in a different way than he’d been allowed to have Frigga and it felt _freeing._

But ten years since the final snap had happened passed, and they travelled from all the way of wherever they were, back to Midgard. Also today, _exactly_ ten years ago, they’d gotten married spontaneously. And as nice as their friends were, they told them to ‘celebrate this _miracle_ the fuck on Earth, no argument will be considered as valid however good it may be’ by Natasha.

Anthony looked at him with a grin and told him to turn the ship around. The only problem was that Loki wasn’t quite sure how the ship was going to turn it around as they had just borrowed it from their last port with a lot of sneakiness involved, but Dum-E had pointed at some buttons with his claw. U in the meantime prepared milkshakes with motor oil and FRIDAY showed them the route back home on Anthony’s phone.

When they eventually reached the Nine Realms, the Bifröst pulled them in and brought them back safely to New Asgard where they collected Thor, Valkyrie, and Jane without a lot of fuss, leaving Sif behind much to Loki’s great pleasure. He was astonished to realise how much a little bit of vengeance made him feel better. He _loved it_. And he saw the look Anthony shot him, amused and his eyes were crinkling with hidden laughter so –

Not his fault she had gotten stuck on Vanaheim all those years ago _and then_ allowed herself to be turned into dust. It was totally the right call to leave her behind, for once.

Not, that it ever had been out of question because Loki knew he only _ever_ made the right calls, because a handsome genius was there to support him when he decided to anger people over a cactus or cut someone’s fingers off. To be fair though, _nobody_ was allowed to show his husband the middle finger. That was just plain _rude_ and Loki would not have it. His marriage was sacred and everybody was going to know that. He even put the finger later back on because said handsome genius told him that would be the right thing to do and _Norns,_ how was he supposed to resist those big doe eyes, swimming in love and admiration and he was just a lost cause, wasn’t he?

It’s been eight years now since he could enter the United States whenever he wanted to do so. It was not that Loki had ever doubted Natasha’s plan to worked out amazingly but life had taught him not to be too _optimistic_ from the moment on he heard a promise being made. Although it had gotten better over the years because –

Anthony was still at his side, they were still in love and it killed Loki, the knowledge he had someone who believed in him and made his life better with every breath they shared. All the hours he might have spent alone otherwise, staring out into the unfathomably depth of space and sipping tea; now he didn’t have. He woke up with Anthony snoring atop him or behind him, a delightful warm bottle who made him happier than anything else ever before. When Loki played tricks, he now didn’t have to forge plans alone, Anthony was there and made his plans somehow more sane and at the same moment, even less rational at the same time and it was, bluntly spoken, _amazing_ and a skill Loki was envious of.

Pepper who often called them to check in how they were doing or because she had a new idea for SU, short for _Stark Universal_ – yes, she _did_ accept his suggestion – and wanted Anthony’s opinion on it before she invested more in Asgard’s Boats™ and asked him to come up with a way to create a stabile tunnel to get ice from Jötunheim to Earth. Anthony might be _retired_ but that didn’t mean he didn’t love to do some crazy mathematics and show off his genius.

Pepper also had made sure that the President knew on what _country_ her company stood as Natasha had started to work her plan out and went in the offensive. It had been a feast to watch as the President nodded and signed off Loki’s redemption. In the same breath he also gave the Rogues the official Pardon, but it was a small price to pay. And it wasn’t like it really mattered because neither Anthony or him were that often in the newly built Avengers’ Mansion.

Of course, there was also the great advantage that Rhodey had become Vice President last year and silenced the last few of the remaining criticers. Not that it was surprising, in any way. Out of all of them, Rhodey was the only one who was a _bit_ sane and actually knew what he was doing. Mostly.

New Asgard was thriving, as Thor told them with an amused grin on his face while Anthony was debating whether to go only in boxers or in a dark green suit to the _dinner_. Loki was for the suit, out of obvious reasons. And his husband finally relented with a faked suffering sigh, disappointed he couldn’t flash them with his frankly, astonishing body but there were things Loki wasn’t willing to share. Not even his husband’s six pack if he could avoid it. _That_ was his to enjoy and worship.

Then, finally when all were _modest,_ Loki teleported them to the Avengers’ Mansion in the United States. And like it used to be ten years ago everybody who counted in their books was present and had various offerings of food and drinks with them.

Anthony was sitting next to him, his hand resting innocently on Loki’s thigh – and oh, he didn’t trust him one single bit. He’d learned his lesson. Natasha was laying over Pepper and Valkyrie’s laps, totally enjoying the attention that she got there, and Janet was talking with the Professor about the latest scientific discovery and munched on the scones.

Clint was throwing forks through the air with his daughter, his sons were staring in awe at Scott, Hope and Wong. _Good for them,_ Loki supposed and interlaced his fingers with Anthony’s, to stop them from climbing up even further on his leg. There were _children_ , for Norns’ sake. Not that they still _were_ children, most of them had entered the awkward stage and looked all bony and not proportional, and their voices were … an adventure of its own.

Rogers listened patiently to Wilson’s most recent tales as Captain America and Barnes rolled his eyes at the right time, then started to bicker and tell the story from his view which wildly differentiated from Wilson’s. Rogers himself had chosen to become an artist, showed all the villains his shield and gave them all a lovely new paint job in dripping red. And of course, travelled through the world, helping where he could as a part time Avenger.

Peter Parker was an enigma to Loki. People knew who he was beneath the mask, and he led the Avengers together with a woman named Kamala Khan, but he spent most of his unmasked time as an inventor – like Anthony – or as a photographer and he was more than happy with his life. Mysterious.

Nebula had left the guardians, now that a … _new_ Gamora was there and flew through space with Carol. Rocket was still fighting with Quill over the leadership of the Milano and tried to teach Groot manners but – alas, to no avail.

Rhodey had taken the day off to celebrate, his hair already greying and arguing with people on Twitter, most likely. He really enjoyed doing that and Loki could see why. Destroying people who did not have the fortune of owning more than three braincells and almost humiliating them publicly? Loki _loved_ the idea. It made him wonder how his life would have turned out had Asgard possessed such a messenger service. And may the Warriors Three have found their place in Valhalla, since Sif was on New Asgard and irritating as ever, but the image of Loki tearing them apart on social media? It was darkly satisfying and lifted his spirits. He assumed this was the same for Rhodey who helped to rule an entire country full of idiots.

They all seemed so happy, so content with their life that Loki almost forgot what he had in his pockets, brought here specifically to increase the pressure on them.

He stood up, his coattails flapping against Anthony’s hand.

“If you would be silent for a second,” he requested as politely as he could.

Abruptly the conversations stopped. Now _that_ was amazing.

Loki smirked broadly before he continued, “Thank you. Now, I don’t know if you listened to me when I told you some years ago about the Grandmaster and his game he was playing with Thanos?”

“Yes,” Rhodey growled, and anger lit up his eyes.

“I recently met him again,” Loki said. “He said he finally found the appropriate reward for us.”

“That we won his fucking game?” Rhodey snorted. “Unbelievable.”

“That’s what I thought as well.” Loki grinned. “But I think you all might be inclined to accept the reward.”

Anthony grinned on the couch, relaxing into the pillows.

“What is it?” Valkyrie snorted. “Better not alcohol.”

“Oh, no,” Loki laughed and reached into the depths of his pockets. “Much better. He hunted them across the galaxy, he said but I’m sure he gambled for them.”

In a fluid movement Loki pulled out a couple of Golden Apples which weighted heavily on his hands before he sent them to all who were desperately in need of one.

“Anthony and I would be happy,” Loki said and sat down again, “if you would take them and spend a few more years with us.”

He sat back down on the couch, interlaced his fingers with Anthony’s, and they watched together as their friends ate the apples. None of them really hesitated. Besides from his Hawk and Hope.

“I have seeds for New Asgard’s gardens,” Loki told them with a grin. “You won’t need to fear that your kids will die before you. Just, let them grow up first and let them make their own decision.”

They looked at him for a moment, silently and wondering, _debating_ internally what they were going to do but –

In the end they did choose to eat the apples.

Now they wouldn’t have to fear that their friends would leave them too early. Their life in this timeline couldn’t be any better, Loki thought.

Anthony squeezed his hand. And Loki squeezed gently back and pulled his husband into one of many kisses that they would share for the rest of eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that my friends, is the end of the story. I hope you all enjoyed this and if I did my maths right, the story should've hit the 160K now which is ... _a lot_ now that I think of it. Considering that when I finished the story at the end of June with 132K? Edits are my friends, clearly. 
> 
> But yeah. That's it ;W; 
> 
> A big thanks to my wifey **NamelesslyNightlock** who really did so much work on this fic, be it helping out with all of the ideas as I was writing or the betaing, you are amazing, I love you and thank you jdskfj ❤️
> 
> Thank you all for your amazing comments, I enjoyed them all dearly even when I know now _exactly_ which of you don't read tags 😋💕
> 
> I'm running wild on [tumblr](https://rabentochter.tumblr.com/) if you're curious.  
> Also uh.  
> If you cross your fingers, I might drop another monster in January-February and it'll be Groundhog themed which is hopefully finished by then😆
> 
> Thanks again ❤️


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